I know that in real life I'm a pretty dramatic person. That's not to say I blow everything out of proportion (though I definitely did as a kid, and I still do sometimes) but I feel like I'm always expecting these the pieces to click seemlessly, like there's suppose some magical symbolism in it, and when it doesn't seem like life works that way I get bored, uninterested and at times nihilistic with it. When I was younger I was subconsciously demanding some kind of sign out of the world just for existing, and it's been difficult try to get out of that mindset and accepting that life is just as it is, and it doesn't owe you any reason for being here.
I feel as though I'm in the calm before the storm at this point in my life. As if I'm in that state of inertia that comes when you're on the cusp of a huge turning point in your life. You know that at any moment, fate is going to jolt you out of your comfort zone and take you somewhere you never thought you'd go and make you into someone unrecognizable from your past self, but you don't have any idea if it's going to bring you up or down. I wish there was a way to just to show you what I mean, because I've lost all faith in my ability to explain stuff like that. Everything's just coming together so suddenly. It's been a lot to take in at one time. There's a leap that has to be made on my part but I have no idea when I should or where it will lead, or even if I should at all.
Ehh, I know it will come to me eventually, I guess I don't need to worry about it right now.
I'm not going to tell not to do it because I'm sure you've put a lot of thought into this and I know when you made that decision you don't want to be told you can't, but do you have any more time to wait on this or do you feel this is your only opportunity? Could you please give me some time to listen to why you want to do this before you go through with it? Please?
You've mentioned your distaste of winter, and you've also recently mentioned it is winter where you are right now.
Do you perhaps have Seasonal Affective Disorder?
Okay now that I'm more calm, I really hope she(?) responds too but we can only help as much as she wants us to. It's very distressing and I hope for the best for her but we have to respect that.
I hope everything turns out alright even if I can't help much
Edit: I feel like I remember MegaXD being referred to as a girl before if I'm wrong please correct me
Okay now that I'm more calm, I really hope she(?) responds too but we can only help as much as she wants us to. It's very distressing and I … morehope for the best for her but we have to respect that.
I hope everything turns out alright even if I can't help much
Edit: I feel like I remember MegaXD being referred to as a girl before if I'm wrong please correct me
I've learned that when talking to people about their plans on suicide you always treat them with dignity and never discredit their ability to reason no matter how unstable their emotional state is. They didn't come to their decision lightly, and even if the breaking point was something like a breakup there's still underlying trauma that escalated it to that point. Once you understood that you help them like you would anyone in grief.
I hope so too but it's up to her if she believes we would help, and if she doesn't that's her choice.
I know, I know... I've never really faced this kind of problem before so I'm at a loss of words and actions.
We can only hope everything tu… morerns out ok.
And yes, I do vaguely remember Mega saying they're a girl, or at least referring to themselves as such.
I know how hard things can get, and I know you would've put a lot of thought into this. But there is always another way around whatever comes your way. Suicide is never the only option.
I once wished I would die or disappear, although I never had it in me to kill myself. I just really hope that you come back to this thread.
I've had dark times in my life (obviously nothing compared to what you're going through), but after time and a lot of thought, I'm getting out of that.
Theres always a light at the end of every dark tunnel.
I dont really know what to say, but I hope you're okay.
Hey @MegaXD, I hope you've waited just a little bit longer to see how things pan out.
Life can get really hard. For every bad there is a good that is equal, if not, more powerful; it's a matter of looking for it. It sounds simple and easy but I know that it can be very hard to see the good when the bad is obscuring your vision.
It's okay to feel whatever it is that you're feeling, whether it's sadness, anger, shame, regret, guilt, loneliness, fear, numbness, emptyness etc. They don't feel nice, but they are all completely normal emotions. They can get overwhelming sometimes; I know what it's like to be consumed by a negative emotion and it can be exhausting, but time after time, even though I feel like I'll be stuck in this mental state forever, it always eventually comes to pass.
It's okay to reach out for help. You are not alone.
@MegaXD, if you're still out there, I just want you to know that it'll all be alright.
Looking through your posting history, I see that you've been struggling with love and friendship and that you feel that these things aren't right.
That's not true.
There's no problem with not having experienced love, or even having the smallest group of friends imaginable, (I would know since I'm suffering from both at the moment too). My point is, that life happens when it happens. There's no real checklist of what you need to do to have a satisfying life, there aren't any rules where you'd be burned at the stake if you don't have or enjoy the company of a large group of friends.
I just want you to know that you aren't alone in this struggle of life.
I do hope you've made some time to think about it, or even just come back to check here one last time [the last active time of Mega was 9:07pm on August 8]
If you're gone, I'm going to miss you. Especially in the Last of Us thread.
This is awful. @MegaXD I really hope you didn't go through with this, please tell me you didn't go through with this. Please. You still have so much life left to experience, it might look dark now but life is really a series of endless ups and downs, you need to get through the downs to get to the ups. Please be okay.
@MegaXD Is there anything that you still want to do before you go? At this moment, you may not want to think about that. But life is more than what we allow ourselves to see. We see the neverending hate, dishonesty, frustration, and Immorality we create, and sometimes we believe that is all we will ever see. If you've had something in your mind that you've wanted to do, that can make any of this bearable for you, and just the thought of it has kept you going up till this point, you should go for it. It doesn't have to be anything big. If it holds value to you, you shouldn't be afraid to explore it. And even if you can't do it right now, having something for yourself to look forward to can make a difference. And if you need help, don't be shy to ask. It can be shocking what people can do when you just ask. Please, take this into consideration before you make your final choice.
I'll let this pan out for another day or two, but just remember that this isn't our fault. -- Right? -- We didn't cause this, and we tried our best to help. The world really sucks sometimes. I want to punch the guy who made it.
Fuck it. Just hope for the best. Why am I skipping to acceptance. ...
I don't know, guys. I'm just scared and confused and sad.
Unfortunately, by coincidence, I saw a post on reddit just yesterday about how some peoples' Xbox avatars have been 'sleeping' for years due to inactivity.
In the comments, there were plenty of sad stories of friends who passed away, friends who moved away and never followed up on their status, or internet acquaintances who appeared fine one day but never logged on afterwards - and there's no way to contact them.
It's sad, and I thought to myself how lucky(?) I was to not have experienced this yet.
Coincidentally, I saw a post on reddit just yesterday about how some peoples' Xbox avatars have been 'sleeping' for years due to inactivity. In the comments, there were plenty of sad stories of friends who passed away,
I used to have a friend on Xbox who I met through his YouTube channel back in either 2011 or 2012. I talked to him a few times and at one point I noticed he hadn't been active anymore in early 2014 and I went onto his YouTube channel to check up on him. I discovered he had some kind of brain tumour and his recent videos made it appear as though he was recovering. However, in the comment section I learned from his friends that he had died. It was very depressing to look at his older videos where he was this cheerful kid with a bright future only to see how he ended up.
I'll let this pan out for another day or two, but just remember that this isn't our fault. -- Right? -- We didn't cause this, and we tried o… moreur best to help.
The world really sucks sometimes. I want to punch the guy who made it.
Fuck it. Just hope for the best. Why am I skipping to acceptance. ...
I don't know, guys. I'm just scared and confused and sad.
Unfortunately, by coincidence, I saw a post on reddit just yesterday about how some peoples' Xbox avatars have been 'sleeping' for years due to inactivity.
In the comments, there were plenty of sad stories of friends who passed away, friends who moved away and never followed up on their status, or internet acquaintances who appeared fine one day but never logged on afterwards - and there's no way to contact them.
It's sad, and I thought to myself how lucky(?) I was to not have experienced this yet.
I was just about ready to write a piece on suicide here after reading the trouble @walkingdeadfan101 got into by revealing her brother's suicide. Now I can't help but wonder if it could've helped Mega in some way had I gotten around to writing it sooner...
Honestly I have to say I'm just frustrated, not at her but just at how little we can do to help. Several people here are having anxiety attacks because they care so much and want to help but are powerless to do anything. I know Mega was probably too aggravated at the time to appreciate how her post would affect the users here, and I know she does care about them, but it still puts the members in a terrible spot where they can't do much of anything and are left fearing the worst.
This is your choice and you know what's best for your life more than anyone, but death is the most unsettling part of life and any average person is naturally going to react to suicidal plans with distress and panic. I'm glad @MegaXD decided to let us know instead of just going offline but please if anyone feels the same as she did and wants to post here, allow the users here some time to hear your story. You don't have to consider their advice but let them come out of the dark so they can at least understand why.
My prayers go to @MegaXD and I hope for the best to her.
I've considered it and it's actually already a career I've been wanting to pursue. Part of the reason I haven't volunteered for something like a crisis line yet is because I wasn't sure if I could give that kind of help on the spot. That and I'm worried I'd become like how my parents are when they try to help. They could be very overemotional, religious and unapologetically blunt when I'd go to them for help, and I want to distant myself completely from that way of helping before I volunteer for something like a crisis line.
But thank you, I'll probably look into doing something like that soon
@Cocoa2736, do you or have you ever worked for one of those councelling/mental health/suicide hotlines?
You should. You're a good person, and I think you're a good fit.
Considering she's talked about Adventure Time in the past I'm just gonna assume she has it as her profile pic because she likes the character, not because it represented her mood.
Considering she's talked about Adventure Time in the past I'm just gonna assume she has it as her profile pic because she likes the character, not because it represented her mood.
@MegaXD
Always remember that you are like a piece of art. People will break you down and shatter you to pieces, but as soon as you get back up on your feet, you will be a mosaic. A whole piece that was once broken, but is now even more beautiful than it was at the beginning. When you feel like giving up, just remember the reason why you held on for so long. Just think about the reasons why you continued to fight when times got tough, and about the aspects of your life that have significant meaning and that force you to keep going even when you don’t feel like it. Don't forget that you are not alone.
I just want to say that even if there isn't much we can do to help, you have all handled this remarkably well. You're all very mature and caring. If MegaXD were to come back online I know you all would help her to the best of your ability, and you'd be a great help. I wish there was something more you all could do to show her that you care, but you guys did all you possibly could. Please don't be hard on yourselves.
I've been meaning to write my own opinion on suicide after @walkingdeadfan101 shared her story about her brother. I wasn't sure if I should've before because I was concerned someone might be going through a hard time and I didn't want to say the wrong thing, but after what's happened I think I should give my thoughts.
Suicide is natural. No system, even life, can will itself to intentionally self destruct unless it was designed to do so. Humanity has given itself the option to destroy itself when we or others don't benefit from our existence, and as part of humanity we have to respect that. It's a choice, and if you try to tell those that are suffering that it's not (especially without successfully convincing them of the better alternatives) then you're denying human nature for the sake of your own feelings. It's never desirable, and we should always seek to build each other up in any way we can, but you have to respect it like you would any other facet of the human condition.
If you ever feel the same way Mega did please talk to someone that you trust to be mature and responsible enough to be of help. I'll do my best to listen if you feel that way, as would everyone else here. It's up to you to decide if we've proven that we are capable of helping, but I know this place is full of sincerely caring people who want to see you feel better.
I have no idea if @MegaXD is still with us or gone.
If she is still with us, I hope she will post to let us know. I had a similar situation with someone on these forums who sent me a PM with a distressing situation, then didn't log in again until two years later. It's better to know. If she does ping us, please no one write mean stuff back.
For those who are stressed out, please know that there isn't anything you could have done here. There weren't enough signs or time to respond. Sometimes you just have to accept that.
You may have done more than you know, though. Even if it's too late for @MegaXD, you never know who else might be reading it and getting second thoughts. A lot of people who choose to end things don't think about those left behind, or think they'll be better off without them. @MegaXD posted that she has a brother, and I have to wonder how he feels. If someone else is reading these messages and decides not to go just yet, that maybe their life does has a positive impact on others, then you were not too late for them.
I've tried to commit suicide a few times in my life. I know how hard it can be carrying on when you feel like you can't take it anymore. The thought of death was one of comfort in those moments because the thought of not existing, not feeling pain, not dealing with the depression, no longer living with the severe social anxiety, and everything else... it was calming. And, for a long time I felt furious that my attempts didn't work. I hated hearing people tell me that it'd all get better because it felt like it never would. But, now I'm engaged to a man that loves me, I'm away from my abusive family, I'm in my own apartment, and I have two adorable cats. I wouldn't be in the happy place I am now if one of my suicide attempts had worked. Things might not be the best at the moment, but things do get better. Please don't give up. Someday you will find the happiness you seek, and you'll be so happy to be alive. That time will come.
I understood what he was trying to say even if the wording was terrible. Suicide is a part of life sadly, and unlike what that guy said, you're allowed to grieve, but just because you couldn't stop it doesn't mean you'll never be able to. Everything is a learning process, and it's understandable to tell yourself that you should have known the signs in hindsight, but you couldn't have, you haven't gotten that far in the learning process yet, and that's not your fault.
All these signs she left, the subtle hints in her posts and images, We have to fail to get a better idea of what to do, or not to do, to succeed, and sometimes the cost of failure is high, but that doesn't make you a failure, and though the pain hurts you still learned something from the experience (you took note of the subtle clues in her posts and images if I remember your post) and that could make all the difference in saving someone else's life down the road. It's always a learning process, and I know you really do care about people on the verge of suicide, so you'll get the right experience eventually if you keep trying. I had to learn how to talk to people in order to help them by taking note of how I accidentally set them off and what signs lead to what behavior, and if the feedback I get here is correct I want to say I'm on the right path, and I mean it when I say I have faith you're on the right path too.
I believe that what you are experiencing is trauma. What happened with your brother is very traumatic and so this recent event will be very triggering for you. When we experience trauma, it leaves like a wound behind that can be reopened when we are reminded of the traumatic event; it feels like it's happening all over again and all those emotions resurface.
Please man, we all enjoy you being here and there are people out there who love you. Don’t do something on impulse that you’ll regret.
Do your health a favor. Call this number and talk. Someone there will help you.
1-800-273-8255
I thought this would be a good place to practice helping with small stuff like relationships or building confidence, but this whole thing just came on very suddenly and I wasn't prepared for it. I can handle it now that I know to expect sonething like that, and I can take on a couple of trolls, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't take a toll on my mental health. It's not keeping me up at night but I've noticed I've been very agitated in my personal life lately, and my day has just been really stressful so far.
I know people are going through worse because of this and I hope for the best to them. I won't stop being active here, but I think I have to accept when I should let someone else take care of it.
I still hope @MegaXD is doing well and I wish her and everyone the best.
Maybe I'm not ready to help out here yet.
I thought this would be a good place to practice helping with small stuff like relationships or… more building confidence, but this whole thing just came on very suddenly and I wasn't prepared for it. I can handle it now that I know to expect sonething like that, and I can take on a couple of trolls, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't take a toll on my mental health. It's not keeping me up at night but I've noticed I've been very agitated in my personal life lately, and my day has just been really stressful so far.
I know people are going through worse because of this and I hope for the best to them. I won't stop being active here, but I think I have to accept when I should let someone else take care of it.
I still hope @MegaXD is doing well and I wish her and everyone the best.
Comments
I know that in real life I'm a pretty dramatic person. That's not to say I blow everything out of proportion (though I definitely did as a kid, and I still do sometimes) but I feel like I'm always expecting these the pieces to click seemlessly, like there's suppose some magical symbolism in it, and when it doesn't seem like life works that way I get bored, uninterested and at times nihilistic with it. When I was younger I was subconsciously demanding some kind of sign out of the world just for existing, and it's been difficult try to get out of that mindset and accepting that life is just as it is, and it doesn't owe you any reason for being here.
Thank you for reading
I feel as though I'm in the calm before the storm at this point in my life. As if I'm in that state of inertia that comes when you're on the cusp of a huge turning point in your life. You know that at any moment, fate is going to jolt you out of your comfort zone and take you somewhere you never thought you'd go and make you into someone unrecognizable from your past self, but you don't have any idea if it's going to bring you up or down. I wish there was a way to just to show you what I mean, because I've lost all faith in my ability to explain stuff like that. Everything's just coming together so suddenly. It's been a lot to take in at one time. There's a leap that has to be made on my part but I have no idea when I should or where it will lead, or even if I should at all.
Ehh, I know it will come to me eventually, I guess I don't need to worry about it right now.
i can’t take it anymore, tonight i finally have the chance to end my life without pain and i will
just need to wait 12 minutes
I just got on, okay...
I'm not going to tell not to do it because I'm sure you've put a lot of thought into this and I know when you made that decision you don't want to be told you can't, but do you have any more time to wait on this or do you feel this is your only opportunity? Could you please give me some time to listen to why you want to do this before you go through with it? Please?
You've mentioned your distaste of winter, and you've also recently mentioned it is winter where you are right now.
Do you perhaps have Seasonal Affective Disorder?
I really hope she actually comes back to answer this. I hope we didn't just see someones last message.
Fuck man, I don't know what I'd do if she doesn't. I'm getting real tense over here.
Okay now that I'm more calm, I really hope she(?) responds too but we can only help as much as she wants us to. It's very distressing and I hope for the best for her but we have to respect that.
I hope everything turns out alright even if I can't help much
Edit: I feel like I remember MegaXD being referred to as a girl before if I'm wrong please correct me
I know, I know... I've never really faced this kind of problem before so I'm at a loss of words and actions.
We can only hope everything turns out ok.
And yes, I do vaguely remember Mega saying they're a girl, or at least referring to themselves as such.
I've learned that when talking to people about their plans on suicide you always treat them with dignity and never discredit their ability to reason no matter how unstable their emotional state is. They didn't come to their decision lightly, and even if the breaking point was something like a breakup there's still underlying trauma that escalated it to that point. Once you understood that you help them like you would anyone in grief.
I hope so too but it's up to her if she believes we would help, and if she doesn't that's her choice.
It's been two hours since @MegaXD made her post above and went offline.
Everyone please leave some thoughts and prayers for her in this thread in case she does come back.
Thank you.
I know how hard things can get, and I know you would've put a lot of thought into this. But there is always another way around whatever comes your way. Suicide is never the only option.
I once wished I would die or disappear, although I never had it in me to kill myself. I just really hope that you come back to this thread.
I've had dark times in my life (obviously nothing compared to what you're going through), but after time and a lot of thought, I'm getting out of that.
Theres always a light at the end of every dark tunnel.
I dont really know what to say, but I hope you're okay.
Hey @MegaXD, I hope you've waited just a little bit longer to see how things pan out.
Life can get really hard. For every bad there is a good that is equal, if not, more powerful; it's a matter of looking for it. It sounds simple and easy but I know that it can be very hard to see the good when the bad is obscuring your vision.
It's okay to feel whatever it is that you're feeling, whether it's sadness, anger, shame, regret, guilt, loneliness, fear, numbness, emptyness etc. They don't feel nice, but they are all completely normal emotions. They can get overwhelming sometimes; I know what it's like to be consumed by a negative emotion and it can be exhausting, but time after time, even though I feel like I'll be stuck in this mental state forever, it always eventually comes to pass.
It's okay to reach out for help. You are not alone.
@MegaXD, if you're still out there, I just want you to know that it'll all be alright.
Looking through your posting history, I see that you've been struggling with love and friendship and that you feel that these things aren't right.
That's not true.
There's no problem with not having experienced love, or even having the smallest group of friends imaginable, (I would know since I'm suffering from both at the moment too). My point is, that life happens when it happens. There's no real checklist of what you need to do to have a satisfying life, there aren't any rules where you'd be burned at the stake if you don't have or enjoy the company of a large group of friends.
I just want you to know that you aren't alone in this struggle of life.
I do hope you've made some time to think about it, or even just come back to check here one last time [the last active time of Mega was 9:07pm on August 8]
If you're gone, I'm going to miss you. Especially in the Last of Us thread.
Stay strong. Everyone.
This is awful. @MegaXD I really hope you didn't go through with this, please tell me you didn't go through with this. Please. You still have so much life left to experience, it might look dark now but life is really a series of endless ups and downs, you need to get through the downs to get to the ups. Please be okay.
@MegaXD Is there anything that you still want to do before you go? At this moment, you may not want to think about that. But life is more than what we allow ourselves to see. We see the neverending hate, dishonesty, frustration, and Immorality we create, and sometimes we believe that is all we will ever see. If you've had something in your mind that you've wanted to do, that can make any of this bearable for you, and just the thought of it has kept you going up till this point, you should go for it. It doesn't have to be anything big. If it holds value to you, you shouldn't be afraid to explore it. And even if you can't do it right now, having something for yourself to look forward to can make a difference. And if you need help, don't be shy to ask. It can be shocking what people can do when you just ask. Please, take this into consideration before you make your final choice.
I'll let this pan out for another day or two, but just remember that this isn't our fault. -- Right? -- We didn't cause this, and we tried our best to help.
The world really sucks sometimes. I want to punch the guy who made it.
Fuck it. Just hope for the best. Why am I skipping to acceptance. ...
I don't know, guys. I'm just scared and confused and sad.
Unfortunately, by coincidence, I saw a post on reddit just yesterday about how some peoples' Xbox avatars have been 'sleeping' for years due to inactivity.
In the comments, there were plenty of sad stories of friends who passed away, friends who moved away and never followed up on their status, or internet acquaintances who appeared fine one day but never logged on afterwards - and there's no way to contact them.
It's sad, and I thought to myself how lucky(?) I was to not have experienced this yet.
I used to have a friend on Xbox who I met through his YouTube channel back in either 2011 or 2012. I talked to him a few times and at one point I noticed he hadn't been active anymore in early 2014 and I went onto his YouTube channel to check up on him. I discovered he had some kind of brain tumour and his recent videos made it appear as though he was recovering. However, in the comment section I learned from his friends that he had died. It was very depressing to look at his older videos where he was this cheerful kid with a bright future only to see how he ended up.
@Cocoa2736, do you or have you ever worked for one of those councelling/mental health/suicide hotlines?
You should. You're a good person, and I think you're a good fit.
I was just about ready to write a piece on suicide here after reading the trouble @walkingdeadfan101 got into by revealing her brother's suicide. Now I can't help but wonder if it could've helped Mega in some way had I gotten around to writing it sooner...
Honestly I have to say I'm just frustrated, not at her but just at how little we can do to help. Several people here are having anxiety attacks because they care so much and want to help but are powerless to do anything. I know Mega was probably too aggravated at the time to appreciate how her post would affect the users here, and I know she does care about them, but it still puts the members in a terrible spot where they can't do much of anything and are left fearing the worst.
This is your choice and you know what's best for your life more than anyone, but death is the most unsettling part of life and any average person is naturally going to react to suicidal plans with distress and panic. I'm glad @MegaXD decided to let us know instead of just going offline but please if anyone feels the same as she did and wants to post here, allow the users here some time to hear your story. You don't have to consider their advice but let them come out of the dark so they can at least understand why.
My prayers go to @MegaXD and I hope for the best to her.
Please man, we all enjoy you being here and there are people out there who love you. Don’t do something on impulse that you’ll regret.
Do your health a favor. Call this number and talk. Someone there will help you.
1-800-273-8255
I've considered it and it's actually already a career I've been wanting to pursue. Part of the reason I haven't volunteered for something like a crisis line yet is because I wasn't sure if I could give that kind of help on the spot. That and I'm worried I'd become like how my parents are when they try to help. They could be very overemotional, religious and unapologetically blunt when I'd go to them for help, and I want to distant myself completely from that way of helping before I volunteer for something like a crisis line.
But thank you, I'll probably look into doing something like that soon
Wrong profile. It's @MegaXD not @Mega_XG.
You've got the wrong person there.
The person from last night is @Mega_XD. Emphasis on the XD.
EDIT: never mind. Lupin got here first.
Edit [Never mind. It's just me over analyzing things.]
Considering she's talked about Adventure Time in the past I'm just gonna assume she has it as her profile pic because she likes the character, not because it represented her mood.
Yeah... It just seems kinda melancholic to me.
@MegaXD
Always remember that you are like a piece of art. People will break you down and shatter you to pieces, but as soon as you get back up on your feet, you will be a mosaic. A whole piece that was once broken, but is now even more beautiful than it was at the beginning. When you feel like giving up, just remember the reason why you held on for so long. Just think about the reasons why you continued to fight when times got tough, and about the aspects of your life that have significant meaning and that force you to keep going even when you don’t feel like it. Don't forget that you are not alone.
...
So...that's it?
.
.
.
I just want to say that even if there isn't much we can do to help, you have all handled this remarkably well. You're all very mature and caring. If MegaXD were to come back online I know you all would help her to the best of your ability, and you'd be a great help. I wish there was something more you all could do to show her that you care, but you guys did all you possibly could. Please don't be hard on yourselves.
I've been meaning to write my own opinion on suicide after @walkingdeadfan101 shared her story about her brother. I wasn't sure if I should've before because I was concerned someone might be going through a hard time and I didn't want to say the wrong thing, but after what's happened I think I should give my thoughts.
Suicide is natural. No system, even life, can will itself to intentionally self destruct unless it was designed to do so. Humanity has given itself the option to destroy itself when we or others don't benefit from our existence, and as part of humanity we have to respect that. It's a choice, and if you try to tell those that are suffering that it's not (especially without successfully convincing them of the better alternatives) then you're denying human nature for the sake of your own feelings. It's never desirable, and we should always seek to build each other up in any way we can, but you have to respect it like you would any other facet of the human condition.
If you ever feel the same way Mega did please talk to someone that you trust to be mature and responsible enough to be of help. I'll do my best to listen if you feel that way, as would everyone else here. It's up to you to decide if we've proven that we are capable of helping, but I know this place is full of sincerely caring people who want to see you feel better.
I have no idea if @MegaXD is still with us or gone.
If she is still with us, I hope she will post to let us know. I had a similar situation with someone on these forums who sent me a PM with a distressing situation, then didn't log in again until two years later. It's better to know. If she does ping us, please no one write mean stuff back.
For those who are stressed out, please know that there isn't anything you could have done here. There weren't enough signs or time to respond. Sometimes you just have to accept that.
You may have done more than you know, though. Even if it's too late for @MegaXD, you never know who else might be reading it and getting second thoughts. A lot of people who choose to end things don't think about those left behind, or think they'll be better off without them. @MegaXD posted that she has a brother, and I have to wonder how he feels. If someone else is reading these messages and decides not to go just yet, that maybe their life does has a positive impact on others, then you were not too late for them.
I've tried to commit suicide a few times in my life. I know how hard it can be carrying on when you feel like you can't take it anymore. The thought of death was one of comfort in those moments because the thought of not existing, not feeling pain, not dealing with the depression, no longer living with the severe social anxiety, and everything else... it was calming. And, for a long time I felt furious that my attempts didn't work. I hated hearing people tell me that it'd all get better because it felt like it never would. But, now I'm engaged to a man that loves me, I'm away from my abusive family, I'm in my own apartment, and I have two adorable cats. I wouldn't be in the happy place I am now if one of my suicide attempts had worked. Things might not be the best at the moment, but things do get better. Please don't give up. Someday you will find the happiness you seek, and you'll be so happy to be alive. That time will come.
I understood what he was trying to say even if the wording was terrible. Suicide is a part of life sadly, and unlike what that guy said, you're allowed to grieve, but just because you couldn't stop it doesn't mean you'll never be able to. Everything is a learning process, and it's understandable to tell yourself that you should have known the signs in hindsight, but you couldn't have, you haven't gotten that far in the learning process yet, and that's not your fault.
All these signs she left, the subtle hints in her posts and images, We have to fail to get a better idea of what to do, or not to do, to succeed, and sometimes the cost of failure is high, but that doesn't make you a failure, and though the pain hurts you still learned something from the experience (you took note of the subtle clues in her posts and images if I remember your post) and that could make all the difference in saving someone else's life down the road. It's always a learning process, and I know you really do care about people on the verge of suicide, so you'll get the right experience eventually if you keep trying. I had to learn how to talk to people in order to help them by taking note of how I accidentally set them off and what signs lead to what behavior, and if the feedback I get here is correct I want to say I'm on the right path, and I mean it when I say I have faith you're on the right path too.
I believe that what you are experiencing is trauma. What happened with your brother is very traumatic and so this recent event will be very triggering for you. When we experience trauma, it leaves like a wound behind that can be reopened when we are reminded of the traumatic event; it feels like it's happening all over again and all those emotions resurface.
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Maybe I'm not ready to help out here yet.
I thought this would be a good place to practice helping with small stuff like relationships or building confidence, but this whole thing just came on very suddenly and I wasn't prepared for it. I can handle it now that I know to expect sonething like that, and I can take on a couple of trolls, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't take a toll on my mental health. It's not keeping me up at night but I've noticed I've been very agitated in my personal life lately, and my day has just been really stressful so far.
I know people are going through worse because of this and I hope for the best to them. I won't stop being active here, but I think I have to accept when I should let someone else take care of it.
I still hope @MegaXD is doing well and I wish her and everyone the best.
I'll just say that I think you did fine, from an external view, but there's no problem pulling back any time to protect your own sanity.