Well sorry to hear that. It sucks that there are still people in the world that still hate homosexual relationships. Especially since your friend's family rejects what he believes is right for him. That is really horrible he has to put up with parents who control who they can have a relationship with or not. It should not be their fucking choice. your friend should be able to do what they think is right for them. The parents may have birthed them, but for bad or worse, it doesn't mean that they have the right to tell your friend what to do with their life. Every individual should have a right to do what they want without a parent's influence. If the relationship isn't harming anyone why do they have to get involved? Every human has a right to make decisions and to learn from from them on their own. His family may think it's a mistake but it is most likely because his dad is too afraid to accept it into his life and doesn't fall into their own set 'rules' for relationships. Things have changed and customs have changed. The dad needs to grow the fuck up.
Well sorry to hear that. It sucks that there are still people in the world that still hate homosexual relationships. Especially since your f… moreriend's family rejects what he believes is right for him. That is really horrible he has to put up with parents who control who they can have a relationship with or not. It should not be their fucking choice. your friend should be able to do what they think is right for them. The parents may have birthed them, but for bad or worse, it doesn't mean that they have the right to tell your friend what to do with their life. Every individual should have a right to do what they want without a parent's influence. If the relationship isn't harming anyone why do they have to get involved? Every human has a right to make decisions and to learn from from them on their own. His family may think it's a mistake but it is most likely because his dad is too afraid to accept it into his life and doesn't fall into their ow… [view original content]
It went out well, and then I asked this question as a joke. I thought it was clear that I was GAY after stating that wanting to be in a male relationship. lol
I've gotta rephrase my jokes better, for the sake of your sanity.
Oh I thought this was the boy from January 3.
As some of you guys know, I'm bisexual. And I like someone, how do I come out to them as bi?
How did ^^that^^ go?
It went out well, and then I asked this question as a joke. I thought it was clear that I was GAY after stating that wanting to be in a male relationship. lol
I've gotta rephrase my jokes better, for the sake of your sanity.
Yeah, I've already gotten in trouble for executing jokes incorrectly before... Let's thank God that my bisexual thingy wasn't as bad as that certain star wars joke.
Why do I always get used as a makeshift therapist? Why do people say I'm their friend but as soon someone better comes along I'm discarded like trash and it's like I never existed? It keeps happening over and over again and it's just happened recently in the past few days with a guy who I thought was different from all the others who pulled this shit, but I was wrong. I'm sick of this, I feel miserable and like an outcast again.
Did he say you're not his friend anymore? People are allowed to have more than one, you know.
If people keep abandoning you and you're not sure why, there are things you can do to see if you're doing something that's driving them away. For example, there's a famous book called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It was written like 85 years ago so definitely says nothing about social media. However, it's a really good summary of the basics of what attracts people to you and what makes them avoid you.
Why do I always get used as a makeshift therapist? Why do people say I'm their friend but as soon someone better comes along I'm discarded l… moreike trash and it's like I never existed? It keeps happening over and over again and it's just happened recently in the past few days with a guy who I thought was different from all the others who pulled this shit, but I was wrong. I'm sick of this, I feel miserable and like an outcast again.
Did he say you're not his friend anymore? People are allowed to have more than one, you know.
You probably didn't mean it this way, but to be honest this comes off as a bit condescending. I know I didn't give a lot of context so there wasn't a lot to go on (I was in a bad mood when I wrote it so I didn't want to go into too much detail).
The friend in question I met in 2018 and we bonded over how we had both been used and ghosted by people in the past. He has recently gotten back together with his online girlfriend, who spent he spent two years telling me how much he hated and how she made him depressed for over a year after she catfished and ghosted him and who is also apparently openly homophobic, yet he has gotten back with her anyway. He no longer appears interested in talking to me anymore, it's always me initiating conversations and he ignores me whenever I'm online now.
I have a physical disability and mental health issues, both of which contribute to making my life difficult and leading to me having few friends, so one of the ones who I thought I could rely on doing this is making me not want to bother anymore.
If people keep abandoning you and you're not sure why, there are things you can do to see if you're doing something that's driving them away.
I've only ever tried to be supportive towards these people, I'm just tired of them using me as the "makeshift therapist" and ghosting me.
Did he say you're not his friend anymore? People are allowed to have more than one, you know.
If people keep abandoning you and you're… more not sure why, there are things you can do to see if you're doing something that's driving them away. For example, there's a famous book called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It was written like 85 years ago so definitely says nothing about social media. However, it's a really good summary of the basics of what attracts people to you and what makes them avoid you.
If you don't want to read a book, you could just look at the Wikipedia summary at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People. It's a fun book to read, though.
Yeah, that case is his problem. He's decided he can't do better than her. He probably could but doesn't have the self-confidence for that. Meanwhile, he knows you won't approve of the relationship, given all the time the two of you spent condemning it, so he doesn't have the guts to face you. He knows you'll tell him she's bad for him, and you'll be right, but he isn't willing to fix it.
I would say let him go, but if you really like him for reasons other than relationship analysis, you could reach out and say you miss him and would like to start talking again, and you don't have to talk about his girlfriend if he doesn't want to.
When I write things in this thread, it's not always directed only at the person I'm responding to, but also at others who might be reading along but aren't sharing their own problems. In the case of that book, it's something I wished I would have read when I was a lot younger.
Did he say you're not his friend anymore? People are allowed to have more than one, you know.
You probably didn't mean it this way,… more but to be honest this comes off as a bit condescending. I know I didn't give a lot of context so there wasn't a lot to go on (I was in a bad mood when I wrote it so I didn't want to go into too much detail).
The friend in question I met in 2018 and we bonded over how we had both been used and ghosted by people in the past. He has recently gotten back together with his online girlfriend, who spent he spent two years telling me how much he hated and how she made him depressed for over a year after she catfished and ghosted him and who is also apparently openly homophobic, yet he has gotten back with her anyway. He no longer appears interested in talking to me anymore, it's always me initiating conversations and he ignores me whenever I'm online now.
I have a physical disability and mental health issu… [view original content]
It’s hard to tell why he’s distancing from you, and if he was actually using you, just drifted from the friendship or something else because we don’t know him, but you can’t control his choices. Sometimes friends turn out to be fake, or friends just drift apart. It doesn’t make you a victim, at least it doesn’t have to.
If you need someone to dm about this my discord’s iZo#0419 or you could dm me here.
Did he say you're not his friend anymore? People are allowed to have more than one, you know.
You probably didn't mean it this way,… more but to be honest this comes off as a bit condescending. I know I didn't give a lot of context so there wasn't a lot to go on (I was in a bad mood when I wrote it so I didn't want to go into too much detail).
The friend in question I met in 2018 and we bonded over how we had both been used and ghosted by people in the past. He has recently gotten back together with his online girlfriend, who spent he spent two years telling me how much he hated and how she made him depressed for over a year after she catfished and ghosted him and who is also apparently openly homophobic, yet he has gotten back with her anyway. He no longer appears interested in talking to me anymore, it's always me initiating conversations and he ignores me whenever I'm online now.
I have a physical disability and mental health issu… [view original content]
I was mainly just venting here, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this stuff anymore. Like I said in my original post, this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened with me being used as support and then forgotten about (I actually did make a comment on this thread a couple of years ago on here about one of these incidents). On some occasions I've even been insulted by some of these people over nothing.
I guess I'm just fed up of this happening again and again. I end up isolating myself because of it and that causes my mental health to worsen. I see people with their groups of friends both online and in reality and I get frustrated at how can't even make one that truly gives a damn.
My apologies if these posts are difficult to understand, I struggle with putting my thoughts into text.
It’s hard to tell why he’s distancing from you, and if he was actually using you, just drifted from the friendship or something else because… more we don’t know him, but you can’t control his choices. Sometimes friends turn out to be fake, or friends just drift apart. It doesn’t make you a victim, at least it doesn’t have to.
If you need someone to dm about this my discord’s iZo#0419 or you could dm me here.
I've sent him a text hopefully leading into a discussion on this whole situation. I guess how he responds, if at all, will determine how I feel on whether or not me and him can remain friends.
Yeah, that case is his problem. He's decided he can't do better than her. He probably could but doesn't have the self-confidence for that.… more Meanwhile, he knows you won't approve of the relationship, given all the time the two of you spent condemning it, so he doesn't have the guts to face you. He knows you'll tell him she's bad for him, and you'll be right, but he isn't willing to fix it.
I would say let him go, but if you really like him for reasons other than relationship analysis, you could reach out and say you miss him and would like to start talking again, and you don't have to talk about his girlfriend if he doesn't want to.
When I write things in this thread, it's not always directed only at the person I'm responding to, but also at others who might be reading along but aren't sharing their own problems. In the case of that book, it's something I wished I would have read when I was a lot younger.
I think I just found the root to all of my problems.
I don't feel loved by my parents
My mother has never been the casually affectionate type. It could be something to do with her past too. But she does all sorts of nice things for me. Offered to drive and drop me off at work. Has paid to get me things I want. Helped me talk to social workers, councilors, Etc, as I lack the full composure to do that myself. '...'
Then my Dad. He had always been different from other people. It was hard to predict what his intentions were from his actions. Whether he touched us out of nurturing, or for something else. It left us confused and uncomfortable instead of feeling embraced and loved. Those were our first impressions of what human affection and bonding was, and we weren't comfortable with it.
Affection can also teach the value of trust, but it's lesson was so soiled that we learned to reject trust. This twisted message was given. And my developing mind, being too young to know better, digested it and morphed into a rooted phobia. Only one of us was affected enough to have his actions burned into memory, it had an impact on me, and I see that it has in my siblings too.
It malformed me as a person. And I feel unworthy of anyone's trust, or kindness.
I know I have not been acting at my best on these forums. There are some here that have been distanced from me because of my recent behavior. And there are a lot of you who don't know what to think of me. And I'm really sorry for how I have treated any of you here. Since my first days on the forums till now. I want to do better.
I used to get angry at my dad and would want to hit him. Usually due to me being grumpy and my dad being hard headed. But when I threw hands he picked me up, slammed me into the pavement hard enough to hit the back of my head, pinned my arms to my chest, and said , "Are you going to do that again." with the glare that caused me to panic. I was speechless. It felt like there were hands around my neck that I couldn't see. He repeated it. And I let out a panicked shake of my head.
I can feel how I felt. And how I felt about it after. It only took 8 seconds, and it it was enough to rip me apart on the inside. I don't think I ever looked at him the same way after that day. And car rides got really awkward.
What did I do to cover this up? Was I trying to make our relationship work by repressing memories? And then... it still didn't fix things? And why is this coming back now?
Does this have something to do with him recently shutting me out of his life after I wanted to bring up a topic (fuck, that I needed to bring up) that he didn't want to discuss? Was it me knowing that he should be dead to me that I was able to unlock these memories hidden behind placards in my mind saying, "My dad can still be a good guy", "I still have sympathy for my dad. He's just going through tough times. He will get better.", that have now been shattered?
I don't know. But in order to move on, I need to start a whole new life-changing project.
Even, maybe a transition into living individually could make it an easy transition for me. It's just been sitting there for years, waiting for me to reach for it.
At the same time, I don't want anything to change at all. I feel glued to this home. From some malevolent subconscious force. Almost at an instinctual level. But I should see this for the pain that it is causing and want to change it, right?
This is something you may want to see a professional about to wrap your head around it. Meanwhile, though...
If you want to get to where you've never been, you'll have to do something you've never done.
Make a plan for what you want. Write it down. Figure out what you need to do to make it happen for real. Write that down, too. Then see what you can do.
I found out something from when I was younger.
I think I just found the root to all of my problems.
I don't feel loved by my parents
… more My mother has never been the casually affectionate type. It could be something to do with her past too. But she does all sorts of nice things for me. Offered to drive and drop me off at work. Has paid to get me things I want. Helped me talk to social workers, councilors, Etc, as I lack the full composure to do that myself. '...'
Then my Dad. He had always been different from other people. It was hard to predict what his intentions were from his actions. Whether he touched us out of nurturing, or for something else. It left us confused and uncomfortable instead of feeling embraced and loved. Those were our first impressions of what human affection and bonding was, and we weren't comfortable with it.
Affection can also teach the value of trust, but it's lesson was so soiled that we learned to reject… [view original content]
Um I had something today where my best friend invited his friend to play a game with us. And we were having fun for a time until I had the bright idea to get stoned while also having an empty stomach (like 48 hours without food). As you would think my personality changed and it wound up making the guy we were playing with feel weird and become angry. It even made my best friend angry. I tried to not say anything bad, but something about me made him really irritated. I knew I was acting strange, but I didn't think it was enough to make him become upset.
And the worst part is, we didn't know what we were angry at. I did that. Did I morph into such a shitty personality that I can turn people around me absolutely crazy?
And I've noticed this through my whole life. People I try to talk to who would get angry at me even though I partially took part in a conversation. Others would just suddenly stop talking to me when I have a conversation with them. This might be another thing people sense when I don't know them well.
Yeah, it would definitely help to get an appropriate amount of food and sleep. Take care of your body a little.
Some people do get wildly different personalities on drugs and alcohol. Most people won't say, but if it's your best friend, maybe he'd tell you if you ask if you said or did anything really awful that you didn't realize. Tell him you're trying to get your act together and would really like to know and promise you won't get defensive at whatever he says. (And then don't get defensive.) He may not really know, either, but it's worth asking.
Um I had something today where my best friend invited his friend to play a game with us. And we were having fun for a time until I had the b… moreright idea to get stoned while also having an empty stomach (like 48 hours without food). As you would think my personality changed and it wound up making the guy we were playing with feel weird and become angry. It even made my best friend angry. I tried to not say anything bad, but something about me made him really irritated. I knew I was acting strange, but I didn't think it was enough to make him become upset.
And the worst part is, we didn't know what we were angry at. I did that. Did I morph into such a shitty personality that I can turn people around me absolutely crazy?
And I've noticed this through my whole life. People I try to talk to who would get angry at me even though I partially took part in a conversation. Others would just suddenly stop talking to me when I have a conversation with them. This might be another thing people sense when I don't know them well.
I just realized my Aunt didn't have to die. She thought that her life was dumb, but she couldn't handle that she wasn't able to change anything. She buried her life in the ground building a garden that was giant and gorgeous. She tried to buy things to fill the void in her life. Many excessive pairs of valuable shoes and the decorations she had were extraordinary. When it wasn't enough, she fell into debt. When her boyfriend, who had a thriving businesses but lacked a personality, could not help her, they broke off their relationship. She tried to be around and would keep a smile on her face, but she played an act to stop us from worrying. We didn't understand what was causing her so much pain. She then fell into a deep state of depression that ended her life because she could not find her purpose in a world that was not able to change. My Mom, her Sister, and my Grandparents used to tell me that she used to skip School because she was too smart for it. She was a very smart woman, who had a lot of personality, and the will to do almost anything.
Edit: I'm sorry for the way that it's worded. I'm a bit exhausted from thinking this way and now having this on my mind is making it hard to deal with.
This Isn't the right medium to communicate my thoughts on. I might have to go out and actually talk to people. Even it if results in me being beaten in the streets because they don't understand. It will be worth it to know I actually tried.
It's been a while since I made a post venting here. I took a look back at the posts I made here years ago, and I wanted to touch on what I was so vague about in those posts.
I was first diagnosed with psychotic disorders when I was 16. Right now I am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, which is schizophrenic symptoms mixed with a mood disorder.
Ever since I was born, I felt something inside my spirit that I couldn't describe. The sensation is overwhelming, and I'd only sound crazy if I try to describe it now. Many of my posts on this thread were an attempt to describe it. Trying to describe who I was resulted in me being diagnosed as psychotic to begin with. In a way I feel chosen for something bigger than me, and the feeling combined with knowing no one would believe something like that could happen to someone as insignificant as me broke me as a kid.
It's weird, I know how I sound on the outside but on the inside it's all I can do to articulate it. I'm forced to dance around what I am because it's too extraordinary to be believed. I'm tired of dancing around it, but I know to be taken seriously it's all I can do.
I wish I could just tell everyone who I am, it'd make it a lot easier.
Even though this place is eerily decrepit now, I want to thank you all for letting me vent back then. It was one of the first times I came out with how I felt inside and I'm glad I overcame my fear of being judged for what I had to say. Take care all.
Hey I'm back, but somehow it just lead me in a circle. Back to being some nameless thing instead of a person. And with the medication and help I've been getting how could I have come back here? The weird thing is, I feel more like myself like this than I ever did before. Always feeling like I'm lying to myself. Trying to do things that I knew deep down I didn't want to be.
Maybe society doesn't have to change. But all I know is that it doesn't fit me.
After staying awake all night trying to understand why I am getting so angry and mistrusting of people who are trying to help me I found out (or you could say rediscovered) I have a psychological disorder from when I was a kid. I project my dad onto people and see them as just as potentially manipulative and cruel as him. I never put the two together properly and thought it was just normal to be overly nervous around people before I met them. He has shattered my trust and it makes it hard to make new relationships, and to keep the ones I have now. This guy needs to leave my head if there is any chance of healing from this.
And now to get my therapist to understand this before they fully decide that pumping me full of drugs is how to fix my behavior. Cus honestly this current one makes everything I say now seem like gibberish and it makes me have to refresh these thoughts in my head to keep paying attention. Then they will think I have ADD and I'll be posting about AWOLNATION being my spirit band.
Congrats on your realization! Is it something where you have no problems interacting with women, but men are always treated with suspicion? Or is it everyone?
Sometimes drugs mess things up, but don't suddenly quit them without talking to your therapist first, because that can mess you up even more.
After staying awake all night trying to understand why I am getting so angry and mistrusting of people who are trying to help me I found out… more (or you could say rediscovered) I have a psychological disorder from when I was a kid. I project my dad onto people and see them as just as potentially manipulative and cruel as him. I never put the two together properly and thought it was just normal to be overly nervous around people before I met them. He has shattered my trust and it makes it hard to make new relationships, and to keep the ones I have now. This guy needs to leave my head if there is any chance of healing from this.
And now to get my therapist to understand this before they fully decide that pumping me full of drugs is how to fix my behavior. Cus honestly this current one makes everything I say now seem like gibberish and it makes me have to refresh these thoughts in my head to keep paying attention. Then they will think I have ADD and I'll be posting about AWOLNATION being my spirit band.
Is it something where you have no problems interacting with women, but men are always treated with suspicion? Or is it everyone?
That is actually a good question. From the past it seemed like I would have uncomfortabilty talking to either gender, though I felt calmer and was more likely to initiate conversation when around women. But a lot has changed in my mind since I last had any real social interaction outside of immediate family, since I stopped working back in April. So I guess in order to know for sure how for sure how I handle open social interaction, I have to find people who I could have a healthy conversation with. My therapist wouldn't be a bad start, cause he's really a nice guy, but lately I've been locking up around him when we talk about things more personal.
Edit: Wait, did I just say that I couldn't have a healthy conversation around my family? God damnit.
Congrats on your realization! Is it something where you have no problems interacting with women, but men are always treated with suspicion?… more Or is it everyone?
Sometimes drugs mess things up, but don't suddenly quit them without talking to your therapist first, because that can mess you up even more.
Yes, your therapist is expecting things to be wrong, and he won't judge you for them. Or if he does, it's time to get a new therapist! You could start by saying that you've realized that some of your problems might be because something bad happened to you in your childhood, but you're not ready to go into details yet, and see how he reacts to that.
Is it something where you have no problems interacting with women, but men are always treated with suspicion? Or is it everyone?
Tha… moret is actually a good question. From the past it seemed like I would have uncomfortabilty talking to either gender, though I felt calmer and was more likely to initiate conversation when around women. But a lot has changed in my mind since I last had any real social interaction outside of immediate family, since I stopped working back in April. So I guess in order to know for sure how for sure how I handle open social interaction, I have to find people who I could have a healthy conversation with. My therapist wouldn't be a bad start, cause he's really a nice guy, but lately I've been locking up around him when we talk about things more personal.
Edit: Wait, did I just say that I couldn't have a healthy conversation around my family? God damnit.
I really have lost my head.I see what my problem is. I can't trust others because I can't trust my own opinion. It changes too often that disrupts my own sense of truth. My opinion on things changes so often that I can't trust myself to take my medication on time. They may have to force it down my throat for me to get better. It's just these endless fear cycles.
In that documentary on Netflix it said that other people are starting to become distrustful because of how social media is made to alter people opinions. And to lead people down rabbitholes of disinformation while allowing others to connect with them to strengthen that resolve. So if I am to believe that, we are worse off than I thought.
So, I need to leave. And the Mods should keep me banned because I can't trust myself to keep away from here. This is more for other people's safety than for mine. Keep your truth as long as you can. It is more valuable than you may think.
Yes, your therapist is expecting things to be wrong, and he won't judge you for them. Or if he does, it's time to get a new therapist! You… more could start by saying that you've realized that some of your problems might be because something bad happened to you in your childhood, but you're not ready to go into details yet, and see how he reacts to that.
Okay, so I've been going through a bit of drama (unrelated to me specifically) on a discord server the past couple of days and it's really left me feeling down about the whole ordeal.
So I'm gonna vent.
I'm a part of this Discord server about Animal Crossing New Horizons for the past month and a half. I'd say it's a very positive, welcoming and wholesome place to chat and expand your online horizons in the game with events and item trading, and generally some very generous people.
But just a few days ago, on Tuesday, there was a whole lot of controversy surrounding the mods/admins and active, popular users in the community. I'm really torn up about the issue so I'll try to explain what happened without getting too into specifics.
[Preface: I will briefly mention some sensitive topics about race and history]
Some of the admins were having a chat about the latest update trailer for ACNH, and mentioned their worry about a Tipi-looking item being added as part of Thanksgiving festivities, given the pretty brutal and shameful history of that holiday.
A mod, "L", stepped into the conversation, brushing aside the topic and mentioning how it's just a game and they don't see how it could be considered racist.
This led to them getting into an argument about the implications of a Tipi and indigenous culture, where "L" eventually leaked a private mod chat -- intended for them to discuss issues within the server -- showing the admins and a few mods joking around about deleting roles for fun, their trivial annoyances about some active users of the server organizing events and suggesting mods how to better run the server.
The mod L Dm'd these photos to the affected users and posted it across the server before leaving for good. This led to the two people "K and A" -- active users who organized great events and were welcoming to newcomers -- and whom I'd consider good friends in the time I spent there, leaving in anger after finding out that these admins and a few mods -- people they thought were good friends -- were judging and teasing them behind their backs.
Unfortunately, this doesn't stop here.
Someone called "J", who was close friends with one of the people who left (and who she shared a similar ethnic background with), felt betrayed and ashamed of the admins for essentially 'bullying' her close friend behind their back how this place didn't feel safe for her anymore because of it. Someone responded with confusion about bringing race into it, and that led to another argument -- thankfully only contained in DMs. But, J was eventually banned for getting into an argument with said random user.
Finally, the user "S", who I assumed was going to stay because they wanted to keep an eye on the admins and not let anything like this slip away again was banned the following night. Apparently they tried to relay a message from a banned user clarifying the issue and their thoughts on it, and the admins wouldn't stand for that. (The admins also mentioned mulling over the idea of kicking them earlier, but didn't mention why, also claiming S had some involvement with J's argument, but S has assured me that's not true.)
So, in the end, many of the active, very welcoming people whom I enjoyed talking to have either left or been outright banned, and the admins have seemingly taken almost no action to rectify this, with no new mod positions, no new rules or ways to constructively communicate issues we have in a civil manner -- something that was basically the cause of this whole thing.
And that's where we are.
Now, I'm not one to judge for myself, but in my own outsider's opinion it seemed to me that the admins and active users were good friends as they've all been on the server together for at least 3 months, also regularly operating on a first-name basis.
Given this, the fact that the admins have mentioned their regret in keeping these issues behind their friends' backs is reassuring, but there has also been a lack of any confirmation that they have, plan to, or even want to try and apologise to those who left of their own accord, which kinda makes it seem like they weren't as close as it seemed, or a friendship was just faked. But again, that's not my place to decide.
I'm just torn on whether to stay or leave the server, as I find the Admins' behaviour in response to all this very suspicious and untrustworthy, but I also want to give them the benefit of the doubt since my interactions with them and from what I've seen in my time there -- it seems they are genuinely trying to be helpful, good people (and I understand that modding is a very hard volunteer job, stress and hard decisions comes with the territory) -- and I feel that all that happened was due to some misunderstanding either with private photos taken out of context (most likely), or some issue of bias or prejudice that was lost on someone.
There's also quite a few other nice people in the server I enjoy the company of, and given that this server has really helped me stay connected with someone this Autumn pandemic/election season, I've got some emotional attachment to it. I just don't want to abandon the other users whom I like speaking to... (Then going back to square one in trying to find a similar community environment.)
So... It hurts. It really does -- thinking about trying to brush this aside to continue staying there and letting it slide, but a part of me thinks doing so would be wrong.
I just don't know who to believe and I definitely don't know the full story, despite trying my best to piece it together with pictures sent by users who left and comments from the admins. And that really sucks.
That's it. That's been the tumultuous past few days I've witnessed online, it's just gotten me real down every now and then.
That's rough, I am saddened by the behaviour of the Admins. If I were you, I think that'd be the point where I'd draw the curtain on my time in that server, from your comment, you are affected by it, how can you not be, you went into that server to have fun, and it was fun, only for recent events to show that things weren't as blissful as they appeared to be.
What I think you could do though, is contact those who left, those who are good friends of yours, and build a server based on Animal Crossing with them. The Admins may not be anywhere near as bad as they are portrayed, but you don't have to leave because of them, you could leave so to continue pursuing contact with your friends.
It's entirely up to you man, but please don't let it eat away at you, one thing I learned from online Communities is if what goes on eats away at you, best move to make is to move on, life is too short to stick around in areas where your mood will suffer from, stick to what you love and those who you enjoy the company of
Sorry I didn't get around to seeing and replying to this sooner, I haven't been feeling all that great lately, I'm in a somewhat decent shape now though so that's alright
Okay, so I've been going through a bit of drama (unrelated to me specifically) on a discord server the past couple of days and it's really l… moreeft me feeling down about the whole ordeal.
So I'm gonna vent.
I'm a part of this Discord server about Animal Crossing New Horizons for the past month and a half. I'd say it's a very positive, welcoming and wholesome place to chat and expand your online horizons in the game with events and item trading, and generally some very generous people.
But just a few days ago, on Tuesday, there was a whole lot of controversy surrounding the mods/admins and active, popular users in the community. I'm really torn up about the issue so I'll try to explain what happened without getting too into specifics.
[Preface: I will briefly mention some sensitive topics about race and history]
* Some of the admins were having a chat about the latest update trailer for ACNH, and mentioned their worry about a Tipi… [view original content]
Fuck hell I'm so fucking angry and sad I think I'm gonna lose it. If I ain't already. Last few months of my life really felt like a telltale game ngl. Hopefully I will get the good ending.
So I haven't been here in a while, which is good? I've had my ups and downs but right now I feel good, to get to the point of why I'm commenting, I wanted to say that all of you that have come here, or plan on coming here to let loose how you feel, I genuinely hope that you bounce back, not rapidly, but appropriately, when the time itself is right for you to be able to move on or deal with whatever your struggles are.
It may not mean much considering it's me and I'm not exactly the most liked on here (I'm not too worried about it though), if anyone fancies a one to one chat, you can DM me if you like.
Tomorrow's a new day, a blank slate to work with, so keep that in mind whenever you feel something that's bothering you today will continue to pester you, it won't...
This has been on my mind since Friday, and it hasn't gone away. The Nashville RV news has disturbed me. I'm not even near Nashville, but it has me freaked out. I can't stand being in an empty room, and police sirens and ambulance sirens are freaking me out now. I can't even stand sad music, it has to be upbeat or I just don't feel good. I need serious help. I tried muting news pages on social media, I try to stay away from the news but it doesn't help.
Comments
Bitch tryna' set me up for failure.
my boyfriend and I broke up because his prick of a dad forced him to break up with me... because we're a fucking gay couple.
Oof Page 165 is just sad to read.
Sorry to hear that. How long were you together?
Well sorry to hear that. It sucks that there are still people in the world that still hate homosexual relationships. Especially since your friend's family rejects what he believes is right for him. That is really horrible he has to put up with parents who control who they can have a relationship with or not. It should not be their fucking choice. your friend should be able to do what they think is right for them. The parents may have birthed them, but for bad or worse, it doesn't mean that they have the right to tell your friend what to do with their life. Every individual should have a right to do what they want without a parent's influence. If the relationship isn't harming anyone why do they have to get involved? Every human has a right to make decisions and to learn from from them on their own. His family may think it's a mistake but it is most likely because his dad is too afraid to accept it into his life and doesn't fall into their own set 'rules' for relationships. Things have changed and customs have changed. The dad needs to grow the fuck up.
Romeo & Julian....
That kid's going to have some issues growing up, unfortunately not uncommon ones. I guess you'll just have to move on for now.
A year and a half.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, I hope he's okay. His dad has a history of abusing my ex-boyfriend and his ex-wife.
Oh I thought this was the boy from January 3.
How did ^^that^^ go?
It went out well, and then I asked this question as a joke. I thought it was clear that I was GAY after stating that wanting to be in a male relationship. lol
I've gotta rephrase my jokes better, for the sake of your sanity.
Yeah man, I was worried you wanted to quit on your partner of over a year for a second there!
Yeah, I've already gotten in trouble for executing jokes incorrectly before... Let's thank God that my bisexual thingy wasn't as bad as that certain star wars joke.
But, yeah. this situation is serious.
Why do I always get used as a makeshift therapist? Why do people say I'm their friend but as soon someone better comes along I'm discarded like trash and it's like I never existed? It keeps happening over and over again and it's just happened recently in the past few days with a guy who I thought was different from all the others who pulled this shit, but I was wrong. I'm sick of this, I feel miserable and like an outcast again.
Did he say you're not his friend anymore? People are allowed to have more than one, you know.
If people keep abandoning you and you're not sure why, there are things you can do to see if you're doing something that's driving them away. For example, there's a famous book called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It was written like 85 years ago so definitely says nothing about social media. However, it's a really good summary of the basics of what attracts people to you and what makes them avoid you.
If you don't want to read a book, you could just look at the Wikipedia summary at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People. It's a fun book to read, though.
You probably didn't mean it this way, but to be honest this comes off as a bit condescending. I know I didn't give a lot of context so there wasn't a lot to go on (I was in a bad mood when I wrote it so I didn't want to go into too much detail).
The friend in question I met in 2018 and we bonded over how we had both been used and ghosted by people in the past. He has recently gotten back together with his online girlfriend, who spent he spent two years telling me how much he hated and how she made him depressed for over a year after she catfished and ghosted him and who is also apparently openly homophobic, yet he has gotten back with her anyway. He no longer appears interested in talking to me anymore, it's always me initiating conversations and he ignores me whenever I'm online now.
I have a physical disability and mental health issues, both of which contribute to making my life difficult and leading to me having few friends, so one of the ones who I thought I could rely on doing this is making me not want to bother anymore.
I've only ever tried to be supportive towards these people, I'm just tired of them using me as the "makeshift therapist" and ghosting me.
Yeah, that case is his problem. He's decided he can't do better than her. He probably could but doesn't have the self-confidence for that. Meanwhile, he knows you won't approve of the relationship, given all the time the two of you spent condemning it, so he doesn't have the guts to face you. He knows you'll tell him she's bad for him, and you'll be right, but he isn't willing to fix it.
I would say let him go, but if you really like him for reasons other than relationship analysis, you could reach out and say you miss him and would like to start talking again, and you don't have to talk about his girlfriend if he doesn't want to.
When I write things in this thread, it's not always directed only at the person I'm responding to, but also at others who might be reading along but aren't sharing their own problems. In the case of that book, it's something I wished I would have read when I was a lot younger.
It’s hard to tell why he’s distancing from you, and if he was actually using you, just drifted from the friendship or something else because we don’t know him, but you can’t control his choices. Sometimes friends turn out to be fake, or friends just drift apart. It doesn’t make you a victim, at least it doesn’t have to.
If you need someone to dm about this my discord’s iZo#0419 or you could dm me here.
I was mainly just venting here, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this stuff anymore. Like I said in my original post, this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened with me being used as support and then forgotten about (I actually did make a comment on this thread a couple of years ago on here about one of these incidents). On some occasions I've even been insulted by some of these people over nothing.
I guess I'm just fed up of this happening again and again. I end up isolating myself because of it and that causes my mental health to worsen. I see people with their groups of friends both online and in reality and I get frustrated at how can't even make one that truly gives a damn.
My apologies if these posts are difficult to understand, I struggle with putting my thoughts into text.
I've sent him a text hopefully leading into a discussion on this whole situation. I guess how he responds, if at all, will determine how I feel on whether or not me and him can remain friends.
I found out something from when I was younger.
I think I just found the root to all of my problems.
I don't feel loved by my parents
My mother has never been the casually affectionate type. It could be something to do with her past too. But she does all sorts of nice things for me. Offered to drive and drop me off at work. Has paid to get me things I want. Helped me talk to social workers, councilors, Etc, as I lack the full composure to do that myself. '...'
Then my Dad. He had always been different from other people. It was hard to predict what his intentions were from his actions. Whether he touched us out of nurturing, or for something else. It left us confused and uncomfortable instead of feeling embraced and loved. Those were our first impressions of what human affection and bonding was, and we weren't comfortable with it.
Affection can also teach the value of trust, but it's lesson was so soiled that we learned to reject trust. This twisted message was given. And my developing mind, being too young to know better, digested it and morphed into a rooted phobia. Only one of us was affected enough to have his actions burned into memory, it had an impact on me, and I see that it has in my siblings too.
It malformed me as a person. And I feel unworthy of anyone's trust, or kindness.
I know I have not been acting at my best on these forums. There are some here that have been distanced from me because of my recent behavior. And there are a lot of you who don't know what to think of me. And I'm really sorry for how I have treated any of you here. Since my first days on the forums till now. I want to do better.
I used to get angry at my dad and would want to hit him. Usually due to me being grumpy and my dad being hard headed. But when I threw hands he picked me up, slammed me into the pavement hard enough to hit the back of my head, pinned my arms to my chest, and said , "Are you going to do that again." with the glare that caused me to panic. I was speechless. It felt like there were hands around my neck that I couldn't see. He repeated it. And I let out a panicked shake of my head.
I can feel how I felt. And how I felt about it after. It only took 8 seconds, and it it was enough to rip me apart on the inside. I don't think I ever looked at him the same way after that day. And car rides got really awkward.
What did I do to cover this up? Was I trying to make our relationship work by repressing memories? And then... it still didn't fix things? And why is this coming back now?
Does this have something to do with him recently shutting me out of his life after I wanted to bring up a topic (fuck, that I needed to bring up) that he didn't want to discuss? Was it me knowing that he should be dead to me that I was able to unlock these memories hidden behind placards in my mind saying, "My dad can still be a good guy", "I still have sympathy for my dad. He's just going through tough times. He will get better.", that have now been shattered?
I don't know. But in order to move on, I need to start a whole new life-changing project.
Even, maybe a transition into living individually could make it an easy transition for me. It's just been sitting there for years, waiting for me to reach for it.
At the same time, I don't want anything to change at all. I feel glued to this home. From some malevolent subconscious force. Almost at an instinctual level. But I should see this for the pain that it is causing and want to change it, right?
NO, THE ABOVE PARAGRAPH IS A LIE
This is something you may want to see a professional about to wrap your head around it. Meanwhile, though...
If you want to get to where you've never been, you'll have to do something you've never done.
Make a plan for what you want. Write it down. Figure out what you need to do to make it happen for real. Write that down, too. Then see what you can do.
Um I had something today where my best friend invited his friend to play a game with us. And we were having fun for a time until I had the bright idea to get stoned while also having an empty stomach (like 48 hours without food). As you would think my personality changed and it wound up making the guy we were playing with feel weird and become angry. It even made my best friend angry. I tried to not say anything bad, but something about me made him really irritated. I knew I was acting strange, but I didn't think it was enough to make him become upset.
And the worst part is, we didn't know what we were angry at. I did that. Did I morph into such a shitty personality that I can turn people around me absolutely crazy?
And I've noticed this through my whole life. People I try to talk to who would get angry at me even though I partially took part in a conversation. Others would just suddenly stop talking to me when I have a conversation with them. This might be another thing people sense when I don't know them well.
Yeah, it would definitely help to get an appropriate amount of food and sleep. Take care of your body a little.
Some people do get wildly different personalities on drugs and alcohol. Most people won't say, but if it's your best friend, maybe he'd tell you if you ask if you said or did anything really awful that you didn't realize. Tell him you're trying to get your act together and would really like to know and promise you won't get defensive at whatever he says. (And then don't get defensive.) He may not really know, either, but it's worth asking.
I just realized my Aunt didn't have to die. She thought that her life was dumb, but she couldn't handle that she wasn't able to change anything. She buried her life in the ground building a garden that was giant and gorgeous. She tried to buy things to fill the void in her life. Many excessive pairs of valuable shoes and the decorations she had were extraordinary. When it wasn't enough, she fell into debt. When her boyfriend, who had a thriving businesses but lacked a personality, could not help her, they broke off their relationship. She tried to be around and would keep a smile on her face, but she played an act to stop us from worrying. We didn't understand what was causing her so much pain. She then fell into a deep state of depression that ended her life because she could not find her purpose in a world that was not able to change. My Mom, her Sister, and my Grandparents used to tell me that she used to skip School because she was too smart for it. She was a very smart woman, who had a lot of personality, and the will to do almost anything.
Edit: I'm sorry for the way that it's worded. I'm a bit exhausted from thinking this way and now having this on my mind is making it hard to deal with.
This Isn't the right medium to communicate my thoughts on. I might have to go out and actually talk to people. Even it if results in me being beaten in the streets because they don't understand. It will be worth it to know I actually tried.
Why do I feel alone? I should hate they way I think.
It's been a while since I made a post venting here. I took a look back at the posts I made here years ago, and I wanted to touch on what I was so vague about in those posts.
I was first diagnosed with psychotic disorders when I was 16. Right now I am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, which is schizophrenic symptoms mixed with a mood disorder.
Ever since I was born, I felt something inside my spirit that I couldn't describe. The sensation is overwhelming, and I'd only sound crazy if I try to describe it now. Many of my posts on this thread were an attempt to describe it. Trying to describe who I was resulted in me being diagnosed as psychotic to begin with. In a way I feel chosen for something bigger than me, and the feeling combined with knowing no one would believe something like that could happen to someone as insignificant as me broke me as a kid.
It's weird, I know how I sound on the outside but on the inside it's all I can do to articulate it. I'm forced to dance around what I am because it's too extraordinary to be believed. I'm tired of dancing around it, but I know to be taken seriously it's all I can do.
I wish I could just tell everyone who I am, it'd make it a lot easier.
Even though this place is eerily decrepit now, I want to thank you all for letting me vent back then. It was one of the first times I came out with how I felt inside and I'm glad I overcame my fear of being judged for what I had to say. Take care all.
Hey I'm back, but somehow it just lead me in a circle. Back to being some nameless thing instead of a person. And with the medication and help I've been getting how could I have come back here? The weird thing is, I feel more like myself like this than I ever did before. Always feeling like I'm lying to myself. Trying to do things that I knew deep down I didn't want to be.
Maybe society doesn't have to change. But all I know is that it doesn't fit me.
After staying awake all night trying to understand why I am getting so angry and mistrusting of people who are trying to help me I found out (or you could say rediscovered) I have a psychological disorder from when I was a kid. I project my dad onto people and see them as just as potentially manipulative and cruel as him. I never put the two together properly and thought it was just normal to be overly nervous around people before I met them. He has shattered my trust and it makes it hard to make new relationships, and to keep the ones I have now. This guy needs to leave my head if there is any chance of healing from this.
And now to get my therapist to understand this before they fully decide that pumping me full of drugs is how to fix my behavior. Cus honestly this current one makes everything I say now seem like gibberish and it makes me have to refresh these thoughts in my head to keep paying attention. Then they will think I have ADD and I'll be posting about AWOLNATION being my spirit band.
Congrats on your realization! Is it something where you have no problems interacting with women, but men are always treated with suspicion? Or is it everyone?
Sometimes drugs mess things up, but don't suddenly quit them without talking to your therapist first, because that can mess you up even more.
That is actually a good question. From the past it seemed like I would have uncomfortabilty talking to either gender, though I felt calmer and was more likely to initiate conversation when around women. But a lot has changed in my mind since I last had any real social interaction outside of immediate family, since I stopped working back in April. So I guess in order to know for sure how for sure how I handle open social interaction, I have to find people who I could have a healthy conversation with. My therapist wouldn't be a bad start, cause he's really a nice guy, but lately I've been locking up around him when we talk about things more personal.
Edit: Wait, did I just say that I couldn't have a healthy conversation around my family? God damnit.
Yes, your therapist is expecting things to be wrong, and he won't judge you for them. Or if he does, it's time to get a new therapist! You could start by saying that you've realized that some of your problems might be because something bad happened to you in your childhood, but you're not ready to go into details yet, and see how he reacts to that.
I really have lost my head.
I see what my problem is. I can't trust others because I can't trust my own opinion. It changes too often that disrupts my own sense of truth. My opinion on things changes so often that I can't trust myself to take my medication on time. They may have to force it down my throat for me to get better. It's just these endless fear cycles.In that documentary on Netflix it said that other people are starting to become distrustful because of how social media is made to alter people opinions. And to lead people down rabbitholes of disinformation while allowing others to connect with them to strengthen that resolve. So if I am to believe that, we are worse off than I thought.
So, I need to leave. And the Mods should keep me banned because I can't trust myself to keep away from here. This is more for other people's safety than for mine. Keep your truth as long as you can. It is more valuable than you may think.
God im feeling so fucking low. I'm so fucking mad
Okay, so I've been going through a bit of drama (unrelated to me specifically) on a discord server the past couple of days and it's really left me feeling down about the whole ordeal.
So I'm gonna vent.
I'm a part of this Discord server about Animal Crossing New Horizons for the past month and a half. I'd say it's a very positive, welcoming and wholesome place to chat and expand your online horizons in the game with events and item trading, and generally some very generous people.
But just a few days ago, on Tuesday, there was a whole lot of controversy surrounding the mods/admins and active, popular users in the community. I'm really torn up about the issue so I'll try to explain what happened without getting too into specifics.
[Preface: I will briefly mention some sensitive topics about race and history]
Unfortunately, this doesn't stop here.
Someone called "J", who was close friends with one of the people who left (and who she shared a similar ethnic background with), felt betrayed and ashamed of the admins for essentially 'bullying' her close friend behind their back how this place didn't feel safe for her anymore because of it. Someone responded with confusion about bringing race into it, and that led to another argument -- thankfully only contained in DMs. But, J was eventually banned for getting into an argument with said random user.
Finally, the user "S", who I assumed was going to stay because they wanted to keep an eye on the admins and not let anything like this slip away again was banned the following night. Apparently they tried to relay a message from a banned user clarifying the issue and their thoughts on it, and the admins wouldn't stand for that. (The admins also mentioned mulling over the idea of kicking them earlier, but didn't mention why, also claiming S had some involvement with J's argument, but S has assured me that's not true.)
And that's where we are.
Now, I'm not one to judge for myself, but in my own outsider's opinion it seemed to me that the admins and active users were good friends as they've all been on the server together for at least 3 months, also regularly operating on a first-name basis.
Given this, the fact that the admins have mentioned their regret in keeping these issues behind their friends' backs is reassuring, but there has also been a lack of any confirmation that they have, plan to, or even want to try and apologise to those who left of their own accord, which kinda makes it seem like they weren't as close as it seemed, or a friendship was just faked. But again, that's not my place to decide.
I'm just torn on whether to stay or leave the server, as I find the Admins' behaviour in response to all this very suspicious and untrustworthy, but I also want to give them the benefit of the doubt since my interactions with them and from what I've seen in my time there -- it seems they are genuinely trying to be helpful, good people (and I understand that modding is a very hard volunteer job, stress and hard decisions comes with the territory) -- and I feel that all that happened was due to some misunderstanding either with private photos taken out of context (most likely), or some issue of bias or prejudice that was lost on someone.
There's also quite a few other nice people in the server I enjoy the company of, and given that this server has really helped me stay connected with someone this Autumn pandemic/election season, I've got some emotional attachment to it. I just don't want to abandon the other users whom I like speaking to... (Then going back to square one in trying to find a similar community environment.)
So... It hurts. It really does -- thinking about trying to brush this aside to continue staying there and letting it slide, but a part of me thinks doing so would be wrong.
I just don't know who to believe and I definitely don't know the full story, despite trying my best to piece it together with pictures sent by users who left and comments from the admins. And that really sucks.
That's it. That's been the tumultuous past few days I've witnessed online, it's just gotten me real down every now and then.
That's rough, I am saddened by the behaviour of the Admins. If I were you, I think that'd be the point where I'd draw the curtain on my time in that server, from your comment, you are affected by it, how can you not be, you went into that server to have fun, and it was fun, only for recent events to show that things weren't as blissful as they appeared to be.
What I think you could do though, is contact those who left, those who are good friends of yours, and build a server based on Animal Crossing with them. The Admins may not be anywhere near as bad as they are portrayed, but you don't have to leave because of them, you could leave so to continue pursuing contact with your friends.
It's entirely up to you man, but please don't let it eat away at you, one thing I learned from online Communities is if what goes on eats away at you, best move to make is to move on, life is too short to stick around in areas where your mood will suffer from, stick to what you love and those who you enjoy the company of
Sorry I didn't get around to seeing and replying to this sooner, I haven't been feeling all that great lately, I'm in a somewhat decent shape now though so that's alright
Fuck hell I'm so fucking angry and sad I think I'm gonna lose it. If I ain't already. Last few months of my life really felt like a telltale game ngl. Hopefully I will get the good ending.
So I haven't been here in a while, which is good? I've had my ups and downs but right now I feel good, to get to the point of why I'm commenting, I wanted to say that all of you that have come here, or plan on coming here to let loose how you feel, I genuinely hope that you bounce back, not rapidly, but appropriately, when the time itself is right for you to be able to move on or deal with whatever your struggles are.
It may not mean much considering it's me and I'm not exactly the most liked on here (I'm not too worried about it though), if anyone fancies a one to one chat, you can DM me if you like.
Tomorrow's a new day, a blank slate to work with, so keep that in mind whenever you feel something that's bothering you today will continue to pester you, it won't...
This has been on my mind since Friday, and it hasn't gone away. The Nashville RV news has disturbed me. I'm not even near Nashville, but it has me freaked out. I can't stand being in an empty room, and police sirens and ambulance sirens are freaking me out now. I can't even stand sad music, it has to be upbeat or I just don't feel good. I need serious help. I tried muting news pages on social media, I try to stay away from the news but it doesn't help.