Not rlly a vent since I'm kinda happy but ah well.
So in June my mom suffered a stroke which left her unable to speak. She's been in reha… moreb for 5 months now and she's finally starting to get her speech back but it's still somewhat choppy and disoriented. Not that I'm complaining, any speech is better than none.
Today she came home for a weekend long visit and so far it's been pretty good. The brain injury center is an hour and a half away from where I live so I don't get to see her as often as I'd like to. She is such a strong woman I can't even believe it. With her stroke, her kidneys failing, dialysis four times a week, and gallstones.. holy shit.
Guys. If you have an awesome mother, give her the biggest damn hug ever. You never know when this world will take her.
I'm running on about 2 hours of sleep in as many days, I'll try now to trail off too much lol.
It's seems you know what a major issue is, and it's not going to be an easy one to overcome, but you're over thinking a lot of your interactions with people. One major thing I can tell you is try not to take yourself too seriously. I'm not saying to throw out self deprecating jokes, but more of trying to make a conscious effort not to assume the worst immediately. If you realize you're talking too loud, too softly, staring or not staring, and you realize this while you're doing it, don't abort or panic, make the adjustment and continue with what you're saying, when you're done try take a second to compose yourself. If you find yourself accidentally cutting someone off, try to brush it off, if they stop acknowledge it, "oops my bad, go ahead", let them finish.
Small or large groups, listen, look attentive, laugh with them, generally try not to come off as hostile or indifferent. If a subject comes up you're interested in or would talk about, speak up, even if it's just a simple acknowledgment that, yea, I like that too. A sport, a game, a tv show, a movie, any common interest the conversations on about, it at least lets people know that yea, this guy's into that too.
I know it sounds easy on paper, and we both know it's not, because you're going to have to actively fight most of your instincts on how to react. That mindset will slowly start to fade if you can get comfortable around just one person, chances are they usually hang around people who like the same things they do. It's not always going to work out this way, but you are always going to have to force this mindset. There will be certain people you can actually talk about the things you want to with, there'll be people who are a friend of a friend hello, people who are just a walk by.
Don't avoid people who aren't avoiding you. You don't have to think of something to say when you're sitting around them, think about what they're saying, and try to go from there.
Okay, fuck it. I'm just gonna come out and say it.
I have serious self-confidence issues and don't know how to overcome it.
I always fee… morel like I'm being a dick even when I'm not meaning to. I'm terrible at talking to people, I always don't make enough eye contact, make too much eye contact (One person even thought I was trying to 'intimidate' them), don't speak loud enough, speak too loud, stutter or accidentally cut people off when they're talking.
I repeat moments and conversations over and over again in my head and cant help but beat myself up over the stupid things or mistakes I've made. To put it simply: Ah Hate ma'salf and think 'am the most awwfal person awn tha planet!
I have no friends, when I'm in public I always just keep to myself and do my own thing and I hate it. But the thing is I cant just go up to someone and talk to them, because of my self-confidence issues. This is literally how my though goes when I think about … [view original content]
I know I need to just do it and see how it goes, but I don't know if I can.
One of the people seems genuinely interested in hanging out with me, but I guess I just don't want to mistake them just being nice with them actually wanting to talk.
I'm running on about 2 hours of sleep in as many days, I'll try now to trail off too much lol.
It's seems you know what a major issue is,… more and it's not going to be an easy one to overcome, but you're over thinking a lot of your interactions with people. One major thing I can tell you is try not to take yourself too seriously. I'm not saying to throw out self deprecating jokes, but more of trying to make a conscious effort not to assume the worst immediately. If you realize you're talking too loud, too softly, staring or not staring, and you realize this while you're doing it, don't abort or panic, make the adjustment and continue with what you're saying, when you're done try take a second to compose yourself. If you find yourself accidentally cutting someone off, try to brush it off, if they stop acknowledge it, "oops my bad, go ahead", let them finish.
Small or large groups, listen, look attentive, laugh with them, generally try not to … [view original content]
If they don't really want to talk, they'll just give short minimal responses like "OK", "Yeah", "I guess", and look away a lot. If they're not doing that, then assume they're talking with you because they want to talk with you. Give them a chance.
Thanks for your reply.
I know I need to just do it and see how it goes, but I don't know if I can.
One of the people seems genuinely in… moreterested in hanging out with me, but I guess I just don't want to mistake them just being nice with them actually wanting to talk.
It sounds like you're coping with a difficult situation as best as you can. Feel free to vent here. You're not disturbing anyone.
My only suggestion would be to tell your dad that you know he's frustrated, but it makes you feel sad when he talks about getting rid of your mom, so you'd prefer that he not say that to you anymore. That will only work if you say it calmly and not angrily.
Don't be so hard on yourself, you shouldn't worry too much about what other people think of you. I know that's way easier said than done. But the best thing to do is to find people who are interested in the same things as you, that way it's easier to find things to talk about. Btw, when I find myself feel dumb because of something I've said it done I listen to this.
Okay, fuck it. I'm just gonna come out and say it.
I have serious self-confidence issues and don't know how to overcome it.
I always fee… morel like I'm being a dick even when I'm not meaning to. I'm terrible at talking to people, I always don't make enough eye contact, make too much eye contact (One person even thought I was trying to 'intimidate' them), don't speak loud enough, speak too loud, stutter or accidentally cut people off when they're talking.
I repeat moments and conversations over and over again in my head and cant help but beat myself up over the stupid things or mistakes I've made. To put it simply: Ah Hate ma'salf and think 'am the most awwfal person awn tha planet!
I have no friends, when I'm in public I always just keep to myself and do my own thing and I hate it. But the thing is I cant just go up to someone and talk to them, because of my self-confidence issues. This is literally how my though goes when I think about … [view original content]
I know how you feel. I'm really, really quiet and awkward around people, I absolutely suck at eye contact and I blush really easily and that makes me feel more awkward and embarrassed.
I lack confidence to approach people or even just reply to people.
I find it hard to tell when it's my turn to speak and usually end up waiting too long and forgetting, or the topic gets changed and what I want to say becomes irrelevant.
(I was venting about that stuff here not too long ago but I deleted it 'cause I felt bad...)
I definitely feel more comfortable to talk to people one-on-one rather then a whole group of people, and I especially feel more comfortable to talk to people when I'm in a familiar environment.
I'm an introvert. I reckon that you might be an introvert too. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just who we are.
When I was younger, I was at my lowest. I would constantly beat myself up over the smallest things and I constantly compared myself to the few people I knew (and knew of). I felt like I was weird and not normal. I hated myself so much.
I know what you mean how those events play out in your mind over and over again and you criticize every little thing you get wrong or didn't do.
But when I look back and think "Aww WHY did I SAY THAT?! WHAT is WRONG with me?!" sometimes, as hard as it is, I just have let go of those thoughts... and accept that it's happened and try to learn from it, because holding onto those thoughts is like holding onto a cactus, the pain won't go away while you're still grasping it.
Putting too much pressure on yourself makes things harder than it needs to be. I know because that's all I ever did to myself and I end up not doing what it is that I pressure myself to do.
As much as it seems like it, it won't stay like this forever. If all else fails, it will naturally get easier as you get older. That's what I found, at least.
I think you are very intelligent and mature and that's something I've always admired about you. You're very articulate and always have something insightful to say. And you're not boring at all, you're really funny and have a high-quality sense of humour. You're an amazing person, it just might take some time for other people to see that.
I know that it might be hard for you to believe that about yourself. Try to see that there are people that love you for who you are.
It's important to know who you are within yourself.
Okay, fuck it. I'm just gonna come out and say it.
I have serious self-confidence issues and don't know how to overcome it.
I always fee… morel like I'm being a dick even when I'm not meaning to. I'm terrible at talking to people, I always don't make enough eye contact, make too much eye contact (One person even thought I was trying to 'intimidate' them), don't speak loud enough, speak too loud, stutter or accidentally cut people off when they're talking.
I repeat moments and conversations over and over again in my head and cant help but beat myself up over the stupid things or mistakes I've made. To put it simply: Ah Hate ma'salf and think 'am the most awwfal person awn tha planet!
I have no friends, when I'm in public I always just keep to myself and do my own thing and I hate it. But the thing is I cant just go up to someone and talk to them, because of my self-confidence issues. This is literally how my though goes when I think about … [view original content]
It sounds like you're coping with a difficult situation as best as you can. Feel free to vent here. You're not disturbing anyone.
My on… morely suggestion would be to tell your dad that you know he's frustrated, but it makes you feel sad when he talks about getting rid of your mom, so you'd prefer that he not say that to you anymore. That will only work if you say it calmly and not angrily.
To be honest, I deleted it because the situation itself makes me extremely nervous. I’m quite afraid of the other person involved and the potential backlash it could cause me. They have a bigger following than I could ever dream of and have already given away two of my accounts on other sites and told their fans to send me, along with some others, hate because we disagreed with him.
To be honest, I deleted it because the situation itself makes me extremely nervous. I’m quite afraid of the other person involved and the po… moretential backlash it could cause me. They have a bigger following than I could ever dream of and have already given away two of my accounts on other sites and told their fans to send me, along with some others, hate because we disagreed with him.
Maybe report that account to YouTube support? I'm sure their Terms of Service would have something against inciting harassment towards other people on the same platform.
As an unrelated and general aside - it's a pleasant surprise to see this thread revived! It's nice to see people helping each other out.
To be honest, I deleted it because the situation itself makes me extremely nervous. I’m quite afraid of the other person involved and the po… moretential backlash it could cause me. They have a bigger following than I could ever dream of and have already given away two of my accounts on other sites and told their fans to send me, along with some others, hate because we disagreed with him.
By the way, if anybody wants to post something here without revealing their account name to the world, feel free to DM it to me, and I'll copy it here, saying it was written by someone on the forums who wants to remain anonymous. If you don't trust me, the mods might be willing to do that, too (and they might get around to it faster than I can). I just can't officially volunteer them to do that.
we have so much in common
I never had lots of friends, I'm not popular, it's funny because my brother is the opposite of me, he's super popular in school and almost everyone wants to hang out with him, sometimes people talk to me just because he's my brother.
again, I never had lots of friends, but the few friends I had, were the best friends I could've asked for. I used to hang out with them everyday. We have been friends for like 11 years.
then, I moved to another country in 2015, and now I talk to them by messages, but of course is not the same thing and I'm afraid someday we will stop talking to each other, they will forget me and I'll end up alone.
this was not a problem to my brother, he has lots of new friends again, I'm jealous of his social skills, seriously, I still don't know how we are siblings.
about me... it's been 3 years and I still don't have new friends, I even argued with two people because they were fucking assholes who kept talking shit about me without knowing me and I wouldn't just be quiet and let them do it. Thank God one of them moved to another school, the other person is still in my class but we just ignore each other.
Anyway, I talk with some people, and there is a boy who is nice and we hang out a lot but he's nice with everyone so he doesn't count. This year I'll try to be more sociable, there are nice people in my school I guess. I am destined to be alone lmao, it's not so bad, I like to be alone sometimes, I wish I could come back to where all my best friends are. I'm not depressed or anything like that, but life is so unfair.
Okay, fuck it. I'm just gonna come out and say it.
I have serious self-confidence issues and don't know how to overcome it.
I always fee… morel like I'm being a dick even when I'm not meaning to. I'm terrible at talking to people, I always don't make enough eye contact, make too much eye contact (One person even thought I was trying to 'intimidate' them), don't speak loud enough, speak too loud, stutter or accidentally cut people off when they're talking.
I repeat moments and conversations over and over again in my head and cant help but beat myself up over the stupid things or mistakes I've made. To put it simply: Ah Hate ma'salf and think 'am the most awwfal person awn tha planet!
I have no friends, when I'm in public I always just keep to myself and do my own thing and I hate it. But the thing is I cant just go up to someone and talk to them, because of my self-confidence issues. This is literally how my though goes when I think about … [view original content]
I have a brother and a sister who are both really social, and I am just not very good at that kind of thing. The last two years I have gotten better at talking to people who I don't know really well, and it has gotten easier. But I sometimes have trouble with eye contact, and if I'm going somewhere where there's going to be a lot of people I don't know I get really nervous. I just try to push myself out of my comfort zone from time to time to try not to let my anxieties hold me back.
we have so much in common
I never had lots of friends, I'm not popular, it's funny because my brother is the opposite of me, he's super pop… moreular in school and almost everyone wants to hang out with him, sometimes people talk to me just because he's my brother.
again, I never had lots of friends, but the few friends I had, were the best friends I could've asked for. I used to hang out with them everyday. We have been friends for like 11 years.
then, I moved to another country in 2015, and now I talk to them by messages, but of course is not the same thing and I'm afraid someday we will stop talking to each other, they will forget me and I'll end up alone.
this was not a problem to my brother, he has lots of new friends again, I'm jealous of his social skills, seriously, I still don't know how we are siblings.
about me... it's been 3 years and I still don't have new friends, I even argued with two people because they were fucking assholes … [view original content]
I feel a lot better now. I was tired and angry when I wrote that.
And holy shit, this goes to everyone who has ever felt the same as I do: all it took was telling myself I could talk to people, and I was fine. I'm not even kidding, once I told myself "Hey, I can do this" and once I started, I was totally fine. Your mind is a powerful thing.
I heeded some advise posted here: Involve yourself, laugh with them, smile and just be yourself. Shit, that sounds cringey, but it's true! Just talking to someone can significantly improve your self-confidence.
Wow, that's amazing! I'm glad that you found the confidence!
And yes, the mind is extremely powerful. You can be your own best friend, and own worst enemy. I hope you can meet some people that you can connect with and make some friends!
...Hmm... Maybe I should try that tip...
Bah the way, if ya don't mah'nd mah wonderin', what was up with that there accent before?
(I mean no offense to anyone!)
Thanks @WarpSpeed, @Psychokinesis and @Kng0604 for your replies.
I feel a lot better now. I was tired and angry when I wrote that.
And … moreholy shit, this goes to everyone who has ever felt the same as I do: all it took was telling myself I could talk to people, and I was fine. I'm not even kidding, once I told myself "Hey, I can do this" and once I started, I was totally fine. Your mind is a powerful thing.
I heeded some advise posted here: Involve yourself, laugh with them, smile and just be yourself. Shit, that sounds cringey, but it's true! Just talking to someone can significantly improve your self-confidence.
I am terrible with eye contact. It's like I never developed that instinct. I have to consciously think about it. "Okay, they are saying something important, I need to be looking directly at them and be serious right now". "Alright, this is a casual conversation. I need to look like I'm paying attention but not staring.... I'll look at them directly for a few seconds, glance away, look back, blink remember to blink. Make sure I'm glancing away every few sentences, but not like I'm being annoyed.... I do it too much, it looks like I don't want to be here".
I have a brother and a sister who are both really social, and I am just not very good at that kind of thing. The last two years I have gotte… moren better at talking to people who I don't know really well, and it has gotten easier. But I sometimes have trouble with eye contact, and if I'm going somewhere where there's going to be a lot of people I don't know I get really nervous. I just try to push myself out of my comfort zone from time to time to try not to let my anxieties hold me back.
I have absolutely no idea. When I'm frustrated or upset and saying something personal, I tend to try and deliver it in a less emotional/personal way. Ah guess the accent was just mah way of disconnachting from it ah-ll. Y'know?
Wow, that's amazing! I'm glad that you found the confidence!
And yes, the mind is extremely powerful. You can be your own best friend, and … moreown worst enemy. I hope you can meet some people that you can connect with and make some friends!
...Hmm... Maybe I should try that tip...
Bah the way, if ya don't mah'nd mah wonderin', what was up with that there accent before?
(I mean no offense to anyone!)
I have absolutely no idea. When I'm frustrated or upset and saying something personal, I tend to try and deliver it in a less emotional/personal way. Ah guess the accent was just mah way of disconnachting from it ah-ll. Y'know?
Thanks @WarpSpeed, @Psychokinesis and @Kng0604 for your replies.
I feel a lot better now. I was tired and angry when I wrote that.
And … moreholy shit, this goes to everyone who has ever felt the same as I do: all it took was telling myself I could talk to people, and I was fine. I'm not even kidding, once I told myself "Hey, I can do this" and once I started, I was totally fine. Your mind is a powerful thing.
I heeded some advise posted here: Involve yourself, laugh with them, smile and just be yourself. Shit, that sounds cringey, but it's true! Just talking to someone can significantly improve your self-confidence.
I am terrible with eye contact. It's like I never developed that instinct. I have to consciously think about it. "Okay, they are saying s… moreomething important, I need to be looking directly at them and be serious right now". "Alright, this is a casual conversation. I need to look like I'm paying attention but not staring.... I'll look at them directly for a few seconds, glance away, look back, blink remember to blink. Make sure I'm glancing away every few sentences, but not like I'm being annoyed.... I do it too much, it looks like I don't want to be here".
This constantly goes through my head.
Making myself believe I can do it and trying to converse in a more casual tone. All things that I've forgotten I could do (more like I felt it was there but I didn't know what it was till now). I was debating whether I should make myself have less sleep so that I wouldn't have the energy to overthink and just give off a more casual tone with my body language, but that sounds like a healthier alternative. I'll give that a test at work today.
Thanks @WarpSpeed, @Psychokinesis and @Kng0604 for your replies.
I feel a lot better now. I was tired and angry when I wrote that.
And … moreholy shit, this goes to everyone who has ever felt the same as I do: all it took was telling myself I could talk to people, and I was fine. I'm not even kidding, once I told myself "Hey, I can do this" and once I started, I was totally fine. Your mind is a powerful thing.
I heeded some advise posted here: Involve yourself, laugh with them, smile and just be yourself. Shit, that sounds cringey, but it's true! Just talking to someone can significantly improve your self-confidence.
I have a brother and a sister who are both really social, and I am just not very good at that kind of thing. The last two years I have gotten better at talking to people who I don't know really well, and it has gotten easier. But I sometimes have trouble with eye contact, and if I'm going somewhere where there's going to be a lot of people I don't know I get really nervous. I just try to push myself out of my comfort zone from time to time to try not to let my anxieties hold me back.
Sometimes is good to have brothers or sisters with great social skills so they can help you to be more social and give you advices. Eye contact makes me really nervous sometimes too, i don't stare at the person and they think I'm not paying attention to them.
Been especially depressed and lonely all week in anticipation of Valentine's day. Been dealing with a bad separation since October and I guess the feelings of anger/betrayal/regret/shame are bubbling back to the surface. It's tough doing everything on your own and not knowing when or if you'll find someone else to fill that gap.
Yeah, your right. Sometimes I worry that I am making to much eye contact, and I'm not sure if I should look away after a moment and then look back or not. But it has gotten easier the past few years for me.
I have a brother and a sister who are both really social, and I am just not very good at that kind of thing. The last two years I have gotte… moren better at talking to people who I don't know really well, and it has gotten easier. But I sometimes have trouble with eye contact, and if I'm going somewhere where there's going to be a lot of people I don't know I get really nervous. I just try to push myself out of my comfort zone from time to time to try not to let my anxieties hold me back.
Sometimes is good to have brothers or sisters with great social skills so they can help you to be more social and give you advices. Eye contact makes me really nervous sometimes too, i don't stare at the person and they think I'm not paying attention to them.
Oh, that would be hard, seeing all the Valentine's Day stuff and "happy couples" celebrating it must be a bit triggering...
I don't know what it's like from the perspective of being in the relationship, but my parents had a pretty nasty divorce so I've got some idea of what it's like, being constantly brought in the middle of it all the time...
I know that Valentine's Day can make some people feel really lonely, like they're missing out on something, but that's what consumerism does. Maybe this isn't what you want to hear right now, but you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy, but sometimes that can be hard to see when you're still dealing with a break-up.
I hope you do eventually find happiness, whether it be within yourself or with someone else.
Been especially depressed and lonely all week in anticipation of Valentine's day. Been dealing with a bad separation since October and I gu… moreess the feelings of anger/betrayal/regret/shame are bubbling back to the surface. It's tough doing everything on your own and not knowing when or if you'll find someone else to fill that gap.
Oh, that would be hard, seeing all the Valentine's Day stuff and "happy couples" celebrating it must be a bit triggering...
I don't know wh… moreat it's like from the perspective of being in the relationship, but my parents had a pretty nasty divorce so I've got some idea of what it's like, being constantly brought in the middle of it all the time...
I know that Valentine's Day can make some people feel really lonely, like they're missing out on something, but that's what consumerism does. Maybe this isn't what you want to hear right now, but you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy, but sometimes that can be hard to see when you're still dealing with a break-up.
I hope you do eventually find happiness, whether it be within yourself or with someone else.
In my opinion - as long as you are a self-sufficient person who doesn't have all their eggs in one basket, being single on Valentine's Day isn't too much of a big deal. As for dealing with the separation, I'd recommend trying to find something to take your mind off of the breakup, such as hanging out with a group of friends or working towards self-improvement.
Been especially depressed and lonely all week in anticipation of Valentine's day. Been dealing with a bad separation since October and I gu… moreess the feelings of anger/betrayal/regret/shame are bubbling back to the surface. It's tough doing everything on your own and not knowing when or if you'll find someone else to fill that gap.
So... How do you tell if someone hangs out with you because they want to hang out with you, or because they pity you/feel bad that no one else hangs out with you? I feel like this group that I hang out with doesn't like me, they just put up with me.
I mean, in the first day that they all met each other, they exchanged phone numbers and text each other, go over to each other's houses and shit, and yet I've been around them for nearly a week now and no one's even hinted at wanting to hang out outside of class. So, I guess they just put up with me during class and then actually enjoy being alive when I'm not there. I mean, I joke with them, laugh with them, help them out, eat with them, and we even like a lot of the same games/TV shows, and yet I feel like there's nothing there. What am I doing wrong? Should I ask them? Or do I just give up?
Ugh. Fuck life.
Also, as if I needed something else to worry about, a friend of mine has been feeling pretty down lately, not sure how to help him so I'm gonna ask here.
A girl he liked was asking about love advice earlier, in a room with a few people, about how to get to know someone better before asking them out ( we weren't eavesdropping, we were in the room and she knew we could hear her). She wouldn't say the guy's name, just was asking how she should approach him. (She had previously said that my friend was sweet and he had a nice smile... So, there was a chance it was him.) Anyway, turned out it was some older guy who's quite an asshole and seems to try to 'get in' with any woman he can reach. She later was talking about her preference in men, and everything she disliked perfectly described him. So yeah. He feels pretty shitty now and I don't know how to support him. I know nothing about this kinda stuff. Do I tell him to "Get over it" or to "hold onto hope, she'll realise he's an asshole soon enough!" or just a simple "Just kill yourself, mate. Easier that way."? It's funny how the most stressful problems are usually the pettiest.
First issue:
Well, I was "tolerated" all through high school. Ask them to hang out? I don't know. Depends how important it is to you or how much you're willing to risk blowing this up.
Second:
I've been there. It's pretty soul-crushing. As someone who's had his heart ripped in two by a girl he adored, it's tough. It's real tough. Saying that, you are also just hurting yourself if you think she'll "come around". Maybe she will, you never know, but to hold onto that hope, is to hold onto that baggage even longer and have it hurt you more. Your friend probably wont want to hear it and I probably wouldn't tell them that. As a friend though, I think you have to help them through it knowing they need to move on. Be supportive, even if they want to hold out hope, but I wouldn't feed that hope anymore than they are. Just be there for him. He's not alone in this.
Hey. Shut up, I need to vent. Deal with it.
So... How do you tell if someone hangs out with you because they want to hang out with you, o… morer because they pity you/feel bad that no one else hangs out with you? I feel like this group that I hang out with doesn't like me, they just put up with me.
I mean, in the first day that they all met each other, they exchanged phone numbers and text each other, go over to each other's houses and shit, and yet I've been around them for nearly a week now and no one's even hinted at wanting to hang out outside of class. So, I guess they just put up with me during class and then actually enjoy being alive when I'm not there. I mean, I joke with them, laugh with them, help them out, eat with them, and we even like a lot of the same games/TV shows, and yet I feel like there's nothing there. What am I doing wrong? Should I ask them? Or do I just give up?
Ugh. Fuck life.
Also, as if I needed something else… [view original content]
I don't know. It's confusing. They say I'm "Part'a da' gang", but I don't feel like it.
I don't think I could actually ask to hang out with someone. That's a problem of mine; I can't invite myself to anything. If someone invites me, I'll happily join, but I can't ask to join.
Thanks for your advice.
May I ask, though, if you had any friends leaving highschool? Ones that you stayed in touch with?
First issue:
Well, I was "tolerated" all through high school. Ask them to hang out? I don't know. Depends how important it is to you or … morehow much you're willing to risk blowing this up.
Second:
I've been there. It's pretty soul-crushing. As someone who's had his heart ripped in two by a girl he adored, it's tough. It's real tough. Saying that, you are also just hurting yourself if you think she'll "come around". Maybe she will, you never know, but to hold onto that hope, is to hold onto that baggage even longer and have it hurt you more. Your friend probably wont want to hear it and I probably wouldn't tell them that. As a friend though, I think you have to help them through it knowing they need to move on. Be supportive, even if they want to hold out hope, but I wouldn't feed that hope anymore than they are. Just be there for him. He's not alone in this.
if you had any friends leaving highschool? Ones that you stayed in touch with?
I had friends coming out of high school. A couple guys that I went to elementary school with. As for friends from high school? Besides people I later found on facebook? No. Not really. We all got jobs and none of us made an effort to stay in touch. Probably WAY easier now, with social media. So, it would be hard to say if I would have these days. But my best friend now was my best friend in high school. We just know each other too well. All of my other friends are people I've worked with or met online in forums(people I talk to online).
I don't know. It's confusing. They say I'm "Part'a da' gang", but I don't feel like it.
I don't think I could actually ask to hang out with… more someone. That's a problem of mine; I can't invite myself to anything. If someone invites me, I'll happily join, but I can't ask to join.
Thanks for your advice.
May I ask, though, if you had any friends leaving highschool? Ones that you stayed in touch with?
Actually, can I ask another question to anyone who reads this?
Is being more a listener than a talker bad, or should I say; Frustrating?
When someone tells me something that happened, I listen to them, take note of how the person is feeling and, if they ask, will add my opinion to it. But can that be frustrating if you're telling someone something and they don't tell you how they feel about it, unless you ask? That doesn't make sense, does it?
Okay, let me give you an example:
Someone's talking to someone else about something, and as they talk, the other person responds briefly with sentences such as "Oh, that's good." or "Damn, that must suck." or "Yeah, that happened to me once." You know, things like this? Is that what you should do, or is it okay to just listen and not interrupt?
if you had any friends leaving highschool? Ones that you stayed in touch with?
I had friends coming out of high school. A couple gu… moreys that I went to elementary school with. As for friends from high school? Besides people I later found on facebook? No. Not really. We all got jobs and none of us made an effort to stay in touch. Probably WAY easier now, with social media. So, it would be hard to say if I would have these days. But my best friend now was my best friend in high school. We just know each other too well. All of my other friends are people I've worked with or met online in forums(people I talk to online).
I know how you feel, it almost seems like there are no loyal people left anymore, and Valentine’s Day coming around certainly doesn’t help things. Which is why I spend my Valentines Days Locke I need my room all day watching movies, playing video games, listening to music and all that while barely leaving to take my mind off of things.
Been especially depressed and lonely all week in anticipation of Valentine's day. Been dealing with a bad separation since October and I gu… moreess the feelings of anger/betrayal/regret/shame are bubbling back to the surface. It's tough doing everything on your own and not knowing when or if you'll find someone else to fill that gap.
I think being a good listener is a very good (and frankly, lacking nowadays) social skill to have. I find it extremely frustrating when someone doesn't let me talk and they instead want to tell me how I should run my life or solve my problems without even properly hearing what they are in the first place! I'd think that you should probably share your thoughts and opinions if they ask you, or if you feel that what you have to say is important. Maybe every now and then say a "yes" or an "okay" if you feel the need to, just to inform the other person you heard what they said, especially if you're not good with eye contact as it might be hard for some people to tell if you are listening or not.
I've seen people overdue saying "yes" "right" "ok" "a-huh" "sure" every two seconds and it makes it seem like they're not really listening or interested.
Actually, can I ask another question to anyone who reads this?
Is being more a listener than a talker bad, or should I say; Frustrating?
… more When someone tells me something that happened, I listen to them, take note of how the person is feeling and, if they ask, will add my opinion to it. But can that be frustrating if you're telling someone something and they don't tell you how they feel about it, unless you ask? That doesn't make sense, does it?
Okay, let me give you an example:
Someone's talking to someone else about something, and as they talk, the other person responds briefly with sentences such as "Oh, that's good." or "Damn, that must suck." or "Yeah, that happened to me once." You know, things like this? Is that what you should do, or is it okay to just listen and not interrupt?
God, I am so insecure...
Comments
It's fine now.
I'm running on about 2 hours of sleep in as many days, I'll try now to trail off too much lol.
It's seems you know what a major issue is, and it's not going to be an easy one to overcome, but you're over thinking a lot of your interactions with people. One major thing I can tell you is try not to take yourself too seriously. I'm not saying to throw out self deprecating jokes, but more of trying to make a conscious effort not to assume the worst immediately. If you realize you're talking too loud, too softly, staring or not staring, and you realize this while you're doing it, don't abort or panic, make the adjustment and continue with what you're saying, when you're done try take a second to compose yourself. If you find yourself accidentally cutting someone off, try to brush it off, if they stop acknowledge it, "oops my bad, go ahead", let them finish.
Small or large groups, listen, look attentive, laugh with them, generally try not to come off as hostile or indifferent. If a subject comes up you're interested in or would talk about, speak up, even if it's just a simple acknowledgment that, yea, I like that too. A sport, a game, a tv show, a movie, any common interest the conversations on about, it at least lets people know that yea, this guy's into that too.
I know it sounds easy on paper, and we both know it's not, because you're going to have to actively fight most of your instincts on how to react. That mindset will slowly start to fade if you can get comfortable around just one person, chances are they usually hang around people who like the same things they do. It's not always going to work out this way, but you are always going to have to force this mindset. There will be certain people you can actually talk about the things you want to with, there'll be people who are a friend of a friend hello, people who are just a walk by.
Don't avoid people who aren't avoiding you. You don't have to think of something to say when you're sitting around them, think about what they're saying, and try to go from there.
Thanks for your reply.
I know I need to just do it and see how it goes, but I don't know if I can.
One of the people seems genuinely interested in hanging out with me, but I guess I just don't want to mistake them just being nice with them actually wanting to talk.
If they don't really want to talk, they'll just give short minimal responses like "OK", "Yeah", "I guess", and look away a lot. If they're not doing that, then assume they're talking with you because they want to talk with you. Give them a chance.
It sounds like you're coping with a difficult situation as best as you can. Feel free to vent here. You're not disturbing anyone.
My only suggestion would be to tell your dad that you know he's frustrated, but it makes you feel sad when he talks about getting rid of your mom, so you'd prefer that he not say that to you anymore. That will only work if you say it calmly and not angrily.
Don't be so hard on yourself, you shouldn't worry too much about what other people think of you. I know that's way easier said than done. But the best thing to do is to find people who are interested in the same things as you, that way it's easier to find things to talk about. Btw, when I find myself feel dumb because of something I've said it done I listen to this.
I know how you feel. I'm really, really quiet and awkward around people, I absolutely suck at eye contact and I blush really easily and that makes me feel more awkward and embarrassed.
I lack confidence to approach people or even just reply to people.
I find it hard to tell when it's my turn to speak and usually end up waiting too long and forgetting, or the topic gets changed and what I want to say becomes irrelevant.
(I was venting about that stuff here not too long ago but I deleted it 'cause I felt bad...)
I definitely feel more comfortable to talk to people one-on-one rather then a whole group of people, and I especially feel more comfortable to talk to people when I'm in a familiar environment.
I'm an introvert. I reckon that you might be an introvert too. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just who we are.
When I was younger, I was at my lowest. I would constantly beat myself up over the smallest things and I constantly compared myself to the few people I knew (and knew of). I felt like I was weird and not normal. I hated myself so much.
I know what you mean how those events play out in your mind over and over again and you criticize every little thing you get wrong or didn't do.
But when I look back and think "Aww WHY did I SAY THAT?! WHAT is WRONG with me?!" sometimes, as hard as it is, I just have let go of those thoughts... and accept that it's happened and try to learn from it, because holding onto those thoughts is like holding onto a cactus, the pain won't go away while you're still grasping it.
Putting too much pressure on yourself makes things harder than it needs to be. I know because that's all I ever did to myself and I end up not doing what it is that I pressure myself to do.
As much as it seems like it, it won't stay like this forever. If all else fails, it will naturally get easier as you get older. That's what I found, at least.
I think you are very intelligent and mature and that's something I've always admired about you. You're very articulate and always have something insightful to say. And you're not boring at all, you're really funny and have a high-quality sense of humour. You're an amazing person, it just might take some time for other people to see that.
I know that it might be hard for you to believe that about yourself. Try to see that there are people that love you for who you are.
It's important to know who you are within yourself.
Remember that thread I started waaay back? There are other people that struggle with this too:
Anyone Here Have Social Anxiety/Awkwardness?
https://telltale.com/community/discussion/comment/2806966/
Remember, you're also a human being. And every human being deserves kindness and respect.
Try to remember to be kind to yourself too.
Thanks for the reply it's fine now.
Nvm some mod can delete this whenever they want.
You should have let your comment you know,i thought about deleting mine yesterday but i didn't
To be honest, I deleted it because the situation itself makes me extremely nervous. I’m quite afraid of the other person involved and the potential backlash it could cause me. They have a bigger following than I could ever dream of and have already given away two of my accounts on other sites and told their fans to send me, along with some others, hate because we disagreed with him.
Well you can't just do nothing either, your comment wasn't bad or anything
Maybe report that account to YouTube support? I'm sure their Terms of Service would have something against inciting harassment towards other people on the same platform.
As an unrelated and general aside - it's a pleasant surprise to see this thread revived!
It's nice to see people helping each other out.
By the way, if anybody wants to post something here without revealing their account name to the world, feel free to DM it to me, and I'll copy it here, saying it was written by someone on the forums who wants to remain anonymous. If you don't trust me, the mods might be willing to do that, too (and they might get around to it faster than I can). I just can't officially volunteer them to do that.
we have so much in common
I never had lots of friends, I'm not popular, it's funny because my brother is the opposite of me, he's super popular in school and almost everyone wants to hang out with him, sometimes people talk to me just because he's my brother.
again, I never had lots of friends, but the few friends I had, were the best friends I could've asked for. I used to hang out with them everyday. We have been friends for like 11 years.
then, I moved to another country in 2015, and now I talk to them by messages, but of course is not the same thing and I'm afraid someday we will stop talking to each other, they will forget me and I'll end up alone.
this was not a problem to my brother, he has lots of new friends again, I'm jealous of his social skills, seriously, I still don't know how we are siblings.
about me... it's been 3 years and I still don't have new friends, I even argued with two people because they were fucking assholes who kept talking shit about me without knowing me and I wouldn't just be quiet and let them do it. Thank God one of them moved to another school, the other person is still in my class but we just ignore each other.
Anyway, I talk with some people, and there is a boy who is nice and we hang out a lot but he's nice with everyone so he doesn't count. This year I'll try to be more sociable, there are nice people in my school I guess. I am destined to be alone lmao, it's not so bad, I like to be alone sometimes, I wish I could come back to where all my best friends are. I'm not depressed or anything like that, but life is so unfair.
I have a brother and a sister who are both really social, and I am just not very good at that kind of thing. The last two years I have gotten better at talking to people who I don't know really well, and it has gotten easier. But I sometimes have trouble with eye contact, and if I'm going somewhere where there's going to be a lot of people I don't know I get really nervous. I just try to push myself out of my comfort zone from time to time to try not to let my anxieties hold me back.
Thanks @WarpSpeed, @Psychokinesis and @Kng0604 for your replies.
I feel a lot better now. I was tired and angry when I wrote that.
And holy shit, this goes to everyone who has ever felt the same as I do: all it took was telling myself I could talk to people, and I was fine. I'm not even kidding, once I told myself "Hey, I can do this" and once I started, I was totally fine. Your mind is a powerful thing.
I heeded some advise posted here: Involve yourself, laugh with them, smile and just be yourself. Shit, that sounds cringey, but it's true! Just talking to someone can significantly improve your self-confidence.
Wow, that's amazing! I'm glad that you found the confidence!
And yes, the mind is extremely powerful. You can be your own best friend, and own worst enemy. I hope you can meet some people that you can connect with and make some friends!
...Hmm... Maybe I should try that tip...
Bah the way, if ya don't mah'nd mah wonderin', what was up with that there accent before?
(I mean no offense to anyone!)
I am terrible with eye contact. It's like I never developed that instinct. I have to consciously think about it. "Okay, they are saying something important, I need to be looking directly at them and be serious right now". "Alright, this is a casual conversation. I need to look like I'm paying attention but not staring.... I'll look at them directly for a few seconds, glance away, look back, blink remember to blink. Make sure I'm glancing away every few sentences, but not like I'm being annoyed.... I do it too much, it looks like I don't want to be here".
This constantly goes through my head.
I have absolutely no idea. When I'm frustrated or upset and saying something personal, I tend to try and deliver it in a less emotional/personal way. Ah guess the accent was just mah way of disconnachting from it ah-ll. Y'know?
Yeah, I know what you mean.
It's kinda easier to express yourself through... a persona, if you will. Not sure if that's the right word or not.
I'm happy to hear your doing better.?
Yeah, I sometimes do the same thing.
Making myself believe I can do it and trying to converse in a more casual tone. All things that I've forgotten I could do (more like I felt it was there but I didn't know what it was till now). I was debating whether I should make myself have less sleep so that I wouldn't have the energy to overthink and just give off a more casual tone with my body language, but that sounds like a healthier alternative.
I'll give that a test at work today.
Sometimes is good to have brothers or sisters with great social skills so they can help you to be more social and give you advices. Eye contact makes me really nervous sometimes too, i don't stare at the person and they think I'm not paying attention to them.
Been especially depressed and lonely all week in anticipation of Valentine's day. Been dealing with a bad separation since October and I guess the feelings of anger/betrayal/regret/shame are bubbling back to the surface. It's tough doing everything on your own and not knowing when or if you'll find someone else to fill that gap.
Yeah, your right. Sometimes I worry that I am making to much eye contact, and I'm not sure if I should look away after a moment and then look back or not. But it has gotten easier the past few years for me.
Oh, that would be hard, seeing all the Valentine's Day stuff and "happy couples" celebrating it must be a bit triggering...
I don't know what it's like from the perspective of being in the relationship, but my parents had a pretty nasty divorce so I've got some idea of what it's like, being constantly brought in the middle of it all the time...
I know that Valentine's Day can make some people feel really lonely, like they're missing out on something, but that's what consumerism does. Maybe this isn't what you want to hear right now, but you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy, but sometimes that can be hard to see when you're still dealing with a break-up.
I hope you do eventually find happiness, whether it be within yourself or with someone else.
Thanks for the kind sentiments. And if I may ask, were you still close with your father despite the nasty divorce?
Why are you only asking about my Father?
Because I'm a father. It's fine if you don't want to answer the question.
nvm sorry
In my opinion - as long as you are a self-sufficient person who doesn't have all their eggs in one basket, being single on Valentine's Day isn't too much of a big deal. As for dealing with the separation, I'd recommend trying to find something to take your mind off of the breakup, such as hanging out with a group of friends or working towards self-improvement.
Hey. Shut up, I need to vent. Deal with it.
So... How do you tell if someone hangs out with you because they want to hang out with you, or because they pity you/feel bad that no one else hangs out with you? I feel like this group that I hang out with doesn't like me, they just put up with me.
I mean, in the first day that they all met each other, they exchanged phone numbers and text each other, go over to each other's houses and shit, and yet I've been around them for nearly a week now and no one's even hinted at wanting to hang out outside of class. So, I guess they just put up with me during class and then actually enjoy being alive when I'm not there. I mean, I joke with them, laugh with them, help them out, eat with them, and we even like a lot of the same games/TV shows, and yet I feel like there's nothing there. What am I doing wrong? Should I ask them? Or do I just give up?
Ugh. Fuck life.
Also, as if I needed something else to worry about, a friend of mine has been feeling pretty down lately, not sure how to help him so I'm gonna ask here.
A girl he liked was asking about love advice earlier, in a room with a few people, about how to get to know someone better before asking them out ( we weren't eavesdropping, we were in the room and she knew we could hear her). She wouldn't say the guy's name, just was asking how she should approach him. (She had previously said that my friend was sweet and he had a nice smile... So, there was a chance it was him.) Anyway, turned out it was some older guy who's quite an asshole and seems to try to 'get in' with any woman he can reach. She later was talking about her preference in men, and everything she disliked perfectly described him. So yeah. He feels pretty shitty now and I don't know how to support him. I know nothing about this kinda stuff. Do I tell him to "Get over it" or to "hold onto hope, she'll realise he's an asshole soon enough!" or just a simple "Just kill yourself, mate. Easier that way."? It's funny how the most stressful problems are usually the pettiest.
Such a great friend, I am. (Sarcasm)
Hardy-ha.
First issue:
Well, I was "tolerated" all through high school. Ask them to hang out? I don't know. Depends how important it is to you or how much you're willing to risk blowing this up.
Second:
I've been there. It's pretty soul-crushing. As someone who's had his heart ripped in two by a girl he adored, it's tough. It's real tough. Saying that, you are also just hurting yourself if you think she'll "come around". Maybe she will, you never know, but to hold onto that hope, is to hold onto that baggage even longer and have it hurt you more. Your friend probably wont want to hear it and I probably wouldn't tell them that. As a friend though, I think you have to help them through it knowing they need to move on. Be supportive, even if they want to hold out hope, but I wouldn't feed that hope anymore than they are. Just be there for him. He's not alone in this.
I don't know. It's confusing. They say I'm "Part'a da' gang", but I don't feel like it.
I don't think I could actually ask to hang out with someone. That's a problem of mine; I can't invite myself to anything. If someone invites me, I'll happily join, but I can't ask to join.
Thanks for your advice.
May I ask, though, if you had any friends leaving highschool? Ones that you stayed in touch with?
I had friends coming out of high school. A couple guys that I went to elementary school with. As for friends from high school? Besides people I later found on facebook? No. Not really. We all got jobs and none of us made an effort to stay in touch. Probably WAY easier now, with social media. So, it would be hard to say if I would have these days. But my best friend now was my best friend in high school. We just know each other too well. All of my other friends are people I've worked with or met online in forums(people I talk to online).
Actually, can I ask another question to anyone who reads this?
Is being more a listener than a talker bad, or should I say; Frustrating?
When someone tells me something that happened, I listen to them, take note of how the person is feeling and, if they ask, will add my opinion to it. But can that be frustrating if you're telling someone something and they don't tell you how they feel about it, unless you ask? That doesn't make sense, does it?
Okay, let me give you an example:
Someone's talking to someone else about something, and as they talk, the other person responds briefly with sentences such as "Oh, that's good." or "Damn, that must suck." or "Yeah, that happened to me once." You know, things like this? Is that what you should do, or is it okay to just listen and not interrupt?
God, I am so insecure...
I know how you feel, it almost seems like there are no loyal people left anymore, and Valentine’s Day coming around certainly doesn’t help things. Which is why I spend my Valentines Days Locke I need my room all day watching movies, playing video games, listening to music and all that while barely leaving to take my mind off of things.
I think being a good listener is a very good (and frankly, lacking nowadays) social skill to have. I find it extremely frustrating when someone doesn't let me talk and they instead want to tell me how I should run my life or solve my problems without even properly hearing what they are in the first place! I'd think that you should probably share your thoughts and opinions if they ask you, or if you feel that what you have to say is important. Maybe every now and then say a "yes" or an "okay" if you feel the need to, just to inform the other person you heard what they said, especially if you're not good with eye contact as it might be hard for some people to tell if you are listening or not.
I've seen people overdue saying "yes" "right" "ok" "a-huh" "sure" every two seconds and it makes it seem like they're not really listening or interested.
There's no one right way to do something.