Just back from PAX. What an amazing weekend! I've said it before, but thanks again to the awesome people who took the time to hang out - you helped to make my weekend wonderful. Not particularly looking forward to the return to real life tomorrow!
Got home almost an hour and a half ago, at precisely 5 AM. I'm making Iced take a rest before they start the drive back to Fawful's. I had the most unbelievable weekend, and not only did I get to see and play some amazing new games and get some incredible swag, but I feel like I started new friendships and strengthened some old ones. I will never forget the last few days.
Hey wow I feel awful all the sudden. Why am I even alive?
I'm feeling the same kind of blues too...
(Going walking helps. I did that today, just stuck my headphones on and drifted around town. Made me feel slightly better detatching myself from reality. Then again, I'm a pretty odd duck so YMMV)
Also I feel really drained from my walk today.
I think it was my longest one yet. I left about 10:30 and came back at about 1pm.
Walked all the way to town and back only really resting for my lunch.
I think the more lonely/depressed I am, the longer these walks tend to be.
Infact I might go down the path again tomorrow and just rest on the grass.
Its just so confusing I guess. Knowing what sort of person I am now.
A similar kind of person to Shakespeare and Blake, its almost as if I'm two people at once, the nerdy kid that plays video games and surfs the web, and goes to work and wants to own his own company and develop software to make a comfy living, and the artsy soul who yearns to go out and explore and learn, and create. Its hard juggling the two, especially within a society that supresses both of those personas, and the two personas themselves fight each other constantly for control over this vessel.
Overall, I'm this huge mess of random thoughts and impulses, never focused enough to make myself brilliant, and never stable enough to be happy.
Its not so much that im afraid of meds, though ill be honest by saying that I do feel a little uncomfortable with the idea, so much as I dont have access to that kind of treatment. Or any kind of mental treatment for that matter.
I have no idea if what I experience is even considered worth clinicly treating.
Long term treatment is NOT worth it. I was on anti-depression medication(as well as seeing a psychiatrist) for ten years. You know what it's like for an intelligent self-aware individual? It's like being forced to be a right-wing extremist. It's like being bullheaded. You literally CANNOT think a certain way. You CANNOT think about the thoughts that lead to your severe depression.
It's great at first, but after a while, the inhibiting nature of medication began to really bother me. Adults or children, I would highly recommend not taking medication for more than a couple years. I have clinical depression and some days are worse than others, but still feel better than being on medication. You just need to surround yourself in things and people that make you happy and can help you through those bad days. No, you cannot just think happy thoughts and make it go away. It doesn't work that way, however, doing things that normally make you happy, can help you feel better.
In the end, all you can really do, is try to take life with a grain of salt and try to make the most with what you have. It's harder for some than others, but pulling yourself out of the crippling stages that come now and then, is something we all have to learn to do. "This is what we have, this is the hand we've been dealt, this is all we can do, fuck it, I'm going to make the most of it, I may be in a very dark place right now, but I'm going to go do something I enjoy. It's better than doing nothing."
It's not easy, but life's short enough the way it is. Might as well fill it doing stuff you like(even with all the bad that comes with it). There's no reason to make it even shorter.
It's probably worth seeing a doctor to get a professional view on it. I absolutely agree with Johro though. My personal opinion is that medication may be useful to help get through a bout of depression in response to a sad life event, but long-term meds are something to be extremely cautious about.
I also find that doctors in the US are WAY too quick to push the pharmaceutical solution. In my first checkup here my cholesterol was in the upper range of normal, and the doc said "yeah if that gets higher we might look to put you on statins to bring it down". WTF?! You're not going to ask about my diet and lifestyle at all? Tell me about preventative measures? Just throw some drugs at it or whatever and to hell with the expense and the side effects? Fk that.
Wasn't there an issue in the 'States about doctors getting kickbacks from pharmaceutical companies? Was that just in certain places, a freak occurrence, or still going on?
Don't know anything about that, but to be honest I wouldn't be surprised. I feel sorry for people who trust doctors implicitly and wouldn't think to question their advice.
I guess my main concern with myself is the fact that I get a lot of seperation anxiety, sometimes cripplingly so, but isnt that something that only occurs with infants? Its also really hard to stay focused and finish things and I also have a lot of memory issues. I unno.
It's unique to EVERY individual. One persons desire to get off the meds is not the answer to another persons NEED to be on it for the rest of their lives. Your personal experiences are not adequate venues for prescribing behavior to a person with a mental issue because you cannot extrapolate subjective experience to a population.
Today I went to the post office ready to kill whoever was behind the counter.
Thankfully, the man immediately owned up to their fuckup.
Still, my friend's birthday is TODAY and she doesn't get her present before Thursday because the German post is unable to distinguish addressee and addresser... and had delivered the thing right back to me.
It's unique to EVERY individual. One persons desire to get off the meds is not the answer to another persons NEED to be on it for the rest of their lives. Your personal experiences are not adequate venues for prescribing behavior to a person with a mental issue because you cannot extrapolate subjective experience to a population.
Hence why I said "long-term meds are something to be extremely cautious about", rather than "long-term meds are something to avoid entirely in all cases".
So, I just came home from a hard day of work in a pharmacy and wanted to relax a bit by reading my favourite section of these forums ... AND YOU FOLKS KEEP POSTING ABOUT MEDICATION ALL THE TIME!
:mad:
Separation anxiety isn't unique to infants by any means. And anxiety can be treated, either by taking something regularly, or just when you know you're going to be triggered.
Medication can really help, I think the ideal is always to be able to get off it eventually, and only use it to get past the hardest problems, but it's a kickstart that can really be needed. Without it, you can just get stuck in a bad place with no apparent mean to get out of it. On it, you can still see that you're in a shitty situation, but there is a sense of "hey, I can survive this, and then I'll be better" that starts creeping in, and it can be very useful to keep your sanity.
In the end, not seeing a professional because you don't think they can help you is definitely not the best idea: even if there is a chance that they can't help (which is doubtful, with the modern progress that has been made), that chance is 100% if you don't ask them to begin with.
They might not have meds that can help, but they might help you with the underlying issues that cause it.
It's unique to EVERY individual. One persons desire to get off the meds is not the answer to another persons NEED to be on it for the rest of their lives. Your personal experiences are not adequate venues for prescribing behavior to a person with a mental issue because you cannot extrapolate subjective experience to a population.
While my first paragraph was more of a broad statement regarding the whole, my second was about personal experience and the third was more of opinion, both of which backing up my statement. I would assume the reader would categorise it as an opinion piece rather than factual. After all, I do not have any degrees in psychology or psychiatry and only have personal experience to reflect upon.
I could really go for some watermelon right about now.
In the end, not seeing a professional because you don't think they can help you is definitely not the best idea: even if there is a chance that they can't help (which is doubtful, with the modern progress that has been made), that chance is 100% if you don't ask them to begin with.
They might not have meds that can help, but they might help you with the underlying issues that cause it.
Exactly. A doctor might recommend non-pharmaceutical help like cognitive behavioural therapy, which I have seen do very good things for people. Basically knowledge is power, you're better off at least knowing where you stand rather than doing nothing.
I thought I mentioned the fact that im not sure if my insurance covers trips like that. Ill ask hr today, but I dont think I have that kind of coverage. Honestly, I just want to make sense of my brain.
Guys, MORE PAX PICTURES PLEASE. Give me the whole bunch, and I don't just mean those mobile phone ones where the only thing you can perceive is that puzzlebox is small.
(I know, I know: "YOU'RE small". I mean, for those in here who actually play TWD and know the quote)
Guys, MORE PAX PICTURES PLEASE. Give me the whole bunch, and I don't just mean those mobile phone ones where the only thing you can perceive is that puzzlebox is small.
(I know, I know: "YOU'RE small". I mean, for those in here who actually play TWD and know the quote)
I seem to be much smaller there than I think I am. It's either perspective, or I'm like one of those crazy little dogs that believes they're way bigger and scarier than they really are.
Sorry matey, I neglected to take my nice camera so didn't do much in the way of photojournalism. Was busy making memories though!
I think Kurt has a couple of pics. The only other photo I know of is this one of us drinking at Hard Rock on Saturday night:
So its lookin like mental health isnt part of my plan. Damn.
You work for one of those Hilton subsidiaries, right? Go ask about the "Employee Assistance Program", or "EAP". According to the Hilton website, you have it. What that is is a limited number of free psychological evaluations to help you understand what's going on and what you should do next. They won't prescribe drugs, though they might refer you to someone if you determine that that's what you need.
You work for one of those Hilton subsidiaries, right? Go ask about the "Employee Assistance Program", or "EAP". According to the Hilton website, you have it. What that is is a limited number of free psychological evaluations to help you understand what's going on and what you should do next. They won't prescribe drugs, though they might refer you to someone if you determine that that's what you need.
Awesome. I was sitting here, uploading pictures, when I heard this hissing noise, like someone spraying an aerosol can. So I walked out of my room, followed it to the laundry room, and found that the "output" hose on the hot water heater had suddenly sprung a major leak. So welcome home to me, I guess.
The Telltale booth:
Unlikely friends:
Shauntron getting ready to shut down the booth on Sunday:
Fawful, Icedhope, Guru, and Alcoremortis at the Epic Mickey booth:
And now, the swag. First up, we have Oswald ears, a pretty sweet Oswald and Mickey Pin, an Assassin's Creed III inflatable tomahawk, and a hand that once had a turkey leg sticking out of the wrist. The turkey leg was delicious and Telltale is awesome for giving those out. My 12-year-old Mickey ears are there for reference. Honestly, the Oswald ears are much nicer.
A close-up of the pin:
The t-shirts Telltale was giving out:
A couple of sweet posters:
Autographs are Eric Parsons, Gary Whitta, Jake Rodkin, Sean Vanaman, Kevin Bruner, and Harrison Pink.
My drawing of Oswald and Mickey (which is so awesome I have to show it off again):
And Iced's drawing of Oswald:
That's all I've got. Icedhope and Fawful should have more when they get home.
I’, just going to say this: I went to a really fucked up middle school. There was a girl in one of my classes who was kicked out for performing oral sex on the male students, and I smelled marijuana everywhere I went. Plus, I didn’t learn jack shit.
Its not so much that im afraid of meds, though ill be honest by saying that I do feel a little uncomfortable with the idea, so much as I dont have access to that kind of treatment. Or any kind of mental treatment for that matter.
I have no idea if what I experience is even considered worth clinicly treating.
It looks like you have good friends here, who really care about you. They'll be here for you .
I've been depressed too.
You know, we're all in this together .
There's almost always some one who can relate to you and your situation. I realize that now more than ever. We're mostly the same, and maybe that's why we all enjoy the company of others so much. Because we can relate to so many other people and we all like to fit in and feel loved. It's mutual to most people.
I have problems, myself. Anxiety problems, and what not. You're never alone. Never, remember that. Just always remember common human decency. Even though there's a lot of bad in this world... There's a lot of inherent good and a lot of love, understanding. And everyone has something to give, contribute to that.
In my experience it doesn't matter who you're talking to, as long as they are cheerful, respectful and considerate of your feelings.
Smile more, try to be happy. Enjoy life, life doesn't always have to be so bad. Even small things mean alot in people's lives. When I'm depressed, just talking to some one, even a stranger means a lot to me. That's what it means to be human. We are social by nature and love company.
Most of us. Hang in there, we're all in this together. You are never alone.
We all want to fit in, and we all struggle. You're never alone , remember that. There will always been some one for you to relate to. No matter how you feel, how broken you are. There is always some one who is going through the same thing. Or is the likeliness of your future projection that is going to get past these things. For the most part we know your pain, we've felt it, and we've wanted better for ourselves. We put in the heart, soul to over come our own obstacles in life and we know what you feel.
Like I keep saying you aren't a lone, and we will always be there, even if not in the literal sense, it is what it means to be human.
In grade 10, my Career And Life Management teacher got sent to rehab for a crack addiction. She was buying off a student.
The public school system is shit. That’s why I switched to a private school.
Also, in my old middle school, one of teachers was rumored to be nailing 8th graders. I never saw her again after 6th grade, so it was probably true. A lot of students were also kicked out that year.
The public school system is shit. That’s why I switched to a private school.
Also, in my old middle school, one of teachers was rumored to be nailing 8th graders. I never saw her again after 6th grade, so it was probably true. A lot of students were also kicked out that year.
Statistically speaking only a few private schools are superior. In actually practice, public schools normally provide a wider range of activities, educational resources, accreditations, etc. In addition to competitive academic performance.
Comments
Because the alternative is unacceptable.
It always scares me a bit when I hear of someone younger than my parents dying of natural causes.
Because it usually gets better.
I have a lightsaber now regardless.
I'm feeling the same kind of blues too...
(Going walking helps. I did that today, just stuck my headphones on and drifted around town. Made me feel slightly better detatching myself from reality. Then again, I'm a pretty odd duck so YMMV)
Also I feel really drained from my walk today.
I think it was my longest one yet. I left about 10:30 and came back at about 1pm.
Walked all the way to town and back only really resting for my lunch.
I think the more lonely/depressed I am, the longer these walks tend to be.
Infact I might go down the path again tomorrow and just rest on the grass.
Its just so confusing I guess. Knowing what sort of person I am now.
A similar kind of person to Shakespeare and Blake, its almost as if I'm two people at once, the nerdy kid that plays video games and surfs the web, and goes to work and wants to own his own company and develop software to make a comfy living, and the artsy soul who yearns to go out and explore and learn, and create. Its hard juggling the two, especially within a society that supresses both of those personas, and the two personas themselves fight each other constantly for control over this vessel.
Overall, I'm this huge mess of random thoughts and impulses, never focused enough to make myself brilliant, and never stable enough to be happy.
...
I think I'm going to go upstairs and brood a bit.
Rest forever here in our hearts
The last and final moment is yours
That agony is your triumph.
I have no idea if what I experience is even considered worth clinicly treating.
It's great at first, but after a while, the inhibiting nature of medication began to really bother me. Adults or children, I would highly recommend not taking medication for more than a couple years. I have clinical depression and some days are worse than others, but still feel better than being on medication. You just need to surround yourself in things and people that make you happy and can help you through those bad days. No, you cannot just think happy thoughts and make it go away. It doesn't work that way, however, doing things that normally make you happy, can help you feel better.
In the end, all you can really do, is try to take life with a grain of salt and try to make the most with what you have. It's harder for some than others, but pulling yourself out of the crippling stages that come now and then, is something we all have to learn to do. "This is what we have, this is the hand we've been dealt, this is all we can do, fuck it, I'm going to make the most of it, I may be in a very dark place right now, but I'm going to go do something I enjoy. It's better than doing nothing."
It's not easy, but life's short enough the way it is. Might as well fill it doing stuff you like(even with all the bad that comes with it). There's no reason to make it even shorter.
I also find that doctors in the US are WAY too quick to push the pharmaceutical solution. In my first checkup here my cholesterol was in the upper range of normal, and the doc said "yeah if that gets higher we might look to put you on statins to bring it down". WTF?! You're not going to ask about my diet and lifestyle at all? Tell me about preventative measures? Just throw some drugs at it or whatever and to hell with the expense and the side effects? Fk that.
I have no idea what to do.
Thankfully, the man immediately owned up to their fuckup.
Still, my friend's birthday is TODAY and she doesn't get her present before Thursday because the German post is unable to distinguish addressee and addresser... and had delivered the thing right back to me.
Hence why I said "long-term meds are something to be extremely cautious about", rather than "long-term meds are something to avoid entirely in all cases".
See a doctor so you can at least get an informed medical opinion.
:mad:
Medication can really help, I think the ideal is always to be able to get off it eventually, and only use it to get past the hardest problems, but it's a kickstart that can really be needed. Without it, you can just get stuck in a bad place with no apparent mean to get out of it. On it, you can still see that you're in a shitty situation, but there is a sense of "hey, I can survive this, and then I'll be better" that starts creeping in, and it can be very useful to keep your sanity.
In the end, not seeing a professional because you don't think they can help you is definitely not the best idea: even if there is a chance that they can't help (which is doubtful, with the modern progress that has been made), that chance is 100% if you don't ask them to begin with.
They might not have meds that can help, but they might help you with the underlying issues that cause it.
While my first paragraph was more of a broad statement regarding the whole, my second was about personal experience and the third was more of opinion, both of which backing up my statement. I would assume the reader would categorise it as an opinion piece rather than factual. After all, I do not have any degrees in psychology or psychiatry and only have personal experience to reflect upon.
I could really go for some watermelon right about now.
Exactly. A doctor might recommend non-pharmaceutical help like cognitive behavioural therapy, which I have seen do very good things for people. Basically knowledge is power, you're better off at least knowing where you stand rather than doing nothing.
Iced & Fawful: Hit The Road.
As such, we felt we had to come up with a name that was related to both video games and bug killing. And so we dubbed that car The Zapper.
(I know, I know: "YOU'RE small". I mean, for those in here who actually play TWD and know the quote)
What about a general checkup? Maybe you could go under that pretext and then just talk about other stuff in the consultation.
I seem to be much smaller there than I think I am. It's either perspective, or I'm like one of those crazy little dogs that believes they're way bigger and scarier than they really are.
Sorry matey, I neglected to take my nice camera so didn't do much in the way of photojournalism.
I think Kurt has a couple of pics. The only other photo I know of is this one of us drinking at Hard Rock on Saturday night:
Attachment not found.
Clockwise from the face: IcedHope, Fawful, Guru, Shauntron, The Dude, puzzlebox
That's pretty much what the scene looked like through my eyes as well.
You work for one of those Hilton subsidiaries, right? Go ask about the "Employee Assistance Program", or "EAP". According to the Hilton website, you have it. What that is is a limited number of free psychological evaluations to help you understand what's going on and what you should do next. They won't prescribe drugs, though they might refer you to someone if you determine that that's what you need.
I'm quite proud of myself right now.
I'll go ask about that. Thanks much.
The Telltale booth:
Unlikely friends:
Shauntron getting ready to shut down the booth on Sunday:
Fawful, Icedhope, Guru, and Alcoremortis at the Epic Mickey booth:
And now, the swag. First up, we have Oswald ears, a pretty sweet Oswald and Mickey Pin, an Assassin's Creed III inflatable tomahawk, and a hand that once had a turkey leg sticking out of the wrist. The turkey leg was delicious and Telltale is awesome for giving those out. My 12-year-old Mickey ears are there for reference. Honestly, the Oswald ears are much nicer.
A close-up of the pin:
The t-shirts Telltale was giving out:
A couple of sweet posters:
Autographs are Eric Parsons, Gary Whitta, Jake Rodkin, Sean Vanaman, Kevin Bruner, and Harrison Pink.
My drawing of Oswald and Mickey (which is so awesome I have to show it off again):
And Iced's drawing of Oswald:
That's all I've got. Icedhope and Fawful should have more when they get home.
It looks like you have good friends here, who really care about you. They'll be here for you .
I've been depressed too.
You know, we're all in this together .
There's almost always some one who can relate to you and your situation. I realize that now more than ever. We're mostly the same, and maybe that's why we all enjoy the company of others so much. Because we can relate to so many other people and we all like to fit in and feel loved. It's mutual to most people.
I have problems, myself. Anxiety problems, and what not. You're never alone. Never, remember that. Just always remember common human decency. Even though there's a lot of bad in this world... There's a lot of inherent good and a lot of love, understanding. And everyone has something to give, contribute to that.
In my experience it doesn't matter who you're talking to, as long as they are cheerful, respectful and considerate of your feelings.
Smile more, try to be happy. Enjoy life, life doesn't always have to be so bad. Even small things mean alot in people's lives. When I'm depressed, just talking to some one, even a stranger means a lot to me. That's what it means to be human. We are social by nature and love company.
Most of us. Hang in there, we're all in this together. You are never alone.
We all want to fit in, and we all struggle. You're never alone , remember that. There will always been some one for you to relate to. No matter how you feel, how broken you are. There is always some one who is going through the same thing. Or is the likeliness of your future projection that is going to get past these things. For the most part we know your pain, we've felt it, and we've wanted better for ourselves. We put in the heart, soul to over come our own obstacles in life and we know what you feel.
Like I keep saying you aren't a lone, and we will always be there, even if not in the literal sense, it is what it means to be human.
The public school system is shit. That’s why I switched to a private school.
Also, in my old middle school, one of teachers was rumored to be nailing 8th graders. I never saw her again after 6th grade, so it was probably true. A lot of students were also kicked out that year.
Statistically speaking only a few private schools are superior. In actually practice, public schools normally provide a wider range of activities, educational resources, accreditations, etc. In addition to competitive academic performance.