A fan fiction. Maybe interactive.
Yeah. You can comment if you like it or not, but don't be rude.
I accept friendly criticism, not rude bullshit from people just trying to hate.
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Yeah. You can comment if you like it or not, but don't be rude.
I accept friendly criticism, not rude bullshit from people just trying to hate.
Comments
It was a truly dark day for Finn. Just two hours ago, his sister died giving birth to a baby who died whilst being delivered. He had nothing. No family to get back to, just a long road ahead.
"10 kilometres to go. Fuckin' great." he mumbled, feeling numb. His gas was running out, and there wasn't any gas stations nearby. He thought, though, it would be a pretty night. The sun was setting behind him, a brilliant blaze of orange and red.
So Finn slit the eyes of the old male? Seems pretty harsh. Did the old male kill the biker lady? Has the apocalypse occurred during this time frame or is it like Javier's intro scene when they find out. If the biker lady was referred as the girl who died on impact, why is he taking the woman to the cops?
I was also thinking about making my own fan fiction. I don't even know, I've seen those Google sites where they give you an interactive type medium to write stories and have branching pages that you click depending on the options but I have to look into it.
I think he means he squinted.
Phew, I thought he was a madman
XD yeah I meant squinted, I dunno if it's common but the term slit means the same thing. It'll be like an intro like Javi's with an I guess plot twist at the start.
Um, I can edit the cops thing, was unsure whether to take her to the cops or the hospital.
The old guy did kill the biker lady.
Is it still okay? There wasn't any opinion in your comment, either that or I just couldn't tell.
It's updated and could well be better than before.
Just a couple of things from me.
Try to avoid using words such as intrapartum, it can have the effect of lessening the emotional impact of the event you are trying to describe as most people simply don't talk that way. It makes the event impersonal.
You should try and break your story segments up into paragraphs. Walls of text are difficult to read at the best of times but also computer monitors do not provide the best of reading experience in general. Make your story as easy to read as possible.
Thank you very much for that, I'll break it up and try to swap the wording around to something, lol "common" I guess.
He pulled over, his SUV riddled with dirt from the dusty road. This 6 seated was supposed to carry 4 today. Finn's brother in-law stayed behind at the hospital.
"Hey! Watch where you're-"
A loud thump and the squealing of tires snapped Finn out of his depressing trance.
If this girl is alive, he can get her to safety.
It is good so far, that's why I was interested in commenting on the story.