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My uncharted PARODY review (spoilers and mature language, comedy)

joshua007joshua007
in General Chat

Unchartd 4/series Parody review

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So this is the most overrated PS4 game of all time beside The Last Of Us Remastered I can't wait to get to review that game.
This franchise sold millions of copies because of Chloe's tits as advertisement.

Uncharted 1 story is easy to explain:
That game starts of with Elena Fisher hungry for pussy on the big sea, she hears that Francis Drake (a man school never teached you about of course) coffin is at the bottom of the sea. Nathan Pussy is her bitch and has the fish him up GET IT:)
They get attacked by pirates because Nathan was a fucking cunt -_-
But pimp Victor Sullivan saves their day. Soon they get all stuck on a island by notes from Francis Drake and they think it's a treasure but soon find out it was all a sick fucking joke and they get attacked zombies.
EDIT: I forgot to mention this game had a villian he is so forgetable actually I didn't even bother looking him up.
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Uncharted 2 Story:
This game is among Uncharted fans the best Uncharted game ever made and for some the best game ever made... I have no idea why seriously of course:)
The game starts of with Nathan Drake being a fucking pussy of course and freaking out and than we get to play a flashback with Chloe... She his tits that is all I can say about her and the game is trying to give you weth dreams about her which they succeeded of course:)
The main villian of this game is Donald Trump rageing war on Mexico because all Mexicans are fucking evil!
I let you figure out everything else about the game because Nazi's and Avatar fans are getting executed in this game.

Uncharted 3:


Okay the game starts of with Nathan pussycat and Lord Sully in a bar in London the most overused city in the world.
British assholes want to deal with you and Nate is like fuck no!
So they fight it out of course.
Then the British man are revealed to be the Templar Order of Assassin's Creed game series by Ubisoft WTF NAUGHY WHORE I am shitting you not!
1. A secret order that exist for ages
2. Goes after a artefact with great potentional, a fucking ghost in a lamp but Aladdin's ghost Robbin Williams is deaths so they are wasting their time:)
3. London is the base of the Modern Day Templars
4. Marlow the leader of her ''order'' has confrontations with Nathan Drake who shares the same voice actor with Desmond Miles from Assassin's Creed 2007-2012
5. UC3 was supposed to be the last of Nathans story and Desmond Miles story ended in AC3 (Desmond died in AC3 and that is not a spoiler it's the first thing people look up on him)
6. They both have a ancestor who is important in history
7. Nathan has a important ring from his ancestor that helps him in his quest= Desmond finds his ancestors amulet ring through genetic memory and that helps him in his quest.
8. Nathan has a blondy as girlfriend= Desmond and his blondy girl have interest in each other.
9. Nathan finds out that Marlow's order has done dome pretty messed up stuff in history that nobody knows about= The Assassin's player finds out that the Templar and Assassin war had some major impact on the world that nobody knows about because they cover it all up.

Yeah I could go on for a while.
Nathan Pussycat goes on great adventures with Sully.
Nathan and his ''friends (Biological disfunctions) decide to go after Marlow who now has Nathan's condoom- I mean Ring! I do put that condoom on if he cummed in it I want to feel his sperm and jack of in the condoom so I can feel Nathan's seed more..... Oke I stop on Uncharted 3 here now.

UNCHARTED 4: A PUSSY'S END!

WE ARE FINALLY HERE THE PUSSY'S END!

Gameplay:
The gameplay is pretty much the same like in every uncharted game which is good but it holds it also back because it feels not like a big next gen step for me but this time you have more freedom but it is all ruined by the AUTIST Sam. He takes most of the time of Lord Pimp Sully of course nobody wants to talk to Sully thinks Naughty Whore but they are all wrong we want a Sully game and that piece of shit movie that is in the make should be about him only.
Sam why Naughty Whore why?

Graphics:
The graphics are the best graphics I have seen for just a porn in my hole life and believe me I watched a lot of sick fucking porn and perhaps the best realistic graphics for a story driven game by Naughty Whore!

Story:
Nathan and Elena Pussy are married now and leave all their adventurous behind except sex of course
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One of their first scenes together in the game is Nathan carrying Elena from the couch to the bathroom both naked and excited.
Elena puts on her Wario costume from Amazon and sit with Nathan in their bath.
https://www.amazon.com/Super-Mario-Brothers-Adult-Costume/dp/B004YARCDA

And starts cutting Nathan's toes nails while she is playing with a Donald Duck doll on Nathan's belly with her left hand.
Nathan is fully naked and #$%^&&^%%#$%^&()_+

This is one of the many disgusting things from this game!
The next morning Nathan get's a visitor on his work it's his lost brother.
A quick lore recap on Sam Pussy:
Sam and Nathan were both dropped at the monastery orphanage by their dad.
You know when I heard Nathan's monastery I thought it was just a church... Not one entire goddamn village I am sure there is a swimming pool and a fucking cinema inside that ''monastery''.
Perhaps it's a secret headquarter of the Illuminatie or a drugs house perhaps both.
He also has the huge urge to be a autistic person walking in circle and pissing of cliffs.

Nath is surprised he is still alive because the last time he saw him he was piss drunk in a gay prison in another country... He saw him falling down a few stores with a bullet in his belly and assumed he was death except almost nobody dies like that in Uncharted withour surviving the first 400 times.
Sam tells him that he has being hunted by Osama Bin laden.
And so our next quest for treasure begins.

DESCRIPTION OF CHARACTERS BY MY GLORIOUS FRIEND OF THE GOOD NATION
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Nathan (Pussy)Drake:
Typical main character that you see in those mediocre hollywood films who only lives thanks to the stupid cliche magic plot writers that want him to survive because nathan drake's survival = more possibilities for uncharted sequels = uc sequels = MONEY MONEY MONEY.
Except he is an even bigger pussy then every hollywood star. Perhaps that's the reason why he married Elena Fischer, because pussies just love to eat out them fish.
Despite his success as a treasure hunter he somehow lives in a fucking dump.

Elena Fisher:
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Blah blah some stupid journalist girl who for some reason thought that marrying "hollywood-lucky bitch of a pussy" was a good idea.
This bitch also likes her camera a lot, more so than her husband and all her friends. She puts more effort into saving her camera then ensuring the survival of her husband and friends.
Though nobody can blame her for liking the camera more then that pussy. That camera is worth a lot more then Drake.

Sam:
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Nathan's autistic little shit of a brother. Lies his ass off to Nathan about russian terrorist Makarov who is gonna kill him and redo 9/11 stuff on america blah blah if he doesn't find the treasure.
The autist lied so much that eventually he started believing his lies himself. Whenever his brother wouldn't pick up the pace in finding the treasure he would go on his irritating autistic rants "HURRY THE FUCK UP NATHAN. I WANT TO LIVE, FEAR THE MAKAROV. FEAR THE GREAT RUSSIAN DOG" or some bullshit like that.
by far most annoying character in the game, never fucking shuts up in the game. Just like anyone else in the uncharted universe, he has parkour skills that would even make circus freaks like fucking Ty Lee jealous.
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Rafe:
Some dude who used to enjoy gay buttfuck sex in prison back in the day with pussy Drake and autist Sam.
Now he is fucking rich. Goes after a treasure and buttfucks the brothers drake again in the meantime, though he doesn't need the money? Why? BECAUSE HONOR!!! insert zuko emo joke here
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Nadine:
Just some useless cunt that's here to save the day and please all the feminist bitches. Neil Druckmann admitted that he fucked Anita Sarkeesian on the side, so that would explain Nadine's existence.
She mastered martial arts or something and apparently that's good enough to make her unbeatable against 2 guys who can beat up and kill hundreds of troopers with no problem. They can't even land a hit on her, naughty dog be going full feminist mode here.
Now for what would actually happen to her if this game were realistic, .
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Sully:
Best character naughty dog ever created. He is a cool pimp who fucks whores across the entire globe while smoking a cigar and hunting for treasure.
He doesn't really need any more description. Awesome character who needs his own series asap. GTFO with that overrated TLOU crap naughty dog, GET SULLY A TRILOGY.

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