Conceit would be so easy to fall into considering the circumstances, and I'd be better off for it, at least temporarily, like a painkiller of sorts.
What do I have to fear from you? If you're opinion is to be feared you aren't cut out to be here. If your opinion is to be feared and not admired your opinion shouldn't be appreciated as anything more than a nuisance. I've seen your face several times in the crowds, and we have billions of spirits at hand already. You're no one, maybe in your world that isn't true, but not in mine, and ultimately any investment in your story is an extension of my own. Everyone I care about was no one until I made them a major character in my story, or at least until fate did.
True colors are bullshit, the spirit goes far, far deeper than what can be visible. You'll never grasp my soul and it was never yours to grasp to begin with. If you believe this to be me, that I have shown my true self, take offense and leave my story. I don't need you.
The relief it gives is intoxicating, I'm afraid that fate will dictate that I become addicted to it, but if it does then I'll let it take me.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
~ Robert Frost, "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening"
That was a test, largely for myself. I wanted to know what it'd look like if I did. I don't like that version of myself.
I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a flawed person, sometimes I feel as though it's by design. The higher peak requires the more hellish climb, but am I guaranteed to make it up there though? I never chose this mountain, but it's the one that was given to me and I can't just sit at the base admiring it's scale.
I'm torn between two worlds, but that indecision keeps me from mastering either of them. Like everyone, I just want to be told that it'll all be okay, but I know it'll only make me feel worse because no one can deliver that promise for me.
Conceit would be so easy to fall into considering the circumstances, and I'd be better off for it, at least temporarily, like a painkiller o… moref sorts.
What do I have to fear from you? If you're opinion is to be feared you aren't cut out to be here. If your opinion is to be feared and not admired your opinion shouldn't be appreciated as anything more than a nuisance. I've seen your face several times in the crowds, and we have billions of spirits at hand already. You're no one, maybe in your world that isn't true, but not in mine, and ultimately any investment in your story is an extension of my own. Everyone I care about was no one until I made them a major character in my story, or at least until fate did.
True colors are bullshit, the spirit goes far, far deeper than what can be visible. You'll never grasp my soul and it was never yours to grasp to begin with. If you believe this to be me, that I have shown my true self, take offen… [view original content]
And we're both constantly trying to better ourselves and find meaning and purpose in an utterly worthless world filled with a disgusting hatred known as 'humanity'.
No, you give the world it's own worth, some people don't need meaning to do that. I'm familiar with misanthropy and I equate it to condemning a sickly man to fall into his death bed. We see evil and malice as this shadowy force aiming to consume us but in reality it's just full of confused, traumatized children throwing a tantrum. Separate the man from the disease, just because it takes over him doesn't mean he's a willing agent.
But I must know one last thing... Do you close the toilet lid after yourself...?
It seems we have more in common than I previously calculated (although I have a brother, I was mainly raised by women)
We love(ed) Tellta… morele,
We love animals,
We love cocoa,
I love chickens,
And we're both constantly trying to better ourselves and find meaning and purpose in an utterly worthless world filled with a disgusting hatred known as 'humanity'.
But I must know one last thing... Do you close the toilet lid after yourself...?
I know you tried to make it as clear as you could, and I'm sorry that we're not able to follow. I know feeling like you are on your own feels terrible. I've tried every way I could think of to help without making you want to not talk to me again. Alienating you from us is the last thing I want to do.
You've been a good friend to us and we want to be a good friend back, but I could never have imagined that a gap like this would form that we are unable to cross. It saddens me to see how much you have changed recently and how far in distance it feels you have grown from us, but I know that those feelings won't mean anything. Wish that we could say that we'll be here if you wish to return, but... you know. We won't forget what you have done for this community and the help that you have given us. It was a lot to us, though it may seem so little.
I'm sorry, I'm not in a joking mood.
There's no solace in being a "special snowflake", attempting to garner empathy while twisting logic … moreis insane, and honestly the fact that my posts seem incomprehensible scares me to no end. I've given the ones I care about several opportunities to dissuade me off this path and to show that there was a foothold, even if the crux is hard to follow I made the underlying principles as clear as I could. No one had to, but I don't have to walk off this path if I feel it's what best.
Doesn't matter what anyone thinks I deserve, I'm taking what's owed to me, and damn everyone who gets in the way of that or shuns me for whatever reason. I still hope everyone who does care won't turn away in the end, but I accept that either way it goes depends on what I decide, and I'm going to do what feels right over the approval of friends and family when all is said and done.
Not too sure what all has happened but if @Cocoa2736 is leaving then...
Just wanted to say thanks for the words of comfort/advice a little while back. You didn’t know me but still took the time to help me out. The world needs more people like that. If you are leaving then I am sad to see you go. I will miss you. Thanks again.
And we're both constantly trying to better ourselves and find meaning and purpose in an utterly worthless world filled with a disgusting hat… morered known as 'humanity'.
No, you give the world it's own worth, some people don't need meaning to do that. I'm familiar with misanthropy and I equate it to condemning a sickly man to fall into his death bed. We see evil and malice as this shadowy force aiming to consume us but in reality it's just full of confused, traumatized children throwing a tantrum. Separate the man from the disease, just because it takes over him doesn't mean he's a willing agent.
But I must know one last thing... Do you close the toilet lid after yourself...?
I'm glad we both loveed the same things ✌️
Why do you guys gotta remind me that I'm the bohemian from Bohemian Rhapsody? fuck u guys
I'm not leaving, whatever happens happens but I'm not going "screw this I'm out of here". I'll go wherever I have to and if it means moving on from here then okay.
I know you tried to make it as clear as you could, and I'm sorry that we're not able to follow. I know feeling like you are on your own feel… mores terrible. I've tried every way I could think of to help without making you want to not talk to me again. Alienating you from us is the last thing I want to do.
You've been a good friend to us and we want to be a good friend back, but I could never have imagined that a gap like this would form that we are unable to cross. It saddens me to see how much you have changed recently and how far in distance it feels you have grown from us, but I know that those feelings won't mean anything. Wish that we could say that we'll be here if you wish to return, but... you know. We won't forget what you have done for this community and the help that you have given us. It was a lot to us, though it may seem so little.
@AChicken, @Psychokinesis. Is there anything you want to say before he leaves?
Trying to view my TWD:S1 Choices, But it only shows "Thank you for playing!".
I would like to export the Save File as a Remembrance and also my activities in the Community
Gosh, I wouldn't want you to leave Cocoa! (but you're not right now so that's good)
You're such an integral part of this thread, and of this forum, even! You've got all these thoughts in your head that you explain so eloquently, and it's so fascinating to see! I wish I could have a mind's eye like yours.
I haven't really been keeping up on the conversation between you and ZombieK so I'll have to go back and get some context for this, but just know that I will totally remember you if ever you leave someday.
Why do you guys gotta remind me that I'm the bohemian from Bohemian Rhapsody? fuck u guys
I'm not leaving, whatever happens happens b… moreut I'm not going "screw this I'm out of here". I'll go wherever I have to and if it means moving on from here then okay.
Thanks for caring guys I really appreciate it.
Just interpretation from my end, but it seems Zombiekiller misinterpreted Cocoa's thoughts and words. He has made it very vague after all and we have little idea of what he may be going through, so I guess Zombie took it differently. I think Cocoa is the kind of person who'd tell us if he were to leave and be open about it.
Gosh, I wouldn't want you to leave Cocoa! (but you're not right now so that's good)
You're such an integral part of this thread, and of th… moreis forum, even! You've got all these thoughts in your head that you explain so eloquently, and it's so fascinating to see! I wish I could have a mind's eye like yours.
I haven't really been keeping up on the conversation between you and ZombieK so I'll have to go back and get some context for this, but just know that I will totally remember you if ever you leave someday.
It's never eloquent enough. I'm a slave to your perceptions, to your comfort; all my woes I've had to reduce into a circus act for you. If I'm being honest, I'm constantly freaking out internally, and believe me I've tried near every way to release that and anticipated every contingency that could arise from the ways I do release or channel it. The only way to remedy it is to let go, and I'm not letting go of who I am. These rants only harm me in the long run, but I keep going through with them because I truly want to believe in your empathy. I can only hope that it will all click someday.
Thank you tho it's nice to know that I'm appreciated here.
Gosh, I wouldn't want you to leave Cocoa! (but you're not right now so that's good)
You're such an integral part of this thread, and of th… moreis forum, even! You've got all these thoughts in your head that you explain so eloquently, and it's so fascinating to see! I wish I could have a mind's eye like yours.
I haven't really been keeping up on the conversation between you and ZombieK so I'll have to go back and get some context for this, but just know that I will totally remember you if ever you leave someday.
I used this thread the way it was meant to, I would never have done that if I didn't trust you guys or if the invitation wasn't made, but now I'm being told that there is a gap I can't overcome, almost as if I've gone too far. That's a frightening thought; turns the legs to jelly. In the end, what has venting revealed to me that I didn't already know? Is the point of venting to relive past trauma,to shift that pain on to others, and to risk being shot down when all you wanted was to share your mind peacefully? Is having that isolation reenforced ever the intention? I know the answer I want to believe, but experience has contradicted it time and time again. No one is truly at fault for that, but some people will antagonize you simply for being you.
@Ghetsis is right, but I don't owe anyone a goodbye. I give it because I respect you. Even when I knew where I was heading I still wanted to hold on, but that's impossible. With a heavy heart I wish you all the best, I admire a lot of you and I hope we meet again someday.
@Cocoa2736 I'm perfectly fine with reading your vents but I'm sure it must be a little annoying when people intrude on your thoughts and interpret it differently, and in the end, what you thought would just be putting your feelings down sometimes turns into you having outstretched conversations with people about their misunderstandings and their views. I think that, if you think venting is doing more harm than good, you don't have to continue, but please don't leave, and continue posting on other threads if you want. I may be misunderstanding again, but it doesn't have to be goodbye, it never has to be goodbye, after all we are just articulate individuals online. Damn this is harder to write because no more Telltale games rip
This was definitely me. While I was trying to be understanding he was feeling the exact opposite. It felt like I shouldn't have stepped in, but it also felt like if I didn't it would've been just as bad. Feeling alone
It's not annoying, it's just heartbreaking. I want to share how I feel just like anyone, but I don't want to be reminded of depressing inevitabilities, and even if I stay on other threads I will be reminded of them. Deep down I know I don't belong here, that's not me beating down on myself, it's just a sensation, but I enjoy the people here. It's why it hurts having to say goodbye. I appreciate that you care though.
@Zombiekiller3121 It is no one's fault, that's the thing. I reasonably thought "You know I trust these guys" and you reasonably thought that you could relate in a way. My very existence is the fault, I don't want to be reminded of that. Don't blame yourself because you don't have anything to do with it
@Cocoa2736 I'm perfectly fine with reading your vents but I'm sure it must be a little annoying when people intrude on your thoughts and int… moreerpret it differently, and in the end, what you thought would just be putting your feelings down sometimes turns into you having outstretched conversations with people about their misunderstandings and their views. I think that, if you think venting is doing more harm than good, you don't have to continue, but please don't leave, and continue posting on other threads if you want. I may be misunderstanding again, but it doesn't have to be goodbye, it never has to be goodbye, after all we are just articulate individuals online. Damn this is harder to write because no more Telltale games rip
It's not annoying, it's just heartbreaking. I want to share how I feel just like anyone, but I don't want to be reminded of depressing inevi… moretabilities, and even if I stay on other threads I will be reminded of them. Deep down I know I don't belong here, that's not me beating down on myself, it's just a sensation, but I enjoy the people here. It's why it hurts having to say goodbye. I appreciate that you care though.
@Zombiekiller3121 It is no one's fault, that's the thing. I reasonably thought "You know I trust these guys" and you reasonably thought that you could relate in a way. My very existence is the fault, I don't want to be reminded of that. Don't blame yourself because you don't have anything to do with it
It's not annoying, it's just heartbreaking. I want to share how I feel just like anyone, but I don't want to be reminded of depressing inevi… moretabilities, and even if I stay on other threads I will be reminded of them. Deep down I know I don't belong here, that's not me beating down on myself, it's just a sensation, but I enjoy the people here. It's why it hurts having to say goodbye. I appreciate that you care though.
@Zombiekiller3121 It is no one's fault, that's the thing. I reasonably thought "You know I trust these guys" and you reasonably thought that you could relate in a way. My very existence is the fault, I don't want to be reminded of that. Don't blame yourself because you don't have anything to do with it
I want to hold on to hope that I don't have to walk away, but I'm running out of alternatives. I don't mean death, my spirit refuses to die by it's own choice, but the path I'm going down. The fact that no one can follow means no one can bring me back, or that I'm not worth the hassle it takes to bring back.
I tried, I didn't go "I'm gonna tangle these people in a wild goose chase". I brought you in because I cared; it's no one's fault for how it ends up.
I'm painfully aware of my childishness and indecision, that so many people could take the reigns better than I can, but it's not their reigns to take, if they were I'd slip away peacefully. You're stuck with me; you'll always be along on my ride, through my downfalls, my victories over the dark, my resentments, and my scale over that mountain, you'll feel it, even if you don't want to or feel you don't have to. If I fade away, you better believe I'll come back with a bang, that's a promise I'll keep I guarantee you that. This act may be coming to a close, but my story still has many turns to take, and no amount of pain, oppression, or abandonment is going to stop me.
I won't take my friends and family falling silent lightly, because that means I have to. I gave my word but now I have to keep it; I gave my nervous sweat and tears but now I have to soak in them. Becoming an adult isn't a choice but becoming your own leader is, and it starts when you take your first step on the path you've forged. I'll stomp on the inch and soar far past the mile, you won't stand a chance if you get in my way.
I liked this place, it was sweet and I believed in it, but I've outgrown it. Everything feels so small now and the accusations come in telling me I've become too big for my britches. Your thoughts are have no worth to me; I already have plenty that are just now starting to sprout, and they will bloom taller and brighter than you could ever dream.
If all roads converge into destiny regardless, if my soul drags me to my destination no matter how I plead or give my side of the story, then my soul knows better than anyone I could turn to. I've found the resolve I was looking for, it won't let drift away from me again.
I want to hold on to hope that I don't have to walk away, but I'm running out of alternatives. I don't mean death, my spirit refuses to die … moreby it's own choice, but the path I'm going down. The fact that no one can follow means no one can bring me back, or that I'm not worth the hassle it takes to bring back.
I tried, I didn't go "I'm gonna tangle these people in a wild goose chase". I brought you in because I cared; it's no one's fault for how it ends up.
I'm painfully aware of my childishness and indecision, that so many people could take the reigns better than I can, but it's not their reigns to take, if they were I'd slip away peacefully. You're stuck with me; you'll always be along on my ride, through my downfalls, my victories over the dark, my resentments, and my scale over that mountain, you'll feel it, even if you don't want to or feel you don't have to. If I fade away, you better believe I'll come back with a bang, that's a pro… [view original content]
And forget about it. If I ever worked there I would probably be just as much, if not more forgetful. Someone would've had pour hot grease on me to get me to snap out of my trance.
And forget about it. If I ever worked there I would probably be just as much, if not more forgetful. Someone would've had pour hot grease on me to get me to snap out of my trance.
Not McDonald's, but today's lunch restaurant accidentally gave me cheese fries instead of the regular fries I ordered. I accepted them anyway, because I always wondered what they were like, but now that I've had them, I'll make sure I get uncheesed fries next time.
It makes me so angry when people treat others with violence and abuse. Why behave like that? There's no need for it!
So, the place that I'm in has loud neighbors... not in the sense that they're annoying, but that it's actually frightening; the husband next door is verbally abusive to his wife. I heard them shouting at each other with the husband calling her every swear word you could think of. This wasn't just some bickering, this was domestic violence. You could hear the husband's rage in his vile scream. When I walked down the street, I witnessed another couple having a fight (with plenty of "f-bombs" being dropped as well); the woman kicked the man out from the house, to which he shouts out a few f--- you's at her from across the street. This sort of shit is triggering for me.
People don't deserve to be treated this way! Why can't people have some respect for each other!? You can express your views and your disagreements without having to be be abusive! There is no excuse for that kind of behavior!
I've lived among violence my whole life and I still don't understand it. I mean it takes a deliberate action (or more) to be a piece of shit, how can you choose to be that way ? Can't you see you hurt people around you ?
Yeah we all can get a little crazy and do stuff we don't mean to do but we realize that what we did was bad and we try to better ourselves. (At least that's how it usually is for me)
It makes me so angry when people treat others with violence and abuse. Why behave like that? There's no need for it!
So, the place that I… more'm in has loud neighbors... not in the sense that they're annoying, but that it's actually frightening; the husband next door is verbally abusive to his wife. I heard them shouting at each other with the husband calling her every swear word you could think of. This wasn't just some bickering, this was domestic violence. You could hear the husband's rage in his vile scream. When I walked down the street, I witnessed another couple having a fight (with plenty of "f-bombs" being dropped as well); the woman kicked the man out from the house, to which he shouts out a few f--- you's at her from across the street. This sort of shit is triggering for me.
People don't deserve to be treated this way! Why can't people have some respect for each other!? You can express your views and your disagreements without having to be be abusive! There is no excuse for that kind of behavior!
When I was at my uncle's funeral overseas, I was one of the pallbearers. When carrying my end of the casket towards the grave site so it could be lowered, I lost my footing getting over some broken up rocks. Long story short, I came so close to dropping my side, and I swear, I don't even wanna finish saying what would've happened if I did. I can just imagine everyone's reaction. before we even got there I could see that I was going to fuck up getting over the rocks. Even after we placed it on the green straps, I almost fell moving from that area. Anyways, it was pretty intense. Also, funerals are really disturbing imo. When you see the person who died, they sometimes look very different from how they did before, but a lot of things factor in on why they appear different. So yeahhhhh.....
That's a pretty touchy subject to bring up. Sorry it had to be so tense. I could see myself totally fucking up if I were put in that situation. God, and if it were my Aunt.. I totally understand why you think funerals are uncomfortable.
Shame it doesn't need to be excused to exist. This won't be the last time you hear about some egregious abuse, and all you can do is stand on the sidelines giving stern faces of disapproval while you let it ruin your day. It's easy to observe a burning relationship and scoff at how stupid they were for starting it, but what happens when tragedy sparks on you and that ember strikes near enough to truly singe your soul? Will you be one with water and quell it? Will you run away? Or maybe the flame will catch onto you and you'll end up just as panicked and desperate as they were, and you'll regret your scorn now knowing what it feels to be as deeply anguished and burnt as they felt. There are no objective excuses, only rationales. The world doesn't care about your morality unless it has garnered a following that will go to arms for it with the leader at front lines. Everything has a justifiable reason when you pursue the full picture and you're willing to let go of your codes to understand reality, but if it's not excusable? Prove it. Make the world play by your rules in any way you can.
Alright, you got me. I'm probably too lazy, or cowardly, in order to make that sort of change. Plus, I'm not close to ready enough to create a speech, let alone a convincing one, to generate that sort of awareness in people. I could hardly convince you that I was able to understand what you were talking about. Though, I guess this shouldn't be all up to me. Having enough people to spread that word, and to show action upon, should be enough to gain momentum in a community. Yet, that isn't it.
Having it get to me. That most likely will happen. Not that I want it to, but everyone has a point in which they snap. Lose their better judgement and are influenced by whatever thought is pounding in their head at the time. We've all had that before in one way or another. Either through sadness, excitedness, frustration, temptation. You could even consider illness as one.
These sorts of mental thresholds are what make us a living being. So, in some way, I maybe wrong to even try to fight this. How do you fight something that has been genetically bred into you to do? My best answer is that you can't stop it from happening. You can only do your best to limit its outcome.
But as you said, It is a matter of perspective of what is justified to do and what is not. And really, I'm surprised we even have that perspective in the first place. A fluke, built upon a fluke of our "supposed" consciousness, upon a fluke where evolution has branched us down a possibility of consciousness, upon a fluke where there is sentient life, upon a fluke where living organisms even exist. We've won the fucking lottery multiple times, yet we ask for more.
Shame it doesn't need to be excused to exist. This won't be the last time you hear about some egregious abuse, and all you can do is stand o… moren the sidelines giving stern faces of disapproval while you let it ruin your day. It's easy to observe a burning relationship and scoff at how stupid they were for starting it, but what happens when tragedy sparks on you and that ember strikes near enough to truly singe your soul? Will you be one with water and quell it? Will you run away? Or maybe the flame will catch onto you and you'll end up just as panicked and desperate as they were, and you'll regret your scorn now knowing what it feels to be as deeply anguished and burnt as they felt. There are no objective excuses, only rationales. The world doesn't care about your morality unless it has garnered a following that will go to arms for it with the leader at front lines. Everything has a justifiable reason when you pursue the full picture and you're … [view original content]
Lazy and cowardly are insults, the real reasons go deeper than that. You feel powerless, and the possibility of failure makes you scared to draw attention and hesitant to try. I'm not calling you out, I understand, but you already made your stand and called out the inexcusable. You could've taken the time to understand that you have no idea of the turmoil those couples went through or the hardships and abuse they both endured to believe that was acceptable behavior, but you made yourself a soldier in this battle. If you don't feel confident in your abilities to make a difference, then drop the gun and the impression that good isn't good enough to stand up to abuse, because I won't, but I still believe you can make a change, even if it is small.
Having it get to me. That most likely will happen. Not that I want it to, but everyone has a point in which they snap. Lose their better judgement and are influenced by whatever thought is pounding in their head at the time. We've all had that before in one way or another. Either through sadness, excitedness, frustration, temptation. You could even consider illness as one.
That husband didn't want to yell at his wife, but it still wasn't enough for him to resist that frustration. Ethics are clearly lost on him; he will continue screaming his head off and terrorizing his loved ones because he never learned your principles (or has your calm outsider point of view). That's all he knows, and our apathy and fear to truly fight against it means we resigned ourselves to be just as powerless against his behavior as the victim. I'm not talking about ability or having the opportunity, I'm talking about resolve. We can disapprove and leave feeling more bitter about the world or we can go further and vow to shut down that behavior however we can.
These sorts of mental thresholds are what make us a living being. So, in some way, I maybe wrong to even try to fight this. How do you fight something that has been genetically bred into you to do? My best answer is that you can't stop it from happening. You can only do your best to limit its outcome.
Then you lost the fight, but you don't have to accept that you will. It's a force to deal with, sure, but you will deal with it. Just limiting its outcome to its utmost minimum is a victory. I'll see you when those "genetic instincts" are left kissing my bootheels.
A fluke, built upon a fluke of our "supposed" consciousness, upon a fluke where evolution has branched us down a possibility of consciousness, upon a fluke where there is sentient life, upon a fluke where living organisms even exist. We've won the fucking lottery multiple times, yet we ask for more.
I'll take as many gambles as I need to. I'm not a victim of chance. I'll make purpose in a purposeless world, and you can too.
Alright, you got me. I'm probably too lazy, or cowardly, in order to make that sort of change. Plus, I'm not close to ready enough to create… more a speech, let alone a convincing one, to generate that sort of awareness in people. I could hardly convince you that I was able to understand what you were talking about. Though, I guess this shouldn't be all up to me. Having enough people to spread that word, and to show action upon, should be enough to gain momentum in a community. Yet, that isn't it.
Having it get to me. That most likely will happen. Not that I want it to, but everyone has a point in which they snap. Lose their better judgement and are influenced by whatever thought is pounding in their head at the time. We've all had that before in one way or another. Either through sadness, excitedness, frustration, temptation. You could even consider illness as one.
These sorts of mental thresholds are what make us a living being. So, in so… [view original content]
Guess it’s time to do something I’ve never really had the guts to do, express my emotions ? I try to play this off as a bit of a jokester or “troll” and some people might like to call it, but in reality part of me just wants to die. I’ve got piles of assignments that needs to be done but in my current state I can’t get around to, so I’m likely gonna be kicked out of school before Christmas, most people I have ever known have betrayed me in some capacity and have tried to ruin me, even with my tremendously good lucks I can’t get a girlfriend because I’m absolutely awful at speaking to them irl, I hardly ever leave the house cos movies and video games are one of the few things sustaining me, and the rela world is full of complete assholes apparently, and more.
One of my motivating factors is the business I want to start, and if it fails that could be it for me. I want therapy but I don’t want to worry my family by telling them about how I feel atm, so I figured it needed to go in the place where I visit most often and love the most.
I just needed to get that off of my chest, because there’s no use in dealing with the depression that I currently have alone. Sadly this could mean no more sarcasm in the future, I need to be more realistic with folks here for now on ❤️
Guess it’s time to do something I’ve never really had the guts to do, express my emotions ? I try to play this off as a bit of a jokester or… more “troll” and some people might like to call it, but in reality part of me just wants to die. I’ve got piles of assignments that needs to be done but in my current state I can’t get around to, so I’m likely gonna be kicked out of school before Christmas, most people I have ever known have betrayed me in some capacity and have tried to ruin me, even with my tremendously good lucks I can’t get a girlfriend because I’m absolutely awful at speaking to them irl, I hardly ever leave the house cos movies and video games are one of the few things sustaining me, and the rela world is full of complete assholes apparently, and more.
One of my motivating factors is the business I want to start, and if it fails that could be it for me. I want therapy but I don’t want to worry my family by telling them about how I fe… [view original content]
I’ve got piles of assignments that needs to be done but in my current state I can’t get around to, so I’m likely gonna be kicked out of school before Christmas, most people I have ever known have betrayed me in some capacity and have tried to ruin me, even with my tremendously good lucks I can’t get a girlfriend because I’m absolutely awful at speaking to them irl, I hardly ever leave the house cos movies and video games are one of the few things sustaining me, and the rela world is full of complete assholes apparently, and more.
Guess it’s time to do something I’ve never really had the guts to do, express my emotions ? I try to play this off as a bit of a jokester or… more “troll” and some people might like to call it, but in reality part of me just wants to die. I’ve got piles of assignments that needs to be done but in my current state I can’t get around to, so I’m likely gonna be kicked out of school before Christmas, most people I have ever known have betrayed me in some capacity and have tried to ruin me, even with my tremendously good lucks I can’t get a girlfriend because I’m absolutely awful at speaking to them irl, I hardly ever leave the house cos movies and video games are one of the few things sustaining me, and the rela world is full of complete assholes apparently, and more.
One of my motivating factors is the business I want to start, and if it fails that could be it for me. I want therapy but I don’t want to worry my family by telling them about how I fe… [view original content]
Parts of the world try to drag us down the best they can. And sometimes they succeed, as Telltale is about to be dragged off the precipice. It's a big world, though, much larger than what you consider day-to-day, and there's a lot of promise out there if you're willing to persist.
I would start by prioritizing things. In the assignments, don't look at the giant pile and just throw up your hands. Pick out what's most important to you and what you like the most, and what's due most quickly. If you pick out too much, then pick out an even smaller set from that. Just do something, and it will feel better, plus will look to your teachers like you care and are trying. Teachers are people, too, and they will give you some respect if it looks like you're trying, even if you're not getting everything done.
Don't worry about girlfriends right now. Just try regular talking to people. You don't get good at that without practice. Smile and ask them about things that are important to them. If you're going to start your own business, chances are you're going to have to do a whole lot of networking and communicating, so it's important to get some experience in situations that don't matter so much.
If you have a supporting family, open up a little and let them know you're concerned about everything going on and that you feel you might not make it at school much longer. That can indeed be alarming and concerning, which is why you haven't done it, but it's a lot better to get it out now when they might be able to help than when it's too late. If your family is not that supporting, if your dad is going to scream at you for being a dismal failure and embarrassing him, then this isn't such a good idea, but most families are going to want to help.
Anyway, don't give up, even if your business doesn't pan out. The world is so big, that there's always more opportunities out there if you're willing to try for them.
Guess it’s time to do something I’ve never really had the guts to do, express my emotions ? I try to play this off as a bit of a jokester or… more “troll” and some people might like to call it, but in reality part of me just wants to die. I’ve got piles of assignments that needs to be done but in my current state I can’t get around to, so I’m likely gonna be kicked out of school before Christmas, most people I have ever known have betrayed me in some capacity and have tried to ruin me, even with my tremendously good lucks I can’t get a girlfriend because I’m absolutely awful at speaking to them irl, I hardly ever leave the house cos movies and video games are one of the few things sustaining me, and the rela world is full of complete assholes apparently, and more.
One of my motivating factors is the business I want to start, and if it fails that could be it for me. I want therapy but I don’t want to worry my family by telling them about how I fe… [view original content]
Comments
What do I have to fear from you? If you're opinion is to be feared you aren't cut out to be here. If your opinion is to be feared and not admired your opinion shouldn't be appreciated as anything more than a nuisance. I've seen your face several times in the crowds, and we have billions of spirits at hand already. You're no one, maybe in your world that isn't true, but not in mine, and ultimately any investment in your story is an extension of my own. Everyone I care about was no one until I made them a major character in my story, or at least until fate did.
True colors are bullshit, the spirit goes far, far deeper than what can be visible. You'll never grasp my soul and it was never yours to grasp to begin with. If you believe this to be me, that I have shown my true self, take offense and leave my story. I don't need you.
The relief it gives is intoxicating, I'm afraid that fate will dictate that I become addicted to it, but if it does then I'll let it take me.
That was a test, largely for myself. I wanted to know what it'd look like if I did. I don't like that version of myself.
I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a flawed person, sometimes I feel as though it's by design. The higher peak requires the more hellish climb, but am I guaranteed to make it up there though? I never chose this mountain, but it's the one that was given to me and I can't just sit at the base admiring it's scale.
I'm torn between two worlds, but that indecision keeps me from mastering either of them. Like everyone, I just want to be told that it'll all be okay, but I know it'll only make me feel worse because no one can deliver that promise for me.
Take care guys
No, you give the world it's own worth, some people don't need meaning to do that. I'm familiar with misanthropy and I equate it to condemning a sickly man to fall into his death bed. We see evil and malice as this shadowy force aiming to consume us but in reality it's just full of confused, traumatized children throwing a tantrum. Separate the man from the disease, just because it takes over him doesn't mean he's a willing agent.
I'm glad we both loveed the same things ✌️
I know you tried to make it as clear as you could, and I'm sorry that we're not able to follow. I know feeling like you are on your own feels terrible. I've tried every way I could think of to help without making you want to not talk to me again. Alienating you from us is the last thing I want to do.
You've been a good friend to us and we want to be a good friend back, but I could never have imagined that a gap like this would form that we are unable to cross. It saddens me to see how much you have changed recently and how far in distance it feels you have grown from us, but I know that those feelings won't mean anything. Wish that we could say that we'll be here if you wish to return, but... you know. We won't forget what you have done for this community and the help that you have given us. It was a lot to us, though it may seem so little.
@AChicken, @Psychokinesis. Is there anything you want to say before he leaves?
Not too sure what all has happened but if @Cocoa2736 is leaving then...
Just wanted to say thanks for the words of comfort/advice a little while back. You didn’t know me but still took the time to help me out. The world needs more people like that. If you are leaving then I am sad to see you go. I will miss you. Thanks again.
Wait, are you leaving?
Why do you guys gotta remind me that I'm the bohemian from Bohemian Rhapsody? fuck u guys
I'm not leaving, whatever happens happens but I'm not going "screw this I'm out of here". I'll go wherever I have to and if it means moving on from here then okay.
Thanks for caring guys I really appreciate it.
Trying to view my TWD:S1 Choices, But it only shows "Thank you for playing!".
I would like to export the Save File as a Remembrance and also my activities in the Community
No, not that kind of help!
Gosh, I wouldn't want you to leave Cocoa! (but you're not right now so that's good)
You're such an integral part of this thread, and of this forum, even! You've got all these thoughts in your head that you explain so eloquently, and it's so fascinating to see! I wish I could have a mind's eye like yours.
I haven't really been keeping up on the conversation between you and ZombieK so I'll have to go back and get some context for this, but just know that I will totally remember you if ever you leave someday.
Just interpretation from my end, but it seems Zombiekiller misinterpreted Cocoa's thoughts and words. He has made it very vague after all and we have little idea of what he may be going through, so I guess Zombie took it differently. I think Cocoa is the kind of person who'd tell us if he were to leave and be open about it.
It's never eloquent enough. I'm a slave to your perceptions, to your comfort; all my woes I've had to reduce into a circus act for you. If I'm being honest, I'm constantly freaking out internally, and believe me I've tried near every way to release that and anticipated every contingency that could arise from the ways I do release or channel it. The only way to remedy it is to let go, and I'm not letting go of who I am. These rants only harm me in the long run, but I keep going through with them because I truly want to believe in your empathy. I can only hope that it will all click someday.
Thank you tho it's nice to know that I'm appreciated here.
I used this thread the way it was meant to, I would never have done that if I didn't trust you guys or if the invitation wasn't made, but now I'm being told that there is a gap I can't overcome, almost as if I've gone too far. That's a frightening thought; turns the legs to jelly. In the end, what has venting revealed to me that I didn't already know? Is the point of venting to relive past trauma,to shift that pain on to others, and to risk being shot down when all you wanted was to share your mind peacefully? Is having that isolation reenforced ever the intention? I know the answer I want to believe, but experience has contradicted it time and time again. No one is truly at fault for that, but some people will antagonize you simply for being you.
@Ghetsis is right, but I don't owe anyone a goodbye. I give it because I respect you. Even when I knew where I was heading I still wanted to hold on, but that's impossible. With a heavy heart I wish you all the best, I admire a lot of you and I hope we meet again someday.
Di-.. Did he just say goodbye to us? Ugh, I shouldn't have drank booze this morning. This is not hitting me like it should
@Cocoa2736 I'm perfectly fine with reading your vents but I'm sure it must be a little annoying when people intrude on your thoughts and interpret it differently, and in the end, what you thought would just be putting your feelings down sometimes turns into you having outstretched conversations with people about their misunderstandings and their views. I think that, if you think venting is doing more harm than good, you don't have to continue, but please don't leave, and continue posting on other threads if you want. I may be misunderstanding again, but it doesn't have to be goodbye, it never has to be goodbye, after all we are just articulate individuals online. Damn this is harder to write because no more Telltale games rip
This was definitely me. While I was trying to be understanding he was feeling the exact opposite. It felt like I shouldn't have stepped in, but it also felt like if I didn't it would've been just as bad. Feeling alone
It's not annoying, it's just heartbreaking. I want to share how I feel just like anyone, but I don't want to be reminded of depressing inevitabilities, and even if I stay on other threads I will be reminded of them. Deep down I know I don't belong here, that's not me beating down on myself, it's just a sensation, but I enjoy the people here. It's why it hurts having to say goodbye. I appreciate that you care though.
@Zombiekiller3121 It is no one's fault, that's the thing. I reasonably thought "You know I trust these guys" and you reasonably thought that you could relate in a way. My very existence is the fault, I don't want to be reminded of that. Don't blame yourself because you don't have anything to do with it
Okay... (sigh of fucking relief) I'll just say no more, and be glad you're still here.
I mean it. I'm glad you're still here.
Understood.
Can I just...
emotionally speaking
I want to hold on to hope that I don't have to walk away, but I'm running out of alternatives. I don't mean death, my spirit refuses to die by it's own choice, but the path I'm going down. The fact that no one can follow means no one can bring me back, or that I'm not worth the hassle it takes to bring back.
I tried, I didn't go "I'm gonna tangle these people in a wild goose chase". I brought you in because I cared; it's no one's fault for how it ends up.
I'm painfully aware of my childishness and indecision, that so many people could take the reigns better than I can, but it's not their reigns to take, if they were I'd slip away peacefully. You're stuck with me; you'll always be along on my ride, through my downfalls, my victories over the dark, my resentments, and my scale over that mountain, you'll feel it, even if you don't want to or feel you don't have to. If I fade away, you better believe I'll come back with a bang, that's a promise I'll keep I guarantee you that. This act may be coming to a close, but my story still has many turns to take, and no amount of pain, oppression, or abandonment is going to stop me.
I won't take my friends and family falling silent lightly, because that means I have to. I gave my word but now I have to keep it; I gave my nervous sweat and tears but now I have to soak in them. Becoming an adult isn't a choice but becoming your own leader is, and it starts when you take your first step on the path you've forged. I'll stomp on the inch and soar far past the mile, you won't stand a chance if you get in my way.
I liked this place, it was sweet and I believed in it, but I've outgrown it. Everything feels so small now and the accusations come in telling me I've become too big for my britches. Your thoughts are have no worth to me; I already have plenty that are just now starting to sprout, and they will bloom taller and brighter than you could ever dream.
If all roads converge into destiny regardless, if my soul drags me to my destination no matter how I plead or give my side of the story, then my soul knows better than anyone I could turn to. I've found the resolve I was looking for, it won't let drift away from me again.
McDonald’s gave me chicken nuggets instead of a cheeseburger ? gonna need some therapy after this attack, somebody hmu
Considering their track record for forgetting stuff you're lucky they didn't hand you an empty bag with some napkins ?
And forget about it. If I ever worked there I would probably be just as much, if not more forgetful. Someone would've had pour hot grease on me to get me to snap out of my trance.
That’s one of the reasons why I refuse to work under anyone, and as soon as I leave school I’m starting my own thing
removed
Not McDonald's, but today's lunch restaurant accidentally gave me cheese fries instead of the regular fries I ordered. I accepted them anyway, because I always wondered what they were like, but now that I've had them, I'll make sure I get uncheesed fries next time.
It makes me so angry when people treat others with violence and abuse. Why behave like that? There's no need for it!
So, the place that I'm in has loud neighbors... not in the sense that they're annoying, but that it's actually frightening; the husband next door is verbally abusive to his wife. I heard them shouting at each other with the husband calling her every swear word you could think of. This wasn't just some bickering, this was domestic violence. You could hear the husband's rage in his vile scream. When I walked down the street, I witnessed another couple having a fight (with plenty of "f-bombs" being dropped as well); the woman kicked the man out from the house, to which he shouts out a few f--- you's at her from across the street. This sort of shit is triggering for me.
People don't deserve to be treated this way! Why can't people have some respect for each other!? You can express your views and your disagreements without having to be be abusive! There is no excuse for that kind of behavior!
Emotions are one hell of a drug. It doesn't excuse their behavior though. The whole world could be falling apart and it wouldn't excuse it.
I've lived among violence my whole life and I still don't understand it. I mean it takes a deliberate action (or more) to be a piece of shit, how can you choose to be that way ? Can't you see you hurt people around you ?
Yeah we all can get a little crazy and do stuff we don't mean to do but we realize that what we did was bad and we try to better ourselves. (At least that's how it usually is for me)
When I was at my uncle's funeral overseas, I was one of the pallbearers. When carrying my end of the casket towards the grave site so it could be lowered, I lost my footing getting over some broken up rocks. Long story short, I came so close to dropping my side, and I swear, I don't even wanna finish saying what would've happened if I did. I can just imagine everyone's reaction. before we even got there I could see that I was going to fuck up getting over the rocks. Even after we placed it on the green straps, I almost fell moving from that area. Anyways, it was pretty intense. Also, funerals are really disturbing imo. When you see the person who died, they sometimes look very different from how they did before, but a lot of things factor in on why they appear different. So yeahhhhh.....
That's a pretty touchy subject to bring up. Sorry it had to be so tense. I could see myself totally fucking up if I were put in that situation. God, and if it were my Aunt.. I totally understand why you think funerals are uncomfortable.
Shame it doesn't need to be excused to exist. This won't be the last time you hear about some egregious abuse, and all you can do is stand on the sidelines giving stern faces of disapproval while you let it ruin your day. It's easy to observe a burning relationship and scoff at how stupid they were for starting it, but what happens when tragedy sparks on you and that ember strikes near enough to truly singe your soul? Will you be one with water and quell it? Will you run away? Or maybe the flame will catch onto you and you'll end up just as panicked and desperate as they were, and you'll regret your scorn now knowing what it feels to be as deeply anguished and burnt as they felt. There are no objective excuses, only rationales. The world doesn't care about your morality unless it has garnered a following that will go to arms for it with the leader at front lines. Everything has a justifiable reason when you pursue the full picture and you're willing to let go of your codes to understand reality, but if it's not excusable? Prove it. Make the world play by your rules in any way you can.
Alright, you got me. I'm probably too lazy, or cowardly, in order to make that sort of change. Plus, I'm not close to ready enough to create a speech, let alone a convincing one, to generate that sort of awareness in people. I could hardly convince you that I was able to understand what you were talking about. Though, I guess this shouldn't be all up to me. Having enough people to spread that word, and to show action upon, should be enough to gain momentum in a community. Yet, that isn't it.
Having it get to me. That most likely will happen. Not that I want it to, but everyone has a point in which they snap. Lose their better judgement and are influenced by whatever thought is pounding in their head at the time. We've all had that before in one way or another. Either through sadness, excitedness, frustration, temptation. You could even consider illness as one.
These sorts of mental thresholds are what make us a living being. So, in some way, I maybe wrong to even try to fight this. How do you fight something that has been genetically bred into you to do? My best answer is that you can't stop it from happening. You can only do your best to limit its outcome.
But as you said, It is a matter of perspective of what is justified to do and what is not. And really, I'm surprised we even have that perspective in the first place. A fluke, built upon a fluke of our "supposed" consciousness, upon a fluke where evolution has branched us down a possibility of consciousness, upon a fluke where there is sentient life, upon a fluke where living organisms even exist. We've won the fucking lottery multiple times, yet we ask for more.
Okay, I've had too much caffeine.
Lazy and cowardly are insults, the real reasons go deeper than that. You feel powerless, and the possibility of failure makes you scared to draw attention and hesitant to try. I'm not calling you out, I understand, but you already made your stand and called out the inexcusable. You could've taken the time to understand that you have no idea of the turmoil those couples went through or the hardships and abuse they both endured to believe that was acceptable behavior, but you made yourself a soldier in this battle. If you don't feel confident in your abilities to make a difference, then drop the gun and the impression that good isn't good enough to stand up to abuse, because I won't, but I still believe you can make a change, even if it is small.
That husband didn't want to yell at his wife, but it still wasn't enough for him to resist that frustration. Ethics are clearly lost on him; he will continue screaming his head off and terrorizing his loved ones because he never learned your principles (or has your calm outsider point of view). That's all he knows, and our apathy and fear to truly fight against it means we resigned ourselves to be just as powerless against his behavior as the victim. I'm not talking about ability or having the opportunity, I'm talking about resolve. We can disapprove and leave feeling more bitter about the world or we can go further and vow to shut down that behavior however we can.
Then you lost the fight, but you don't have to accept that you will. It's a force to deal with, sure, but you will deal with it. Just limiting its outcome to its utmost minimum is a victory. I'll see you when those "genetic instincts" are left kissing my bootheels.
I'll take as many gambles as I need to. I'm not a victim of chance. I'll make purpose in a purposeless world, and you can too.
Guess it’s time to do something I’ve never really had the guts to do, express my emotions ? I try to play this off as a bit of a jokester or “troll” and some people might like to call it, but in reality part of me just wants to die. I’ve got piles of assignments that needs to be done but in my current state I can’t get around to, so I’m likely gonna be kicked out of school before Christmas, most people I have ever known have betrayed me in some capacity and have tried to ruin me, even with my tremendously good lucks I can’t get a girlfriend because I’m absolutely awful at speaking to them irl, I hardly ever leave the house cos movies and video games are one of the few things sustaining me, and the rela world is full of complete assholes apparently, and more.
One of my motivating factors is the business I want to start, and if it fails that could be it for me. I want therapy but I don’t want to worry my family by telling them about how I feel atm, so I figured it needed to go in the place where I visit most often and love the most.
I just needed to get that off of my chest, because there’s no use in dealing with the depression that I currently have alone. Sadly this could mean no more sarcasm in the future, I need to be more realistic with folks here for now on ❤️
this is so sad can we hit 50 likes
Parts of the world try to drag us down the best they can. And sometimes they succeed, as Telltale is about to be dragged off the precipice. It's a big world, though, much larger than what you consider day-to-day, and there's a lot of promise out there if you're willing to persist.
I would start by prioritizing things. In the assignments, don't look at the giant pile and just throw up your hands. Pick out what's most important to you and what you like the most, and what's due most quickly. If you pick out too much, then pick out an even smaller set from that. Just do something, and it will feel better, plus will look to your teachers like you care and are trying. Teachers are people, too, and they will give you some respect if it looks like you're trying, even if you're not getting everything done.
Don't worry about girlfriends right now. Just try regular talking to people. You don't get good at that without practice. Smile and ask them about things that are important to them. If you're going to start your own business, chances are you're going to have to do a whole lot of networking and communicating, so it's important to get some experience in situations that don't matter so much.
If you have a supporting family, open up a little and let them know you're concerned about everything going on and that you feel you might not make it at school much longer. That can indeed be alarming and concerning, which is why you haven't done it, but it's a lot better to get it out now when they might be able to help than when it's too late. If your family is not that supporting, if your dad is going to scream at you for being a dismal failure and embarrassing him, then this isn't such a good idea, but most families are going to want to help.
Anyway, don't give up, even if your business doesn't pan out. The world is so big, that there's always more opportunities out there if you're willing to try for them.