I think being a good listener is a very good (and frankly, lacking nowadays) social skill to have. I find it extremely frustrating when some… moreone doesn't let me talk and they instead want to tell me how I should run my life or solve my problems without even properly hearing what they are in the first place! I'd think that you should probably share your thoughts and opinions if they ask you, or if you feel that what you have to say is important. Maybe every now and then say a "yes" or an "okay" if you feel the need to, just to inform the other person you heard what they said, especially if you're not good with eye contact as it might be hard for some people to tell if you are listening or not.
I've seen people overdue saying "yes" "right" "ok" "a-huh" "sure" every two seconds and it makes it seem like they're not really listening or interested.
There's no one right way to do something.
That makes sense. God, I've been so paranoid lately.
Thanks for your response.
There's no one right way to do something.
Life'd sure as hell be easier if there were.
Life'd sure as hell be easier if there were.
Hmm... that would depend. If the only one right way to travel was to walk, that would be a problem for someone with no legs. Justa thought
May I ask, though, if you had any friends leaving highschool? Ones that you stayed in touch with?
I still have a friend from high school. In fact, he was just over yesterday and we played some games together.
I'm starting to get the feeling that we don't "talk" as much as we should, but we still have some fun playing games. I'm a little worried that we may stop talking sometime in the future, but he did say a few months back that he wanted to get an apartment with me. So, maybe I shouldn't worry.
I had two other friends too, but I lost connection with both of them. Sometimes I see them at work, but we only have brief conversations, since I'm busy.
I don't know. It's confusing. They say I'm "Part'a da' gang", but I don't feel like it.
I don't think I could actually ask to hang out with… more someone. That's a problem of mine; I can't invite myself to anything. If someone invites me, I'll happily join, but I can't ask to join.
Thanks for your advice.
May I ask, though, if you had any friends leaving highschool? Ones that you stayed in touch with?
Psychokinesis is right, being more of a listener sometimes is a good thing. Btw, girls usually like guys who actually listen to what their saying, instead of them talking about their self the whole time.
Actually, can I ask another question to anyone who reads this?
Is being more a listener than a talker bad, or should I say; Frustrating?
… more When someone tells me something that happened, I listen to them, take note of how the person is feeling and, if they ask, will add my opinion to it. But can that be frustrating if you're telling someone something and they don't tell you how they feel about it, unless you ask? That doesn't make sense, does it?
Okay, let me give you an example:
Someone's talking to someone else about something, and as they talk, the other person responds briefly with sentences such as "Oh, that's good." or "Damn, that must suck." or "Yeah, that happened to me once." You know, things like this? Is that what you should do, or is it okay to just listen and not interrupt?
God, I am so insecure...
I've pretty much trained myself to not talk about my problems with people in person. It's just the anxiety I get when I think about how they would react gets to me. So, I prefer not to bring up the problem at all, unless it's really important or something not serious at all. Of course, I think about telling them, but I can never bring myself to do it.
And also, I feel that if you want something to be heard, you have to raise your voice. Especially since I live with a sister who's a constant chatter box, I have to talk over her most of the time because she doesn't shut up. But, sometimes it can be just the tone of voice what can determine whether someone takes something seriously, or not. And I understand you have these problems knowing what tone to use. I may have that problem, too. Unfortunately, I don't have the same behavior as I do with my sister as I do everyone else. Anxiety keeps me from saying anything, most of the time. And when I do, it's usually in a casual tone or quite, and no one can take it seriously and/or don't say anything back. A more serious tone can inspire more thought from other people because it jumps their minds into action. Makes them feel they need to give a response back. Saying something in a funny and casual way doesn't always need a response back, and they can feel it. Something I never thought about till now.
Actually, can I ask another question to anyone who reads this?
Is being more a listener than a talker bad, or should I say; Frustrating?
… more When someone tells me something that happened, I listen to them, take note of how the person is feeling and, if they ask, will add my opinion to it. But can that be frustrating if you're telling someone something and they don't tell you how they feel about it, unless you ask? That doesn't make sense, does it?
Okay, let me give you an example:
Someone's talking to someone else about something, and as they talk, the other person responds briefly with sentences such as "Oh, that's good." or "Damn, that must suck." or "Yeah, that happened to me once." You know, things like this? Is that what you should do, or is it okay to just listen and not interrupt?
God, I am so insecure...
People in general naturally drift apart after leaving high school. They go to college and meet new friends there, start careers and meet new people there, get married, have babies, spend all their time on careers and spouses and babies, and so on. I haven't spoken to anyone I went to high school with in years, and I don't even have babies!
It's easier if you stay in town, especially if it's a small community. And social media makes it easier to stay in touch, at least tangentially. So it depends on what directions life takes you.
By the way, I tend to listen more than I talk. I married someone who talks more than she listens. That actually works out better than you'd think.
May I ask, though, if you had any friends leaving highschool? Ones that you stayed in touch with?
I still have a friend from high sc… morehool. In fact, he was just over yesterday and we played some games together.
I'm starting to get the feeling that we don't "talk" as much as we should, but we still have some fun playing games. I'm a little worried that we may stop talking sometime in the future, but he did say a few months back that he wanted to get an apartment with me. So, maybe I shouldn't worry.
I had two other friends too, but I lost connection with both of them. Sometimes I see them at work, but we only have brief conversations, since I'm busy.
By the way, I tend to listen more than I talk. I married someone who talks more than she listens. That actually works out better than you'd think.
I get you there, I think someone like that would fit someone who likes to listen (who I also am). Except, if it's someone like my father. He doesn't give you any room to talk at all. (Probably where my sister gets it from) Every now and then I can get something in, but I pretty much have to interrupt him to do it. At least we don't really talk to him much anymore. He did things to us that made us not able to trust him.
People in general naturally drift apart after leaving high school. They go to college and meet new friends there, start careers and meet ne… morew people there, get married, have babies, spend all their time on careers and spouses and babies, and so on. I haven't spoken to anyone I went to high school with in years, and I don't even have babies!
It's easier if you stay in town, especially if it's a small community. And social media makes it easier to stay in touch, at least tangentially. So it depends on what directions life takes you.
By the way, I tend to listen more than I talk. I married someone who talks more than she listens. That actually works out better than you'd think.
I used to love math, but once It got to the point where I had to memorize more than 4 steps to reach a final calculation, and it only took one mistake to fuck up the whole thing and start over, my brain said NOPE to that.
Unemployment is the best thing to ever happen to anyone. You can break into someone’s house, live in one of their cupboards, and when they leave just have the place to yourself FOR FREE. And there are also no responsibilities, can’t forget that
I used to love math, but once It got to the point where I had to memorize more than 4 steps to reach a final calculation, and it only took one mistake to fuck up the whole thing and start over, my brain said NOPE to that.
Unemployment is the best thing to ever happen to anyone. You can break into someone’s house, live in one of their cupboards, and when they leave just have the place to yourself FOR FREE. And there are also no responsibilities, can’t forget that
Just like Po has to be trained in Kung fu with food, there are different ways for people to learn something. Unfortunately, I just haven't found any good ways to teach myself that gives me motivation to do it. And pure will power is only in limited supply.
Math is beautiful when you understand how everything comes together and always works.
It's not always taught in a way to help kids understand how everything comes together and always works.
In my class the other day, everyone was struggling with Maths.
Well, everyone except one person, who (to the surprise of everyone in the room) said she loves maths.
I'm still trying to figure out what she meant by that... Beats me.
I feel so weird because I'm that kid who loves maths. Our relationship isn't always easy - there are many complications but in the end we stay in harmony.
Funnily enough, I couldn't stand learning trigonometry last year... and when we came back to it this year I actually liked it!
You don't have to feel weird about it, it's very useful to not have an aversion to math! Embrace your love for math!
I have this mental block with math, more times than not I have the ability to figure out the problem, but it takes me half an hour to finally focus myself. It's strange.
I feel so weird because I'm that kid who loves maths. Our relationship isn't always easy - there are many complications but in the end we st… moreay in harmony.
Funnily enough, I couldn't stand learning trigonometry last year... and when we came back to it this year I actually liked it!
I get having to take time to focus. When I was still in highschool It would take me about half the class to get into that mode. And when I did I was able to create my own ways to solve equations and it surprised my teacher a bit.
You don't have to feel weird about it, it's very useful to not have an aversion to math! Embrace your love for math!
I have this mental b… morelock with math, more times than not I have the ability to figure out the problem, but it takes me half an hour to finally focus myself. It's strange.
There’s something that’s been bothering me since about six months ago but it’s so microscopic that’s I don’t even think about it unless I’m looking for a reason to be upset. I was going to say something about it the other day but I got nervous and changed the subject because I really don’t want to upset the other person involved because it’s super dumb and probably really petty of me to keep holding onto it.
From my experience, I've learned that just sharing the problem with anonymous strangers on the internet can help. Just knowing that someone else knows and (at least pretends to) understand can help. So if you're comfortable with doing so, it might help to get it off your chest. We're all here to give you the best advice we can.
From what you've said, it sounds to me like it might be feelings towards someone who doesn't feel that way back? I know the feeling, dude. And I don't think it's petty. Is love not the reason we all live? (I'm kidding. That's money, of course)
Fellas, question.
There’s something that’s been bothering me since about six months ago but it’s so microscopic that’s I don’t even think… more about it unless I’m looking for a reason to be upset. I was going to say something about it the other day but I got nervous and changed the subject because I really don’t want to upset the other person involved because it’s super dumb and probably really petty of me to keep holding onto it.
Should I say something about it?
Let's say someone named Bob (because his name is easy to type) is doing something mildly annoying to you, but it's not that annoying, and you don't want Bob to get angry if you ask him to stop.
To decide on the best course of action, ask yourself, do you avoid Bob because of this annoyance? Do you think other people might avoid Bob for the same reason, or is it just something specific to you, like it reminds you of something cringe-worthy from your childhood? If it only bothers you, and only a little, then it's probably not fair to Bob to ask him to quit.
What do you think would happen if you said, "Hey, Bob, I like hanging out with you, but when you do that thing, it grates on my nerves a little. Would it be OK to ask if you do alternative less-annoying thing instead when I'm around?"
Fellas, question.
There’s something that’s been bothering me since about six months ago but it’s so microscopic that’s I don’t even think… more about it unless I’m looking for a reason to be upset. I was going to say something about it the other day but I got nervous and changed the subject because I really don’t want to upset the other person involved because it’s super dumb and probably really petty of me to keep holding onto it.
Should I say something about it?
Oh absolutely not, allow me to shed some more light on the situation.
Alias Bob is one of my great friends and there’s not much he could do to annoy me that I can’t do right back. It’s not so much something he did, but it’s something he said way back in August. It wasn’t really anything bad and being friends with Bob has taught me that I need to be patient with him because he’s usually very busy, but I don’t know.
As for @Achieve250, I’ve got no idea if there’s any feelings between us, unrequited or not. You might be right about sharing the problem, though, so I’ll give it a shot.
August started a really hectic year for me that’s only recently toned down. In the middle of the month, I started something that was pretty low profile and continues to be. Bob had posted something earlier in January that struck a nerve because of something back in August and I wanted to say something about it earlier this week, but I don’t want to suddenly turn the tables on him and be like “so you said you were going to do this and you didn’t, what’s up with that?” because it’s something that’s I really don’t care enough about to be confrontational about it.
Let's say someone named Bob (because his name is easy to type) is doing something mildly annoying to you, but it's not that annoying, and yo… moreu don't want Bob to get angry if you ask him to stop.
To decide on the best course of action, ask yourself, do you avoid Bob because of this annoyance? Do you think other people might avoid Bob for the same reason, or is it just something specific to you, like it reminds you of something cringe-worthy from your childhood? If it only bothers you, and only a little, then it's probably not fair to Bob to ask him to quit.
What do you think would happen if you said, "Hey, Bob, I like hanging out with you, but when you do that thing, it grates on my nerves a little. Would it be OK to ask if you do alternative less-annoying thing instead when I'm around?"
Well if it was microscopic, you wouldn't be able to see it...
If you do not care enough about it to confront alias Bob about it, why does it bother you? Is it like a feeling... like there's something not quite right, yet makes no logical sense for you to feel that way?
Oh absolutely not, allow me to shed some more light on the situation.
Alias Bob is one of my great friends and there’s not much he could … moredo to annoy me that I can’t do right back. It’s not so much something he did, but it’s something he said way back in August. It wasn’t really anything bad and being friends with Bob has taught me that I need to be patient with him because he’s usually very busy, but I don’t know.
As for @Achieve250, I’ve got no idea if there’s any feelings between us, unrequited or not. You might be right about sharing the problem, though, so I’ll give it a shot.
August started a really hectic year for me that’s only recently toned down. In the middle of the month, I started something that was pretty low profile and continues to be. Bob had posted something earlier in January that struck a nerve because of something back in August and I wanted to say something about it earlier this week, but I don’t want to suddenly… [view original content]
Well if it was microscopic, you wouldn't be able to see it...
If you do not care enough about it to confront alias Bob about it, why does… more it bother you? Is it like a feeling... like there's something not quite right, yet makes no logical sense for you to feel that way?
If it was still January, maybe, but it's been a month. I don't have full details of what happened in August or what was posted in January, of course, but in general, I would just forget that and let it go.
If the January post was of the form, "Maybe someday we can ..." then that could be followed up on, but I get the feeling that's not the case.
Oh absolutely not, allow me to shed some more light on the situation.
Alias Bob is one of my great friends and there’s not much he could … moredo to annoy me that I can’t do right back. It’s not so much something he did, but it’s something he said way back in August. It wasn’t really anything bad and being friends with Bob has taught me that I need to be patient with him because he’s usually very busy, but I don’t know.
As for @Achieve250, I’ve got no idea if there’s any feelings between us, unrequited or not. You might be right about sharing the problem, though, so I’ll give it a shot.
August started a really hectic year for me that’s only recently toned down. In the middle of the month, I started something that was pretty low profile and continues to be. Bob had posted something earlier in January that struck a nerve because of something back in August and I wanted to say something about it earlier this week, but I don’t want to suddenly… [view original content]
Most of the times, feelings don't seem logical, but that doesn't make them any less real, just more confusing. Since you don't fully believe that it's worth confronting alias Bob about, I bet you've tried to shake it off, but it just won't go away, is that right? Well, then there's a reason for that, you just might not be able to see it yet. I don't think you should ignore it, but I'm also not sure about whether you should confront alias Bob about it or not, but I fully believe that you'll be able to figure it out.
If it bothers you there's a reason and the fact stays with you means unresolved as long as stays unresolved it will haunt you. I would confront Bob just say how feel you feel hundred times better
Fellas, question.
There’s something that’s been bothering me since about six months ago but it’s so microscopic that’s I don’t even think… more about it unless I’m looking for a reason to be upset. I was going to say something about it the other day but I got nervous and changed the subject because I really don’t want to upset the other person involved because it’s super dumb and probably really petty of me to keep holding onto it.
Should I say something about it?
How can move on after being cheated on I never taught be in this position and if saw someone else I think you should be happy you can move on without regret but until happens to you never know how it feels.
The fantasy of a person and the future they destroyed it feels like they died in a way as watch them completely change.
When they cheat blame you and attempt turn all your friends against you because you dumped them for cheating but because ur dude you're always in the wrong and she always right.
Like double stab wound they try isolate you from everyone make sure you can't move on. Get dirty looks off people you never talked to even tho you were person cheated on.
Then you try talk to them try make peace and you get silent treatment as they try make you react to create another story to spread around to create tornado of hate to attack you.
Spend days your mind missing person who doing everything in their power to destroy you.
Every word every action you say or do is twisted anything you feel good about yourself is called arrogant or cocky like they try to kill your soul who you are.
Never rush into a relationship the wrong person will try destroy your life, friends, family who you are.
So, recently I've had this thing where I can't stand hanging around my house. Like, I think of any excuse to get out of the house and do something -- anything, and I didn't really know why.
I live with my sister who hates leaving the house, she mainly just wants to stay inside. I don't really have a way to leave without her so I end up staying at home too, which drives me crazy. Even if I were to be able to leave the house, I don't know what I'd do.
I was trying to figure out why I felt this way. I thought I just preferred to be studying or hanging with friends (which is true), but I think I figured out what the problem really is. I don't hate being at home, I hate being with myself.
When I'm alone with no distractions, I can't help but to think. A lot. Too much. Whenever I'm feeling happy or positive about something that happened, when I get home (with nothing to distract me anymore) my mind automatically goes over that moment repeatedly. Over and over again until it's somehow twisted it into a negative experience. Something that I now feel bad about. I end up pushing people away because I feel negatively about our relationship even though there's been nothing but positive signs. When I try to talk to people about this, my mind gets jumbled up and I can't explain it properly and end up sounding crazy. I mean, exposing my true crazy self.
I try to think only of the positives, but it doesn't work. It's like my subconscious mind hates me and wants to destroy me. Maybe it does.
There are people that I hang around, that I enjoy hanging around. People ask me if I have any friends, and I say "no" or "I don't know", even though the people I hang around are probably classed as... Uhh... "Friends"? I see people become "friends" the day they meet each other, and I think "How do they do that? What am I doing wrong?" and then I realize I'm not doing anything wrong. I do have friends, I just don't think they are. Or more accurately, don't want to think they're friends. And then I wonder "Why am I so reluctant to have positive relationships with people?". I have no idea why. then I think, "Well, what ARE friends, anyway?" we don't hang out besides in-between classes during the day. But THEN I think, "well, they don't even know the real me. if they did, they'd be horrified and run away screaming."
I often catch myself acting completely different when I'm around certain people. It's like I become someone else without meaning to.
Okay, what the fuck? I have no idea what I'm writing anymore. I have no idea what I'm even trying to say. Just venting ah guess.
Well, I've come to the conclusion that I'm just crazy. Nothing to worry about. All good. Haha. Woo! Maybe I belong inBriar Cliff Manor...
I wouldn't call you crazy. I also sometimes feel like I'm a completely different parson around certain people, so much that I sometimes wonder, “am I really being myself around this parson, or am I pretending to be someone I'm not ”. Btw, if your going to be staying at your home a lot it's best to find things to keep yourself busy, any kind of little hobby will do.
So, recently I've had this thing where I can't stand hanging around my house. Like, I think of any excuse to get out of the house and do som… moreething -- anything, and I didn't really know why.
I live with my sister who hates leaving the house, she mainly just wants to stay inside. I don't really have a way to leave without her so I end up staying at home too, which drives me crazy. Even if I were to be able to leave the house, I don't know what I'd do.
I was trying to figure out why I felt this way. I thought I just preferred to be studying or hanging with friends (which is true), but I think I figured out what the problem really is. I don't hate being at home, I hate being with myself.
When I'm alone with no distractions, I can't help but to think. A lot. Too much. Whenever I'm feeling happy or positive about something that happened, when I get home (with nothing to distract me anymore) my mind automatically goes over that moment repea… [view original content]
Edit: You mention "recently I've had this thing", so I'm going to assume you weren't always so "outgoing" in the past year or so. I could be reading this wrong though. Sorry if this doesn't help you in any way, and if I'm just spouting something that has nothing to do with your problem. Oops.
You're not crazy, you're just... not suited to your current lifestyle.
We all have our social limits, and in your case here -- hermitish limits.
I consider myself a loner and introvert. I avoid trying out new social experiences with friends, simply due to the fact that I've got this negative mindset. I don't want harm to come to me, or witness any harm to come to friends. I don't want to get embarrassed or come out with a disappointing experience, thinking it was all just a waste of time.
I get in this lull of replaying events over and over and over a lot. I criticize every small mistake I make, and always think I'm being judged and observed by others, and anything that I do that others don't like will be held against me for a long time. This is probably paranoia or something idk.
My point is, despite our mental comfort in doing things like this: you, staying away from IRL relationships because you aren't confident in the positive aspects of it. me, avoiding unknown social situations due to an overwhelming sense of dread and possible negative scenarios.. sometimes it's best to break free of these mental chains, just for a bit. And that seems to be what you're doing, which is good. Though it's best to conduct that energy at a different angle.
If I spend too much time alone, or at least in the same environment, seeing the same people over and over again (i.e.: my family). Yeah, I'm going to get bored. Yeah, I'll hate "living with myself" (since I have niche interests in my close family, the only company who truly understands me is myself). And it's at that peak that I've got to break the monotony of life and shake it up so my brain doesn't shrivel.
(I'm probably off track again, so..) Real point is: You don't want to lose those friendships.
Sit down with yourself. Think. Question your thoughts: "All these negative thoughts you're throwing at yourself -- are they really that justified?" You've got these "friends" for a reason, you seem to enjoy their company, you recognise the fact that you're close enough to be considered acquaintances at least... Don't push them away, try to get closer with them. Ask questions, verify interests, talk about something. (the news, the neighbourhood, your breakfast if you have to!)
If you're afraid of them finding out the "real you", you don't know their true reaction until it's out there. Test the waters, tell them about yourself. If these people are good, empathetic beings, they'll listen. They'll try to help. If not, there's always the magic of the internet. It sucks to be separated by a glass screen, but you can at least find and develop friendships with people through here, or at least a mutual understanding of others.
I didn't mean to get therapeutic on your brain from this paragraph, I was just trying to use my own knowledge of counselling for good use, if any.
...Self Esteem is a terrifying beast.
Edit 2: Kng has a good point. If you want to be alone but don't want these thoughts, do something. Get a hobby, distract your brain. Play a game, watch a show, read a book... That's how I stay positive sane.:)
So, recently I've had this thing where I can't stand hanging around my house. Like, I think of any excuse to get out of the house and do som… moreething -- anything, and I didn't really know why.
I live with my sister who hates leaving the house, she mainly just wants to stay inside. I don't really have a way to leave without her so I end up staying at home too, which drives me crazy. Even if I were to be able to leave the house, I don't know what I'd do.
I was trying to figure out why I felt this way. I thought I just preferred to be studying or hanging with friends (which is true), but I think I figured out what the problem really is. I don't hate being at home, I hate being with myself.
When I'm alone with no distractions, I can't help but to think. A lot. Too much. Whenever I'm feeling happy or positive about something that happened, when I get home (with nothing to distract me anymore) my mind automatically goes over that moment repea… [view original content]
You've written some good stuff here. That fifth paragraph especially made me think. Thank you.
I wrote a fairly large message, but I'd rather not post it. It was basically the proof to my statement that I'm crazy. I don't know. I guess saying it took less strength than actually giving the proof.
I'm really sorry for constantly dragging my negative feelings onto the forum. I can't imagine how many people I've brought down or made feel sad through my time on this forum. I apologise.
Edit: You mention "recently I've had this thing", so I'm going to assume you weren't always so "outgoing" in the past year or so. I could be… more reading this wrong though. Sorry if this doesn't help you in any way, and if I'm just spouting something that has nothing to do with your problem. Oops.
You're not crazy, you're just... not suited to your current lifestyle.
We all have our social limits, and in your case here -- hermitish limits.
I consider myself a loner and introvert. I avoid trying out new social experiences with friends, simply due to the fact that I've got this negative mindset. I don't want harm to come to me, or witness any harm to come to friends. I don't want to get embarrassed or come out with a disappointing experience, thinking it was all just a waste of time.
I get in this lull of replaying events over and over and over a lot. I criticize every small mistake I make, and always think I'm being judged and observed by… [view original content]
You're right. I need to find something to occupy my mind.
I'm pretty sure I am crazy though. There's another layer to these thoughts that I haven't shared... Not sure if I ever will. But hey, being crazy is cool. The Joker is pretty rad, right?
I wouldn't call you crazy. I also sometimes feel like I'm a completely different parson around certain people, so much that I sometimes wond… moreer, “am I really being myself around this parson, or am I pretending to be someone I'm not ”. Btw, if your going to be staying at your home a lot it's best to find things to keep yourself busy, any kind of little hobby will do.
Comments
That makes sense. God, I've been so paranoid lately.
Thanks for your response.
Life'd sure as hell be easier if there were.
Hmm... that would depend. If the only one right way to travel was to walk, that would be a problem for someone with no legs. Justa thought
Ah, sneaky metaphorical statement. I see what'cha doin'.
I still have a friend from high school. In fact, he was just over yesterday and we played some games together.
I'm starting to get the feeling that we don't "talk" as much as we should, but we still have some fun playing games. I'm a little worried that we may stop talking sometime in the future, but he did say a few months back that he wanted to get an apartment with me. So, maybe I shouldn't worry.
I had two other friends too, but I lost connection with both of them. Sometimes I see them at work, but we only have brief conversations, since I'm busy.
Psychokinesis is right, being more of a listener sometimes is a good thing. Btw, girls usually like guys who actually listen to what their saying, instead of them talking about their self the whole time.
I've pretty much trained myself to not talk about my problems with people in person. It's just the anxiety I get when I think about how they would react gets to me. So, I prefer not to bring up the problem at all, unless it's really important or something not serious at all. Of course, I think about telling them, but I can never bring myself to do it.
And also, I feel that if you want something to be heard, you have to raise your voice. Especially since I live with a sister who's a constant chatter box, I have to talk over her most of the time because she doesn't shut up. But, sometimes it can be just the tone of voice what can determine whether someone takes something seriously, or not. And I understand you have these problems knowing what tone to use. I may have that problem, too. Unfortunately, I don't have the same behavior as I do with my sister as I do everyone else. Anxiety keeps me from saying anything, most of the time. And when I do, it's usually in a casual tone or quite, and no one can take it seriously and/or don't say anything back. A more serious tone can inspire more thought from other people because it jumps their minds into action. Makes them feel they need to give a response back. Saying something in a funny and casual way doesn't always need a response back, and they can feel it. Something I never thought about till now.
People in general naturally drift apart after leaving high school. They go to college and meet new friends there, start careers and meet new people there, get married, have babies, spend all their time on careers and spouses and babies, and so on. I haven't spoken to anyone I went to high school with in years, and I don't even have babies!
It's easier if you stay in town, especially if it's a small community. And social media makes it easier to stay in touch, at least tangentially. So it depends on what directions life takes you.
By the way, I tend to listen more than I talk. I married someone who talks more than she listens. That actually works out better than you'd think.
I get you there, I think someone like that would fit someone who likes to listen (who I also am). Except, if it's someone like my father. He doesn't give you any room to talk at all. (Probably where my sister gets it from) Every now and then I can get something in, but I pretty much have to interrupt him to do it. At least we don't really talk to him much anymore. He did things to us that made us not able to trust him.
@Zombiekiller3121, @Kng0604, @WarpSpeed.
Thank you for all your responses. It’s helped.
Un-Employment SUCKS!!!!!!!!! -- Ends rant.
Glad I could help.?
Guys... I really hate math.
I used to love math, but once It got to the point where I had to memorize more than 4 steps to reach a final calculation, and it only took one mistake to fuck up the whole thing and start over, my brain said NOPE to that.
Unemployment is the best thing to ever happen to anyone. You can break into someone’s house, live in one of their cupboards, and when they leave just have the place to yourself FOR FREE. And there are also no responsibilities, can’t forget that
I think school murdered my love for math at a young age. So young, in fact, that I do not remember ever loving it. It is sad.
Lol. I think I might have someone like that hiding in my house. Things go missing all the time.?
Math is beautiful when you understand how everything comes together and always works.
It's not always taught in a way to help kids understand how everything comes together and always works.
Tr-UTH
Just like Po has to be trained in Kung fu with food, there are different ways for people to learn something. Unfortunately, I just haven't found any good ways to teach myself that gives me motivation to do it. And pure will power is only in limited supply.
In my class the other day, everyone was struggling with Maths.
Well, everyone except one person, who (to the surprise of everyone in the room) said she loves maths.
I'm still trying to figure out what she meant by that... Beats me.
I feel so weird because I'm that kid who loves maths. Our relationship isn't always easy - there are many complications but in the end we stay in harmony.
Funnily enough, I couldn't stand learning trigonometry last year... and when we came back to it this year I actually liked it!
You don't have to feel weird about it, it's very useful to not have an aversion to math! Embrace your love for math!
I have this mental block with math, more times than not I have the ability to figure out the problem, but it takes me half an hour to finally focus myself. It's strange.
I get having to take time to focus. When I was still in highschool It would take me about half the class to get into that mode. And when I did I was able to create my own ways to solve equations and it surprised my teacher a bit.
Fellas, question.
There’s something that’s been bothering me since about six months ago but it’s so microscopic that’s I don’t even think about it unless I’m looking for a reason to be upset. I was going to say something about it the other day but I got nervous and changed the subject because I really don’t want to upset the other person involved because it’s super dumb and probably really petty of me to keep holding onto it.
Should I say something about it?
From my experience, I've learned that just sharing the problem with anonymous strangers on the internet can help. Just knowing that someone else knows and (at least pretends to) understand can help. So if you're comfortable with doing so, it might help to get it off your chest. We're all here to give you the best advice we can.
From what you've said, it sounds to me like it might be feelings towards someone who doesn't feel that way back? I know the feeling, dude. And I don't think it's petty. Is love not the reason we all live? (I'm kidding. That's money, of course)
If you want to share, I'm here to help.
Let's say someone named Bob (because his name is easy to type) is doing something mildly annoying to you, but it's not that annoying, and you don't want Bob to get angry if you ask him to stop.
To decide on the best course of action, ask yourself, do you avoid Bob because of this annoyance? Do you think other people might avoid Bob for the same reason, or is it just something specific to you, like it reminds you of something cringe-worthy from your childhood? If it only bothers you, and only a little, then it's probably not fair to Bob to ask him to quit.
What do you think would happen if you said, "Hey, Bob, I like hanging out with you, but when you do that thing, it grates on my nerves a little. Would it be OK to ask if you do alternative less-annoying thing instead when I'm around?"
Oh absolutely not, allow me to shed some more light on the situation.
Alias Bob is one of my great friends and there’s not much he could do to annoy me that I can’t do right back. It’s not so much something he did, but it’s something he said way back in August. It wasn’t really anything bad and being friends with Bob has taught me that I need to be patient with him because he’s usually very busy, but I don’t know.
As for @Achieve250, I’ve got no idea if there’s any feelings between us, unrequited or not. You might be right about sharing the problem, though, so I’ll give it a shot.
August started a really hectic year for me that’s only recently toned down. In the middle of the month, I started something that was pretty low profile and continues to be. Bob had posted something earlier in January that struck a nerve because of something back in August and I wanted to say something about it earlier this week, but I don’t want to suddenly turn the tables on him and be like “so you said you were going to do this and you didn’t, what’s up with that?” because it’s something that’s I really don’t care enough about to be confrontational about it.
Well if it was microscopic, you wouldn't be able to see it...
If you do not care enough about it to confront alias Bob about it, why does it bother you? Is it like a feeling... like there's something not quite right, yet makes no logical sense for you to feel that way?
Exactly. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but I can’t help thinking back to it in the situation it relates to.
If it was still January, maybe, but it's been a month. I don't have full details of what happened in August or what was posted in January, of course, but in general, I would just forget that and let it go.
If the January post was of the form, "Maybe someday we can ..." then that could be followed up on, but I get the feeling that's not the case.
Most of the times, feelings don't seem logical, but that doesn't make them any less real, just more confusing. Since you don't fully believe that it's worth confronting alias Bob about, I bet you've tried to shake it off, but it just won't go away, is that right? Well, then there's a reason for that, you just might not be able to see it yet. I don't think you should ignore it, but I'm also not sure about whether you should confront alias Bob about it or not, but I fully believe that you'll be able to figure it out.
If it bothers you there's a reason and the fact stays with you means unresolved as long as stays unresolved it will haunt you. I would confront Bob just say how feel you feel hundred times better
How can move on after being cheated on I never taught be in this position and if saw someone else I think you should be happy you can move on without regret but until happens to you never know how it feels.
The fantasy of a person and the future they destroyed it feels like they died in a way as watch them completely change.
When they cheat blame you and attempt turn all your friends against you because you dumped them for cheating but because ur dude you're always in the wrong and she always right.
Like double stab wound they try isolate you from everyone make sure you can't move on. Get dirty looks off people you never talked to even tho you were person cheated on.
Then you try talk to them try make peace and you get silent treatment as they try make you react to create another story to spread around to create tornado of hate to attack you.
Spend days your mind missing person who doing everything in their power to destroy you.
Every word every action you say or do is twisted anything you feel good about yourself is called arrogant or cocky like they try to kill your soul who you are.
Never rush into a relationship the wrong person will try destroy your life, friends, family who you are.
I've been having lots of mental, physically and Spiritual issues i'm struggling with not sure if you'd be interested in hearing about them though
We don't know either unless you write about them.
It really just depends if you think it would be helpful to write them out to us, even if no one has anything useful to provide in response.
Well I have PTSD, depression, OCD, Adhd and anxiety. I relate to Elsa from Frozen and lot and to a certain exant to Anna as well
So, recently I've had this thing where I can't stand hanging around my house. Like, I think of any excuse to get out of the house and do something -- anything, and I didn't really know why.
I live with my sister who hates leaving the house, she mainly just wants to stay inside. I don't really have a way to leave without her so I end up staying at home too, which drives me crazy. Even if I were to be able to leave the house, I don't know what I'd do.
I was trying to figure out why I felt this way. I thought I just preferred to be studying or hanging with friends (which is true), but I think I figured out what the problem really is. I don't hate being at home, I hate being with myself.
When I'm alone with no distractions, I can't help but to think. A lot. Too much. Whenever I'm feeling happy or positive about something that happened, when I get home (with nothing to distract me anymore) my mind automatically goes over that moment repeatedly. Over and over again until it's somehow twisted it into a negative experience. Something that I now feel bad about. I end up pushing people away because I feel negatively about our relationship even though there's been nothing but positive signs. When I try to talk to people about this, my mind gets jumbled up and I can't explain it properly and end up sounding crazy. I mean, exposing my true crazy self.
I try to think only of the positives, but it doesn't work. It's like my subconscious mind hates me and wants to destroy me. Maybe it does.
There are people that I hang around, that I enjoy hanging around. People ask me if I have any friends, and I say "no" or "I don't know", even though the people I hang around are probably classed as... Uhh... "Friends"? I see people become "friends" the day they meet each other, and I think "How do they do that? What am I doing wrong?" and then I realize I'm not doing anything wrong. I do have friends, I just don't think they are. Or more accurately, don't want to think they're friends. And then I wonder "Why am I so reluctant to have positive relationships with people?". I have no idea why. then I think, "Well, what ARE friends, anyway?" we don't hang out besides in-between classes during the day. But THEN I think, "well, they don't even know the real me. if they did, they'd be horrified and run away screaming."
I often catch myself acting completely different when I'm around certain people. It's like I become someone else without meaning to.
Okay, what the fuck? I have no idea what I'm writing anymore. I have no idea what I'm even trying to say. Just venting ah guess.
Well, I've come to the conclusion that I'm just crazy. Nothing to worry about. All good. Haha. Woo!
Maybe I belong in Briar Cliff Manor...
I wouldn't call you crazy. I also sometimes feel like I'm a completely different parson around certain people, so much that I sometimes wonder, “am I really being myself around this parson, or am I pretending to be someone I'm not ”. Btw, if your going to be staying at your home a lot it's best to find things to keep yourself busy, any kind of little hobby will do.
Edit: You mention "recently I've had this thing", so I'm going to assume you weren't always so "outgoing" in the past year or so. I could be reading this wrong though. Sorry if this doesn't help you in any way, and if I'm just spouting something that has nothing to do with your problem. Oops.
You're not crazy, you're just... not suited to your current lifestyle.
We all have our social limits, and in your case here -- hermitish limits.
I consider myself a loner and introvert. I avoid trying out new social experiences with friends, simply due to the fact that I've got this negative mindset. I don't want harm to come to me, or witness any harm to come to friends. I don't want to get embarrassed or come out with a disappointing experience, thinking it was all just a waste of time.
I get in this lull of replaying events over and over and over a lot. I criticize every small mistake I make, and always think I'm being judged and observed by others, and anything that I do that others don't like will be held against me for a long time. This is probably paranoia or something idk.
My point is, despite our mental comfort in doing things like this: you, staying away from IRL relationships because you aren't confident in the positive aspects of it. me, avoiding unknown social situations due to an overwhelming sense of dread and possible negative scenarios.. sometimes it's best to break free of these mental chains, just for a bit. And that seems to be what you're doing, which is good. Though it's best to conduct that energy at a different angle.
If I spend too much time alone, or at least in the same environment, seeing the same people over and over again (i.e.: my family). Yeah, I'm going to get bored. Yeah, I'll hate "living with myself" (since I have niche interests in my close family, the only company who truly understands me is myself). And it's at that peak that I've got to break the monotony of life and shake it up so my brain doesn't shrivel.
(I'm probably off track again, so..) Real point is: You don't want to lose those friendships.
Sit down with yourself. Think. Question your thoughts: "All these negative thoughts you're throwing at yourself -- are they really that justified?" You've got these "friends" for a reason, you seem to enjoy their company, you recognise the fact that you're close enough to be considered acquaintances at least... Don't push them away, try to get closer with them. Ask questions, verify interests, talk about something. (the news, the neighbourhood, your breakfast if you have to!)
If you're afraid of them finding out the "real you", you don't know their true reaction until it's out there. Test the waters, tell them about yourself. If these people are good, empathetic beings, they'll listen. They'll try to help. If not, there's always the magic of the internet. It sucks to be separated by a glass screen, but you can at least find and develop friendships with people through here, or at least a mutual understanding of others.
I didn't mean to get therapeutic on your brain from this paragraph, I was just trying to use my own knowledge of counselling for good use, if any.
...Self Esteem is a terrifying beast.
Edit 2: Kng has a good point. If you want to be alone but don't want these thoughts, do something. Get a hobby, distract your brain. Play a game, watch a show, read a book... That's how I stay positive sane.:)
You've written some good stuff here. That fifth paragraph especially made me think. Thank you.
I wrote a fairly large message, but I'd rather not post it. It was basically the proof to my statement that I'm crazy. I don't know. I guess saying it took less strength than actually giving the proof.
I'm really sorry for constantly dragging my negative feelings onto the forum. I can't imagine how many people I've brought down or made feel sad through my time on this forum. I apologise.
You're right. I need to find something to occupy my mind.
I'm pretty sure I am crazy though. There's another layer to these thoughts that I haven't shared... Not sure if I ever will. But hey, being crazy is cool. The Joker is pretty rad, right?