Email mix-up.
That's right, I am.
Hello.
I sit here, tears rollin' down my nose. Why? Because on Monday I received an e-mail from Telltale telling me that I had preordered Strongbad's game - I hadn't, but I though "hey, I been a good boy, so maybe Telltale is giving me this for my birthday, even though it isn't.
With my heart overflowing at the joy that somewhere, someone loves me after all, overjoyed at the kindness of complete strangers, and with my faith in mankind fully restored by such a magnanimous gesture of love and affection, I downloaded the game, because they told me all I had to do was login and activate it.
So I did.
It didn't work.
Why, Telltale? The wounds in my heart had scarcely healed from my previous disappointment with something, and this opened them anew, with such pain as a human, a member of your own race, Telltale, can scarcely take without fainting on the spot.
True, four hours later, you sent an e-mail correcting everything, but by then IT WAS TOO LATE! I sobbed in the dark of my room and noone could hear me. Once again, I felt completely and utterly alone and abandoned.
Then, a tiny flame arose in my wounded heart. The heart you so cruelly taunted with promises of everlasting joy only to take it and impale in a spike of pure agony and drag and step on through the mud of humiliation.
That tiny flame flared ever stronger and gave me hope... hope of retribution. Of payback. OF REVENGE!
I called my lawyer and he says we have a case. It was legal mumbo-jumbo and I couldn't understand a word of it, but oh! You're in for it now. All these years... you'll finally get what's coming to you.
I can see it now, in the courtroom, my lawyer boldly striding forward to make his opening speech:
"Your Honour, in front of everyone's eyes, for all the court to see, sits my client. A former shadow of the man he once was, scarcely can he utter a word, afraid and distrustful as he is of everyone and everything in God's green earth. And what, I hear you ask, has reduced this once proud, majestic Man to the pitiful creature you now see before you?
Promises. BROKEN promises, by a powerful corporation. A promise of a better life, if only he followed their "simple" instructions. One more corporation abusing their powers over the common folk, stepping on the working class, the backbone of society, and trampling them under their iron boots."
Here, the judge would wipe his tears and stare at my lawyer, and in a broken, sullen voice, uttered the words that expressed the rebellious thoughts of everyone in the room.
"I though this case was about an electronic computer game."
However, this would not fluster my lawyer. He's one of the best, you know, and out of his sleeve, like magic, he'd pull the following powerful statement:
"Uh, yes, your Honour, so it is."
"All this for a misunderstanding about an e-mail and a game? Are you out of your mind? Wasting everyone's time for such a trivial matter? And just what, may I inquire, were you expecting to win from this?"
"Well, we were planning to sue Telltale for billions of trillions of dollars due to the pshycological damage bestowed upon my client..."
"BILLIONS OF... Right. Perfect." agrees the judge while he sort of massages his forehead, obviously annoyed at the gall of Telltale for injuring me in such a cruel way. "I'll tell you what", he continues "Since you're so keen on having a trial for this incident, we will have one. And the way I see it, it is very likely that Telltale WILL win, and take from you AND your client every last penny you have, and it is very well deserved. Never in my life have I heard such a ridiculous thing. But, by all means, proceed."
Uh... on second though... I don't really like the game anyway, so... er, I'll just wait for Wallace & Gromit, and we'll forget this ever happened, alright? It will never be mentioned again.
Sorry.
Cheers!
Hello.
I sit here, tears rollin' down my nose. Why? Because on Monday I received an e-mail from Telltale telling me that I had preordered Strongbad's game - I hadn't, but I though "hey, I been a good boy, so maybe Telltale is giving me this for my birthday, even though it isn't.
With my heart overflowing at the joy that somewhere, someone loves me after all, overjoyed at the kindness of complete strangers, and with my faith in mankind fully restored by such a magnanimous gesture of love and affection, I downloaded the game, because they told me all I had to do was login and activate it.
So I did.
It didn't work.
Why, Telltale? The wounds in my heart had scarcely healed from my previous disappointment with something, and this opened them anew, with such pain as a human, a member of your own race, Telltale, can scarcely take without fainting on the spot.
True, four hours later, you sent an e-mail correcting everything, but by then IT WAS TOO LATE! I sobbed in the dark of my room and noone could hear me. Once again, I felt completely and utterly alone and abandoned.
Then, a tiny flame arose in my wounded heart. The heart you so cruelly taunted with promises of everlasting joy only to take it and impale in a spike of pure agony and drag and step on through the mud of humiliation.
That tiny flame flared ever stronger and gave me hope... hope of retribution. Of payback. OF REVENGE!
I called my lawyer and he says we have a case. It was legal mumbo-jumbo and I couldn't understand a word of it, but oh! You're in for it now. All these years... you'll finally get what's coming to you.
I can see it now, in the courtroom, my lawyer boldly striding forward to make his opening speech:
"Your Honour, in front of everyone's eyes, for all the court to see, sits my client. A former shadow of the man he once was, scarcely can he utter a word, afraid and distrustful as he is of everyone and everything in God's green earth. And what, I hear you ask, has reduced this once proud, majestic Man to the pitiful creature you now see before you?
Promises. BROKEN promises, by a powerful corporation. A promise of a better life, if only he followed their "simple" instructions. One more corporation abusing their powers over the common folk, stepping on the working class, the backbone of society, and trampling them under their iron boots."
Here, the judge would wipe his tears and stare at my lawyer, and in a broken, sullen voice, uttered the words that expressed the rebellious thoughts of everyone in the room.
"I though this case was about an electronic computer game."
However, this would not fluster my lawyer. He's one of the best, you know, and out of his sleeve, like magic, he'd pull the following powerful statement:
"Uh, yes, your Honour, so it is."
"All this for a misunderstanding about an e-mail and a game? Are you out of your mind? Wasting everyone's time for such a trivial matter? And just what, may I inquire, were you expecting to win from this?"
"Well, we were planning to sue Telltale for billions of trillions of dollars due to the pshycological damage bestowed upon my client..."
"BILLIONS OF... Right. Perfect." agrees the judge while he sort of massages his forehead, obviously annoyed at the gall of Telltale for injuring me in such a cruel way. "I'll tell you what", he continues "Since you're so keen on having a trial for this incident, we will have one. And the way I see it, it is very likely that Telltale WILL win, and take from you AND your client every last penny you have, and it is very well deserved. Never in my life have I heard such a ridiculous thing. But, by all means, proceed."
Uh... on second though... I don't really like the game anyway, so... er, I'll just wait for Wallace & Gromit, and we'll forget this ever happened, alright? It will never be mentioned again.
Sorry.
Cheers!
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Comments
If only things were run so sensibly.
Yeah. that'll learn ya.
Well... fantasy, eh?
Ok, that's pretty bad. I like how they say it's the taser company's fault.
Jaysus. Thak Gawd for the police, eh?
Cheers!
Oh, now you've done it.
I'm suing you!
Nothing can stop me.
Seriously, of course eyebrows are raised. That's the whole point! Half the joke, even.
Ah, man... you're no fun anymore. I ain't not gunna be your best friend.
Palm, apply directly to the Forehead...
Imapus Sylicker is a double poster! DOUBLE POSTERS WILL BE PUT TO DEATH!
You were given an edit button for a reason
Y'know what... I'm not even gonna' try...