Brendan Q. Ferguson Interviews Telltale
TelltaleGames
Former Telltale Staff
Hello everyone, this is Brendan Q. Ferguson reporting to you live from the offices of Telltale Games in San Rafael, California. In honor of our new website, I have chosen today to kick off my series of hard-hitting interviews with Telltale Games employees. Because we are such a hyper-efficient outfit, I have chosen not to waste any time by actually speaking to my coworkers, but have instead tried to capture the spirit of what they would say by making up anything I want. The views expressed within are not necessarily the views of anyone living or dead, not even me.
My first extremely hard-hitting interview was with the man responsible for getting the new website up and running, none other than Telltale COO Troy Molander.
BQF: "Troy, this website rocks the house. Not only my house, but others as well."�
TM: "Thank you so much, Brendan, and by the way, you are looking extremely handsome today."�
BQF: "Aw, shucks."�
Leave it to Troy to give us the scoop on the behind-the-scenes info that you can't find in just any blog.
No interview, though, hits harder than this next one with the man running the show, Telltale CEO Dan Connors.
BQF: "Dan, can you tell us in a few words what makes Telltale such a special company?"�
DC: "No."�
BQF: "That's not the response I expected."�
DC: "It would take at least a thousand words to tell you what makes Telltale so special, or possibly a single picture would do."�
Dan is probably the only person I know who actually inserts links into the things he says aloud.
Next up, I turned the mic to Telltale CTO Kevin Bruner, who managed to conduct the entire interview with his eyes shut.
BQF: "Kevin, what can you tell us about the engineering department at Telltale?"�
KB: "..."�
Kevin has the ability to speak in ellipses, just like Japanese video game characters. How he does this despite being neither Japanese nor a video game character is beyond me.
You can imagine that after so many incredibly hard-hitting interviews, I was ready to take a break by conducting a soft-hitting interview or two. I decided to round up the newest employees of Telltale Games: Jon Sgro, Graham McDermott, and Randy Tudor.
BQF: "So, tell the readers at home a little bit about what you do at Telltale Games, beyond just what it says about you on the Telltale Team page."�
JS: "I do everything that Kevin's supposed to do."�
GM: "I do everything that Kevin's supposed to do."�
RT: "I do everything that Kevin's supposed to do."�
And here I thought this would a soft-hitting interview. Not so!
Finally, my concluding interview, and quite possibly my greatest interview ever, was with popular Telltale pseudo-celebrity, Anonymous Kidnapper.
BQF: "Anonymous Kidnapper, tell us, what have you been doing since you kidnapped me?"�
AK: "Well BQ, as you may recall, after you escaped from my closet, you decided to kidnap me in return. Since then I have been living in a dumpster behind Telltale Games."�
BQF: "Sorry to hear that AK, but you deserved it."�
AK: "Shut up Brendan."�
BQF: "Okay."�
BQF: "..."�
AK: "Fine, start talking again."�
BQF: "No, it's too late."�
AK: "I hate you."�
BQF: *sob*
You don't understand how rare it is to capture that kind of emotional intensity on tape. For a hard-hitting reporter such as me, this is pure gold.
Pure gold.
My first extremely hard-hitting interview was with the man responsible for getting the new website up and running, none other than Telltale COO Troy Molander.
BQF: "Troy, this website rocks the house. Not only my house, but others as well."�
TM: "Thank you so much, Brendan, and by the way, you are looking extremely handsome today."�
BQF: "Aw, shucks."�
Leave it to Troy to give us the scoop on the behind-the-scenes info that you can't find in just any blog.
No interview, though, hits harder than this next one with the man running the show, Telltale CEO Dan Connors.
BQF: "Dan, can you tell us in a few words what makes Telltale such a special company?"�
DC: "No."�
BQF: "That's not the response I expected."�
DC: "It would take at least a thousand words to tell you what makes Telltale so special, or possibly a single picture would do."�
Dan is probably the only person I know who actually inserts links into the things he says aloud.
Next up, I turned the mic to Telltale CTO Kevin Bruner, who managed to conduct the entire interview with his eyes shut.
BQF: "Kevin, what can you tell us about the engineering department at Telltale?"�
KB: "..."�
Kevin has the ability to speak in ellipses, just like Japanese video game characters. How he does this despite being neither Japanese nor a video game character is beyond me.
You can imagine that after so many incredibly hard-hitting interviews, I was ready to take a break by conducting a soft-hitting interview or two. I decided to round up the newest employees of Telltale Games: Jon Sgro, Graham McDermott, and Randy Tudor.
BQF: "So, tell the readers at home a little bit about what you do at Telltale Games, beyond just what it says about you on the Telltale Team page."�
JS: "I do everything that Kevin's supposed to do."�
GM: "I do everything that Kevin's supposed to do."�
RT: "I do everything that Kevin's supposed to do."�
And here I thought this would a soft-hitting interview. Not so!
Finally, my concluding interview, and quite possibly my greatest interview ever, was with popular Telltale pseudo-celebrity, Anonymous Kidnapper.
BQF: "Anonymous Kidnapper, tell us, what have you been doing since you kidnapped me?"�
AK: "Well BQ, as you may recall, after you escaped from my closet, you decided to kidnap me in return. Since then I have been living in a dumpster behind Telltale Games."�
BQF: "Sorry to hear that AK, but you deserved it."�
AK: "Shut up Brendan."�
BQF: "Okay."�
BQF: "..."�
AK: "Fine, start talking again."�
BQF: "No, it's too late."�
AK: "I hate you."�
BQF: *sob*
You don't understand how rare it is to capture that kind of emotional intensity on tape. For a hard-hitting reporter such as me, this is pure gold.
Pure gold.
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