I'm just going to be honest: I don't like this post.
The whole Clem being a drama queen and running off makes zero sense and leaving the … moresafety and warmth of the cave together with a wounded woman behind in the middle of the night with heavy fog and even forgetting her bag doesn't seem like ANYTHING a young smart girl like Clementine would ever do, even in an emotional moment.
I say you should either take the time to change the post you even said yourself, slacks, or you should simply delete if you don't feel like taking the time to write a post with care and attention.
Also, don't take this as me trying to hurt you in any way, I'm just pointing out the mistakes in your post so you can improve upon them and maybe even learn something in the process.
Ruby decides to head back to the cave. She has to come back... She can't just leave...
She had been 20 yards away from the cave, when she saw the same man she had saw that night, rush out of the cave, staring at Ruby as he does. "What the hell?! Get back here!" Ruby says as she tries to chase him down. He turns a corner, and was obviously to fast for Ruby to catch up to. "Well darn... What am I going to do..?"
Ruby makes her way back to the cave, being cautious of her surroundings. What if he set a trap or something...
She sits quietly expecting Clementine, but she had been waiting for nearly 3 hours, and still no sign of Clementine. "Where the heck are you?!" She says as she storms out of the cave.
Ruby then remembers her talkie. Wait a second... Ruby picks it up and begins to speak. "Clementine... I know you have your talkie... Just please talk to me... I didn't mean to frighten you... Please Clementine..."
There was no answer for a few minutes, and then she finally begins to answer. "Ruby... Shhh... There's a lot of walkers... Too many for me to take on. I'll try to come back to the cave soon.."
"Clementine wait-" Ruby's voice is interrupted by Clem. "Not now! It's to loud!" Ruby quickly speaks. "Just be careful...".. "I will."
Ruby was pacing back and fourth waiting for Clementine to return. It had been 2 hours since she had last heard Clementine's voice, she was just about to speak again, when Clementine had approached her.
"Feeling less drama queenish?" Ruby asks Clementine with a joking voice. Clementine laughs. "Yeah. Sorry about that actually... I never act like that. I just want to let you know, I can take care of myself.. Wasn't trying to pull a fit..."
Ruby nods, and begins to speak. "Well listen, we can't stay in this cave because-" Her voice is once again interrupted, but by something else this time. "Meow.".... "Clementine... What is that?" Clementine laughs. "His name is Oreo... I found him out in the woods.."
Many thoughts had rushed through Clementine's mind. She was sad that she had found Oreo, and not Frank. She was also relieved that Oreo had survived the battle. How did he survive, and not anybody else...?
Ruby decides to head back to the cave. She has to come back... She can't just leave...
She had been 20 yards away from the cave, when she… more saw the same man she had saw that night, rush out of the cave, staring at Ruby as he does. "What the hell?! Get back here!" Ruby says as she tries to chase him down. He turns a corner, and was obviously to fast for Ruby to catch up to. "Well darn... What am I going to do..?"
Ruby makes her way back to the cave, being cautious of her surroundings. What if he set a trap or something...
She sits quietly expecting Clementine, but she had been waiting for nearly 3 hours, and still no sign of Clementine. "Where the heck are you?!" She says as she storms out of the cave.
Ruby then remembers her talkie. Wait a second... Ruby picks it up and begins to speak. "Clementine... I know you have your talkie... Just please talk to me... I didn't mean to frighten you... Please Clementine..."
There was no answe… [view original content]
Ruby decides to head back to the cave. She has to come back... She can't just leave...
She had been 20 yards away from the cave, when she… more saw the same man she had saw that night, rush out of the cave, staring at Ruby as he does. "What the hell?! Get back here!" Ruby says as she tries to chase him down. He turns a corner, and was obviously to fast for Ruby to catch up to. "Well darn... What am I going to do..?"
Ruby makes her way back to the cave, being cautious of her surroundings. What if he set a trap or something...
She sits quietly expecting Clementine, but she had been waiting for nearly 3 hours, and still no sign of Clementine. "Where the heck are you?!" She says as she storms out of the cave.
Ruby then remembers her talkie. Wait a second... Ruby picks it up and begins to speak. "Clementine... I know you have your talkie... Just please talk to me... I didn't mean to frighten you... Please Clementine..."
There was no answe… [view original content]
That's the thing. We don't know if Frank survived, and that heavily implies that he died, since Clementine found Oreo. I'm going to edit it at the end so it shows that a bit more.
If anyone of you doesn't know what it is I highly recommend to look up what a suspense curve in dramatical narration is. That brings me to the conclusion, that we're exaggerating with walkers / fights / conplications at this time.
I apreciate your attempt to save the other post. Though, I don't think it cleared it up properly, as it was still a very awkward and incredible situation and joking about it doesn't really solve this imo. Anyway, I am glad we can continue upon it.
Ruby decides to head back to the cave. She has to come back... She can't just leave...
She had been 20 yards away from the cave, when she… more saw the same man she had saw that night, rush out of the cave, staring at Ruby as he does. "What the hell?! Get back here!" Ruby says as she tries to chase him down. He turns a corner, and was obviously to fast for Ruby to catch up to. "Well darn... What am I going to do..?"
Ruby makes her way back to the cave, being cautious of her surroundings. What if he set a trap or something...
She sits quietly expecting Clementine, but she had been waiting for nearly 3 hours, and still no sign of Clementine. "Where the heck are you?!" She says as she storms out of the cave.
Ruby then remembers her talkie. Wait a second... Ruby picks it up and begins to speak. "Clementine... I know you have your talkie... Just please talk to me... I didn't mean to frighten you... Please Clementine..."
There was no answe… [view original content]
I apreciate your attempt to save the other post. Though, I don't think it cleared it up properly, as it was still a very awkward and incredible situation and joking about it doesn't really solve this imo. Anyway, I am glad we can continue upon it.
I am not forcing you to change anything, even though I think it'd be better. Though, if you want to I think it's best to either
1) you being the one changing your post so, that Clem has a serious reason why she leaves the cave (in a less drama queenish way - in this case Randomz has to edit his post, too) or
2) Randomz makes her regret her flight sincerely and explaining herself instead of joking about it.
The third option would be what you said - making Clem never leave it. It's up to you.
I am not forcing you to change anything, even though I think it'd be better. Though, if you want to I think it's best to either
1) you bein… moreg the one changing your post so, that Clem has a serious reason why she leaves the cave (in a less drama queenish way - in this case Randomz has to edit his post, too) or
2) Randomz makes her regret her flight sincerely and explaining herself instead of joking about it.
The third option would be what you said - making Clem never leave it. It's up to you.
I haven't heard about the suspense curve but I always try to do my best not to have too many action-packed scenarios. I sincerely feel like some character development is needed here and I'd love to be the one to bring that in a post.
So I'll write in about... 45 minutes? Hope I can keep it good without relying too much on Randomz's still unchanged post.
If anyone of you doesn't know what it is I highly recommend to look up what a suspense curve in dramatical narration is. That brings me to the conclusion, that we're exaggerating with walkers / fights / conplications at this time.
A quick note: It might be smarter to leave exact times out of your posts and to simply leave it a little more ambiguous. These people generally lose their sense of time as they don't have watches, and looking at the moon or the sun isn't very useful in an unclear and foggy moment like this.
So instead of "Ten minutes" you could say "A few anxious minutes" or "Some time passes".
A quick note: It might be smarter to leave exact times out of your posts and to simply leave it a little more ambiguous. These people genera… morelly lose their sense of time as they don't have watches, and looking at the moon or the sun isn't very useful in an unclear and foggy moment like this.
So instead of "Ten minutes" you could say "A few anxious minutes" or "Some time passes".
Many days had passed since the night they had found Oreo, the little kitten which is now happily playing outside the cave chasing birds and scratching trees. Ruby's guitar was still left untouched, although her wound was healing as well as it could with the poor medical care it had gotten. "I'm sorry Clem, but it just hurts too much." Disappointed, Clementine throws the bag of dead squirrels she had hunted onto the ground. This was the third batch she had been able to kill over the last week, but the small critters aren't enough to fill the stomachs of two women. The weary girl crouches down and pokes a few sticks into the ground next to the fire Ruby had been tending to. She puts a squirrel on each of them and carefully positions them over the heat of the fire. "I sure wish we had a big bag of marshmallows to roast right about now." Ruby chuckles before a sting of pain makes her cringe. Clementine sighs and stares into the flames with a blank expression and an empty feeling in her mind, as well as in her growling stomach. "We'll have to make do with what we have. We can't just sit around praying for a miracle." Every pop and sizzle emitting from the roasting creatures is heard when near-soundless moments pass. "They're done." Clementine pulls the four sticks out of the ground and hands two of them to Ruby. "Eat up." She says before devouring her own piece of meat like a starving animal. Her older counterpart takes it slow instead, enjoying every over-cooked and nearly burned-up bite she can. "Gosh... This is delicious." Ruby groans contently. When she's finished her first squirrel Clementine is already gobbling down the last bits of her small meal. "You know, when we're done eating I might be able to teach you to play a note or two."
The girl looks up from her half-eaten carcass and glances a hopeful look. "Yeah. I'd like that."
Later that day false notes and high-pitched noises echo through the cave as Clementine struggles to play Ruby's guitar. The instrument has some beautiful engravings depicting flowers, animals and an impressive landscape. "This is just too hard." The little girl moans before sitting down on Ruby's mattress. "I just don't get it. I've survived walkers, humans and even a damn explosion, how could this be so hard?" Ruby gently strokes Clementine's hair as she nearly breaks the delicate strings in frustration. "It's all about subtlety. Well, that, and a whole lot of practice." Clementine stands up and walks over to her wall of pictures, studying them carefully for at least the hundredth time. "I don't have time for that." She says. Ruby awkwardly giggles. "It's the end of the world, honey. I'd say you've got plenty of time." The girl moves closer to her picture of Lee before stroking it in a caring way. "I wish I could believe you. But time isn't something you can take for granted these days." She turns to Ruby and offers a hand. "How about we go outside for a while. The fresh air might do us both good."
(Play this: )
"Are you sure you can't play your guitar?"
Many days had passed since the night they had found Oreo, the little kitten … morewhich is now happily playing outside the cave chasing birds and scratching trees. Ruby's guitar was still left untouched, although her wound was healing as well as it could with the poor medical care it had gotten. "I'm sorry Clem, but it just hurts too much." Disappointed, Clementine throws the bag of dead squirrels she had hunted onto the ground. This was the third batch she had been able to kill over the last week, but the small critters aren't enough to fill the stomachs of two women. The weary girl crouches down and pokes a few sticks into the ground next to the fire Ruby had been tending to. She puts a squirrel on each of them and carefully positions them over the heat of the fire. "I sure wish we had a big bag of marshmallows to roast right about now." Ruby chuckles before a sting of pain makes her… [view original content]
(Play this: )
"Are you sure you can't play your guitar?"
Many days had passed since the night they had found Oreo, the little kitten … morewhich is now happily playing outside the cave chasing birds and scratching trees. Ruby's guitar was still left untouched, although her wound was healing as well as it could with the poor medical care it had gotten. "I'm sorry Clem, but it just hurts too much." Disappointed, Clementine throws the bag of dead squirrels she had hunted onto the ground. This was the third batch she had been able to kill over the last week, but the small critters aren't enough to fill the stomachs of two women. The weary girl crouches down and pokes a few sticks into the ground next to the fire Ruby had been tending to. She puts a squirrel on each of them and carefully positions them over the heat of the fire. "I sure wish we had a big bag of marshmallows to roast right about now." Ruby chuckles before a sting of pain makes her… [view original content]
(Play this: )
"Are you sure you can't play your guitar?"
Many days had passed since the night they had found Oreo, the little kitten … morewhich is now happily playing outside the cave chasing birds and scratching trees. Ruby's guitar was still left untouched, although her wound was healing as well as it could with the poor medical care it had gotten. "I'm sorry Clem, but it just hurts too much." Disappointed, Clementine throws the bag of dead squirrels she had hunted onto the ground. This was the third batch she had been able to kill over the last week, but the small critters aren't enough to fill the stomachs of two women. The weary girl crouches down and pokes a few sticks into the ground next to the fire Ruby had been tending to. She puts a squirrel on each of them and carefully positions them over the heat of the fire. "I sure wish we had a big bag of marshmallows to roast right about now." Ruby chuckles before a sting of pain makes her… [view original content]
(Play this: )
"Are you sure you can't play your guitar?"
Many days had passed since the night they had found Oreo, the little kitten … morewhich is now happily playing outside the cave chasing birds and scratching trees. Ruby's guitar was still left untouched, although her wound was healing as well as it could with the poor medical care it had gotten. "I'm sorry Clem, but it just hurts too much." Disappointed, Clementine throws the bag of dead squirrels she had hunted onto the ground. This was the third batch she had been able to kill over the last week, but the small critters aren't enough to fill the stomachs of two women. The weary girl crouches down and pokes a few sticks into the ground next to the fire Ruby had been tending to. She puts a squirrel on each of them and carefully positions them over the heat of the fire. "I sure wish we had a big bag of marshmallows to roast right about now." Ruby chuckles before a sting of pain makes her… [view original content]
I work for a publishing company that creates greeting cards and postcards. I've been working on a new series, cards with funny and sarcastic quotes. Yours just inspired me
my ego has been fed
I work for a publishing company that creates greeting cards and postcards. I've been working on a new series, cards with funny and sarcastic quotes. Yours just inspired me
Time had passed, a few days, four, or maybe five - none of them knows how many exactly. The weather has changed: the nights are still freezy, the days on the other hand are warm and sunny. The buds started popping out their green heads out of the branches, some bushes even got beautiful flowers coloured in yellow. Clem and Ruby have been spending their days outside by the river, catching fishes, having nice talks and playing the guitar from time to time, whenever the coast was clear (Clem usually climbs a tall oak to check the area). After they've both seen the mysterious figure with the shovel they were both afraid to leave the cave, but then Ruby came up with the idea to equip their hideout with several traps. Never has one of the traps been released, so they've been spending the days outside without a bad feeling. Still: Ruby has been keeping an eye on her entire surrounding, always checking for followers.
Today Clem and Ruby had to return home much earlier than expected: a heavy storm emerged. They've been sitting by the fire eating the fishes and repeating the guitar training from the afternoon. Clem can now play c major and g major in various ways. "My fingers are aching too much...". Ruby grins at her whilst knocking off some dust of the fur she's been laying on. "You're doing very well - I think you have enough for now." Clem stretches her legs and lays down on her sleeping place. None of them said anything for a while when Clem strokes the picture of Bryan and Hannah on the wall above her, and her face turns from tiredness into deep sadness. That hopeful look made Ruby's heart wrench. She takes a deep breath, before she starts to speak:
"Clementine, listen: I know you wouldn't like to hear this but ... sigh you know what I am trying to say ...". Not looking at Ruby but into the fire Clem speaks: "No ... I don't know what it is. I mean, yeah, I have an idea, but let's just skip this and tell me straight what you want to say, Rubes - I am not a kid anymore." Her answer frightens Ruby and she's getting a worried look on her face. "We can't stay here forever. Clementine. You know that."
Now Clem turns her head, giving Ruby a doubtful stare. "You can't be serious, Ruby. You know very well that I am awaiting someone. And now that you've been making profit from the safety of his home I think it's the very least you should do: waiting for him to come back and thanking him for everything!". Ruby's face turns red as she said in a frustrated tone: "Oh my god, Clem.".
Then she pulls herself together, continuing: "Honey... you can't be serious. He won't come back... I am so sorry, honey, but ... oh my god, how to explain...". Clem is getting angrier and angrier, furiously starting breath heavier, pulling back her tears. "Clem: you said you've lost him a few hours away from here... he would have arrived by now, it's been more than two weeks. He would have come for his precious weapons, or even expecting you here. Besides: You said there are other caves, three or four. IF he survived the chances are big that he'll never return to that one -". "STOP!!! STOP IT!!". Ruby and Clem both begin to cry. "Clem, I am so so-". "Just shut up, OK? Leave me alone!". Clem's body is shivering and she sinks her head in her lap, wrapping the arms around her body. She may be right - how could I've been so stupid, to believe that he actually survived? I got him killed.... Then she can feel the warmth of Ruby's hand on her shoulder, then her breast and finally the arms, holding her tightly, comforting her by stroking her hair. "I am so sorry, honey... shhh...". "He said to me to never lose hope,... sniff he said to NEVER give up - NEVER...". "You miss him ... don't you.". Clem raises her head, looking Ruby straight in the eyes, snorting: "Yes, I miss him so ...".
Time had passed, a few days, four, or maybe five - none of them knows how many exactly. The weather has changed: the nights are still freezy… more, the days on the other hand are warm and sunny. The buds started popping out their green heads out of the branches, some bushes even got beautiful flowers coloured in yellow. Clem and Ruby have been spending their days outside by the river, catching fishes, having nice talks and playing the guitar from time to time, whenever the coast was clear (Clem usually climbs a tall oak to check the area). After they've both seen the mysterious figure with the shovel they were both afraid to leave the cave, but then Ruby came up with the idea to equip their hideout with several traps. Never has one of the traps been released, so they've been spending the days outside without a bad feeling. Still: Ruby has been keeping an eye on her entire surrounding, always checking for followers.
Today Clem and Ruby had to ret… [view original content]
Time had passed, a few days, four, or maybe five - none of them knows how many exactly. The weather has changed: the nights are still freezy… more, the days on the other hand are warm and sunny. The buds started popping out their green heads out of the branches, some bushes even got beautiful flowers coloured in yellow. Clem and Ruby have been spending their days outside by the river, catching fishes, having nice talks and playing the guitar from time to time, whenever the coast was clear (Clem usually climbs a tall oak to check the area). After they've both seen the mysterious figure with the shovel they were both afraid to leave the cave, but then Ruby came up with the idea to equip their hideout with several traps. Never has one of the traps been released, so they've been spending the days outside without a bad feeling. Still: Ruby has been keeping an eye on her entire surrounding, always checking for followers.
Today Clem and Ruby had to ret… [view original content]
Yes. She's been quarreling with the ghost from her past. The cave is a metaphor for this situation: being stuck instead of keep going/looking forward. It's up to Ruby getting her out of her inner "fortress". It won't be an easy way.
Time had passed, a few days, four, or maybe five - none of them knows how many exactly. The weather has changed: the nights are still freezy… more, the days on the other hand are warm and sunny. The buds started popping out their green heads out of the branches, some bushes even got beautiful flowers coloured in yellow. Clem and Ruby have been spending their days outside by the river, catching fishes, having nice talks and playing the guitar from time to time, whenever the coast was clear (Clem usually climbs a tall oak to check the area). After they've both seen the mysterious figure with the shovel they were both afraid to leave the cave, but then Ruby came up with the idea to equip their hideout with several traps. Never has one of the traps been released, so they've been spending the days outside without a bad feeling. Still: Ruby has been keeping an eye on her entire surrounding, always checking for followers.
Today Clem and Ruby had to ret… [view original content]
"It's just... The thought of him being out there, wondering whether I'm alive or not is enough to keep me from ever leaving this place."
Ruby tenderly cradles Clementine on her lap, comforting her with every movement. The girl's silent sobbing soon comes to an end when a friendly critter enters the cave, happily purring and rubbing against her legs. She sits up straight and picks the cat up from the moist ground below before putting it on her lap where it settles in. Ruby starts petting Oreo's head, causing him to emit a satisfied groan. Both women start to giggle as the cat slowly but surely falls asleep. "Oreo sure has been growing the last couple of weeks." Ruby remarks. "Looking at her stomach the apocalypse doesn't seem so bad, does it now?" Clementine chuckles even louder, trying to hold it in. "You don't want to wake the cat, Clem. She can be more dangerous then a starving walker if you do that." Ruby starts poking and tickling her companion, who has now burst out in laughter, nearly rolling on the floor. "Stop it, Ruby. You're killing me!" She shouts happily. The sudden flow of joy is a welcome change in the otherwise grim life of surviving. Her laughing fit over, Clementine stands up from the dirty old mattress and grabs Ruby's guitar. "How about you play an actual song this time. Your arms seem to be working fine again." Ruby hesitantly accepts her offer and takes the guitar from the girl's hands. She sits down on a small boulder near the wall of the cave and awkwardly places the instrument on her lap. Letting out a quick sigh, she places her fingers on the strings and starts playing, hesitant at first, but rapidly improving as she gets used to the feeling of the strings sliding across her bony fingers. Clementine compliments her when she's done playing her first short tune. "You thought that was impressive? I was just warming up. This is the real deal."
(This is the song she plays and sings: )
Clementine silently stares at the woman playing the guitar and singing with the most beautiful voice she had ever heard. Every note is as pure and angelic as the last, keeping her hooked from start to finish. The crackling fire's disruptive sounds soon fade into the background as Ruby's enchanting voice captivates the girl's every thought, occasionally moving in and out of the harsh reality of the world surrounding them both. When the song is over Clementine is left speechless and staring off into the distance, remembering every word she had heard just minutes before. "That... That was beautiful." She finally speaks. Her mind has been filled with happiness and serenity. Every muscle loosens as she lays down on the mattress. "Where did you learn to play, and even to sing so amazingly?" She asks in wonder. "Well, my dad taught me to play. He wrote this song for my mother when she died. Before all this, of course." Ruby answers with a hint of sadness in her voice. "My mom, Adeline, could sing like an angel and take care of tough-to-raise-children like me as if she were Mary Poppins. She and my dad were amazed when they found out I had a voice just like hers." Clementine stands up and walks to her before putting an arm around the grim-looking woman. "This is my dad's guitar. He engraved it himself back when we were living at the farm."
Clementine sighs. "Dad's are cool like that. You probably miss your parents a lot." Ruby takes a sip of water before answering, her voice is shrill and shaky, yet her eyes look proud. "I miss them every day, Clem. Every day."
"It's just... The thought of him being out there, wondering whether I'm alive or not is enough to keep me from ever leaving this place."
… moreRuby tenderly cradles Clementine on her lap, comforting her with every movement. The girl's silent sobbing soon comes to an end when a friendly critter enters the cave, happily purring and rubbing against her legs. She sits up straight and picks the cat up from the moist ground below before putting it on her lap where it settles in. Ruby starts petting Oreo's head, causing him to emit a satisfied groan. Both women start to giggle as the cat slowly but surely falls asleep. "Oreo sure has been growing the last couple of weeks." Ruby remarks. "Looking at her stomach the apocalypse doesn't seem so bad, does it now?" Clementine chuckles even louder, trying to hold it in. "You don't want to wake the cat, Clem. She can be more dangerous then a starving walker if you do that." Ruby starts poking and tickling her … [view original content]
"You never talk much about your past.", Clem thinks out loudly, followed by Ruby putting the guitar back into the case. Clem moves aside, so the guitar neck cannot hit her face. "You know so much about me, since you've been bombarding me with questions about my family, the gallery, well... About nearly everyone in my life." Clem is about to continue but hesitates as she's afraid she might push Ruby away, the only person left in her life. Ruby responses with a smile, though: "Please, go on.".
"I am not forcing you to say anything, it's just ... I am glad you told me about your parents, and I would like to learn more about you, is all.". Ruby is still smiling at her, then she says: "Come here", offering her to sit by her side with her arm stretched out. Clem accept the offer and they cuddle. "You might have noticed that it's hard for me to speak about the past. I keep looking forward, on the bright side of life. You cannot change your past, anyway." Then Clem gives her a doubtful stare. "That sounds familiar, like something I've seen in a movie.". Then Ruby breaks out in laughter and Clem is all puzzled by that sudden behaviour. "Come on, I'll show you something...". She turns around and reveals her back by raising her shirt. It's tattooed and Clem cannot trust her eyes. "Hakuna Matata? No way!". Both of them start to cry from laughter rolling on the floor. "That's one of my favorite movies!", says Clem and Ruby responses: "It IS my favorite movie, I just love it. I'll never forget how we've watched it, sometimes even twice a day...".
Ruby's face suddenly turns into sadness and Clem takes notice of that. Clem decides it's better to not ask eho was meant with we, probably her boyfriend. To distract her she offers Ruby another fish, but she declines. "You are absolutely right, Clem, it wasn't fair: I'll tell you all about me, but it's not easy so you' ll receive some bits from time to time: is that a deal?". Clem answers with a smile. "Good. Alright, I am starting with the farm I used to live at before our faiths crossed. I used to live with a small amount of people on a farm, by the countryside of Savannah. It wasn't that bad in the beginning, we even had a pug, and a love couple, beds and good company....". That sounds familiar in the ears of Clem, so she perks up her ears. Then she interrupts Ruby: "Miranda - was the name Miranda?".
Comments
Yeah, I agree with you. I'll edit the post soon.
Writing.
Ruby decides to head back to the cave. She has to come back... She can't just leave...
She had been 20 yards away from the cave, when she saw the same man she had saw that night, rush out of the cave, staring at Ruby as he does. "What the hell?! Get back here!" Ruby says as she tries to chase him down. He turns a corner, and was obviously to fast for Ruby to catch up to. "Well darn... What am I going to do..?"
Ruby makes her way back to the cave, being cautious of her surroundings. What if he set a trap or something...
She sits quietly expecting Clementine, but she had been waiting for nearly 3 hours, and still no sign of Clementine. "Where the heck are you?!" She says as she storms out of the cave.
Ruby then remembers her talkie. Wait a second... Ruby picks it up and begins to speak. "Clementine... I know you have your talkie... Just please talk to me... I didn't mean to frighten you... Please Clementine..."
There was no answer for a few minutes, and then she finally begins to answer. "Ruby... Shhh... There's a lot of walkers... Too many for me to take on. I'll try to come back to the cave soon.."
"Clementine wait-" Ruby's voice is interrupted by Clem. "Not now! It's to loud!" Ruby quickly speaks. "Just be careful...".. "I will."
Ruby was pacing back and fourth waiting for Clementine to return. It had been 2 hours since she had last heard Clementine's voice, she was just about to speak again, when Clementine had approached her.
"Feeling less drama queenish?" Ruby asks Clementine with a joking voice. Clementine laughs. "Yeah. Sorry about that actually... I never act like that. I just want to let you know, I can take care of myself.. Wasn't trying to pull a fit..."
Ruby nods, and begins to speak. "Well listen, we can't stay in this cave because-" Her voice is once again interrupted, but by something else this time. "Meow.".... "Clementine... What is that?" Clementine laughs. "His name is Oreo... I found him out in the woods.."
Many thoughts had rushed through Clementine's mind. She was sad that she had found Oreo, and not Frank. She was also relieved that Oreo had survived the battle. How did he survive, and not anybody else...?
"Oreo, your one tough kitty, you know that?
Oh, this clears it up then. Good job man.
Edit: I like how you referenced Shovel Man as well lol.
Thanks. And thanks.
Where did she get Oreo? Doesn't Frank have him?
That's the thing. We don't know if Frank survived, and that heavily implies that he died, since Clementine found Oreo. I'm going to edit it at the end so it shows that a bit more.
If anyone of you doesn't know what it is I highly recommend to look up what a suspense curve in dramatical narration is. That brings me to the conclusion, that we're exaggerating with walkers / fights / conplications at this time.
I apreciate your attempt to save the other post. Though, I don't think it cleared it up properly, as it was still a very awkward and incredible situation and joking about it doesn't really solve this imo. Anyway, I am glad we can continue upon it.
Well here's 2 options:
Me and Randomz edit our posts all together as if Clem never left, or have Clem leave in a less drama queenish way.
I am not forcing you to change anything, even though I think it'd be better. Though, if you want to I think it's best to either
1) you being the one changing your post so, that Clem has a serious reason why she leaves the cave (in a less drama queenish way - in this case Randomz has to edit his post, too) or
2) Randomz makes her regret her flight sincerely and explaining herself instead of joking about it.
The third option would be what you said - making Clem never leave it. It's up to you.
I edited my post. Hope it's all cleared up, Randomz doesn't have to do much editing either.
Thank you so much - that's much better.
I haven't heard about the suspense curve but I always try to do my best not to have too many action-packed scenarios. I sincerely feel like some character development is needed here and I'd love to be the one to bring that in a post.
So I'll write in about... 45 minutes? Hope I can keep it good without relying too much on Randomz's still unchanged post.
It's a lot better, indeed.
A quick note: It might be smarter to leave exact times out of your posts and to simply leave it a little more ambiguous. These people generally lose their sense of time as they don't have watches, and looking at the moon or the sun isn't very useful in an unclear and foggy moment like this.
So instead of "Ten minutes" you could say "A few anxious minutes" or "Some time passes".
You're right, that's a good idea. Looking forward to your post.
Dammit, my brother is using the computer for schoolwork... Please be patient.
(Play this:
)
"Are you sure you can't play your guitar?"
Many days had passed since the night they had found Oreo, the little kitten which is now happily playing outside the cave chasing birds and scratching trees. Ruby's guitar was still left untouched, although her wound was healing as well as it could with the poor medical care it had gotten. "I'm sorry Clem, but it just hurts too much." Disappointed, Clementine throws the bag of dead squirrels she had hunted onto the ground. This was the third batch she had been able to kill over the last week, but the small critters aren't enough to fill the stomachs of two women. The weary girl crouches down and pokes a few sticks into the ground next to the fire Ruby had been tending to. She puts a squirrel on each of them and carefully positions them over the heat of the fire. "I sure wish we had a big bag of marshmallows to roast right about now." Ruby chuckles before a sting of pain makes her cringe. Clementine sighs and stares into the flames with a blank expression and an empty feeling in her mind, as well as in her growling stomach. "We'll have to make do with what we have. We can't just sit around praying for a miracle." Every pop and sizzle emitting from the roasting creatures is heard when near-soundless moments pass. "They're done." Clementine pulls the four sticks out of the ground and hands two of them to Ruby. "Eat up." She says before devouring her own piece of meat like a starving animal. Her older counterpart takes it slow instead, enjoying every over-cooked and nearly burned-up bite she can. "Gosh... This is delicious." Ruby groans contently. When she's finished her first squirrel Clementine is already gobbling down the last bits of her small meal. "You know, when we're done eating I might be able to teach you to play a note or two."
The girl looks up from her half-eaten carcass and glances a hopeful look. "Yeah. I'd like that."
Later that day false notes and high-pitched noises echo through the cave as Clementine struggles to play Ruby's guitar. The instrument has some beautiful engravings depicting flowers, animals and an impressive landscape. "This is just too hard." The little girl moans before sitting down on Ruby's mattress. "I just don't get it. I've survived walkers, humans and even a damn explosion, how could this be so hard?" Ruby gently strokes Clementine's hair as she nearly breaks the delicate strings in frustration. "It's all about subtlety. Well, that, and a whole lot of practice." Clementine stands up and walks over to her wall of pictures, studying them carefully for at least the hundredth time. "I don't have time for that." She says. Ruby awkwardly giggles. "It's the end of the world, honey. I'd say you've got plenty of time." The girl moves closer to her picture of Lee before stroking it in a caring way. "I wish I could believe you. But time isn't something you can take for granted these days." She turns to Ruby and offers a hand. "How about we go outside for a while. The fresh air might do us both good."
Here it is, please leave feedback.
That was nice.
I'm still unsure about when I can continue, and this post is kinda making me wish I could think of one.
Really good. Very descriptive and the music goes well with it. Keep up the great work!
Just a side-note, I invented Ruby as a character with Bonnie's voice in mind. So she kind of has a bit of a cowgirl-ish accent.
That was so great, very descriptive. I like their sister-like relationship. I am going to write today as soon as I come back from work.
Thanks for the compliments everyone, my ego has been fed. ; p
I work for a publishing company that creates greeting cards and postcards. I've been working on a new series, cards with funny and sarcastic quotes. Yours just inspired me
Glad to be of help. : p
I'll be home later than I thought. Anyone can write
Except for me. I have to wait for someone else. ; (
Sorry, I'll be home soon.
Time had passed, a few days, four, or maybe five - none of them knows how many exactly. The weather has changed: the nights are still freezy, the days on the other hand are warm and sunny. The buds started popping out their green heads out of the branches, some bushes even got beautiful flowers coloured in yellow. Clem and Ruby have been spending their days outside by the river, catching fishes, having nice talks and playing the guitar from time to time, whenever the coast was clear (Clem usually climbs a tall oak to check the area). After they've both seen the mysterious figure with the shovel they were both afraid to leave the cave, but then Ruby came up with the idea to equip their hideout with several traps. Never has one of the traps been released, so they've been spending the days outside without a bad feeling. Still: Ruby has been keeping an eye on her entire surrounding, always checking for followers.
Today Clem and Ruby had to return home much earlier than expected: a heavy storm emerged. They've been sitting by the fire eating the fishes and repeating the guitar training from the afternoon. Clem can now play c major and g major in various ways. "My fingers are aching too much...". Ruby grins at her whilst knocking off some dust of the fur she's been laying on. "You're doing very well - I think you have enough for now." Clem stretches her legs and lays down on her sleeping place. None of them said anything for a while when Clem strokes the picture of Bryan and Hannah on the wall above her, and her face turns from tiredness into deep sadness. That hopeful look made Ruby's heart wrench. She takes a deep breath, before she starts to speak:
"Clementine, listen: I know you wouldn't like to hear this but ... sigh you know what I am trying to say ...". Not looking at Ruby but into the fire Clem speaks: "No ... I don't know what it is. I mean, yeah, I have an idea, but let's just skip this and tell me straight what you want to say, Rubes - I am not a kid anymore." Her answer frightens Ruby and she's getting a worried look on her face. "We can't stay here forever. Clementine. You know that."
Now Clem turns her head, giving Ruby a doubtful stare. "You can't be serious, Ruby. You know very well that I am awaiting someone. And now that you've been making profit from the safety of his home I think it's the very least you should do: waiting for him to come back and thanking him for everything!". Ruby's face turns red as she said in a frustrated tone: "Oh my god, Clem.".
Then she pulls herself together, continuing: "Honey... you can't be serious. He won't come back... I am so sorry, honey, but ... oh my god, how to explain...". Clem is getting angrier and angrier, furiously starting breath heavier, pulling back her tears. "Clem: you said you've lost him a few hours away from here... he would have arrived by now, it's been more than two weeks. He would have come for his precious weapons, or even expecting you here. Besides: You said there are other caves, three or four. IF he survived the chances are big that he'll never return to that one -". "STOP!!! STOP IT!!". Ruby and Clem both begin to cry. "Clem, I am so so-". "Just shut up, OK? Leave me alone!". Clem's body is shivering and she sinks her head in her lap, wrapping the arms around her body. She may be right - how could I've been so stupid, to believe that he actually survived? I got him killed.... Then she can feel the warmth of Ruby's hand on her shoulder, then her breast and finally the arms, holding her tightly, comforting her by stroking her hair. "I am so sorry, honey... shhh...". "He said to me to never lose hope,... sniff he said to NEVER give up - NEVER...". "You miss him ... don't you.". Clem raises her head, looking Ruby straight in the eyes, snorting: "Yes, I miss him so ...".
Great! Looking forward to it.
EDIT: Great! Clem is having quite a few emotional moments lately, huh?
That was great!
Thank you
Can't wait for the continuation
Yes. She's been quarreling with the ghost from her past. The cave is a metaphor for this situation: being stuck instead of keep going/looking forward. It's up to Ruby getting her out of her inner "fortress". It won't be an easy way.
these things being so good keep making me have second thoughts about my ideas...
"It's just... The thought of him being out there, wondering whether I'm alive or not is enough to keep me from ever leaving this place."
Ruby tenderly cradles Clementine on her lap, comforting her with every movement. The girl's silent sobbing soon comes to an end when a friendly critter enters the cave, happily purring and rubbing against her legs. She sits up straight and picks the cat up from the moist ground below before putting it on her lap where it settles in. Ruby starts petting Oreo's head, causing him to emit a satisfied groan. Both women start to giggle as the cat slowly but surely falls asleep. "Oreo sure has been growing the last couple of weeks." Ruby remarks. "Looking at her stomach the apocalypse doesn't seem so bad, does it now?" Clementine chuckles even louder, trying to hold it in. "You don't want to wake the cat, Clem. She can be more dangerous then a starving walker if you do that." Ruby starts poking and tickling her companion, who has now burst out in laughter, nearly rolling on the floor. "Stop it, Ruby. You're killing me!" She shouts happily. The sudden flow of joy is a welcome change in the otherwise grim life of surviving. Her laughing fit over, Clementine stands up from the dirty old mattress and grabs Ruby's guitar. "How about you play an actual song this time. Your arms seem to be working fine again." Ruby hesitantly accepts her offer and takes the guitar from the girl's hands. She sits down on a small boulder near the wall of the cave and awkwardly places the instrument on her lap. Letting out a quick sigh, she places her fingers on the strings and starts playing, hesitant at first, but rapidly improving as she gets used to the feeling of the strings sliding across her bony fingers. Clementine compliments her when she's done playing her first short tune. "You thought that was impressive? I was just warming up. This is the real deal."
(This is the song she plays and sings:
)
Clementine silently stares at the woman playing the guitar and singing with the most beautiful voice she had ever heard. Every note is as pure and angelic as the last, keeping her hooked from start to finish. The crackling fire's disruptive sounds soon fade into the background as Ruby's enchanting voice captivates the girl's every thought, occasionally moving in and out of the harsh reality of the world surrounding them both. When the song is over Clementine is left speechless and staring off into the distance, remembering every word she had heard just minutes before. "That... That was beautiful." She finally speaks. Her mind has been filled with happiness and serenity. Every muscle loosens as she lays down on the mattress. "Where did you learn to play, and even to sing so amazingly?" She asks in wonder. "Well, my dad taught me to play. He wrote this song for my mother when she died. Before all this, of course." Ruby answers with a hint of sadness in her voice. "My mom, Adeline, could sing like an angel and take care of tough-to-raise-children like me as if she were Mary Poppins. She and my dad were amazed when they found out I had a voice just like hers." Clementine stands up and walks to her before putting an arm around the grim-looking woman. "This is my dad's guitar. He engraved it himself back when we were living at the farm."
Clementine sighs. "Dad's are cool like that. You probably miss your parents a lot." Ruby takes a sip of water before answering, her voice is shrill and shaky, yet her eyes look proud. "I miss them every day, Clem. Every day."
Hope you guys like it. And, as always, please leave feedback so I can improve! (And feed my ego! ; P )
What can I say: it's flawless
"You never talk much about your past.", Clem thinks out loudly, followed by Ruby putting the guitar back into the case. Clem moves aside, so the guitar neck cannot hit her face. "You know so much about me, since you've been bombarding me with questions about my family, the gallery, well... About nearly everyone in my life." Clem is about to continue but hesitates as she's afraid she might push Ruby away, the only person left in her life. Ruby responses with a smile, though: "Please, go on.".
"I am not forcing you to say anything, it's just ... I am glad you told me about your parents, and I would like to learn more about you, is all.". Ruby is still smiling at her, then she says: "Come here", offering her to sit by her side with her arm stretched out. Clem accept the offer and they cuddle. "You might have noticed that it's hard for me to speak about the past. I keep looking forward, on the bright side of life. You cannot change your past, anyway." Then Clem gives her a doubtful stare. "That sounds familiar, like something I've seen in a movie.". Then Ruby breaks out in laughter and Clem is all puzzled by that sudden behaviour. "Come on, I'll show you something...". She turns around and reveals her back by raising her shirt. It's tattooed and Clem cannot trust her eyes. "Hakuna Matata? No way!". Both of them start to cry from laughter rolling on the floor. "That's one of my favorite movies!", says Clem and Ruby responses: "It IS my favorite movie, I just love it. I'll never forget how we've watched it, sometimes even twice a day...".
Ruby's face suddenly turns into sadness and Clem takes notice of that. Clem decides it's better to not ask eho was meant with we, probably her boyfriend. To distract her she offers Ruby another fish, but she declines. "You are absolutely right, Clem, it wasn't fair: I'll tell you all about me, but it's not easy so you' ll receive some bits from time to time: is that a deal?". Clem answers with a smile. "Good. Alright, I am starting with the farm I used to live at before our faiths crossed. I used to live with a small amount of people on a farm, by the countryside of Savannah. It wasn't that bad in the beginning, we even had a pug, and a love couple, beds and good company....". That sounds familiar in the ears of Clem, so she perks up her ears. Then she interrupts Ruby: "Miranda - was the name Miranda?".