What kind of family are you living with lol and how exactly is it your fault, regardless just fight back, show resistance. Just dont care about them their opininions doesnt matter and screw them all. I've trained my family to fuck off me so they are more carefull with me. They know they shouldnt start arguing with me.
Hey guys, I'm going through a rough patch. I'm dealing with some new changes, and my parents are getting a divorce. Lately I've been feeling… more depressed, and Suicidal. I've been told that it was my fault, Which makes me feel really bad. My family (Or what was my family) is broke. Ok, so lets go on a budget. So they do; then buy my younger siblings more stuff than I've ever wanted! All I ask for is a couple of manga and my brother has to go get all of the damn fnaf plushies. Oh lets not mention the ten shirts you got my younger sister, and 2 pairs of bleached jeans. You know what I got, nothing. Everytime, this happens. Now, that's not why i'm depressed I just feel like i'm being lied too. And my siblings just treat me like garbage. My younger brother got one of those F.G.T.V figures and he's been blaming me on anything that happens to it. And my sister just hits and kicks me. Please help. There's no one to talk to.
My family (Or what was my family) is broke. Ok, so lets go on a budget. So they do; then buy my younger siblings more stuff than I've ever w… moreanted! All I ask for is a couple of manga and my brother has to go get all of the damn fnaf plushies. Oh lets not mention the ten shirts you got my younger sister, and 2 pairs of bleached jeans. You know what I got, nothing. Everytime, this happens. Now, that's not why i'm depressed I just feel like i'm being lied too. And my siblings just treat me like garbage. My younger brother got one of those F.G.T.V figures and he's been blaming me on anything that happens to it. And my sister just hits and kicks me. Please help. There's no one to talk to.
I think this is a sort of feeling that a lot of us feel and go through. The unfairness, lying, prejudice, etc. And it sucks. I don't know what I can do to help. When I went through this kind of thing, my parents didn't let me have anything. I wasn't able t… [view original content]
What kind of family are you living with lol and how exactly is it your fault, regardless just fight back, show resistance. Just dont care ab… moreout them their opininions doesnt matter and screw them all. I've trained my family to fuck off me so they are more carefull with me. They know they shouldnt start arguing with me.
@DeliciousDeku @Zombiekiller3121
Perspective changes everything, and can always be changed once you realize it. The situation itself is not changing, but how you approach it will change the situation itself.
One thing I wished I learned earlier is that how you speak over a bad hurdle affects how bad the hurdle is because the discouraging words you speak to yourself start to sap the energy you need to overcome it. How you speak over what's troubling you ends up affecting how much hold it has on your mind. How your dad's words affect you depends on how you look at them and at him.
@DeliciousDeku
@Zombiekiller3121
Perspective changes everything, and can always be changed once you realize it. The situation itself… more is not changing, but how you approach it will change the situation itself.
One thing I wished I learned earlier is that how you speak over a bad hurdle affects how bad the hurdle is because the discouraging words you speak to yourself start to sap the energy you need to overcome it. How you speak over what's troubling you ends up affecting how much hold it has on your mind. How your dad's words affect you depends on how you look at them and at him.
There could be some hotlines online that could help, like the ones in the youth and parenting section.
If you change your perspective, you'll change your whole trajectory. You'll still fail but it won't trip you up as much.
You're very young; if you master this you'll make it very far. Value your thoughts and keep check on them often.
@DeliciousDeku
@Zombiekiller3121
Perspective changes everything, and can always be changed once you realize it. The situation itself… more is not changing, but how you approach it will change the situation itself.
One thing I wished I learned earlier is that how you speak over a bad hurdle affects how bad the hurdle is because the discouraging words you speak to yourself start to sap the energy you need to overcome it. How you speak over what's troubling you ends up affecting how much hold it has on your mind. How your dad's words affect you depends on how you look at them and at him.
There could be some hotlines online that could help, like the ones in the youth and parenting section.
I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner but I'm sorry for directing you there.
Just remember that on top of changing perspectives there's always another solution. It might not be something that changes circumstances instantly but there is always something to improve your life even if by a small margin.
I'm rooting for you though in all honesty. As far as depression goes the brain doesn't stop developing around the age of 25 (it differs for each person). 14 is a perfect time to rewire how you think.
My jokes fall flat sometimes, sorry
I'm rooting for you though in all honesty. As far as depression goes the brain doesn't stop developi… moreng around the age of 25 (it differs for each person). 14 is a perfect time to rewire how you think.
Here's an article on how to change your brainspace. If it doesn't work for you please keep looking for ways to change your thinking; it will do wonders in the long run.
To keep things short, I've been an asshole to people on here, and I'm sorry to each and every one of you. I have so much stuff going on in my life and in my head that I can't cope...
Thanks to everyone who has been kind to me on the Forums, I am really sorry I couldn't do the same... Goodbye everyone
To keep things short, I've been an asshole to people on here, and I'm sorry to each and every one of you. I have so much stuff going on in m… morey life and in my head that I can't cope...
Thanks to everyone who has been kind to me on the Forums, I am really sorry I couldn't do the same... Goodbye everyone
To keep things short, I've been an asshole to people on here, and I'm sorry to each and every one of you. I have so much stuff going on in m… morey life and in my head that I can't cope...
Thanks to everyone who has been kind to me on the Forums, I am really sorry I couldn't do the same... Goodbye everyone
This morning I had this nightmare that really got to me. It's not that scary, but it still messed with my head.
I was at work at the customer service desk. I kept trying to give customers the right change but the amount kept changing, and I tried to fix it, and the customers were getting more mad. As I got frustrated and was getting more upset from my normal anxiety around not doing right by my customers the customer I was serving walked around the desk, unlocked my door, and walked in. At first I ignored it and continued to try to count out their change. I thought they would try to help me, but they didn't. They called my manager to the desk. I immediately assumed that they were going to complain about me. Not being able to take the ridicule I thought was coming my way and on the verge of tears I said, "If you're going to complain about me, I'm leaving.", and went to leave. A fellow co-worker who I trusted rushed past me to deescalate the situation, but I was too upset to notice. I stormed out the front door.
As I got past the parking lot and was walking across the field to the road not bothering to take the drive-in entrance, my Mom was on the phone asking what happened and where I was. Not wanting to answer I just told her I was okay. And as she continued to tell me she could come get me I hung up. I knew that she would come from the road, so I decided to head away form the road into the trees towards the woods so she wouldn't see me as I walked away from my workplace. I just wanted to be alone. I was trying to make it towards the trees but my legs started to not work right. It was like I was trying to wade through a thick pool of syrup but not making much distance despite my effort. This sadly happens a lot in my dreams, like some invisible force telling me I can't go there. After a few moments of wasted attempt to get my way her car came down the road heading towards the drive-in entrance but she saw me and turned around to park beside the field. She honked her horn and I heard her shouting from the road to get in the car. In a stewball of emotions and still trying to calm down from my anxiety l just laid down in a patch of grass and yellow flowers and ignored her calls, not wanting to move.
I just looked around at the sky and at the bumblebees collecting the pollen from the flowers trying to find any way to distract myself from the current situation, and to let loose this knot that had formed in my chest. After a bit of time passed her honking and shouting began to get annoying and weighed on my conscience. So I reluctantly got up to make my way toward her car swatting a bumblebee away in my frustration, but I felt bad about it after. Before I got to her car I stopped in place and thought about what she would do if I got into her car. I thought she would bring me back to try and talk this out with my manager. I still wasn't calmed down from what had happened and didn't want to be anywhere near anyone at the moment, so I got angry and I turned to walk away. As I began walking I heard a familiar buzzing of wings from behind me as the sound came closer. I turned around to find the whole group of bumblebees making a B-line for my face. With my irrational fear of what could fly and potentially sting, or bite, that was horrifying. I must have pissed them off by hurting their friend. I began to get really scared and my chest started pounding as I put all my effort into smacking away the flying insects as they made their way towards. Why does everything want to mess with me today!? And that's when I almost jumped out of my bed.
I just couldn't get to sleep after that and thought venting it somewhere might help. I'm sorry for it being so long and thank you for taking the time to read it.
Holy shit, I just read that entire thing and.....
I'm fucking scared of that shit!
I have dreams like theses a lot, it fucking screws my brain up so damn much! I had this one dream where everyone I knew died, It was so damn trippy! Oh, and don't get me started on the fucking lucid dreams! I can't handle that shit without freaking out at all!
This morning I had this nightmare that really got to me. It's not that scary, but it still messed with my head.
I was at work at the cust… moreomer service desk. I kept trying to give customers the right change but the amount kept changing, and I tried to fix it, and the customers were getting more mad. As I got frustrated and was getting more upset from my normal anxiety around not doing right by my customers the customer I was serving walked around the desk, unlocked my door, and walked in. At first I ignored it and continued to try to count out their change. I thought they would try to help me, but they didn't. They called my manager to the desk. I immediately assumed that they were going to complain about me. Not being able to take the ridicule I thought was coming my way and on the verge of tears I said, "If you're going to complain about me, I'm leaving.", and went to leave. A fellow co-worker who I trusted rushed past me to deescalate the… [view original content]
Dylan, we all love you so much!
There wasn't a single time I thought of you as an asshole, at all!
And even if you did offend anybody, don't feel sorry at all.
We are all human, meaning that we all make mistakes.
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you feel better soon.
Don't let this be the end!
To keep things short, I've been an asshole to people on here, and I'm sorry to each and every one of you. I have so much stuff going on in m… morey life and in my head that I can't cope...
Thanks to everyone who has been kind to me on the Forums, I am really sorry I couldn't do the same... Goodbye everyone
TL;DR: Found my old penpal’s Instagram. Cried a little. Started wondering if I'll be alone forever.
I recently logged back into my old tumblr account that I used back in 2015 ish. The only blog I was following that is still active was a Rhyiona shipping blog (lol). I’ve been meaning to get back into it, maybe to use it for posting art, so I cleaned it up a bit (deleted any post related to TTGOT, unfollowed inactive blogs (plus that Rhyiona one), cleaned up the tags of the remaining posts). I should have stopped there, but I checked who was still following me on that account, and I saw the account of my old Internet penpal.
We first started talking on a website called Stardoll. We were both interested in the Percy Jackson book series, and I had a club where we RP’ed Camp Half-Blood members. When we decided we were a little too old for Stardoll, we moved onto another website called Polyvore (which has since been shut down).
After a certain point I started to get annoyed with her- I used to write out huge long letters talking about what was going on in my life, what I was currently interested in (I remember mentioning Tales from the Borderlands- she misunderstood me and thought it was a TV show) but every time I sent a ‘letter’, I would have to wait between weeks and months for a response, and those responses were barely more than a few sentences. I eventually suggested we share our tumblr URLs, because we both seemed more active over there, and we followed each other but neither of us actually said anything to each other after that. Eventually I thought about how much it annoyed me that I’d put so much effort into those ‘letters’ and her apparent apathy, and I unfollowed her.
So it turns out she was still following me after all this time. Doesn’t look like she’s still active; her last post was in 2018. Most of the links in her sidebar don’t work anymore, but I noticed a link to her Instagram, and that works.
This is where I had a little crying session. She’s drop-dead gorgeous, what the fuck. I remember her as being pretty insecure (she said she had really bushy eyebrows). She’s also living in France now (I remember she used to move around a lot). I remember she used to tell me about how people used to bully her at school in Germany because she didn’t speak the language well, but now she’s got friends and looks legitimately happy.
I don’t really know how I feel, I guess. I’m happy for her, and I hope she’s truly doing well. I don’t know if I want to send her a message or something, but I mean, would she even want to talk to me? What would I say anyway? “Hey, I’m this girl you used to chat with as a teenager, I stalked your tumblr and Instagram and felt entitled enough to message you”?
‘Cause we’re probably both completely different people now. Maybe I’m being a total creep, maybe I’m being too harsh on myself. Because I legitimately would have considered her a friend when I was 12-15 years old.
IDK, now it’s just got me thinking of my bad habit of never making long-lasting relationships with people. I didn’t talk to anyone in my primary school friend group after my last day of primary school, I didn’t talk to anyone in my secondary school friend group after my last day of secondary school, and I haven’t made any legitimate friends in my two years at University, I don’t think. Well, there is one girl I was in a class with last year and we emailed sparsely over the past few months, but the exact same thing happened (I put a lot of effort into my messages, they answer me with a few sentences/a paragraph max, I get annoyed and stop putting effort in to talk to them). There’s also another girl I’ve sat with in some lectures and classes this year, and I even have her mobile phone number, but we’ve only texted a few times about exams and she seems like a person who knows everybody in the course.
So the intent for this post was just to talk through my feelings about my old penpal, but now I’m questioning what’s wrong with me and why I can’t form solid bonds with people. I can think of a few potential reasons- extreme introversion (I find it really exhausting to talk to people I don’t know well), lack of effort in maintaining relationships (like with not talking to any of my highschool friends- if I don’t already have a reason to be spending time with them, I probably won’t go organising anything of my own accord… I was also never invited to anything in my last year of highschool) and not feeling like other people contribute to my personal happiness/fulfilment (I tend to get that from knowing how to do certain things, progression in personal projects (eg. learning to draw and program, completion in video games) and work done for school subjects, etcetera.)
I don’t know how to wrap this up. I’ll just say that I feel really hungry, and I’d love to hear your thoughts if you have any, even if you’re telling me to get over myself.
If I were you, I'd try to get in contact with them. The worst they'd be able to do is to ignore you, and it may get some things off your chest if you contacted them. I do wish you the best of luck, if you ever need or want to talk to me DM me! I am here to help you, and I wish you nothing but luck!
TL;DR: Found my old penpal’s Instagram. Cried a little. Started wondering if I'll be alone forever.
I recently logged back into my o… moreld tumblr account that I used back in 2015 ish. The only blog I was following that is still active was a Rhyiona shipping blog (lol). I’ve been meaning to get back into it, maybe to use it for posting art, so I cleaned it up a bit (deleted any post related to TTGOT, unfollowed inactive blogs (plus that Rhyiona one), cleaned up the tags of the remaining posts). I should have stopped there, but I checked who was still following me on that account, and I saw the account of my old Internet penpal.
We first started talking on a website called Stardoll. We were both interested in the Percy Jackson book series, and I had a club where we RP’ed Camp Half-Blood members. When we decided we were a little too old for Stardoll, we moved onto another website called Polyvore (which has since been shut down).
A… [view original content]
I'm way older than you, but if it helps, I don't communicate with anyone I went to school with, except one person from college who just gets a yearly communication at Christmas. My schooling was long enough ago that there wasn't any big social media, so I didn't leave with a bunch of them as "Friends" on that, and my experience may not be applicable to a lot of people in modern times. It's just that when you move on with life and stop seeing people, they drop out after a while, as you all meet new people to spend time with.
Unless you can stay positive and not accuse her of anything, I'd say leave her be. She apparently isn't as good a writer as you, or doesn't put in the effort to write a lot, so you'd have the same problem with you saying a lot and her not saying much. If you do contact her, keep your "Here's what I've been doing the past few years" to just a few lines, so she doesn't get overwhelmed.
As for your current introversion, that's a completely different topic, and it's probably best explored with a psychologist/counselor/therapist. All I can say from way over here is that you just have to force yourself to go out and try, smile at people you know, ask how their day is going or what they're doing this weekend, and with some experience, it gets better.
TL;DR: Found my old penpal’s Instagram. Cried a little. Started wondering if I'll be alone forever.
I recently logged back into my o… moreld tumblr account that I used back in 2015 ish. The only blog I was following that is still active was a Rhyiona shipping blog (lol). I’ve been meaning to get back into it, maybe to use it for posting art, so I cleaned it up a bit (deleted any post related to TTGOT, unfollowed inactive blogs (plus that Rhyiona one), cleaned up the tags of the remaining posts). I should have stopped there, but I checked who was still following me on that account, and I saw the account of my old Internet penpal.
We first started talking on a website called Stardoll. We were both interested in the Percy Jackson book series, and I had a club where we RP’ed Camp Half-Blood members. When we decided we were a little too old for Stardoll, we moved onto another website called Polyvore (which has since been shut down).
A… [view original content]
I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you need to find a new source of inspiration and motivation. If you're not sure what, would you consider a charity? There are a lot of eldercare organizations looking for people, and you have the strength and some experience with that. You could improve someone else's life.
I’ve decided I won’t say anything to her- if she was still active on tumblr I might’ve said G’day, but following her onto Instagram feels wrong. (If I was going to say anything to her at all, it would just be a “hey, I remember we used to be internet friends, how are you? Hope you’re doing well” short message and not an accusatory “why did you stop talking to me” or a long spiel about my life over the past few years). But yeah, I should just let her be.
As for the other thing, it’s not like I’ve got extreme social anxiety. I work in a grocery store and interact with “work friends” (all similar to my age) and regular customers quite fine. But introducing myself to other people, whether at university or in the wild, is quite stressful.
I remember my Mum used to always say to me and my siblings not to get worked up about relationships in primary and secondary school, because we’re all going to separate and do different things with our lives. But I feel guilty for not putting in any effort to stay in contact, but then I feel less guilty when I think about how most people I knew never tried to stay in contact either. Mum told us that we’d all find our people when we were at uni, but I really haven’t.
Anyway, thank you for your input. You too @DeliciousDeku.
I'm way older than you, but if it helps, I don't communicate with anyone I went to school with, except one person from college who just gets… more a yearly communication at Christmas. My schooling was long enough ago that there wasn't any big social media, so I didn't leave with a bunch of them as "Friends" on that, and my experience may not be applicable to a lot of people in modern times. It's just that when you move on with life and stop seeing people, they drop out after a while, as you all meet new people to spend time with.
Unless you can stay positive and not accuse her of anything, I'd say leave her be. She apparently isn't as good a writer as you, or doesn't put in the effort to write a lot, so you'd have the same problem with you saying a lot and her not saying much. If you do contact her, keep your "Here's what I've been doing the past few years" to just a few lines, so she doesn't get overwhelmed.
As for your current introvers… [view original content]
I want to apologise for the breakdown I had back in October, I was under a lot of stress with college, trying to juggle four or five assignments at the same time, expectations from my family, and I bottled it all up for so long, then I just hit my breaking point and let loose. I wasn't able to think straight.
I am sorry if I gave anyone a fright or freaked anyone out. It's not the sort of thing that should be out in the open like on a Forum. I do appreciate the concern people had, which does make me feel bad as I just left without a trace.
Dylan, there is no need to apologize.
You don't need to feel bad for using the vent/help thread, you kept your emotions hidden which made it worse.
I was starting to get scared when you left randomly, but I figured you were okay! Glad to see your doing okay, and if you ever need to talk to me, just DM me!
I want to apologise for the breakdown I had back in October, I was under a lot of stress with college, trying to juggle four or five assignm… moreents at the same time, expectations from my family, and I bottled it all up for so long, then I just hit my breaking point and let loose. I wasn't able to think straight.
I am sorry if I gave anyone a fright or freaked anyone out. It's not the sort of thing that should be out in the open like on a Forum. I do appreciate the concern people had, which does make me feel bad as I just left without a trace.
That means a lot mate, thank you. I hope you've been doing good, and, if you ever need someone to chat to, I am one of several people here who would be happy to be a pillar of support. I felt horrible, and I don't want anyone to feel that way, so, if you need someone, I am here to assist as best I possibly can.
Dylan, there is no need to apologize.
You don't need to feel bad for using the vent/help thread, you kept your emotions hidden which made … moreit worse.
I was starting to get scared when you left randomly, but I figured you were okay! Glad to see your doing okay, and if you ever need to talk to me, just DM me!
That means a lot mate, thank you. I hope you've been doing good, and, if you ever need someone to chat to, I am one of several people here w… moreho would be happy to be a pillar of support. I felt horrible, and I don't want anyone to feel that way, so, if you need someone, I am here to assist as best I possibly can.
I don't use Discord anymore, I have a very addictive personality, and Discord was something I was addicted to until I up and left back in March, which is a bit of an inconvenience, but, you can still drop a message in my DMs when you want to chat
I want to apologise for the breakdown I had back in October, I was under a lot of stress with college, trying to juggle four or five assignm… moreents at the same time, expectations from my family, and I bottled it all up for so long, then I just hit my breaking point and let loose. I wasn't able to think straight.
I am sorry if I gave anyone a fright or freaked anyone out. It's not the sort of thing that should be out in the open like on a Forum. I do appreciate the concern people had, which does make me feel bad as I just left without a trace.
I've had some memories haunting me for the past couple of years, and I want to let it all out.
I'm sure you guys have heard of the 'Pulse' nightclub shooting, well, my older brother was in there when it all happened. He had just graduated from college, and he was working on the lights and sound for the night club. for these couple of years, this image has been irked me forever.
I was watching the news live when it happened, and I saw my brother come out last. And, he was covered in blood and was shirtless. Thank heaven he wasn't shot, but the anxiety it cause for my mother and I was unreal!
Fast forward a couple of years, and my news was broadcasting footage of the shooting. Raw and unedited. The parents and the victims shouldn't have to witness it again. I am autistic, and I still watch the news everyday to make sure he is still safe. No one like or unlike me, should have to relive that terror. Yet, we did. And it felt like a sucker punch. It was not okay at all. None of us were asked permission for this footage to be released. We didn't want to see it again!
This fucking sucks, and I wish I never had to have written this. But the press is so damn bad that they released the uncut and raw footage.
I haven’t been doing too well for a while now. For almost a year, say 10-11 months, I’ve had this cough and it’s been getting progressively worse. Since November it’s went from the average cough to some wheezing, and now my chest has these spurts of...like compressions. I went to the doctor today to have my X-ray, and now I have to wait for a full week to get my results back, but I’m not sure if I can wait that long.
Best case it’s just asthma, I can live with that, average case, for lack of a better word, it could be TB. Curable now so I’m not too worried over that, worst case (which is what I’m dreading the most) lung cancer. There’s been no blood or vomit or anything like that, so here’s hoping it’s just the former, or if I’m really really lucky it’s just a really long cough, but then again probably not...I mean after a quick online diagnostic search the most likely scenarios are asthma or tuberculosis. But still, anybody here got any medical experience, or anything like that? Would surely be appreciated, thx.
As some of you guys know, I'm bisexual. And I like someone, how do I come out to them as bi?
-btw: This was a joke, but I kind of meant for people to take this seriously and give me advice... So I could give it to other people.
That's a pretty common dilemma in the bi community. There's no generic solution that works in all cases. You just have to dress nice and drop hints and see what happens.
As some of you guys know, I'm bisexual. And I like someone, how do I come out to them as bi?
-btw: This was a joke, but I kind of meant for people to take this seriously and give me advice... So I could give it to other people.
Comments
What kind of family are you living with lol and how exactly is it your fault, regardless just fight back, show resistance. Just dont care about them their opininions doesnt matter and screw them all. I've trained my family to fuck off me so they are more carefull with me. They know they shouldnt start arguing with me.
I certainly do. Thank you for the advice!
I'll keep that in mind.
@DeliciousDeku
@Zombiekiller3121
Perspective changes everything, and can always be changed once you realize it. The situation itself is not changing, but how you approach it will change the situation itself.
One thing I wished I learned earlier is that how you speak over a bad hurdle affects how bad the hurdle is because the discouraging words you speak to yourself start to sap the energy you need to overcome it. How you speak over what's troubling you ends up affecting how much hold it has on your mind. How your dad's words affect you depends on how you look at them and at him.
There could be some hotlines online that could help, like the ones in the youth and parenting section.
I read that as: "You don't matter, give up.". Then I took your advice, and changed the perspective. Perspective is key!
If you change your perspective, you'll change your whole trajectory. You'll still fail but it won't trip you up as much.
You're very young; if you master this you'll make it very far. Value your thoughts and keep check on them often.
I'll try my best.
I did the online chat for counseling, and the person i talked to (Alex) told me to kill myself if there was no other solutions.
5 weeks later~
Deku: You matter, don't give up. You matter, don't give up. Hey I think I got the hang of i-
Good thing there are always other solutions.
I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner but I'm sorry for directing you there.
Just remember that on top of changing perspectives there's always another solution. It might not be something that changes circumstances instantly but there is always something to improve your life even if by a small margin.
Wow.
My jokes fall flat sometimes, sorry
I'm rooting for you though in all honesty. As far as depression goes the brain doesn't stop developing around the age of 25 (it differs for each person). 14 is a perfect time to rewire how you think.
Here's an article on how to change your brainspace. If it doesn't work for you please keep looking for ways to change your thinking; it will do wonders in the long run.
Actually thought the joke was funny! Thanks for the article, I'll be sure to delve into it!
To be honest there's stuff I wish to talk about, but I'm not sure how to say it, and I'm afraid of sounding like a broken record...
Write a story.
To keep things short, I've been an asshole to people on here, and I'm sorry to each and every one of you. I have so much stuff going on in my life and in my head that I can't cope...
Thanks to everyone who has been kind to me on the Forums, I am really sorry I couldn't do the same... Goodbye everyone
Bro wait what don't go.
Dylan, relax, you're okay.
Deal with whatever is going on in your life first. Put your all into it. Don't worry about this place.
You're still a good man; best of luck to you
This morning I had this nightmare that really got to me. It's not that scary, but it still messed with my head.
I was at work at the customer service desk. I kept trying to give customers the right change but the amount kept changing, and I tried to fix it, and the customers were getting more mad. As I got frustrated and was getting more upset from my normal anxiety around not doing right by my customers the customer I was serving walked around the desk, unlocked my door, and walked in. At first I ignored it and continued to try to count out their change. I thought they would try to help me, but they didn't. They called my manager to the desk. I immediately assumed that they were going to complain about me. Not being able to take the ridicule I thought was coming my way and on the verge of tears I said, "If you're going to complain about me, I'm leaving.", and went to leave. A fellow co-worker who I trusted rushed past me to deescalate the situation, but I was too upset to notice. I stormed out the front door.
As I got past the parking lot and was walking across the field to the road not bothering to take the drive-in entrance, my Mom was on the phone asking what happened and where I was. Not wanting to answer I just told her I was okay. And as she continued to tell me she could come get me I hung up. I knew that she would come from the road, so I decided to head away form the road into the trees towards the woods so she wouldn't see me as I walked away from my workplace. I just wanted to be alone. I was trying to make it towards the trees but my legs started to not work right. It was like I was trying to wade through a thick pool of syrup but not making much distance despite my effort. This sadly happens a lot in my dreams, like some invisible force telling me I can't go there. After a few moments of wasted attempt to get my way her car came down the road heading towards the drive-in entrance but she saw me and turned around to park beside the field. She honked her horn and I heard her shouting from the road to get in the car. In a stewball of emotions and still trying to calm down from my anxiety l just laid down in a patch of grass and yellow flowers and ignored her calls, not wanting to move.
I just looked around at the sky and at the bumblebees collecting the pollen from the flowers trying to find any way to distract myself from the current situation, and to let loose this knot that had formed in my chest. After a bit of time passed her honking and shouting began to get annoying and weighed on my conscience. So I reluctantly got up to make my way toward her car swatting a bumblebee away in my frustration, but I felt bad about it after. Before I got to her car I stopped in place and thought about what she would do if I got into her car. I thought she would bring me back to try and talk this out with my manager. I still wasn't calmed down from what had happened and didn't want to be anywhere near anyone at the moment, so I got angry and I turned to walk away. As I began walking I heard a familiar buzzing of wings from behind me as the sound came closer. I turned around to find the whole group of bumblebees making a B-line for my face. With my irrational fear of what could fly and potentially sting, or bite, that was horrifying. I must have pissed them off by hurting their friend. I began to get really scared and my chest started pounding as I put all my effort into smacking away the flying insects as they made their way towards. Why does everything want to mess with me today!? And that's when I almost jumped out of my bed.
I just couldn't get to sleep after that and thought venting it somewhere might help. I'm sorry for it being so long and thank you for taking the time to read it.
Holy shit, I just read that entire thing and.....
I'm fucking scared of that shit!
I have dreams like theses a lot, it fucking screws my brain up so damn much! I had this one dream where everyone I knew died, It was so damn trippy! Oh, and don't get me started on the fucking lucid dreams! I can't handle that shit without freaking out at all!
Dylan, we all love you so much!
There wasn't a single time I thought of you as an asshole, at all!
And even if you did offend anybody, don't feel sorry at all.
We are all human, meaning that we all make mistakes.
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you feel better soon.
Don't let this be the end!
TL;DR: Found my old penpal’s Instagram. Cried a little. Started wondering if I'll be alone forever.
I recently logged back into my old tumblr account that I used back in 2015 ish. The only blog I was following that is still active was a Rhyiona shipping blog (lol). I’ve been meaning to get back into it, maybe to use it for posting art, so I cleaned it up a bit (deleted any post related to TTGOT, unfollowed inactive blogs (plus that Rhyiona one), cleaned up the tags of the remaining posts). I should have stopped there, but I checked who was still following me on that account, and I saw the account of my old Internet penpal.
We first started talking on a website called Stardoll. We were both interested in the Percy Jackson book series, and I had a club where we RP’ed Camp Half-Blood members. When we decided we were a little too old for Stardoll, we moved onto another website called Polyvore (which has since been shut down).
After a certain point I started to get annoyed with her- I used to write out huge long letters talking about what was going on in my life, what I was currently interested in (I remember mentioning Tales from the Borderlands- she misunderstood me and thought it was a TV show) but every time I sent a ‘letter’, I would have to wait between weeks and months for a response, and those responses were barely more than a few sentences. I eventually suggested we share our tumblr URLs, because we both seemed more active over there, and we followed each other but neither of us actually said anything to each other after that. Eventually I thought about how much it annoyed me that I’d put so much effort into those ‘letters’ and her apparent apathy, and I unfollowed her.
So it turns out she was still following me after all this time. Doesn’t look like she’s still active; her last post was in 2018. Most of the links in her sidebar don’t work anymore, but I noticed a link to her Instagram, and that works.
This is where I had a little crying session. She’s drop-dead gorgeous, what the fuck. I remember her as being pretty insecure (she said she had really bushy eyebrows). She’s also living in France now (I remember she used to move around a lot). I remember she used to tell me about how people used to bully her at school in Germany because she didn’t speak the language well, but now she’s got friends and looks legitimately happy.
I don’t really know how I feel, I guess. I’m happy for her, and I hope she’s truly doing well. I don’t know if I want to send her a message or something, but I mean, would she even want to talk to me? What would I say anyway? “Hey, I’m this girl you used to chat with as a teenager, I stalked your tumblr and Instagram and felt entitled enough to message you”?
‘Cause we’re probably both completely different people now. Maybe I’m being a total creep, maybe I’m being too harsh on myself. Because I legitimately would have considered her a friend when I was 12-15 years old.
IDK, now it’s just got me thinking of my bad habit of never making long-lasting relationships with people. I didn’t talk to anyone in my primary school friend group after my last day of primary school, I didn’t talk to anyone in my secondary school friend group after my last day of secondary school, and I haven’t made any legitimate friends in my two years at University, I don’t think. Well, there is one girl I was in a class with last year and we emailed sparsely over the past few months, but the exact same thing happened (I put a lot of effort into my messages, they answer me with a few sentences/a paragraph max, I get annoyed and stop putting effort in to talk to them). There’s also another girl I’ve sat with in some lectures and classes this year, and I even have her mobile phone number, but we’ve only texted a few times about exams and she seems like a person who knows everybody in the course.
So the intent for this post was just to talk through my feelings about my old penpal, but now I’m questioning what’s wrong with me and why I can’t form solid bonds with people. I can think of a few potential reasons- extreme introversion (I find it really exhausting to talk to people I don’t know well), lack of effort in maintaining relationships (like with not talking to any of my highschool friends- if I don’t already have a reason to be spending time with them, I probably won’t go organising anything of my own accord… I was also never invited to anything in my last year of highschool) and not feeling like other people contribute to my personal happiness/fulfilment (I tend to get that from knowing how to do certain things, progression in personal projects (eg. learning to draw and program, completion in video games) and work done for school subjects, etcetera.)
I don’t know how to wrap this up. I’ll just say that I feel really hungry, and I’d love to hear your thoughts if you have any, even if you’re telling me to get over myself.
If I were you, I'd try to get in contact with them. The worst they'd be able to do is to ignore you, and it may get some things off your chest if you contacted them. I do wish you the best of luck, if you ever need or want to talk to me DM me! I am here to help you, and I wish you nothing but luck!
...
I'm way older than you, but if it helps, I don't communicate with anyone I went to school with, except one person from college who just gets a yearly communication at Christmas. My schooling was long enough ago that there wasn't any big social media, so I didn't leave with a bunch of them as "Friends" on that, and my experience may not be applicable to a lot of people in modern times. It's just that when you move on with life and stop seeing people, they drop out after a while, as you all meet new people to spend time with.
Unless you can stay positive and not accuse her of anything, I'd say leave her be. She apparently isn't as good a writer as you, or doesn't put in the effort to write a lot, so you'd have the same problem with you saying a lot and her not saying much. If you do contact her, keep your "Here's what I've been doing the past few years" to just a few lines, so she doesn't get overwhelmed.
As for your current introversion, that's a completely different topic, and it's probably best explored with a psychologist/counselor/therapist. All I can say from way over here is that you just have to force yourself to go out and try, smile at people you know, ask how their day is going or what they're doing this weekend, and with some experience, it gets better.
I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you need to find a new source of inspiration and motivation. If you're not sure what, would you consider a charity? There are a lot of eldercare organizations looking for people, and you have the strength and some experience with that. You could improve someone else's life.
I’ve decided I won’t say anything to her- if she was still active on tumblr I might’ve said G’day, but following her onto Instagram feels wrong. (If I was going to say anything to her at all, it would just be a “hey, I remember we used to be internet friends, how are you? Hope you’re doing well” short message and not an accusatory “why did you stop talking to me” or a long spiel about my life over the past few years). But yeah, I should just let her be.
As for the other thing, it’s not like I’ve got extreme social anxiety. I work in a grocery store and interact with “work friends” (all similar to my age) and regular customers quite fine. But introducing myself to other people, whether at university or in the wild, is quite stressful.
I remember my Mum used to always say to me and my siblings not to get worked up about relationships in primary and secondary school, because we’re all going to separate and do different things with our lives. But I feel guilty for not putting in any effort to stay in contact, but then I feel less guilty when I think about how most people I knew never tried to stay in contact either. Mum told us that we’d all find our people when we were at uni, but I really haven’t.
Anyway, thank you for your input. You too @DeliciousDeku.
I want to apologise for the breakdown I had back in October, I was under a lot of stress with college, trying to juggle four or five assignments at the same time, expectations from my family, and I bottled it all up for so long, then I just hit my breaking point and let loose. I wasn't able to think straight.
I am sorry if I gave anyone a fright or freaked anyone out. It's not the sort of thing that should be out in the open like on a Forum. I do appreciate the concern people had, which does make me feel bad as I just left without a trace.
Dylan, there is no need to apologize.
You don't need to feel bad for using the vent/help thread, you kept your emotions hidden which made it worse.
I was starting to get scared when you left randomly, but I figured you were okay! Glad to see your doing okay, and if you ever need to talk to me, just DM me!
That means a lot mate, thank you. I hope you've been doing good, and, if you ever need someone to chat to, I am one of several people here who would be happy to be a pillar of support. I felt horrible, and I don't want anyone to feel that way, so, if you need someone, I am here to assist as best I possibly can.
No problem, i'll send you my username on discord. Check your DMs.
I don't use Discord anymore, I have a very addictive personality, and Discord was something I was addicted to until I up and left back in March, which is a bit of an inconvenience, but, you can still drop a message in my DMs when you want to chat
Good to know you're back we could use more familiar faces around here.
I'll be honest, I am not sure if I have much to contribute, I may be a familiar face, but that's it really. Thank you anyway man
I've had some memories haunting me for the past couple of years, and I want to let it all out.
I'm sure you guys have heard of the 'Pulse' nightclub shooting, well, my older brother was in there when it all happened. He had just graduated from college, and he was working on the lights and sound for the night club. for these couple of years, this image has been irked me forever.
I was watching the news live when it happened, and I saw my brother come out last. And, he was covered in blood and was shirtless. Thank heaven he wasn't shot, but the anxiety it cause for my mother and I was unreal!
Fast forward a couple of years, and my news was broadcasting footage of the shooting. Raw and unedited. The parents and the victims shouldn't have to witness it again. I am autistic, and I still watch the news everyday to make sure he is still safe. No one like or unlike me, should have to relive that terror. Yet, we did. And it felt like a sucker punch. It was not okay at all. None of us were asked permission for this footage to be released. We didn't want to see it again!
This fucking sucks, and I wish I never had to have written this. But the press is so damn bad that they released the uncut and raw footage.
I haven’t been doing too well for a while now. For almost a year, say 10-11 months, I’ve had this cough and it’s been getting progressively worse. Since November it’s went from the average cough to some wheezing, and now my chest has these spurts of...like compressions. I went to the doctor today to have my X-ray, and now I have to wait for a full week to get my results back, but I’m not sure if I can wait that long.
Best case it’s just asthma, I can live with that, average case, for lack of a better word, it could be TB. Curable now so I’m not too worried over that, worst case (which is what I’m dreading the most) lung cancer. There’s been no blood or vomit or anything like that, so here’s hoping it’s just the former, or if I’m really really lucky it’s just a really long cough, but then again probably not...I mean after a quick online diagnostic search the most likely scenarios are asthma or tuberculosis. But still, anybody here got any medical experience, or anything like that? Would surely be appreciated, thx.
As some of you guys know, I'm bisexual. And I like someone, how do I come out to them as bi?
-btw: This was a joke, but I kind of meant for people to take this seriously and give me advice... So I could give it to other people.
That's a pretty common dilemma in the bi community. There's no generic solution that works in all cases. You just have to dress nice and drop hints and see what happens.
I'll do that, and see where it goes.