Hector is My Name. What of it?
TelltaleGames
Former Telltale Staff
Hector: Badge of Carnage is now available for pre-order on PC and Mac so we wanted to give the main man himself, Hector, a chance to introduce himself to the fine Telltale Games folk. He was able to squeeze in few moments to scribble up a note to you guys, so here he is, raw, uncut, and as nasty as ever.
All right, listen up you coachpokers. I’m only going to say this once. Of course, as this will be appearing in text form you’re free to read it as many times as you like. You can even ask your mum to help you sound out the big words, if she ain’t still down the pub, that is.
Name’s Detective Inspector Hector, and it's my unrewarding and undervalued job to clean up the crime-ridden, urine-soaked streets of Clappers Wreake.
In case you never heard of it - and for the love of all things brown, you should consider yourself lucky if you haven’t - Clappers Wreake is an undigested morsel of prison-grade turkey twizzler on the great steaming turd of the Midlands, floating turgidly in the Royal Cistern of Britain. It is home to some of the most vile, depraved, loathsome, despicable and amoral degenerate reprobates our great kingdom has to offer, and that was me describing the lineup to the station canteen. Well guess who's job it is to keep the lid down. (If you've already worked out the answer - which, by the way, is me - you're already a brain cell ahead of Lambert, my partner, but don't take that as any sort of compliment).
Look. The big dogs at Telltale’ve told me to pop on here, say a few words, introduce meself an’ all that bleedin’ marketing toss. Frankly, I don’t go in for all that rubbish, and I truly don’t give a flying Francis Bacon whether you like me or not. You wanna get to know me? Just buy me game. First two minutes you’ll see some poor tosser’s head explode, followed shortly by a cracking view of me in me underpants. If that ain’t your cuppa tea, then piss off back to Hill Valley. Bleedin' tosspots.
We done? Good, ‘coz I need a crap.
D.I. Hector
Clappers Wreake Police Service
So what do you think of the rude and crude Detective Hector? Let's hear it in the comments.