I really love him. He is a strong character with weaknesses and I want him to survive as long as possible. When someone kills him I'll be probably as much depressed as when Charlie died, probably even more. Besides, he's not a second Lee. Awesome
Bryan started out as a seemingly flawless badass, but has quickly changed into a character with substance. Your detailed explanation a few posts has also made me appreciate his character much more.
Because I've written that Bryan said "You know very well who I am" before your post, which implicates that he knows very well that it is that … moreSarah from the tree - in fact I thought that was the reason for him to follow her. In your post on the other hand it looks like he doesn't recognize her until she flees into the arms of Jack. Weird, but not a big problem.
Jack falls down on his knees next to Sarah, bending over her body and holding her while she coughs her lungs out. "The hell was that?! Are you alright? Sarah, can you hear me?!". he yells when she nods and spits out some blood. Clementine stands next to them, worrying about Sarah's well-being and feeling helpless. Jack looks at Bryan, who disappears in the distance behind a building and his face turns into deep despite. "That fucker will pay for it, I'll ensure you, Sarah... seems we got ourself a bunch of assholes! This community is not a place for dangerous people like him and his group!". Clem looks down her feet as she responds: "You're wrong... we are good people. We've been avoiding any kind of trouble so far and this isn't going to change." Regretting his harsh words Jack looks at Clem leaving the crime scene. Eventually he helps Sarah up. She looks weak and miserable. "Come on, Sarah... we need a doctor."
A flickering light fills her view when she slowly opens her eyes. Sarah knows immediately that she's being in the ambulance camper. Her vision is still very blurry when two different faces pop up above her. "Sarah, I am so glad... take this." It's Jack. She can feel his rough hands on her face as they're opening her mouth and giving her a pill. After she got a glass of water Jack starts to speak: "I know you're going to be mad, but... I consulted my dad." In the same moment Sarah jumps up and regrets it almost immediately - her chest aches as well as her head. "Look Sarah:", John begins to speak "I know we've had our issues, though I really feel this isn't the right time for being prideful. Jack told me that you got attacked by one of the new guys, Bryan. We need to ask you some questions, and this is just for the safety of our community. I know you might still be a bit dizzy, but we need to do it now since he might be a danger for us all." Sarah, nervously kneading her blanket gives him a worried look and John continues: "Don't be afraid, I am not mad with you. And just so you know: It was never my intention to ban you. So, tell us please: Do you know him?".
"Bryan, wait!". He turns around and looks into Clem's anxious face. She bends gasping for air as she shouts: "Jack... he wants to abandon us! cough He said we were trouble! What now?". His face changes into gentle, then he kneels down opening his arms as Clem sinks her head into his chest. "We're not going anywhere, honey. This is our home and we'll stay here. We haven't done anything wrong, especially not you. Let's go." Clem gets carried by him into their camper. Danielle sits next to it drawing on the ground with a stick. Jeremy and Kenny are sharing a bottle of booze and raise their heads when The two enter the camper. "There you are... Want some?" asks Jeremy, handing Bryan the bottle but he refuses, answering "Better try to be clear-headed - there might be trouble.".
An hour later Knock, Knock "Open the damn door, we need to talk... to all of you.". Seconds later the door is being opened by Kenny. "Alright Jack, got it. Bryan, I assume your weapons are not allowed, better leave them here." The group finally leaves the camper, following Jack and a bunch of fellows serving as guards.
5 minutes later
John, Jack and Sarah are sitting on one side of a large desk, Clem, Bryan, Kenny, Jeremy and Danielle on the other one. There are three guards in the room. Right when they entered the room Bryan noticed they don't have guns but knifes. As he looks to Sarah she avoids his look. She looks rebellious and acting cool, as always, though Bryan can practically smell her fear. Then he can feel glances from his right side and he turns to Clem, giving her a gentle smile, when John raises from his chair and speaks:
"I don't need to tell you why you gotta be here, you know it well. We've got questions and you need to answer them truthfully. Kenny told us you were good people, but we're not that sure anymore, now that you attacked one of us...". Kenny jumps up: "But they are fine people! For whatever his reasons: I bet Bryan had good ones." Then he's being forced to sit down by the guards and John continues: "We've talked to Sarah and she said she doesn't know you, that she has never seen you before, basically. She said you mistake her for someone else..." Sarah now dares to take a look at Bryan's face - it stays calm and Clem nervously starts to breathe hard. Then he takes her hand comforting her. That girl's his weakness, goes through her mind and she smirks...
No. We just started making backstories in Episode 5, but only to support the Main storyline. Since Omid and Christa are dead I don't think it makes much sense to make one, though if you're bursting with ideas feel free to post it
Jack falls down on his knees next to Sarah, bending over her body and holding her while she coughs her lungs out. "The hell was that?! Are you… more alright? Sarah, can you hear me?!". he yells when she nods and spits out some blood. Clementine stands next to them, worrying about Sarah's well-being and feeling helpless. Jack looks at Bryan, who disappears in the distance behind a building and his face turns into deep despite. "That fucker will pay for it, I'll ensure you, Sarah... seems we got ourself a bunch of assholes! This community is not a place for dangerous people like him and his group!". Clem looks down her feet as she responds: "You're wrong... we are good people. We've been avoiding any kind of trouble so far and this isn't going to change." Regretting his harsh words Jack looks at Clem leaving the crime scene. Eventually he helps Sarah up. She looks weak and miserable. "Come on, Sarah... we need a doctor."
A flickering light fills her… [view original content]
I am a bit worried that it's been the same three persons writing lately. Hope that it isn't due to the little disputes. I am also afraid this thread has become hard to join for newbies. Any thoughts?
Well, we definitely need to make a summary if we want people to join. Other than that, Zasca keeps saying he wants to join in, but never does. We also have hsplazerz who I think stated he/she was busy.
I am a bit worried that it's been the same three persons writing lately. Hope that it isn't due to the little disputes. I am also afraid this thread has become hard to join for newbies. Any thoughts?
I have major playstation troubles right now and i cant stand to look at a computer for 2 minutes!!! also today was valentines day (At least for me) until i can play TWAU episode 2 there will be no futher posts. trust me its killing me im all
Well, we definitely need to make a summary if we want people to join. Other than that, Zasca keeps saying he wants to join in, but never does. We also have hsplazerz who I think stated he/she was busy.
I have major playstation troubles right now and i cant stand to look at a computer for 2 minutes!!! also today was valentines day (At least for me) until i can play TWAU episode 2 there will be no futher posts. trust me its killing me im all
I am a bit worried that it's been the same three persons writing lately. Hope that it isn't due to the little disputes. I am also afraid this thread has become hard to join for newbies. Any thoughts?
Speaking of valentines day: My bf confessed he's jelaous of you spending so much time with me. Oh, goody...
Well, maybe I'll make a summary soon, it's almost weekend after all
Oh yeah, forgot about him. I won't write though, I have improved my human anatomy quite a bit and I am eager to start drawing a few more characters like Jack, John and Sarah. Maybe even Kenny.
“Firstly, we simply cannot tolerate attacks on members of our community,” John says sternly.
Kenny attempts to interrupt John but decides against it when John gives him a withering stare.
“Now, it is our intention to get to the bottom of what has gone on tonight. Could you please tell us why you attacked Sarah, Bryan? Consider very carefully what you have to say.” The severity of John’s tone indicated that this was make or break for the group’s hopes of staying in the community.
“If I may speak first, John, I’d like to explain my side of the story to the group.” Sarah intercedes.
“We’ve already heard what you have to say,” John explains.
“I want the others in the group to hear what Bryan did.” Sarah pleads.
“Let her speak,” Jack says to his father.
“Very well,” John says.
“I don’t want the actions of Bryan to be an issue for the others in the group. He attacked me because he has mistaken my identity and that is understandable but his assault left me needing medical attention and if Jack and Clem hadn’t been there he may have killed me…”
Bryan cuts off Sarah and angrily rises to his feet, “You killed a woman. I saw it with…”
“Young man, sit down, right now,” John shouts out as he motions for the guards to make Bryan sit down.
“Is this the kind of man who should be looking after such a young girl, Kenny?” Sarah asks.
Bryan’s blood boils at Sarah’s manipulations and he screams out, “Don’t you dare try to make out I’m anything but a good…”
He feels the thud of the guard's arm on the back of his head and the last thing he hears before losing consciousness is John saying, “Throw him in the cell.”
“Firstly, we simply cannot tolerate attacks on members of our community,” John says sternly.
Kenny attempts to interrupt John but decides a… moregainst it when John gives him a withering stare.
“Now, it is our intention to get to the bottom of what has gone on tonight. Could you please tell us why you attacked Sarah, Bryan? Consider very carefully what you have to say.” The severity of John’s tone indicated that this was make or break for the group’s hopes of staying in the community.
“If I may speak first, John, I’d like to explain my side of the story to the group.” Sarah intercedes.
“We’ve already heard what you have to say,” John explains.
“I want the others in the group to hear what Bryan did.” Sarah pleads.
“Let her speak,” Jack says to his father.
“Very well,” John says.
“I don’t want the actions of Bryan to be an issue for the others in the group. He attacked me because he has mistaken my identity and that is understanda… [view original content]
I'm confused. So they just knocked Bryan out? I don't get it. They need to hear Bryan's side of the story to continue the interrogation, and now Bryan's going in the cell. Maybe if Bryan explained the story and then got knocked out because John & co don't believe him then sure, but now I'm just confused at John's group's motives.
“Firstly, we simply cannot tolerate attacks on members of our community,” John says sternly.
Kenny attempts to interrupt John but decides a… moregainst it when John gives him a withering stare.
“Now, it is our intention to get to the bottom of what has gone on tonight. Could you please tell us why you attacked Sarah, Bryan? Consider very carefully what you have to say.” The severity of John’s tone indicated that this was make or break for the group’s hopes of staying in the community.
“If I may speak first, John, I’d like to explain my side of the story to the group.” Sarah intercedes.
“We’ve already heard what you have to say,” John explains.
“I want the others in the group to hear what Bryan did.” Sarah pleads.
“Let her speak,” Jack says to his father.
“Very well,” John says.
“I don’t want the actions of Bryan to be an issue for the others in the group. He attacked me because he has mistaken my identity and that is understanda… [view original content]
Well, Bryan was acting in a very aggressive way. They had seen what he could do to people before, and now he has just proven their point by acting in the way he did.
I'm confused. So they just knocked Bryan out? I don't get it. They need to hear Bryan's side of the story to continue the interrogation, and n… moreow Bryan's going in the cell. Maybe if Bryan explained the story and then got knocked out because John & co don't believe him then sure, but now I'm just confused at John's group's motives.
I kinda agree with you, but I also think he/she did very well as it was the very first contribution. Sarah pressed the right buttons, saying that part with Bryan being a bad caretaker. You're right, though - wasn't really a fair trial.
I'm confused. So they just knocked Bryan out? I don't get it. They need to hear Bryan's side of the story to continue the interrogation, and n… moreow Bryan's going in the cell. Maybe if Bryan explained the story and then got knocked out because John & co don't believe him then sure, but now I'm just confused at John's group's motives.
My intention was to show that Sarah had manipulated the situation so that Bryan got worked up and did not get the chance to explain his actions. He has been shown to be someone who can control his emotions but I felt the line with Sarah saying he wasn't the right guardian for Clem would cause him to lose his cool. I didn't explicitly write it but I felt I had conveyed that Bryan was irate and from the point of view of John and Jack may have been about to do something stupid. I am happy to edit if this needs to be made clearer.
I also brought up the Kenny and Bryan complication as reading through the thread there is an element of subtle conflict over who is her guardian that I wanted Sarah to bring up.
I'm confused. So they just knocked Bryan out? I don't get it. They need to hear Bryan's side of the story to continue the interrogation, and n… moreow Bryan's going in the cell. Maybe if Bryan explained the story and then got knocked out because John & co don't believe him then sure, but now I'm just confused at John's group's motives.
My intention was to show that Sarah had manipulated the situation so that Bryan got worked up and did not get the chance to explain his action… mores. He has been shown to be someone who can control his emotions but I felt the line with Sarah saying he wasn't the right guardian for Clem would cause him to lose his cool. I didn't explicitly write it but I felt I had conveyed that Bryan was irate and from the point of view of John and Jack may have been about to do something stupid. I am happy to edit if this needs to be made clearer.
I also brought up the Kenny and Bryan complication as reading through the thread there is an element of subtle conflict over who is her guardian that I wanted Sarah to bring up.
It's been four days since they locked him up. Bryan idly lays on his weathered bed. He has been stripped clean from all of his weapons, and because the guards were afraid he might have been able to use his clothes as a weapon, they threw him in the cell buck-naked. As the crisp spring air seeps through a small hole in the wall, Bryan shivers. This tiny crack is the only thing granting him light, fresh air and a breath-taking view of the forested hills surrounding the settlement. The cold renders him unable to sleep, and the only food he gets are the left-overs of last night's meal. If it wasn't for his group, he would've made an escape plan by now. But the mere thought of leaving Clementine in this place disgusts him. They are probably somewhere out there, talking about him, arguing whether or not he should be kicked out. The strange thing is, Bryan wouldn't even care. This place used to feel so safe, but now that these people have shown their true colors he would kill to go back to his old life, taking care of himself in the woods.
(Please listen to this, but put it on in the background: )
The young man stands up from his make-shift bed and tries to warm his naked body by doing exercises. After he has successfully managed to regain some warmth Bryan takes a quick peek through the hole, one of the few shards of hope he is able to grasp onto. After a few long seconds of simple staring he sees someone walk by. The person doesn't growl, so are they alive? Bryan takes the chance and whispers. ''Hey, over here.'' The pair of legs come to a sudden stop. They crouch down and look through the tiny hole. ''Bryan, is that you?'' Bryan lets out a satisfied grunt when he recognizes the high-pitched voice. ''Yes, it's me, Clem.'' She looks around her, checking for threats. ''I'm so glad to see you. I miss you so much...'' Bryan frowns, ''I know honey, it's been a rough time. But we're going to get through this, I promise.'' Clementine shoves her small hand through the gap, it barely fits but Bryan carefully holds onto it, comforting her. ''Why are you naked?'', she asks with a cracking voice. He awkwardly covers his private parts when her remark brings him back to reality. ''Look, Clem, these people are not as nice as they say they are. They stripped me naked and only feed me their left-overs.'' The girl starts sobbing quietly, ''That's horrible...''
''I know, honey. I know.''
(Stop the music.)
- John's office -
Jeremy slams his hand on the desk, leaving a small indentation in the old wood. ''If our friend gets kicked out, we are going with him. We're a group and we stick together.'' John stand up from his large office-chair. He walks in a circle and looks out the window. He lets out a frustrated sigh. ''I'm afraid we can't let you go. We are your group now.'' Jeremy starts shouting, '' What do you mean, you can't let us go? Me and my group make our own goddamned decisions!'' John turns around and violently walks around the desk. He moves up to Jeremy and puts his face barely an inch from his rival's. Unmoved by the sudden act of intimidation Jeremy stares into the older man's eyes. ''I'm not afraid of you.'', he threateningly whispers. John stays quiet, and instead points him to the door. ''Get out of my office. Right, now!'' Jeremy flinches as spit flies from John's mouth. He reluctantly obeys and walks to the door. As he opens it he turns his head around. ''This is not over.'', he says before slamming the door shut behind him.
It's been four days since they locked him up. Bryan idly lays on his weathered bed. He has been stripped clean from all of his weapons, and be… morecause the guards were afraid he might have been able to use his clothes as a weapon, they threw him in the cell buck-naked. As the crisp spring air seeps through a small hole in the wall, Bryan shivers. This tiny crack is the only thing granting him light, fresh air and a breath-taking view of the forested hills surrounding the settlement. The cold renders him unable to sleep, and the only food he gets are the left-overs of last night's meal. If it wasn't for his group, he would've made an escape plan by now. But the mere thought of leaving Clementine in this place disgusts him. They are probably somewhere out there, talking about him, arguing whether or not he should be kicked out. The strange thing is, Bryan wouldn't even care. This place used to feel so safe, but now that these people have shown their tr… [view original content]
Good job; I enjoyed it. I feel like you set the mood very well and, importantly, there is enough potential to be working with for future posts. One thing I think you've improved over the course of this story is describing the emotions that each character feels in the scene. From your writing the reader can see not only the events that are unfolding but how this impacts on the characters.
Thanks for your in-depth explanation. I can really see what you mean when I look back at my earlier post and compare them to what I am able to write now.
Good job; I enjoyed it. I feel like you set the mood very well and, importantly, there is enough potential to be working with for future posts… more. One thing I think you've improved over the course of this story is describing the emotions that each character feels in the scene. From your writing the reader can see not only the events that are unfolding but how this impacts on the characters.
Jeremy stormed out, Kenny ran, or at least tried too with his one leg.
"What happened?" Kenny asks.
"That John guy refuses to let us go if Bryan get's kicked out!" Jeremy says in desperation.
"What? Why would we leave? I mean, this place is amazing. It keeps you fit, we've got food. We got supplies. We go---" Kenny says before being interupted.
"Seriously? This place is not what it's supposed to be. I'm sure of it. The last time I was taken to a community bad things happened and Dave didn't make it out of there!" Jeremy shouts.
Kenny sighs "Ok, I'm sorry, but I guess...I guess...I'm doing whatever Clementine does. You know that" He replies.
"Alright, sorry for going off on you, but this place is NOT to be trusted. That John guy, I'm telling you, he is not good news" Jeremy says before walking off.
"SCENE SWAP"
(Kenny walks into his little shack area)
"Oh...hey Danielle" Kenny wonders.
"I'm here because this is probably one of the best areas here, got a nice window & it's not too warm and not too cold" Danielle laughs.
"Why you laughing" Kenny smirks.
"It's just surprising I still care about that stuff. In this world we shouldn't care. We'd be lucky to be alive, to be in a secluded community" Danielle says.
"I know...this is a good little place" Kenny smiles.
"I understand the stuff that goes on, the crazy fitness schedules and all the other stuff. I might not like it but I respect it" Danielle says.
"Well you're acting real mature, Danielle" Kenny says.
I hope this was okay, thought maybe since Kenny & Danielle haven't interacted in a while it would be nice to give Danielle some more development. Also, I'd rather let somebody else handle the high-action Clem/Bryan stuff. If you couldn't tell, I'm a big fan of dialogue to develop characters.
Jeremy stormed out, Kenny ran, or at least tried too with his one leg.
"What happened?" Kenny asks.
"That John guy refuses to let us go … moreif Bryan get's kicked out!" Jeremy says in desperation.
"What? Why would we leave? I mean, this place is amazing. It keeps you fit, we've got food. We got supplies. We go---" Kenny says before being interupted.
"Seriously? This place is not what it's supposed to be. I'm sure of it. The last time I was taken to a community bad things happened and Dave didn't make it out of there!" Jeremy shouts.
Kenny sighs "Ok, I'm sorry, but I guess...I guess...I'm doing whatever Clementine does. You know that" He replies.
"Alright, sorry for going off on you, but this place is NOT to be trusted. That John guy, I'm telling you, he is not good news" Jeremy says before walking off.
"SCENE SWAP"
(Kenny walks into his little shack area)
"Oh...hey Danielle" Kenny wonders.
"I'm here because this is probab… [view original content]
This is really good. These last few posts are setting up the next posts really well. The best thing is that you've developed relationships that haven't been touched on in that much detail previously.
Jeremy stormed out, Kenny ran, or at least tried too with his one leg.
"What happened?" Kenny asks.
"That John guy refuses to let us go … moreif Bryan get's kicked out!" Jeremy says in desperation.
"What? Why would we leave? I mean, this place is amazing. It keeps you fit, we've got food. We got supplies. We go---" Kenny says before being interupted.
"Seriously? This place is not what it's supposed to be. I'm sure of it. The last time I was taken to a community bad things happened and Dave didn't make it out of there!" Jeremy shouts.
Kenny sighs "Ok, I'm sorry, but I guess...I guess...I'm doing whatever Clementine does. You know that" He replies.
"Alright, sorry for going off on you, but this place is NOT to be trusted. That John guy, I'm telling you, he is not good news" Jeremy says before walking off.
"SCENE SWAP"
(Kenny walks into his little shack area)
"Oh...hey Danielle" Kenny wonders.
"I'm here because this is probab… [view original content]
Thanks for your in-depth explanation. I can really see what you mean when I look back at my earlier post and compare them to what I am able to write now.
Wow... Thank you so much for that compliment. It really means a lot to me when people show their appreciation for what I do. This really made my day! :'' D
Jeremy stormed out, Kenny ran, or at least tried too with his one leg.
"What happened?" Kenny asks.
"That John guy refuses to let us go … moreif Bryan get's kicked out!" Jeremy says in desperation.
"What? Why would we leave? I mean, this place is amazing. It keeps you fit, we've got food. We got supplies. We go---" Kenny says before being interupted.
"Seriously? This place is not what it's supposed to be. I'm sure of it. The last time I was taken to a community bad things happened and Dave didn't make it out of there!" Jeremy shouts.
Kenny sighs "Ok, I'm sorry, but I guess...I guess...I'm doing whatever Clementine does. You know that" He replies.
"Alright, sorry for going off on you, but this place is NOT to be trusted. That John guy, I'm telling you, he is not good news" Jeremy says before walking off.
"SCENE SWAP"
(Kenny walks into his little shack area)
"Oh...hey Danielle" Kenny wonders.
"I'm here because this is probab… [view original content]
Comments
I really love him. He is a strong character with weaknesses and I want him to survive as long as possible. When someone kills him I'll be probably as much depressed as when Charlie died, probably even more. Besides, he's not a second Lee. Awesome
Ow, I get it and I know exactly how to change it.
superb
I've changed it, I think it makes a lot more sense now.
Now it's AWE-SOME! Love it
Jack falls down on his knees next to Sarah, bending over her body and holding her while she coughs her lungs out. "The hell was that?! Are you alright? Sarah, can you hear me?!". he yells when she nods and spits out some blood. Clementine stands next to them, worrying about Sarah's well-being and feeling helpless. Jack looks at Bryan, who disappears in the distance behind a building and his face turns into deep despite. "That fucker will pay for it, I'll ensure you, Sarah... seems we got ourself a bunch of assholes! This community is not a place for dangerous people like him and his group!". Clem looks down her feet as she responds: "You're wrong... we are good people. We've been avoiding any kind of trouble so far and this isn't going to change." Regretting his harsh words Jack looks at Clem leaving the crime scene. Eventually he helps Sarah up. She looks weak and miserable. "Come on, Sarah... we need a doctor."
A flickering light fills her view when she slowly opens her eyes. Sarah knows immediately that she's being in the ambulance camper. Her vision is still very blurry when two different faces pop up above her. "Sarah, I am so glad... take this." It's Jack. She can feel his rough hands on her face as they're opening her mouth and giving her a pill. After she got a glass of water Jack starts to speak: "I know you're going to be mad, but... I consulted my dad." In the same moment Sarah jumps up and regrets it almost immediately - her chest aches as well as her head. "Look Sarah:", John begins to speak "I know we've had our issues, though I really feel this isn't the right time for being prideful. Jack told me that you got attacked by one of the new guys, Bryan. We need to ask you some questions, and this is just for the safety of our community. I know you might still be a bit dizzy, but we need to do it now since he might be a danger for us all." Sarah, nervously kneading her blanket gives him a worried look and John continues: "Don't be afraid, I am not mad with you. And just so you know: It was never my intention to ban you. So, tell us please: Do you know him?".
"Bryan, wait!". He turns around and looks into Clem's anxious face. She bends gasping for air as she shouts: "Jack... he wants to abandon us! cough He said we were trouble! What now?". His face changes into gentle, then he kneels down opening his arms as Clem sinks her head into his chest. "We're not going anywhere, honey. This is our home and we'll stay here. We haven't done anything wrong, especially not you. Let's go." Clem gets carried by him into their camper. Danielle sits next to it drawing on the ground with a stick. Jeremy and Kenny are sharing a bottle of booze and raise their heads when The two enter the camper. "There you are... Want some?" asks Jeremy, handing Bryan the bottle but he refuses, answering "Better try to be clear-headed - there might be trouble.".
An hour later
Knock, Knock "Open the damn door, we need to talk... to all of you.". Seconds later the door is being opened by Kenny. "Alright Jack, got it. Bryan, I assume your weapons are not allowed, better leave them here." The group finally leaves the camper, following Jack and a bunch of fellows serving as guards.
5 minutes later
John, Jack and Sarah are sitting on one side of a large desk, Clem, Bryan, Kenny, Jeremy and Danielle on the other one. There are three guards in the room. Right when they entered the room Bryan noticed they don't have guns but knifes. As he looks to Sarah she avoids his look. She looks rebellious and acting cool, as always, though Bryan can practically smell her fear. Then he can feel glances from his right side and he turns to Clem, giving her a gentle smile, when John raises from his chair and speaks:
"I don't need to tell you why you gotta be here, you know it well. We've got questions and you need to answer them truthfully. Kenny told us you were good people, but we're not that sure anymore, now that you attacked one of us...". Kenny jumps up: "But they are fine people! For whatever his reasons: I bet Bryan had good ones." Then he's being forced to sit down by the guards and John continues: "We've talked to Sarah and she said she doesn't know you, that she has never seen you before, basically. She said you mistake her for someone else..." Sarah now dares to take a look at Bryan's face - it stays calm and Clem nervously starts to breathe hard. Then he takes her hand comforting her. That girl's his weakness, goes through her mind and she smirks...
Please continue with the interrogation
I have an idea that might work for Season 3.... Let's see how episode 5 goes first.
True. She's 9 and she'll turn 10 in late summer. We have early spring
Well, NOW I am really curious
Very interesting. Amazing job on the length too. I hope I'll be able to make a post like this in the weekend, school days are always very busy for me.
I am a bit worried that it's been the same three persons writing lately. Hope that it isn't due to the little disputes. I am also afraid this thread has become hard to join for newbies. Any thoughts?
Well, we definitely need to make a summary if we want people to join. Other than that, Zasca keeps saying he wants to join in, but never does. We also have hsplazerz who I think stated he/she was busy.
I have major playstation troubles right now and i cant stand to look at a computer for 2 minutes!!! also today was valentines day (At least for me) until i can play TWAU episode 2 there will be no futher posts. trust me its killing me im all
Speaking of valentines day: My bf confessed he's jelaous of you spending so much time with me. Oh, goody...
Well, maybe I'll make a summary soon, it's almost weekend after all
Sorry, I've been inactive lately. It's just... I really like Persona. It keeps sucking the hours away.
That's... Interesting. :' )
I know the feeling!
I was going to write, but I'm having trouble with this scene. Maybe someone else can try?
Come on, you can do it
. If you don't want to finish the scene you can make the start or continue with Frank and his kitten
Oh yeah, forgot about him. I won't write though, I have improved my human anatomy quite a bit and I am eager to start drawing a few more characters like Jack, John and Sarah. Maybe even Kenny.
“Firstly, we simply cannot tolerate attacks on members of our community,” John says sternly.
Kenny attempts to interrupt John but decides against it when John gives him a withering stare.
“Now, it is our intention to get to the bottom of what has gone on tonight. Could you please tell us why you attacked Sarah, Bryan? Consider very carefully what you have to say.” The severity of John’s tone indicated that this was make or break for the group’s hopes of staying in the community.
“If I may speak first, John, I’d like to explain my side of the story to the group.” Sarah intercedes.
“We’ve already heard what you have to say,” John explains.
“I want the others in the group to hear what Bryan did.” Sarah pleads.
“Let her speak,” Jack says to his father.
“Very well,” John says.
“I don’t want the actions of Bryan to be an issue for the others in the group. He attacked me because he has mistaken my identity and that is understandable but his assault left me needing medical attention and if Jack and Clem hadn’t been there he may have killed me…”
Bryan cuts off Sarah and angrily rises to his feet, “You killed a woman. I saw it with…”
“Young man, sit down, right now,” John shouts out as he motions for the guards to make Bryan sit down.
“Is this the kind of man who should be looking after such a young girl, Kenny?” Sarah asks.
Bryan’s blood boils at Sarah’s manipulations and he screams out, “Don’t you dare try to make out I’m anything but a good…”
He feels the thud of the guard's arm on the back of his head and the last thing he hears before losing consciousness is John saying, “Throw him in the cell.”
Very good! I think you handled the scene very well and I would love if you would join in to write some more later on!
I'm confused. So they just knocked Bryan out? I don't get it. They need to hear Bryan's side of the story to continue the interrogation, and now Bryan's going in the cell. Maybe if Bryan explained the story and then got knocked out because John & co don't believe him then sure, but now I'm just confused at John's group's motives.
You did very well! Now we have a story. Bryan and Clem are separated and now it's going to get very ugly, finally. It's episode 5 after all.
Well, Bryan was acting in a very aggressive way. They had seen what he could do to people before, and now he has just proven their point by acting in the way he did.
I kinda agree with you, but I also think he/she did very well as it was the very first contribution. Sarah pressed the right buttons, saying that part with Bryan being a bad caretaker. You're right, though - wasn't really a fair trial.
My intention was to show that Sarah had manipulated the situation so that Bryan got worked up and did not get the chance to explain his actions. He has been shown to be someone who can control his emotions but I felt the line with Sarah saying he wasn't the right guardian for Clem would cause him to lose his cool. I didn't explicitly write it but I felt I had conveyed that Bryan was irate and from the point of view of John and Jack may have been about to do something stupid. I am happy to edit if this needs to be made clearer.
I also brought up the Kenny and Bryan complication as reading through the thread there is an element of subtle conflict over who is her guardian that I wanted Sarah to bring up.
Those are all very good points, and I really understand and appreciate your post a lot more now.
I am so excited right now, can't wait! What happens next? I'm dying of curiosity! Unfortunately I won't be able to continue in the next three hours
It's been four days since they locked him up. Bryan idly lays on his weathered bed. He has been stripped clean from all of his weapons, and because the guards were afraid he might have been able to use his clothes as a weapon, they threw him in the cell buck-naked. As the crisp spring air seeps through a small hole in the wall, Bryan shivers. This tiny crack is the only thing granting him light, fresh air and a breath-taking view of the forested hills surrounding the settlement. The cold renders him unable to sleep, and the only food he gets are the left-overs of last night's meal. If it wasn't for his group, he would've made an escape plan by now. But the mere thought of leaving Clementine in this place disgusts him. They are probably somewhere out there, talking about him, arguing whether or not he should be kicked out. The strange thing is, Bryan wouldn't even care. This place used to feel so safe, but now that these people have shown their true colors he would kill to go back to his old life, taking care of himself in the woods.
(Please listen to this, but put it on in the background:
)
The young man stands up from his make-shift bed and tries to warm his naked body by doing exercises. After he has successfully managed to regain some warmth Bryan takes a quick peek through the hole, one of the few shards of hope he is able to grasp onto. After a few long seconds of simple staring he sees someone walk by. The person doesn't growl, so are they alive? Bryan takes the chance and whispers. ''Hey, over here.'' The pair of legs come to a sudden stop. They crouch down and look through the tiny hole. ''Bryan, is that you?'' Bryan lets out a satisfied grunt when he recognizes the high-pitched voice. ''Yes, it's me, Clem.'' She looks around her, checking for threats. ''I'm so glad to see you. I miss you so much...'' Bryan frowns, ''I know honey, it's been a rough time. But we're going to get through this, I promise.'' Clementine shoves her small hand through the gap, it barely fits but Bryan carefully holds onto it, comforting her. ''Why are you naked?'', she asks with a cracking voice. He awkwardly covers his private parts when her remark brings him back to reality. ''Look, Clem, these people are not as nice as they say they are. They stripped me naked and only feed me their left-overs.'' The girl starts sobbing quietly, ''That's horrible...''
''I know, honey. I know.''
(Stop the music.)
- John's office -
Jeremy slams his hand on the desk, leaving a small indentation in the old wood. ''If our friend gets kicked out, we are going with him. We're a group and we stick together.'' John stand up from his large office-chair. He walks in a circle and looks out the window. He lets out a frustrated sigh. ''I'm afraid we can't let you go. We are your group now.'' Jeremy starts shouting, '' What do you mean, you can't let us go? Me and my group make our own goddamned decisions!'' John turns around and violently walks around the desk. He moves up to Jeremy and puts his face barely an inch from his rival's. Unmoved by the sudden act of intimidation Jeremy stares into the older man's eyes. ''I'm not afraid of you.'', he threateningly whispers. John stays quiet, and instead points him to the door. ''Get out of my office. Right, now!'' Jeremy flinches as spit flies from John's mouth. He reluctantly obeys and walks to the door. As he opens it he turns his head around. ''This is not over.'', he says before slamming the door shut behind him.
Any feedback would be highly appreciated, as I am always looking to improve my writing style.
Good job; I enjoyed it. I feel like you set the mood very well and, importantly, there is enough potential to be working with for future posts. One thing I think you've improved over the course of this story is describing the emotions that each character feels in the scene. From your writing the reader can see not only the events that are unfolding but how this impacts on the characters.
Thanks for your in-depth explanation. I can really see what you mean when I look back at my earlier post and compare them to what I am able to write now.
Jeremy stormed out, Kenny ran, or at least tried too with his one leg.
"What happened?" Kenny asks.
"That John guy refuses to let us go if Bryan get's kicked out!" Jeremy says in desperation.
"What? Why would we leave? I mean, this place is amazing. It keeps you fit, we've got food. We got supplies. We go---" Kenny says before being interupted.
"Seriously? This place is not what it's supposed to be. I'm sure of it. The last time I was taken to a community bad things happened and Dave didn't make it out of there!" Jeremy shouts.
Kenny sighs "Ok, I'm sorry, but I guess...I guess...I'm doing whatever Clementine does. You know that" He replies.
"Alright, sorry for going off on you, but this place is NOT to be trusted. That John guy, I'm telling you, he is not good news" Jeremy says before walking off.
"SCENE SWAP"
(Kenny walks into his little shack area)
"Oh...hey Danielle" Kenny wonders.
"I'm here because this is probably one of the best areas here, got a nice window & it's not too warm and not too cold" Danielle laughs.
"Why you laughing" Kenny smirks.
"It's just surprising I still care about that stuff. In this world we shouldn't care. We'd be lucky to be alive, to be in a secluded community" Danielle says.
"I know...this is a good little place" Kenny smiles.
"I understand the stuff that goes on, the crazy fitness schedules and all the other stuff. I might not like it but I respect it" Danielle says.
"Well you're acting real mature, Danielle" Kenny says.
I hope this was okay, thought maybe since Kenny & Danielle haven't interacted in a while it would be nice to give Danielle some more development. Also, I'd rather let somebody else handle the high-action Clem/Bryan stuff. If you couldn't tell, I'm a big fan of dialogue to develop characters.
Good to see people are starting to write a lot more now. It's probably due to the weekend. ; )
This is really good. These last few posts are setting up the next posts really well. The best thing is that you've developed relationships that haven't been touched on in that much detail previously.
I agree, I want your writing skills
Wow... Thank you so much for that compliment. It really means a lot to me when people show their appreciation for what I do. This really made my day! :'' D
That was cool. Danielle and Kenny seem to get along, I like it.
I want to tell you how relieved I am that we've got some more contributors and that I like the directions the story is going.