The Vent/Help Thread

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  • So it's been a while since I've actually posted here...how long's it been? 3 years since I've posted properly? I'll start of by saying that I did miss you guys, and sorry for the long read.

    Sooo here goes. The transition going into adulthood has been quite rough to say the least and I know that's normal. When I started here, around the new frontier days or thereabout, I was that cheeky 14 year old always getting into mischief, I had all the time in the world and had a tonne of fun playing games, slacking off and having 0 worries. Huge ass 'oh wow I'm old' bomb shell coming but I'm currently 20 years old, turning 21 next month and as they say 'with age comes wisdom'.

    My eyes have been opened to a great many things over the years. I realised that I never actually did much as a kid. My parents were always there. My dad was more invested in my brother because he was gifted at sports and had potential there, I never cared for that stuff so I never really caught his eye and my mum coddled me so much that I couldn't go anywhere without her or without her worrying or asking too many questions if I did. This lead me to develop severe agoraphobia, I couldn't go outdoors on my own at all and needed supervision at all times.

    I eventually said enough is enough and my bold ass straight up moved countries to go to university so I could live by myself. And guess what? It actually worked...for a time. I met two people, one of them told me I was their best friend and the other told me that we were also friends countless times and that I could always be honest with her if I needed to. Person no. 1 started a fight with a close friend of theirs and roped me into it. Now they're non-binery, so they use they/them pronouns, however they have confirmed to me that we're allowed to use she/her but only rarely. Their friend use she/her too many times while they were in Germany (keep in mind that they literally decided that they were NB like a week or two before then so people were still adjusting, I kinda caused the transition btw but that's a story for another time hehe).

    So yeah a fight starts and they then ask me to pick a side...As some of you may know, picking sides is not my strong suit because of how passionate I can be. I avoid doing stuff like that now, I pride myself on being entirely neutral so yeah side picking is not for me. They kept pushing and pushing and eventually a snapped back. I told them that it's such a petty and stupid thing to be offended over and that there are greater issues out there, and the world is fucked up as is and that it really does not need any more unnecessary drama, so I said "just fucking shake hands and forget about it" this obviously lead to a bunch of threats like "If you won't pick my side then we should reevaluate this friendship" and stuff like that. So I asked to meet them somewhere to discuss and work it out, which we did, and they eventually worked things out with their other friend so things were cool.

    Now I've had issues making friends in the past, as well as friends who'd leave for a whole bunch of stupid reasons like finding better people or turning to drugs and stuff. It's a weakness for me. This NB person would hang out with me quite a bit, but she eventually made some new friends and began drifting away. She'd never have the time to spend with me anymore and it kinda hurt being sidelined constantly. One time I had a real bad week, so they actually came up to my flat to 'help' they did not help however... I was immediately bribed (didn't accept it) to do 3 of her assignments for her, and I still somehow paid full price for the pizza even though I bought the last one and I was the one having a rough time, instead of at least splitting it. They also agreed to visit me in my hometown over easter, but had to cancel because they had those 3 assignments...They were not doing those assignments. I'd find out later that they actually went to go visit their other 3 friends instead and didn't bother finishing the assignments. So I called them out on it, and that was the end of our friendship. They forced me to cooperate with their gender identity crisis, yet they wouldn't cooperate with this one...

    As for the other friend, she would lie constantly. That's the gist of it. She told me that it takes a while for her to make good friends with people, but that we were still friends. Eventually, as I was having the aforementioned shit week, she drops the shell on me "it takes a while for me to make friends". Just friends. So I asked if I was a good friend to her (basically me asking, wait I thought we were friends" but not directly cos I didn't want to make implications) and she said "I don't think we're anything, but you're a good acquaintance". Ouch...Not the thing I needed to hear. So I ask why she lied and she couldn't give a straight answer, but at the time I was blocking toxic people and she asked me to throw her into the list until things calm down, pinky promising to add me back when they did, so I did. Things calmed down so I message her back to work things out...This bitch straight tricked me into blocking her, because she replies with "Maybe we should just go our separate ways". Stuff like this is why I don't trust people...

    Losing two of the people that I trusted most in the longest time was hard for me, it like literally drove me insane. Eventually I began talking to person number 2's friend and we actually hit it off (as friends) She invited me out on a trip to Mt Snowdon in Wales, which I went to and it was awesome, and this Sunday we're going to a BBQ. But one thing this person told me is that person number 2 actually asked her when they first met "I don't have many friends here, can I be yours?" This girl legit told me that it takes a long time for her to make friends...Why did she ask immediately after meeting this other person? I can't help but feel like maybe I'm in the wrong for befriending her friend, and I don't know if I'm also using her to talk some sense into the other person or to make her look like an asshole or something...But I genuinely like spending time with this new person and it makes me feel a bit better. Though it doesn't stop the constant nightmares I've been having EVERY NIGHT about the other two...

    Anyway sorry for the long read, I just really needed to type this out cos shit has been eating away at me for weeks. Sorry if it's just incoherent rambling, I kinda rushed through while trying to sort out this severe back pain ;-;

  • Sorry you got into those toxic friendships. It's probably best to write them off unless they make a real effort to reconnect, which they probably won't on their own. P2's friend sounds cool, though there's a risk that the P2 connection will mess that up. It's still worth a shot!

    You did great moving away from home to force yourself into life! Some people never get that far. It's hard, and you can get hurt, but all the rewards are out there, and you're still young enough that there's plenty of time to find them!

    See if you can make more friends, too. Hint: Bring cookies. :)

    Melton23 posted: »

    So it's been a while since I've actually posted here...how long's it been? 3 years since I've posted properly? I'll start of by saying that

  • Funny you should say that, I actually brought cookies along with me for everyone on the trip :>

    My main concern is that both of those people are in the same class as I am. P2 hurt me the most but I don’t think she meant to. P1 did something which imo is worse but it didn’t affect me as much as the other one somehow. I’ve restrained myself from telling my tutor that they tried to bribe me into doing their assignments for them just out of sheer spite. I’m not sure if it’s the right or smart move not saying anything, but for now I’ve kept completely quiet. I suppose I get to maintain the moral high ground right? 🥲

    WarpSpeed posted: »

    Sorry you got into those toxic friendships. It's probably best to write them off unless they make a real effort to reconnect, which they pr

  • Yeah, best to keep quiet about the assignments, because you could get in trouble for that, too. The point of school is to learn stuff, and if they learned less because they didn't do the assignments, they cheated themselves, and they might not do so well on the tests. Karma tends to catch up. ;)

    Melton23 posted: »

    Funny you should say that, I actually brought cookies along with me for everyone on the trip :> My main concern is that both of those

  • edited September 18

    Thanks!

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