Nation's Nerds Wake Up In Utopia Where Everyone Stays Inside, Sports Are Canceled, Social Interaction Forbidden
U.S.—The nation's nerds woke up in a utopia this morning, one where everyone stays inside, sporting events are being canceled, and all social interaction is forbidden.
All types of nerds, from social introverts to hardcore PC gamers, welcomed the dawn of this new era, privately from their own homes.
"I have been waiting my whole life for this moment," said Ned Pendleton, 32 -- via text message, of course -- as he fired up League of Legends on his beefy gaming PC. "They told me to take up a sport and that the kids playing basketball and stuff were gonna be way more successful than us nerds who played Counter-Strike at LAN parties every weekend."
"They all laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?"
To prepare for the onslaught of the deadly disease, nerds are changing absolutely nothing and are expected to rise up to rule the post-Coronavirus society, as they are the ones best adjusted to being sheltered in a basement, garage, or room for many days at a time marathoning Halo, Half-Life, The Legend of Zelda, Red Dead Redemption, or Horizon Zero Dawn. They're also ready for any post-apocalyptic wasteland, as they've played many, many hours of Fallout and are adept at killing bloatflies and collecting bottlecaps.
Of course, many nerds are running out of hygienic products, but they say that's "not an issue."
LOS ANGELES—Weighing the pros and cons of the palm-muted low-E-string lick, Metallica’s 12-member board of directors reportedly debated Wednesday whether lead guitarist Kirk Hammett’s newest riff might negatively impact the band’s shareholder value. “Frankly, I don’t see any downside—when Kirk drops in after the intro with that feedback-heavy all-out assault on the lower register, it just melts your fucking face off,” said band CEO Don Herbst, rebutting the claim made by some of his colleagues that, given the current business climate, shareholders stood to “lose their asses” on a stripped-back Master Of Puppets–era hook dominated by cleanly picked minor dyads. “I get the argument that you might be able to goose your ROI by a few percentage points with a tremolo groove that gets more and more vicious with each repetition. But to hack its balls off by cutting the tempo to anything less than 180 [beats per minute] would be ludicrous from a cost-benefit perspective.” According to reports, the board later voted to sell off 200,000 units of stock to finance a chest-exploding, Trujillo-driven bass harmony.
This is a joke article but as someone who is more introverted i found it pretty funny.
https://babylonbee.com/news/nations-nerds-wake-up-… morein-utopia-where-everyone-stays-inside-sports-canceled-social-interaction-forbidden
Nation's Nerds Wake Up In Utopia Where Everyone Stays Inside, Sports Are Canceled, Social Interaction Forbidden
U.S.—The nation's nerds woke up in a utopia this morning, one where everyone stays inside, sporting events are being canceled, and all social interaction is forbidden.
All types of nerds, from social introverts to hardcore PC gamers, welcomed the dawn of this new era, privately from their own homes.
"I have been waiting my whole life for this moment," said Ned Pendleton, 32 -- via text message, of course -- as he fired up League of Legends on his beefy gaming PC. "They told me to take up a sport and that the kids playing basketball and stuff were gonna be way more successful than us nerd… [view original content]
Dude I feel that. I almost feel like I need to go and buy toilet paper because Im afraid when I do run out and would naturally need more therell be none left because someone bought 10 32 packs lmao
This panic-buying situation is so annoying, but what's more annoying is that it's become a self-fullfilling prophecy of sorts. I've got 3 sh… moreops near me that sell toilet paper and only one of them wasn't empty. There were only two packs left.. and I bought both. Felt so bad doing that but maybe if I could rest-assured that shelves wouldn't be empty I wouldn't have bought more than I needed.
This panic-buying situation is so annoying, but what's more annoying is that it's become a self-fullfilling prophecy of sorts. I've got 3 sh… moreops near me that sell toilet paper and only one of them wasn't empty. There were only two packs left.. and I bought both. Felt so bad doing that but maybe if I could rest-assured that shelves wouldn't be empty I wouldn't have bought more than I needed.
Well, the neighborhood Walmart Is out of stock everything is gone got the last bag of (Lays Chips Family Size) and (Checkers fries),( toilet paper) your name it and to top all that my cousin from New Jersey saw/heard 2 people fighting over a (liter of sprite ) and here and thought my state was full of lunatics .
Luckily I’m done this time and tomorrow I have an appointment with my neurosurgeon and I hope I’m ready for this .
Then later I’ll go back on lockdown checking up on the News and chat with you guys.
Expansion 1 for Remedy's action game Control just got its trailer. It looks badass.
Unfortunately -- and I'm speaking as a PS4 player here -- there's a big Sony exclusivity deal with this game. The Foundation releases March 26 for PS4 and PC (Epic Games Store) users... It also releases on June 25 for Xbox users. That's 3 months. Horrible. I feel so bad for everyone involved. Xbox is just left in the dust like that.
If Expansion 2 -- the one with seemingly blatant ties to Alan Wake -- also has a 3-month exclusive window... that's just cruel to Xbox players. Playstation has never had the honour of holding Alan Wake in its digital hands. (...yet? The game does turn 10 yrs old this year. A remaster/port could be a possibility.)
Timed-exclusive content regarding multi-platform releases need to die.
Well, the neighborhood Walmart Is out of stock everything is gone got the last bag of (Lays Chips Family Size) and (Checkers fries),( to… moreilet paper) your name it and to top all that my cousin from New Jersey saw/heard 2 people fighting over a (liter of sprite ) and here and thought my state was full of lunatics .
Luckily I’m done this time and tomorrow I have an appointment with my neurosurgeon and I hope I’m ready for this .
Then later I’ll go back on lockdown checking up on the News and chat with you guys.
Yup, my house will be going on lock-down... Voluntarily.
Someone in our city got the COVID-19 virus, and, holy-goddamn-shit-balls, my mother went full-on fucking crazy sicko mode. She got all of the essentials and plenty of food. I wasn't worried about the coronavirus at first, but what happens if the stores close and we run out of food!
It's beginning to look a lot like 'The Walking Dead'.
Let alone cavities and sugar rush, I mean I barely drink soda considering most brands have 62g of sugar, and last year I heard soda is now considered a health drink!!??
I kid you not on that last one , I’m like seriously honestly who would honestly fall for that Without reading the ingredients .
God forbid if that worst case scenario and might state has tons of guns and crazy mixed together and if shit hits the fan in an apocalyptic situation well mind as well raid a weapons shot get a whole bunch of AK's sniper rifles and MRE's followed by a swat armored vehicle I could use .
Yup, my house will be going on lock-down... Voluntarily.
Someone in our city got the COVID-19 virus, and, holy-goddamn-shit-balls, my mot… moreher went full-on fucking crazy sicko mode. She got all of the essentials and plenty of food. I wasn't worried about the coronavirus at first, but what happens if the stores close and we run out of food!
It's beginning to look a lot like 'The Walking Dead'.
God forbid if that worst case scenario and might state has tons of guns and crazy mixed together and if shit hits the fan in an apocalypti… morec situation well mind as well raid a weapons shot get a whole bunch of AK's sniper rifles and MRE's followed by a swat armored vehicle I could use .
Well I'm not seeing my neoseurgon right now since my anxiety is flaring up and the good news is my surgeon isn't seeing anyone st this point.
So it's kinda of a good thing I just hope things get back to normal in the next 3-6 months or less 2020 is a slow year but had a shitty start form World War 3 escalation now Corona...schools shutdown along with and stocks tanking when I saw a live stream on Facebook.
Tomorrow is St. Paddy's day and all the bars and restaurants near our biggest city will shut down for the whole day due to a state of emergency. If this doesn't cause something newsworthy to happen, I will be surprised.
got a whole bunch of games on psn due to the sale today. picked up zombi, jedi knight 2, dead rising 2: off the record, murdered soul suspect, the first season of life is strange, the amnesia collection and resident evil: code veronica x. also now i have ever main line resident evil game on my ps4 so tbh i never need to play any games ever again
all those games cost me about 35 bucks which is awesome. glad to have a bunch of new stuff to play, even though the backlog on my game shelf now outweighs the amount of games i've actually finished lmao
What's even worse is the first wave of this panic buying is only going to be exacerbated when shelves get restocked, because now everyone knows how quickly they have to get everything before it runs out.
What's even worse is the first wave of this panic buying is only going to be exacerbated when shelves get restocked, because now everyone knows how quickly they have to get everything before it runs out.
It would be really dumb AF if that that is what is happening. Though, people will still have to come back to get the things they missed/couldn't get the first time, and then can use that as an excuse to stock up more on things they already have if it's there. And now that most people are out of work for a few weeks because of this it gives them more opportunity to hit the stores with all their new free time. At least people are keeping their kids home.
Ah, Men in Black; I remember that from Nicktoons. Such nice beat that even the one alien nearly breaks out to.
Is that Jim Cummings in the other video?
@ lupinb0y I've had a presentation and class cancelled for next week, and there's a rumour going around that my uni might temporarily make all classes online only.
I hope most schools get on the ball with that. Kids gonna miss a few weeks or more of school time otherwise.
@OzzyUK Things are crazy in London too, while walking home someone was mugged for their toilet paler.
Nation's Nerds Wake Up In Utopia Where Everyone Stays Inside, Sports Are Canceled, Social Interaction Forbidden
>
U.S.—The nation's nerds woke up in a utopia this morning, one where everyone stays inside, sporting events are being canceled, and all social interaction is forbidden.
>
All types of nerds, from social introverts to hardcore PC gamers, welcomed the dawn of this new era, privately from their own homes.
>
"I have been waiting my whole life for this moment," said Ned Pendleton, 32 -- via text message, of course -- as he fired up League of Legends on his beefy gaming PC. "They told me to take up a sport and that the kids playing basketball and stuff were gonna be way more successful than us nerds who played Counter-Strike at LAN parties every weekend."
>
"They all laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?"
>
To prepare for the onslaught of the deadly disease, nerds are changing absolutely nothing and are expected to rise up to rule the post-Coronavirus society, as they are the ones best adjusted to being sheltered in a basement, garage, or room for many days at a time marathoning Halo, Half-Life, The Legend of Zelda, Red Dead Redemption, or Horizon Zero Dawn. They're also ready for any post-apocalyptic wasteland, as they've played many, many hours of Fallout and are adept at killing bloatflies and collecting bottlecaps.
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Yeah, that is pretty funny. How life goes around.
Of course, many nerds are running out of hygienic products, but they say that's "not an issue."
Man, the Men in Black tv show had such a fire intro.
Though I only watched like a couple episodes when I was a kid because that show … morescared the bejeezus out of me.
Also a shout out to Extreme Ghostbusters for also having a banging intro.
Now this one I actually watched but I always skipped the credits because the ghosts scared the bejeezus out of me.
My mom went back to Wal-Mart and just now and out of meat,can goods,toilet paper rubbing alcohol and soft drinks.
I was up all night didn… more't even sleep. I had to stay put and wait until my mother comes back to my apartment.
According too her 2 people gathered too her one lady that coudnt speak English and some guy with a broken arm.
I'm just glad my mom came back safe...my mom even had a crazy worst case scenario if people raided if shit hits the fan.
I told her "Mom...were in a safe are and besides even if someone was insanely stupid to pull that stunt..it ain't going to be pretty.
I don't want unleash my inner Kenny/Javier on Intruders that would be ugly sight.
But enough on me...hope you guys are doing fine.
Just ad/spambots, they're a thing that's always existed, though they took a break here when Telltale went bankrupt and randomly decided to start becoming active again since December.
Comments
This is a joke article but as someone who is more introverted i found it pretty funny.
https://babylonbee.com/news/nations-nerds-wake-up-in-utopia-where-everyone-stays-inside-sports-canceled-social-interaction-forbidden
It’s articles like this that make me love the Babylon Bee more than The Onion. But I’ll give credit to The Onion for this gem.
https://theonion.com/metallica-board-of-directors-debates-whether-new-riff-w-1819579870
Dude I feel that. I almost feel like I need to go and buy toilet paper because Im afraid when I do run out and would naturally need more therell be none left because someone bought 10 32 packs lmao
The only thing you have to fear is fear itself
Corona Virus now 5 miles away from me
at least I got my socks before the ends happens
> Poogers gets his socks> Multiple "end of the world" style global catastrophes happen in 2020i guess what i'm saying is
PUT THE DAMN SOCKS BACK WHERE YOU GOT THEM FROM POOGERS
Well, the neighborhood Walmart Is out of stock everything is gone got the last bag of (Lays Chips Family Size) and (Checkers fries),( toilet paper) your name it and to top all that my cousin from New Jersey saw/heard 2 people fighting over a (liter of sprite ) and here and thought my state was full of lunatics .
Luckily I’m done this time and tomorrow I have an appointment with my neurosurgeon and I hope I’m ready for this .
Then later I’ll go back on lockdown checking up on the News and chat with you guys.
Expansion 1 for Remedy's action game Control just got its trailer. It looks badass.
Unfortunately -- and I'm speaking as a PS4 player here -- there's a big Sony exclusivity deal with this game. The Foundation releases March 26 for PS4 and PC (Epic Games Store) users... It also releases on June 25 for Xbox users. That's 3 months. Horrible. I feel so bad for everyone involved. Xbox is just left in the dust like that.
If Expansion 2 -- the one with seemingly blatant ties to Alan Wake -- also has a 3-month exclusive window... that's just cruel to Xbox players. Playstation has never had the honour of holding Alan Wake in its digital hands. (...yet? The game does turn 10 yrs old this year. A remaster/port could be a possibility.)
Timed-exclusive content regarding multi-platform releases need to die.
Sprite? Seriously? Soft drinks aren't a very good way to keep your fluids up.
Yup, my house will be going on lock-down... Voluntarily.
Someone in our city got the COVID-19 virus, and, holy-goddamn-shit-balls, my mother went full-on fucking crazy sicko mode. She got all of the essentials and plenty of food. I wasn't worried about the coronavirus at first, but what happens if the stores close and we run out of food!
It's beginning to look a lot like 'The Walking Dead'.
Let alone cavities and sugar rush, I mean I barely drink soda considering most brands have 62g of sugar, and last year I heard soda is now considered a health drink!!??
I kid you not on that last one , I’m like seriously honestly who would honestly fall for that Without reading the ingredients .
Operations are taking people or fools.
God forbid if that worst case scenario and might state has tons of guns and crazy mixed together and if shit hits the fan in an apocalyptic situation well mind as well raid a weapons shot get a whole bunch of AK's sniper rifles and MRE's followed by a swat armored vehicle I could use .
Well, we've got a hard drink lover here!
Cool, I'll pick you up in my R.V. after I repair it.
And leave a crazy woman off the side of the road.
I'll be on the lookout. lol
Well I'm not seeing my neoseurgon right now since my anxiety is flaring up and the good news is my surgeon isn't seeing anyone st this point.
So it's kinda of a good thing I just hope things get back to normal in the next 3-6 months or less 2020 is a slow year but had a shitty start form World War 3 escalation now Corona...schools shutdown along with and stocks tanking when I saw a live stream on Facebook.
One more this is anyone buying any masks on Amazon, because I'm about to do that.
Friend of mine is streaming Batman Ep1 right now.
https://mixer.com/LaoShanCrung
I finished Batman Season 1 Shadows Edition! Got my Episode 5 playthrough done and pictures are here.
I agree, can we get a corona megathread?
I'll ask the other mods what they think. If someone makes one, we'll still be sticking by the "No Politics" guideline.
Tomorrow is St. Paddy's day and all the bars and restaurants near our biggest city will shut down for the whole day due to a state of emergency. If this doesn't cause something newsworthy to happen, I will be surprised.
All my classes have been cancelled until further notice. I still have to submit assignments online though.
got a whole bunch of games on psn due to the sale today. picked up zombi, jedi knight 2, dead rising 2: off the record, murdered soul suspect, the first season of life is strange, the amnesia collection and resident evil: code veronica x. also now i have ever main line resident evil game on my ps4 so tbh i never need to play any games ever again
all those games cost me about 35 bucks which is awesome. glad to have a bunch of new stuff to play, even though the backlog on my game shelf now outweighs the amount of games i've actually finished lmao
What's even worse is the first wave of this panic buying is only going to be exacerbated when shelves get restocked, because now everyone knows how quickly they have to get everything before it runs out.
I'm hoping that all the people who panic bought the first time will still have way too much so won't try to panic buy again.
It would be really dumb AF if that that is what is happening. Though, people will still have to come back to get the things they missed/couldn't get the first time, and then can use that as an excuse to stock up more on things they already have if it's there. And now that most people are out of work for a few weeks because of this it gives them more opportunity to hit the stores with all their new free time. At least people are keeping their kids home.
Here you go. Sighs
https://community.telltale.com/discussion/123991/coronavirus-megathread#latest
Ah, Men in Black; I remember that from Nicktoons. Such nice beat that even the one alien nearly breaks out to.
Is that Jim Cummings in the other video?
I hope most schools get on the ball with that. Kids gonna miss a few weeks or more of school time otherwise.
Oh my goodness.
Any other time, that'd sound like a bad joke.
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Yeah, that is pretty funny. How life goes around.
"Let the poopsocking commence!"
Ugh.
Ok this is one of the few things that has made me laugh as of late. Thank God I'll have this place if and when Australia goes into lockdown.
No one has really ever laughed at my jokes, so thank you!
My mom went back to Wal-Mart and just now and out of meat,can goods,toilet paper rubbing alcohol and soft drinks.
I was up all night didn't even sleep. I had to stay put and wait until my mother comes back to my apartment.
According too her 2 people gathered too her one lady that coudnt speak English and some guy with a broken arm.
I'm just glad my mom came back safe...my mom even had a crazy worst case scenario if people raided if shit hits the fan.
I told her "Mom...were in a safe are and besides even if someone was insanely stupid to pull that stunt..it ain't going to be pretty.
I don't want unleash my inner Kenny/Javier on Intruders that would be ugly sight.
But enough on me...hope you guys are doing fine.
He's not the only one.
Thanks, bro.
for some reason, I imagine you just saying "Hi-Chaaa, biatch!" while punching one of the intruders in the dick.
whats with the random accounts being made here that just randomly promote random item?
bro thats... kinda cringe
Just ad/spambots, they're a thing that's always existed, though they took a break here when Telltale went bankrupt and randomly decided to start becoming active again since December.