The Vent/Help Thread



  • So it's been a while since I've actually posted long's it been? 3 years since I've posted properly? I'll start of by saying that I did miss you guys, and sorry for the long read.

    Sooo here goes. The transition going into adulthood has been quite rough to say the least and I know that's normal. When I started here, around the new frontier days or thereabout, I was that cheeky 14 year old always getting into mischief, I had all the time in the world and had a tonne of fun playing games, slacking off and having 0 worries. Huge ass 'oh wow I'm old' bomb shell coming but I'm currently 20 years old, turning 21 next month and as they say 'with age comes wisdom'.

    My eyes have been opened to a great many things over the years. I realised that I never actually did much as a kid. My parents were always there. My dad was more invested in my brother because he was gifted at sports and had potential there, I never cared for that stuff so I never really caught his eye and my mum coddled me so much that I couldn't go anywhere without her or without her worrying or asking too many questions if I did. This lead me to develop severe agoraphobia, I couldn't go outdoors on my own at all and needed supervision at all times.

    I eventually said enough is enough and my bold ass straight up moved countries to go to university so I could live by myself. And guess what? It actually worked...for a time. I met two people, one of them told me I was their best friend and the other told me that we were also friends countless times and that I could always be honest with her if I needed to. Person no. 1 started a fight with a close friend of theirs and roped me into it. Now they're non-binery, so they use they/them pronouns, however they have confirmed to me that we're allowed to use she/her but only rarely. Their friend use she/her too many times while they were in Germany (keep in mind that they literally decided that they were NB like a week or two before then so people were still adjusting, I kinda caused the transition btw but that's a story for another time hehe).

    So yeah a fight starts and they then ask me to pick a side...As some of you may know, picking sides is not my strong suit because of how passionate I can be. I avoid doing stuff like that now, I pride myself on being entirely neutral so yeah side picking is not for me. They kept pushing and pushing and eventually a snapped back. I told them that it's such a petty and stupid thing to be offended over and that there are greater issues out there, and the world is fucked up as is and that it really does not need any more unnecessary drama, so I said "just fucking shake hands and forget about it" this obviously lead to a bunch of threats like "If you won't pick my side then we should reevaluate this friendship" and stuff like that. So I asked to meet them somewhere to discuss and work it out, which we did, and they eventually worked things out with their other friend so things were cool.

    Now I've had issues making friends in the past, as well as friends who'd leave for a whole bunch of stupid reasons like finding better people or turning to drugs and stuff. It's a weakness for me. This NB person would hang out with me quite a bit, but she eventually made some new friends and began drifting away. She'd never have the time to spend with me anymore and it kinda hurt being sidelined constantly. One time I had a real bad week, so they actually came up to my flat to 'help' they did not help however... I was immediately bribed (didn't accept it) to do 3 of her assignments for her, and I still somehow paid full price for the pizza even though I bought the last one and I was the one having a rough time, instead of at least splitting it. They also agreed to visit me in my hometown over easter, but had to cancel because they had those 3 assignments...They were not doing those assignments. I'd find out later that they actually went to go visit their other 3 friends instead and didn't bother finishing the assignments. So I called them out on it, and that was the end of our friendship. They forced me to cooperate with their gender identity crisis, yet they wouldn't cooperate with this one...

    As for the other friend, she would lie constantly. That's the gist of it. She told me that it takes a while for her to make good friends with people, but that we were still friends. Eventually, as I was having the aforementioned shit week, she drops the shell on me "it takes a while for me to make friends". Just friends. So I asked if I was a good friend to her (basically me asking, wait I thought we were friends" but not directly cos I didn't want to make implications) and she said "I don't think we're anything, but you're a good acquaintance". Ouch...Not the thing I needed to hear. So I ask why she lied and she couldn't give a straight answer, but at the time I was blocking toxic people and she asked me to throw her into the list until things calm down, pinky promising to add me back when they did, so I did. Things calmed down so I message her back to work things out...This bitch straight tricked me into blocking her, because she replies with "Maybe we should just go our separate ways". Stuff like this is why I don't trust people...

    Losing two of the people that I trusted most in the longest time was hard for me, it like literally drove me insane. Eventually I began talking to person number 2's friend and we actually hit it off (as friends) She invited me out on a trip to Mt Snowdon in Wales, which I went to and it was awesome, and this Sunday we're going to a BBQ. But one thing this person told me is that person number 2 actually asked her when they first met "I don't have many friends here, can I be yours?" This girl legit told me that it takes a long time for her to make friends...Why did she ask immediately after meeting this other person? I can't help but feel like maybe I'm in the wrong for befriending her friend, and I don't know if I'm also using her to talk some sense into the other person or to make her look like an asshole or something...But I genuinely like spending time with this new person and it makes me feel a bit better. Though it doesn't stop the constant nightmares I've been having EVERY NIGHT about the other two...

    Anyway sorry for the long read, I just really needed to type this out cos shit has been eating away at me for weeks. Sorry if it's just incoherent rambling, I kinda rushed through while trying to sort out this severe back pain ;-;

  • Sorry you got into those toxic friendships. It's probably best to write them off unless they make a real effort to reconnect, which they probably won't on their own. P2's friend sounds cool, though there's a risk that the P2 connection will mess that up. It's still worth a shot!

    You did great moving away from home to force yourself into life! Some people never get that far. It's hard, and you can get hurt, but all the rewards are out there, and you're still young enough that there's plenty of time to find them!

    See if you can make more friends, too. Hint: Bring cookies. :)

    Melton23 posted: »

    So it's been a while since I've actually posted long's it been? 3 years since I've posted properly? I'll start of by saying that

  • Funny you should say that, I actually brought cookies along with me for everyone on the trip :>

    My main concern is that both of those people are in the same class as I am. P2 hurt me the most but I don’t think she meant to. P1 did something which imo is worse but it didn’t affect me as much as the other one somehow. I’ve restrained myself from telling my tutor that they tried to bribe me into doing their assignments for them just out of sheer spite. I’m not sure if it’s the right or smart move not saying anything, but for now I’ve kept completely quiet. I suppose I get to maintain the moral high ground right? 🥲

    WarpSpeed posted: »

    Sorry you got into those toxic friendships. It's probably best to write them off unless they make a real effort to reconnect, which they pr

  • Yeah, best to keep quiet about the assignments, because you could get in trouble for that, too. The point of school is to learn stuff, and if they learned less because they didn't do the assignments, they cheated themselves, and they might not do so well on the tests. Karma tends to catch up. ;)

    Melton23 posted: »

    Funny you should say that, I actually brought cookies along with me for everyone on the trip :> My main concern is that both of those

  • Gimme all your good vibes and support! Had a pretty terrible, overwhelming day today at starbucks and I've felt terrible the entire day after that.
    Crossing my fingers after this good little sleep, I'll be able to have a better day tomorrow.

    It's just been... a lot to handle... I'm doing my best, but even then there's still things that I forget and it's easy to feel hurt and guilty that I'm letting people down -- that I'm not doing my job "properly". Trying not to let it get to me, but it's hard working somewhere where everyone has months/years of experience.

  • edited August 27

    It might be a good thing this thread hasn't been touched since October of last year....

    Anyway, uh, this past day has been pretty sucky.
    I was going to go see the new TMNT animated movie, and to put a long story short: I... didn't really end up doing that.

    • The commute route I took, got me 15 minutes late to the showing, when I should have arrived 5 mins early. :(
    • Today was National Cinema Day, the movie chain was doing 4$ tickets. Nearly every movie showing online was 90% booked last night when I bought it...
    • Finding my seat in the dark theater after arriving was really tough. :( Thankfully mine was close-ish to the entrance. Just 3 rows up, 5 or so seats in on the far end. It was the one conspicuous empty seat between two groups after the screen finally illuminated the crowd for a half-second.
    • About 10 mins after I'd sat down, the group of 4 on my right moved up to the very front row, and some other random family took their place? :confused:
    • The woman who sat down next to me, then said her husband was supposed to be in my seat (13) -- I wasn't completely sure which seat I was in by then, got really confused, and they seemed to know which seats they were in. So I settled and moved out of the row, to check my ticket/seat location... :(
    • I'm sure I was right the 1st time. Row C, Seat 13... the one empty seat in that row right?. But I didn't want to start an argument right there, so I tried finding a different no-show seat... but again, super hard to make out empty seats in a dark theater. :(
    • By that point I got way too overwhelmed with stress, couldn't think straight, and I decided to completely leave the location. In hindsight, yes, I should have asked a staff member to help me find my, or any seat, or my money back, but I'd had such an uncomfortable afternoon by that point, my brain just couldn't handle more pressure... :confounded:

    fuck anxiety.
    Haven't felt that stressed and on edge in a while, ugh. All from a movie ticket/seat.
    At least what little I saw of the movie was great, art-wise. 3D sketchbook come to life. Will definitely catch another showing some other time.

  • Man, that really sucks. Sorry you had such a tough time. :( I hope the next visit goes easier for you.

    AChicken posted: »

    It might be a good thing this thread hasn't been touched since October of last year.... Anyway, uh, this past day has been pretty sucky.

  • It really sucks to try your best at something, and yet still fall below expectations...
    Did I mention on Sept. 5th, it was my 1 year anniversary of working at starbucks? This makes this following conversation especially difficult.

    Near the beginning of the summer, I had a chat with my manager about my performance and how I was still falling short of being 100% independent on bar/till.

    I had been moved to strictly afternoon/closing shifts (since there's more downtime) to also try out if that benefitted me.

    Just had another chat after my return shift just now, to check in on that.
    (Honestly it's been like 2 months, I thought everything was going okay. Not really...)

    He's noted feedback he got from supervisors over the summer, and I'm still not at the level of independency needed to be 100% efficient. Partners generally shift in to cover some slack in the 2nd bar or till, even in generally slow periods... which is not good.

    He also noted that apparently (and he stressed multiple times that it's not because people don't like me -- no one's said any issues about me as a person) that I tend to give off a sense of anxiety or stress or being flustered, and that once I leave a shift, partners feel less stressed about their own positions.
    That... was really hard to hear. God damn it.
    I know that in general - and especially at this job - I have a sense of stress or anxiety about it. Social anxiety sometines makes it hard to interact openly, and my processing disorder makes my brain on catch-up mode all the time... Try as I might, there's still some part of me that's on edge about keeping a big mental list of shifting tasks, or swapping between drink recipies quickly... still, I'm sad that it seems to be rubbing off on others...

    I'm a little surprised by all this, and a little not, since I do know that people have been shifting in to help me at bar/till tasks over the summer, and I should be mostly covering it myself (especially in our slow period when we have fewer people during any given shift).

    At the very least, my manager is a good guy, and while at this point it should lead to a write-up of some sort for me - not being up to the standards of the job - he's belaying that for now and we're going to see if the Starbucks Accessibility group/program has any help or special condition they can allow me, so as to keep my job or keep me from being below the required expectations of this... (unless I inherently am unable to fulfill the conditions of the job which would be a big issue).

    God.... this was a lot to be thrown at once. I really didn't know what to say to my manager other than I agree that part of me still finds this job mentally difficult and right now I have no idea if I should be really sad about it or accept that its true I'm not up to par... :persevere:

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