›

Reasons why Kenny is Jesus.

xxDestinyInReversexxDestinyInReverse
edited July 2016 in The Walking Dead
  1. He died to forgive our sins. Or so we thought, in season one.
  2. However, he gets resurrected a season later.
  3. In this mortal life of ours, we cannot have such a Godlike 'stache. A powerful 'stache like Kenny's only deserves to belong to one of the greats. The greatest of the great. Ken himself.
  4. Him and Jesus both have incredible beards. There is -8047% chance that this, in fact, is a coincidence.
  5. His worst enemy is the devil, Lucifer, and the devil's offspring, Lucius. Labeled as Larry and Lilly. Later on, he is reinforced with such hatred as Satan had returned as a separate being, Jane the Harlot.
  6. He shares wine with his Disciples. This recreation of Jesus, informally known as Kenny, only offers, and receives offers, of the finest fifths of whiskey from only the most devine men and women.
  7. He is Christian, therefore, believes in the Christian God, and his son, Jesus. It is fairly logical, from a religious standpoint (from either Christians' or Humble 'Stacheists') that Jesus, or any deity, would believe in themselves and place themselves on a well-deserved hierarchy, though staying loyal and respectful to their family and followers.
  8. Both immortal men have an extreme number of followers, with Christians and/or 'Stacheists alike. With these devotees holding undoubted, unchallenged faithfulness within their worshipped being, whichever that may be.
  9. Both had encountered excruciating suffering manufactured by someone truly evil. Seeing as legend embeds the image of Jesus having a crown of thorns being placed upon his head, whilst Kenneth tragically had his left eye forsaken by William Carver.
  10. For the duration of Kenneth's continuous journey, the Holy man himself has attempted to obtain a steady source of safety and comfortability for his Disciples, even after most of the ungrateful peasants had damned him for his misunderstandings and mere mistakes that such a humble being must be humanely forgiven for, and for what a kind and forgiving man he is should've been what was represented of his well-hearted intentions. Exemplified by offering assistance to a (determinately) blaspheming common-folk rescue the one he had gave his life to protect and shelter, the innocent, kind Clementine. Relating with the topic of his forgiving nature, he also brought the Shitbird's idiocy to a peaceful and civil end, ensuring he passed to the Boatopia, also referred to as Boat Heaven, created by Kenneth for all of his greatest acquaintances and 'Stacheists to a beautiful place of abundant boats and powerful 'staches, replicated from his own, for all attendees.
  11. The Holy Trinity is made of Ken, the Holy child Clementine, and that child's caregiver, Lee. These three beings are clear representations of the Holy Spirit (Kenneth), Father (Lee), and Son (Clementine), despite Clem being female, she still has a strong relationship with Kenneth and Lee evidently, and she is deserving of the title.
  12. Jesus and Ken, as described, were both extremely wonderful embodiments of love and perfection that were angered by unforgivably evil actions. According to The Holy Bible, Jesus' situation centered around the Temple Moneylenders. Though, for Kenny, it was Jane's staged act of killing a newborn, Alvin Junior, known by Kenny and most others as AJ.

Bow, sinners, for your time has come to perish at the stake for your ignorance against Kenneth, and you shall feel his powerful 'stache burn into your soul as you drown in the forsaken waters of where his boat was wrongly stripped from him, and where Vernon and few other members of his Cancer Crew had suffered before you, for the same reasons that you shall.

«1

Comments

This discussion has been closed.