Too lazy for mods to sign my contract for not banning me and all but I basically shout RAAAAAPE! After doing certain things such as kicking a ball or just out of nowhere in general, there’s also times where I make pedophile jokes, in video games where u can dismember bodies I make art out of them, and yeah I just laugh out of nowhere too. I legit think I am turning crazy
Too lazy for mods to sign my contract for not banning me and all but I basically shout RAAAAAPE! After doing certain things such as kicking … morea ball or just out of nowhere in general, there’s also times where I make pedophile jokes, in video games where u can dismember bodies I make art out of them, and yeah I just laugh out of nowhere too. I legit think I am turning crazy
Had convo with a girl in my college on relationships and feel like rant.
All started like this a dude in my class had part time job he loves and girl responded like this
Girl: You never afford a GF with a job like that
Me: You are extremely shallow to think money has anything to do with love
Girl: Yeah....but a man needs to have money to pay her bills, her food, her car and house. How do you expect for him to pay her bills with no money
Me: That is not love never be love men do not have to pay for anything. Love should be mutual benefits and care not one sided to judge men's worth on his bank balance
Girl: You will always need money to earn girls love
This girl is 39 about 2/10 and think men need money to earn her and pay for everything.
So confusing people like this I never looked at a girl I had crush on or hot girl just checking out how big her wallet is. I could not care less about a girls wealth
Just want someone fun to talk like similar things and thinks I'm awesome or cool
I will never have any intention to be girls ATM or want a girl who sees me as such.
I really hope this is not common among girls to think like this like BF is winning the lottery to get lots of his money
I can confirm that this is not a common thing with girls. That’s extremely shallow of her and it tells me that she plans to do absolutely nothing with her life and has no idea of how finances actually work.
Let’s assume that she does find a man who wants to pay for everything for her. How is he going to pay for himself if his main priority is her? Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen.
It’s best to not get involved with someone that materialistic.
Had convo with a girl in my college on relationships and feel like rant.
All started like this a dude in my class had part time job he lo… moreves and girl responded like this
Girl: You never afford a GF with a job like that
Me: You are extremely shallow to think money has anything to do with love
Girl: Yeah....but a man needs to have money to pay her bills, her food, her car and house. How do you expect for him to pay her bills with no money
Me: That is not love never be love men do not have to pay for anything. Love should be mutual benefits and care not one sided to judge men's worth on his bank balance
Girl: You will always need money to earn girls love
This girl is 39 about 2/10 and think men need money to earn her and pay for everything.
So confusing people like this I never looked at a girl I had crush on or hot girl just checking out how big her wallet is. I could not care less about a girls wealth
Just want someo… [view original content]
ive been thinking lately that im a failure at everything i failed my driving test with 3 fucking serious marks for things that were beyoond my control 1 a car dliberately cut me off 2 nobody told me the speed limits were changed and 3 there was no undue hesitation my examiner didnt like me other things is my job is shit my hours are crap and im left to do everything by myself last thing that im a total failure is getting a girlfriend no one seems interested at all i asked a girl out recently she seemed to avoid me the only girl that i ever had decided to cheat on me then dump me life has been so stressful recently and im starting to wonder is it worth it im an aspergic 21 year old who loves anime gaming and japanese music no girl wants that plus im not slim either or have tons of money or big muscles so no girl even gives me a chance
It sounds like it's been very tough for you, but understand that things will get better. You'll work on driving and do better next time, because the chances things will go wrong again are very slim. Now, at 21 years old, I can say that you are doing a lot better than many of the 21 year olds that I know just by having a job. Work hard and well, which I'm sure you've been doing, and you can only thrive.
ive been thinking lately that im a failure at everything i failed my driving test with 3 fucking serious marks for things that were beyoond … moremy control 1 a car dliberately cut me off 2 nobody told me the speed limits were changed and 3 there was no undue hesitation my examiner didnt like me other things is my job is shit my hours are crap and im left to do everything by myself last thing that im a total failure is getting a girlfriend no one seems interested at all i asked a girl out recently she seemed to avoid me the only girl that i ever had decided to cheat on me then dump me life has been so stressful recently and im starting to wonder is it worth it im an aspergic 21 year old who loves anime gaming and japanese music no girl wants that plus im not slim either or have tons of money or big muscles so no girl even gives me a chance
ive been thinking lately that im a failure at everything i failed my driving test with 3 fucking serious marks for things that were beyoond … moremy control 1 a car dliberately cut me off 2 nobody told me the speed limits were changed and 3 there was no undue hesitation my examiner didnt like me other things is my job is shit my hours are crap and im left to do everything by myself last thing that im a total failure is getting a girlfriend no one seems interested at all i asked a girl out recently she seemed to avoid me the only girl that i ever had decided to cheat on me then dump me life has been so stressful recently and im starting to wonder is it worth it im an aspergic 21 year old who loves anime gaming and japanese music no girl wants that plus im not slim either or have tons of money or big muscles so no girl even gives me a chance
ive been thinking lately that im a failure at everything i failed my driving test with 3 fucking serious marks for things that were beyoond … moremy control 1 a car dliberately cut me off 2 nobody told me the speed limits were changed and 3 there was no undue hesitation my examiner didnt like me other things is my job is shit my hours are crap and im left to do everything by myself last thing that im a total failure is getting a girlfriend no one seems interested at all i asked a girl out recently she seemed to avoid me the only girl that i ever had decided to cheat on me then dump me life has been so stressful recently and im starting to wonder is it worth it im an aspergic 21 year old who loves anime gaming and japanese music no girl wants that plus im not slim either or have tons of money or big muscles so no girl even gives me a chance
i lnow there is but it seems allgirls here i live in the uk only care about money and expensive things and guys who have muscles i have neither and am going to have even less when i get a mortgage im just hoping to find a girl who will see my personality rather than my wallet
So I started my fourth term of school yesterday and I found out that we've effectively only got three weeks of actual classes because we start revising for exams after week 3. So now the school's going to cram shitloads of work into three weeks which is really fucking frustrating because they lecture us about all the effort we need to put in then they make these decisions without any explanation to the students and they also lecture us about being responsible while not giving us any of the respect that someone of adult age would normally get (pretty much everyone in my year level will be 18 within a year).
I've honestly just decided to focus on the subjects that I actually want to continue in because I'm not gonna stress myself out and give up the things I care about just to get a grade that I can make up for next year.
My gf left me and i’m just in the mood to utilise my online personality irl so you know that people aren’t gonna be getting away with shit time to finally run the show
Well this just seems like regular high school life, the last year/s are just there to revise, memorize and just focus entirely just on exams. Don't forget teachers are only people and they have to follow a general education program even if they disagree, in order to get paid for what they do. And a friendly reminder, once you go to the uni, you're gonna deal with the same routine every semester, as finals are basically the exhausting coffee flavoured race where you try to outrun all the deadlines.
So I started my fourth term of school yesterday and I found out that we've effectively only got three weeks of actual classes because we sta… morert revising for exams after week 3. So now the school's going to cram shitloads of work into three weeks which is really fucking frustrating because they lecture us about all the effort we need to put in then they make these decisions without any explanation to the students and they also lecture us about being responsible while not giving us any of the respect that someone of adult age would normally get (pretty much everyone in my year level will be 18 within a year).
I've honestly just decided to focus on the subjects that I actually want to continue in because I'm not gonna stress myself out and give up the things I care about just to get a grade that I can make up for next year.
I think we’re a bit too young for you guys we’re still friends, i’m just hella pissed cos it was for no reason when I was promised she’d stay with me, I just kinda need consoling.
Man I dunno why I get demotivated so easily. I could be knee deep in writing a script or doing really good on a drawing and suddenly I just lose all interest. Same with video games as of late. I shouldn't feel so disheartened doing the things I love right now, life's going pretty alright so I don't know why I'm losing sleep over this stuff. God I'm nuts sometimes.
Are you on any psychiatric medications? They sometimes cause that, or they sometimes fix that.
Maybe make a list of reasons why you'd like to complete something, and how you think you'll feel when it's done. Consult that list whenever you feel demotivated.
Man I dunno why I get demotivated so easily. I could be knee deep in writing a script or doing really good on a drawing and suddenly I just … morelose all interest. Same with video games as of late. I shouldn't feel so disheartened doing the things I love right now, life's going pretty alright so I don't know why I'm losing sleep over this stuff. God I'm nuts sometimes.
Are you on any psychiatric medications? They sometimes cause that, or they sometimes fix that.
Yeah, been on them for a couple of years. They have varying degrees of success.
Maybe make a list of reasons why you'd like to complete something, and how you think you'll feel when it's done. Consult that list whenever you feel demotivated.
I do that a lot actually, i think the main problem is that sometimes while making these lists I set deadlines for myself.
Are you on any psychiatric medications? They sometimes cause that, or they sometimes fix that.
Maybe make a list of reasons why you'd … morelike to complete something, and how you think you'll feel when it's done. Consult that list whenever you feel demotivated.
I know what that's like...
For me, I find it more motivating to do projects with friends.
I used to write stories and make cartoons with a couple of people and it was super fun and really got me motivated to complete them... Even if we actually didn't complete them... but it made me want to.
But try not to stress over it too much because... * that never makes things any better... *
(EDIT: * That was meant to be a reference to me, not an attack on you. Sorry. >_<)
Man I dunno why I get demotivated so easily. I could be knee deep in writing a script or doing really good on a drawing and suddenly I just … morelose all interest. Same with video games as of late. I shouldn't feel so disheartened doing the things I love right now, life's going pretty alright so I don't know why I'm losing sleep over this stuff. God I'm nuts sometimes.
This is me but my online personality where I can be hyperactive and think way better without stuttering over my words is what i’m trying to work on irl. Try establishing a similar persona and have some friends help you use it irl. I’ve tried and it’s sorta working until I’m around girls, then my awkwardness and weirdness kicks back in. “Life has a dick that everybody has to suck, but sometimes you need to make life suck your dick” -Melton 2017
There's only one way to fix that, and that's to just start interacting with people, even if it's scary. You'll find most of them aren't out to get you. If it's really bad, start with store clerks and waiters/waitresses, who are paid to be nice to you, so you know they're pretty safe.
I used to work at a restaurant...for one day and the customers are soooo snotty. No bullshit, I was ready to reach for a glass bottle and smash one of them over the head and that IS something i’d do.
There's only one way to fix that, and that's to just start interacting with people, even if it's scary. You'll find most of them aren't out… more to get you. If it's really bad, start with store clerks and waiters/waitresses, who are paid to be nice to you, so you know they're pretty safe.
I used to work at a restaurant...for one day and the customers are soooo snotty. No bullshit, I was ready to reach for a glass bottle and smash one of them over the head and that IS something i’d do.
This is me but my online personality where I can be hyperactive and think way better without stuttering over my words is what i’m trying to … morework on irl. Try establishing a similar persona and have some friends help you use it irl. I’ve tried and it’s sorta working until I’m around girls, then my awkwardness and weirdness kicks back in. “Life has a dick that everybody has to suck, but sometimes you need to make life suck your dick” -Melton 2017
Try the compliment + question technique. "Wow, that's an interesting Halloween necklace you have there! Who would have thought to put bat wings on a skull like that?"
Lol I tried that compliment technique with a girl I currently like but completely butchered the whole thing because apparently I’m now awful at talking to women when I used to be the best. If anyone were to try this I’d recommend finding your words before going for it
Try the compliment + question technique. "Wow, that's an interesting Halloween necklace you have there! Who would have thought to put bat wings on a skull like that?"
My on and off girlfriend is exactly like this, thinks money equals happiness and success when the richest people I know are also the loneliest. It's refreshing to hear you guys condemning this attitude.
Had convo with a girl in my college on relationships and feel like rant.
All started like this a dude in my class had part time job he lo… moreves and girl responded like this
Girl: You never afford a GF with a job like that
Me: You are extremely shallow to think money has anything to do with love
Girl: Yeah....but a man needs to have money to pay her bills, her food, her car and house. How do you expect for him to pay her bills with no money
Me: That is not love never be love men do not have to pay for anything. Love should be mutual benefits and care not one sided to judge men's worth on his bank balance
Girl: You will always need money to earn girls love
This girl is 39 about 2/10 and think men need money to earn her and pay for everything.
So confusing people like this I never looked at a girl I had crush on or hot girl just checking out how big her wallet is. I could not care less about a girls wealth
Just want someo… [view original content]
Call me creepy but after the last 2 weeks i’ve had i’ve been doing an investigation on every girl in my college to see if they are like that, and i’ve asked my best friend to help me with it. I can’t trust a single person until I know for a fact that they are telling the truth, so I need to dig in before I know they are good people and aren’t out for my money or non-stop sex
Had convo with a girl in my college on relationships and feel like rant.
All started like this a dude in my class had part time job he lo… moreves and girl responded like this
Girl: You never afford a GF with a job like that
Me: You are extremely shallow to think money has anything to do with love
Girl: Yeah....but a man needs to have money to pay her bills, her food, her car and house. How do you expect for him to pay her bills with no money
Me: That is not love never be love men do not have to pay for anything. Love should be mutual benefits and care not one sided to judge men's worth on his bank balance
Girl: You will always need money to earn girls love
This girl is 39 about 2/10 and think men need money to earn her and pay for everything.
So confusing people like this I never looked at a girl I had crush on or hot girl just checking out how big her wallet is. I could not care less about a girls wealth
Just want someo… [view original content]
It feels like I live my life by inertia. Wake up, eat, go to school, then go home and get to sleep just because I have to. Everything I used to do all these years is absolutely pointless; the whole world seems shallow. At this point, I'm not sure in anything anymore, so I just prescind from reality because it's easiest route to take. Every day I descend deeper into myself, spending hours in self-analysis and fantasies. I do connect with the outer world but quite vacantly. In the past I studied hard, socialized, looked for entertainment and now I'm free of any needs. I don't want anything else but to lock up in my house and spend days alone, immersed in my thoughts. All my attempts to truly embed into this world have failed, so feel more lively inside my own self.
I get on well with otehr kids my age, but it's meaningless because, no matter how hard I try to become one of them, I'll never understand other teenagers. There's like a giant chasm between us. What they think of, their goals, their ideas, their tastes and entertainment - I don't feel like part of it. My socializing is just mimic. That's why at the age of 15 I'm lonelier than ever. I envy everyone who managed to get friedns and create a bond with someone because I'm simply not able to do so. And I don't know why! I met plenty of people in my life, they were really nice and I made a good impression on them. I often hear "oh, you're so great" but I know that no one actually means it, because when I attempt to become closer, everything fades. They compliment me and then disappear. You know, it kinda feels like friendzone, but maybe... "a nice girl" zone? Oh, it was great being buddies with you for two weeks, goodbye! And I've lost yet another chance of finding a soulmate. I'd rather have everyone thinking that I'm piece of shit but there would at least be a best friend by my side. That's all I want. Just one person who could understand me. I'm so tired of hiding my thoughts inside, spending weekends at home feeling isolated. I find no source of emotions in my surroundings - so that's why I'm sinking inside myself.
I want to be like others. I want to have crushes on boys, post stupid selfies, listen to pointless pop songs, chat about memes, hang out with others, smoke, drink, watch vulgar American comedies, rebel with or without reason. I want to be a typical teenager. Have 99 problems and not a single existential one. I don't wanna care. When I'll be 45, I want to remember my teenage years as "oh damn, that was really fun, I felt so free" and not as "I had crippling depression (and probably still do)". Is that so much to ask for? But I can't. I simply can't. So many thoughts in my head, emotions, ideas, worries, anxietes. I'll either explode one day or become insane.
For many years I consisered myself an optimist because, no matter how fucked up my present would be, I'd always picture the future in bright colors. But nothing changes and my optimism is running out. I'm afraid that I'm just gonna waste my life and it's my greatest fear. I have no idea what to do. No beauty, no intelligence, no talents, no ambitions, no charm - there's nothing. Past 15 years seemed like an eternity, and when I think about the fact that I'll live about 5 times longer, I want to scream.
I don't have any ideology or any shrine to believe in deeply. As I said above, I Iive by inertia. One day it'll run out but I don't know when. Perhaps if I hide in my shell long enough, it'll pass. Everything will pass.
Phew, I feel a lot better now. Thanks to people who created that thread. Bye.
Last time I helped someone with the same type of story it turned into a romance story and then she eventually left me and I still hold my promise to kill and/or beat the living shit out of the guy she left me for if I ever see him. Sooooo i’m sorry I can’t provide my free therapy and consoling anymore?? Get well soon
inhales Boi. I don't even know where to start.
It feels like I live my life by inertia. Wake up, eat, go to school, then go home and get … moreto sleep just because I have to. Everything I used to do all these years is absolutely pointless; the whole world seems shallow. At this point, I'm not sure in anything anymore, so I just prescind from reality because it's easiest route to take. Every day I descend deeper into myself, spending hours in self-analysis and fantasies. I do connect with the outer world but quite vacantly. In the past I studied hard, socialized, looked for entertainment and now I'm free of any needs. I don't want anything else but to lock up in my house and spend days alone, immersed in my thoughts. All my attempts to truly embed into this world have failed, so feel more lively inside my own self.
I get on well with otehr kids my age, but it's meaningless because, no matter how hard I try to become one of them, I'll never un… [view original content]
Comments
Too lazy for mods to sign my contract for not banning me and all but I basically shout RAAAAAPE! After doing certain things such as kicking a ball or just out of nowhere in general, there’s also times where I make pedophile jokes, in video games where u can dismember bodies I make art out of them, and yeah I just laugh out of nowhere too. I legit think I am turning crazy
Hey, if you're having fun, (and you're not hurting anyone) then that's what really matters.
Well... is it something that you can control, or not?
Probably but the insanity is soooo real
I wouldn’t say it’s THAT bad, like I don’t walk around twitching and stuff like that
If I see someone kill a fly i’m More likely to kill them. Not literally but i’ll Give them hell for it
...Wouldn't it be more positive to say "I hope you live everytime."?
I hate those little shits but still
Maybe they can die
Had convo with a girl in my college on relationships and feel like rant.
All started like this a dude in my class had part time job he loves and girl responded like this
Girl: You never afford a GF with a job like that
Me: You are extremely shallow to think money has anything to do with love
Girl: Yeah....but a man needs to have money to pay her bills, her food, her car and house. How do you expect for him to pay her bills with no money
Me: That is not love never be love men do not have to pay for anything. Love should be mutual benefits and care not one sided to judge men's worth on his bank balance
Girl: You will always need money to earn girls love
This girl is 39 about 2/10 and think men need money to earn her and pay for everything.
So confusing people like this I never looked at a girl I had crush on or hot girl just checking out how big her wallet is. I could not care less about a girls wealth
Just want someone fun to talk like similar things and thinks I'm awesome or cool
I will never have any intention to be girls ATM or want a girl who sees me as such.
I really hope this is not common among girls to think like this like BF is winning the lottery to get lots of his money
I can confirm that this is not a common thing with girls. That’s extremely shallow of her and it tells me that she plans to do absolutely nothing with her life and has no idea of how finances actually work.
Let’s assume that she does find a man who wants to pay for everything for her. How is he going to pay for himself if his main priority is her? Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen.
It’s best to not get involved with someone that materialistic.
ive been thinking lately that im a failure at everything i failed my driving test with 3 fucking serious marks for things that were beyoond my control 1 a car dliberately cut me off 2 nobody told me the speed limits were changed and 3 there was no undue hesitation my examiner didnt like me other things is my job is shit my hours are crap and im left to do everything by myself last thing that im a total failure is getting a girlfriend no one seems interested at all i asked a girl out recently she seemed to avoid me the only girl that i ever had decided to cheat on me then dump me life has been so stressful recently and im starting to wonder is it worth it im an aspergic 21 year old who loves anime gaming and japanese music no girl wants that plus im not slim either or have tons of money or big muscles so no girl even gives me a chance
It sounds like it's been very tough for you, but understand that things will get better. You'll work on driving and do better next time, because the chances things will go wrong again are very slim. Now, at 21 years old, I can say that you are doing a lot better than many of the 21 year olds that I know just by having a job. Work hard and well, which I'm sure you've been doing, and you can only thrive.
All of that is stuff that can get better with time, patience, experience, and effort. I know it's no fun, but keep trying.
You're only young life will get better only takes one girl to say yes and there are billions of them
i lnow there is but it seems allgirls here i live in the uk only care about money and expensive things and guys who have muscles i have neither and am going to have even less when i get a mortgage im just hoping to find a girl who will see my personality rather than my wallet
i hope so
So I started my fourth term of school yesterday and I found out that we've effectively only got three weeks of actual classes because we start revising for exams after week 3. So now the school's going to cram shitloads of work into three weeks which is really fucking frustrating because they lecture us about all the effort we need to put in then they make these decisions without any explanation to the students and they also lecture us about being responsible while not giving us any of the respect that someone of adult age would normally get (pretty much everyone in my year level will be 18 within a year).
I've honestly just decided to focus on the subjects that I actually want to continue in because I'm not gonna stress myself out and give up the things I care about just to get a grade that I can make up for next year.
My gf left me and i’m just in the mood to utilise my online personality irl so you know that people aren’t gonna be getting away with shit
time to finally run the show
Well this just seems like regular high school life, the last year/s are just there to revise, memorize and just focus entirely just on exams. Don't forget teachers are only people and they have to follow a general education program even if they disagree, in order to get paid for what they do. And a friendly reminder, once you go to the uni, you're gonna deal with the same routine every semester, as finals are basically the exhausting coffee flavoured race where you try to outrun all the deadlines.
Savage
I think we’re a bit too young for you guys
we’re still friends, i’m just hella pissed cos it was for no reason when I was promised she’d stay with me, I just kinda need consoling.
Man I dunno why I get demotivated so easily. I could be knee deep in writing a script or doing really good on a drawing and suddenly I just lose all interest. Same with video games as of late. I shouldn't feel so disheartened doing the things I love right now, life's going pretty alright so I don't know why I'm losing sleep over this stuff. God I'm nuts sometimes.
Are you on any psychiatric medications? They sometimes cause that, or they sometimes fix that.
Maybe make a list of reasons why you'd like to complete something, and how you think you'll feel when it's done. Consult that list whenever you feel demotivated.
Yeah, been on them for a couple of years. They have varying degrees of success.
I do that a lot actually, i think the main problem is that sometimes while making these lists I set deadlines for myself.
I know what that's like...
For me, I find it more motivating to do projects with friends.
I used to write stories and make cartoons with a couple of people and it was super fun and really got me motivated to complete them... Even if we actually didn't complete them... but it made me want to.
But try not to stress over it too much because... * that never makes things any better... *
(EDIT: * That was meant to be a reference to me, not an attack on you. Sorry. >_<)
[REMOVED] (Sorry)
This is me but my online personality where I can be hyperactive and think way better without stuttering over my words is what i’m trying to work on irl. Try establishing a similar persona and have some friends help you use it irl. I’ve tried and it’s sorta working until I’m around girls, then my awkwardness and weirdness kicks back in. “Life has a dick that everybody has to suck, but sometimes you need to make life suck your dick” -Melton 2017
There's only one way to fix that, and that's to just start interacting with people, even if it's scary. You'll find most of them aren't out to get you. If it's really bad, start with store clerks and waiters/waitresses, who are paid to be nice to you, so you know they're pretty safe.
I used to work at a restaurant...for one day and the customers are soooo snotty. No bullshit, I was ready to reach for a glass bottle and smash one of them over the head and that IS something i’d do.
But assuming @Psychokinesis isn't one of the snotty ones, you would have treated him well, right?
Maybe
[REMOVED]
Hmmm... I don't think that quote applies to me.
Try the compliment + question technique. "Wow, that's an interesting Halloween necklace you have there! Who would have thought to put bat wings on a skull like that?"
Lol I tried that compliment technique with a girl I currently like but completely butchered the whole thing because apparently I’m now awful at talking to women when I used to be the best. If anyone were to try this I’d recommend finding your words before going for it
My on and off girlfriend is exactly like this, thinks money equals happiness and success when the richest people I know are also the loneliest. It's refreshing to hear you guys condemning this attitude.
Call me creepy but after the last 2 weeks i’ve had i’ve been doing an investigation on every girl in my college to see if they are like that, and i’ve asked my best friend to help me with it. I can’t trust a single person until I know for a fact that they are telling the truth, so I need to dig in before I know they are good people and aren’t out for my money or non-stop sex
inhales Boi. I don't even know where to start.
It feels like I live my life by inertia. Wake up, eat, go to school, then go home and get to sleep just because I have to. Everything I used to do all these years is absolutely pointless; the whole world seems shallow. At this point, I'm not sure in anything anymore, so I just prescind from reality because it's easiest route to take. Every day I descend deeper into myself, spending hours in self-analysis and fantasies. I do connect with the outer world but quite vacantly. In the past I studied hard, socialized, looked for entertainment and now I'm free of any needs. I don't want anything else but to lock up in my house and spend days alone, immersed in my thoughts. All my attempts to truly embed into this world have failed, so feel more lively inside my own self.
I get on well with otehr kids my age, but it's meaningless because, no matter how hard I try to become one of them, I'll never understand other teenagers. There's like a giant chasm between us. What they think of, their goals, their ideas, their tastes and entertainment - I don't feel like part of it. My socializing is just mimic. That's why at the age of 15 I'm lonelier than ever. I envy everyone who managed to get friedns and create a bond with someone because I'm simply not able to do so. And I don't know why! I met plenty of people in my life, they were really nice and I made a good impression on them. I often hear "oh, you're so great" but I know that no one actually means it, because when I attempt to become closer, everything fades. They compliment me and then disappear. You know, it kinda feels like friendzone, but maybe... "a nice girl" zone? Oh, it was great being buddies with you for two weeks, goodbye! And I've lost yet another chance of finding a soulmate. I'd rather have everyone thinking that I'm piece of shit but there would at least be a best friend by my side. That's all I want. Just one person who could understand me. I'm so tired of hiding my thoughts inside, spending weekends at home feeling isolated. I find no source of emotions in my surroundings - so that's why I'm sinking inside myself.
I want to be like others. I want to have crushes on boys, post stupid selfies, listen to pointless pop songs, chat about memes, hang out with others, smoke, drink, watch vulgar American comedies, rebel with or without reason. I want to be a typical teenager. Have 99 problems and not a single existential one. I don't wanna care. When I'll be 45, I want to remember my teenage years as "oh damn, that was really fun, I felt so free" and not as "I had crippling depression (and probably still do)". Is that so much to ask for? But I can't. I simply can't. So many thoughts in my head, emotions, ideas, worries, anxietes. I'll either explode one day or become insane.
For many years I consisered myself an optimist because, no matter how fucked up my present would be, I'd always picture the future in bright colors. But nothing changes and my optimism is running out. I'm afraid that I'm just gonna waste my life and it's my greatest fear. I have no idea what to do. No beauty, no intelligence, no talents, no ambitions, no charm - there's nothing. Past 15 years seemed like an eternity, and when I think about the fact that I'll live about 5 times longer, I want to scream.
I don't have any ideology or any shrine to believe in deeply. As I said above, I Iive by inertia. One day it'll run out but I don't know when. Perhaps if I hide in my shell long enough, it'll pass. Everything will pass.
Phew, I feel a lot better now. Thanks to people who created that thread. Bye.
Last time I helped someone with the same type of story it turned into a romance story and then she eventually left me and I still hold my promise to kill and/or beat the living shit out of the guy she left me for if I ever see him. Sooooo i’m sorry I can’t provide my free therapy and consoling anymore?? Get well soon