If I could reasonably be straightforward I would; I don't intend to be theatrical but sometimes that's just the best way to express yourself. It's tiring having to put so much energy into choosing your words when you've already got stuff on your mind, but sometimes it's just better that way. You have to be careful with the people you leave yourself vulnerable to, even in places that advertise a safe place to do so.
The last thing I want is to feel like I have something to prove, you know? They'll say "be yourself" and "you don't have to prove yourself to anybody", but that's not true. You have to prove yourself to everyone you care about. No one believes you should be handed sympathies or special treatment on a silver platter and if they are forced to believe it they only resent you for it.
I don't want to lie to myself, but I don't even know what the truth is anymore. I can make my own, and I've done so here, but winging it doesn't feel like the truth to me.
I know one truth for certain though: I'm just a grain of sand washed out into the stormy sea, one distant star amidst the backdrop of the night sky, another groggy face heading down the sidewalk to Subway. I know that, I'm okay with that, so why can't my soul accept it's place in the cosmos? If my spirit can't even accept me for who I am why do I expect anyone else to? Maybe they were all right not to listen to me. Maybe they even had an understandable reason to attack me for how I felt. Maybe not, the fog of confusion never let's up with things like that.
Eh, I don't know, but everything will fall in the places they were meant to in time, that much I do know. Take care~
Meh.. I know where I stand and expressing how I deeply feel and expecting it to turn out well is insanity (even then I know some will fear the worst just from me saying so). I'm right, I already have all the answers I will get, but I don't want to believe them and I let people try to convince me otherwise. It's always on me though, whether through my choices or my being itself. Oh well, it's all going to play out no matter what ¯_(ツ)_/¯
It's always a matter of what can I say and the best way to say it, never what I need to. It's all just an appeal to pathos; all a show meant to reach your better nature. Any attempt to move on to logos is thrown out the window with me. Practically every time it leads to an apparent moot point, and I often get frustrated with that admittedly.
Human nature is an obstacle, a series of strings pulling you in directions that dictates how to feel. It's a cage restraining your spirit and feeding off it's energy. If the choice presents itself to either defy that nature or embrace it, I'll do the former. It's what feels right to me.
But then what awaits you outside that cage door? You become something foreign by principle, a defector of mankind in a way. Mankind isn't the obstacle, we're all spirits, and if we decide to embrace that nature there's nothing wrong with that, but the nature acts as a sort of light in familiarity. You find a way to walk away from it and naturally you're shrouded darkness. You know the dark gets a bad rep, it alone can't hurt you, but malice allows itself to be wielded indiscriminately by the unknown behind that curtain, and you're now among them. Not even malice at times, some people just grow weary of the fact that they can't easily understand your principles.
Where am I going with this? I don't know. We don't owe anyone a thorough train of thought here, see ya ?
All these things you're saying are ringing so much in my ears. The only thing being that is different is the paths we are taking. You seem to be trying to confront it and expect it to show you answers if you stand your ground long enough. With me, I've been trying to make dangerous friends to help me avoid it. But in the end, it still finds a way to rear its ugly face at you. Maybe, being unprepared to face it is worse than putting yourself out face-to-face with it and not getting any answers back, though swimming against the current has always been tough for me. Like, once I give myself a chance to break the mold, I fear how far I will go. So many thoughts of what I would do if I completely stopped caring. Through my whole life, I've only been showing myself that it only takes letting go of an inch to take a mile. A delicate balance on a tightrope with falling to one side being the net that engulfs you for good and the other a pit of boiling oil. Are your feet aching? Is the stress too much? Why don't you make a choice.
Meh.. I know where I stand and expressing how I deeply feel and expecting it to turn out well is insanity (even then I know some will fear t… morehe worst just from me saying so). I'm right, I already have all the answers I will get, but I don't want to believe them and I let people try to convince me otherwise. It's always on me though, whether through my choices or my being itself. Oh well, it's all going to play out no matter what ¯_(ツ)_/¯
It will show me answers, I would even find peace in knowing absolutely that there is no answer at all. I have an obligation to the universe, (and maybe even fate) to find them, that is all the preparation I need. Anything else I care about is purely my choice. It's not a matter of if I fail to care, but if the things I do care about lose their value to me. I don't want that, and I'm confident a lot of things I value will never get to that point, but I won't assert that it could never happen because while my choices are mine to decide, the future is not. My only inherent obligation is the pursuit of the truth, anything that gets in the way of that or tries to sway me away from it is worthless to me.
Whether you run from it, face it, fall into the oil or that net, or even make it to the end of that tightrope, fate will always be right behind you. Make the choice that feels right to you.
All these things you're saying are ringing so much in my ears. The only thing being that is different is the paths we are taking. You seem t… moreo be trying to confront it and expect it to show you answers if you stand your ground long enough. With me, I've been trying to make dangerous friends to help me avoid it. But in the end, it still finds a way to rear its ugly face at you. Maybe, being unprepared to face it is worse than putting yourself out face-to-face with it and not getting any answers back, though swimming against the current has always been tough for me. Like, once I give myself a chance to break the mold, I fear how far I will go. So many thoughts of what I would do if I completely stopped caring. Through my whole life, I've only been showing myself that it only takes letting go of an inch to take a mile. A delicate balance on a tightrope with falling to one side being the net that engulfs you for good and the other a pit of boiling oil. Are your feet aching? Is the stress too much? Why don't you make a choice.
It will show me answers, I would even find peace in knowing absolutely that there is no answer at all. I have an obligation to the universe,… more (and maybe even fate) to find them, that is all the preparation I need. Anything else I care about is purely my choice. It's not a matter of if I fail to care, but if the things I do care about lose their value to me. I don't want that, and I'm confident a lot of things I value will never get to that point, but I won't assert that it could never happen because while my choices are mine to decide, the future is not. My only inherent obligation is the pursuit of the truth, anything that gets in the way of that or tries to sway me away from it is worthless to me.
Whether you run from it, face it, fall into the oil or that net, or even make it to the end of that tightrope, fate will always be right behind you. Make the choice that feels right to you.
I'll be honest, that value erodes the more I stick by the truth, and that scares me sometimes. Not in a moral sense, but just how paler it all becomes the more you shift the spotlight away from them. It makes me wonder if there'll be anything left to hold on to when I make it there. I already feel that from time to time, the farther you go the more your cries become ludicrous and indiscernible. You sound mad, understandably; sanity is among the things that risk getting withered. Your dedication to perception ironically chips away at credibility as well. I just hope I'm not alone when I eventually get there.
@ZombieKiller3121 I actually resent having to get this deep. This isn't a poetry slam lol I just want to talk about what's on my mind, but it feels like I have to dig down below a wall in the hopes that there's another side to get there. Thank you for reading my rants tho I appreciate it
It will show me answers, I would even find peace in knowing absolutely that there is no answer at all. I have an obligation to the universe,… more (and maybe even fate) to find them, that is all the preparation I need. Anything else I care about is purely my choice. It's not a matter of if I fail to care, but if the things I do care about lose their value to me. I don't want that, and I'm confident a lot of things I value will never get to that point, but I won't assert that it could never happen because while my choices are mine to decide, the future is not. My only inherent obligation is the pursuit of the truth, anything that gets in the way of that or tries to sway me away from it is worthless to me.
Whether you run from it, face it, fall into the oil or that net, or even make it to the end of that tightrope, fate will always be right behind you. Make the choice that feels right to you.
One more. I don't feel any relief from venting, I feel like that eroded too. I know there's nothing to be gained from venting now, but the hope's still there that I could get something out of it. I also realize that whatever the "truth" is, it probably doesn't include me, not all of me anyways. If that does happen, what part of me will have to slip away? Will I become completely unrecognizable? What if I don't gain any satisfaction from it and instead only more uncertainty? Maybe it's not that there's not enough answers, rather that we make too many questions... but isn't it better to find resolution to those questions instead of sweeping them under the rug?
I'll be honest, that value erodes the more I stick by the truth, and that scares me sometimes. Not in a moral sense, but just how paler it a… morell becomes the more you shift the spotlight away from them. It makes me wonder if there'll be anything left to hold on to when I make it there. I already feel that from time to time, the farther you go the more your cries become ludicrous and indiscernible. You sound mad, understandably; sanity is among the things that risk getting withered. Your dedication to perception ironically chips away at credibility as well. I just hope I'm not alone when I eventually get there.
@ZombieKiller3121 I actually resent having to get this deep. This isn't a poetry slam lol I just want to talk about what's on my mind, but it feels like I have to dig down below a wall in the hopes that there's another side to get there. Thank you for reading my rants tho I appreciate it
I'll go over some of the regular schtick; The truth isn't always bright. Dreams can be more fun than the actual thing. And when you have convinced yourself that what you are experiencing is a lie, than it all becomes dull and unlively.
On the contrary with TWD. We know it's not real, but we treat it as if it were and it impacts us as if it were real, though no one is calling the cops when a character dies XD. It makes me understand more why there is religion. It doesn't make much sense at a scientific standpoint, though science can be pretty baffling too, but if you can accept it as something you can connect to yourself and with other people, it gives you a feeling of fulfillment that can outweigh if it actually makes sense to you or not. Though I don't doubt there are people out there who can 100% agree with everything, (true saints they are) many people set aside the logic to gain this feeling of connection in their lives that nothing outside of it can. But obviously, not everyone values comfort over accuracy. So, I totally get why this search for real truth is causing this type of insensitivity. I've tried, but with my all-or-nothing attitude to everything I quickly spiralled into hysteria. You've seen some of this a few months back.
And no problem. I'm actually pretty interested in what answers you're trying to find. I'll try to keep up for how far I can before I either can no longer follow along or am about to suffer from psychological breakdown. Please pardon me if I try to add in something that starts to wander off from the main topic like a dog chasing a squirrel. My family's got a history with ADD, and I wouldn't be surprised if some of it got passed down to me. I wish you luck to reaching a conclusion, and to us not becoming completely cracked and alienated from this community.
I'll be honest, that value erodes the more I stick by the truth, and that scares me sometimes. Not in a moral sense, but just how paler it a… morell becomes the more you shift the spotlight away from them. It makes me wonder if there'll be anything left to hold on to when I make it there. I already feel that from time to time, the farther you go the more your cries become ludicrous and indiscernible. You sound mad, understandably; sanity is among the things that risk getting withered. Your dedication to perception ironically chips away at credibility as well. I just hope I'm not alone when I eventually get there.
@ZombieKiller3121 I actually resent having to get this deep. This isn't a poetry slam lol I just want to talk about what's on my mind, but it feels like I have to dig down below a wall in the hopes that there's another side to get there. Thank you for reading my rants tho I appreciate it
I'm sorry I don't think I'm in a state to discuss this. I'd like to drop it.
As for the other stuff, TWD is escapism and a diversion, religion is hardcore speculation and science is limited to human comprehension and saying otherwise is vanity, and thank you.
I'll go over some of the regular schtick; The truth isn't always bright. Dreams can be more fun than the actual thing. And when you have con… morevinced yourself that what you are experiencing is a lie, than it all becomes dull and unlively.
On the contrary with TWD. We know it's not real, but we treat it as if it were and it impacts us as if it were real, though no one is calling the cops when a character dies XD. It makes me understand more why there is religion. It doesn't make much sense at a scientific standpoint, though science can be pretty baffling too, but if you can accept it as something you can connect to yourself and with other people, it gives you a feeling of fulfillment that can outweigh if it actually makes sense to you or not. Though I don't doubt there are people out there who can 100% agree with everything, (true saints they are) many people set aside the logic to gain this feeling of connection in their lives that nothing ou… [view original content]
I'm sorry I don't think I'm in a state to discuss this. I'd like to drop it.
As for the other stuff, TWD is escapism and a diversion, rel… moreigion is hardcore speculation and science is limited to human comprehension and saying otherwise is vanity, and thank you.
Even if the damage it wreaks is unsalvageable, all fire on this green earth will fade away eventually, and even if all the water seems to dry up, it's never truly gone. Where does that leave me? Just a worm in the grand scheme of things, constantly torn apart by two polarities. Or maybe I'm just a caterpillar plagued by self doubt, and that polarity is my nature telling me to move on to the next phase.
We're all so small, aren't we? In the grand scheme of things the earth will consume us in a blink of it's eye. We're all specks of dust under it's scale, and that's okay; we define our own worth, or at least we should have that right.
I've done my best to consider the details rationally, or at least cater, but it takes a toll on mental health. Conceit would be so easy to fall into and considering the circumstances and I'd be better off for it, at least temporarily, like a painkiller of sorts. That temptation scares me, we control our decisions but not the future. What fruits will my future self choose to bite into? Would I even be willing to call it myself at all?
But hey, I'm just dust, even to brothers in dust we have to prove our worth, that our struggles are worth supporting, and there's no getting around that.
It sure lonely at the top ain't it? You reach past the clouds and discover that every experience you, and everyone else has had, seems so small. Even if there is something out there in that vast blackness, is it worth how much it belittles every experience you've had before? It's why I decided to come back to the ground, and decided to put my efforts into searching for what is underneath my feet. We know that it is reachable because gravity does most of the work in getting us there. And see from below how we were able to grow from it. Who knows. Maybe one day I'll try to reach the stars again, but right now, it feels important to reestablish my foothold, so I maybe able to come back.
Even if the damage it wreaks is unsalvageable, all fire on this green earth will fade away eventually, and even if all the water seems to dr… morey up, it's never truly gone. Where does that leave me? Just a worm in the grand scheme of things, constantly torn apart by two polarities. Or maybe I'm just a caterpillar plagued by self doubt, and that polarity is my nature telling me to move on to the next phase.
I don't know ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Even if there is something out there in that vast blackness, is it worth how much it belittles every experience you've had before?
It is for me. Satisfaction turns more into duty the more I perceive and become aware of it.
It's why I decided to come back to the ground, and decided to put my efforts into searching for what is underneath my feet.
I was never on the ground. Forcing myself down there isn't staying true to myself.
We know that it is reachable because gravity does most of the work in getting us there.
I know reaching for the stars is plausible once you have a grounded means of getting there.
Maybe one day I'll try to reach the stars again, but right now, it feels important to reestablish my foothold, so I maybe able to come back.
I don't have a foothold; I have to struggle against the force to get a semblance of one. We all have different paths, and if it feels important to you I hope you'll succeed in it.
It sure lonely at the top ain't it? You reach past the clouds and discover that every experience you, and everyone else has had, seems so sm… moreall. Even if there is something out there in that vast blackness, is it worth how much it belittles every experience you've had before? It's why I decided to come back to the ground, and decided to put my efforts into searching for what is underneath my feet. We know that it is reachable because gravity does most of the work in getting us there. And see from below how we were able to grow from it. Who knows. Maybe one day I'll try to reach the stars again, but right now, it feels important to reestablish my foothold, so I maybe able to come back.
You ever saw something that was somewhat disappointing, and Slightly felt like this
but had no right to feel anything towards what made you feel that way in the first place because there wasn’t any real relativity between you and it?
You ever saw something that was somewhat disappointing, and Slightly felt like this
but had no right to feel anything towards what made you feel that way in the first place because there wasn’t any real relativity between you and it?
Can I pm you really quickly? I don’t wanna waste your time with my bs? just want your take on this since you seem to be a man(woman?) with good advice. I’d ask you here, but.....eyes are watching
Looks more like mild distress and internal guilt than disappointment. Out of these expressions it matches blue more to me:
True disap… morepointment has more tranquil disgust in the expression I feel like
And yeah, you do have a right to feel that way towards it. The fact that you do means there is real relativity, otherwise you'd feel nothing at all.
I was never on the ground. Forcing myself down there isn't staying true to myself.
Right. Now that you bring it up, I remember a few comments you said a long while ago that back this up. So, that makes sense.
I know reaching for the stars is plausible once you have a grounded means of getting there.
Exactly. Though our definitions of grounded aren't quite the same the main concept is still there.
I don't have a foothold; I have to struggle against the force to get a semblance of one. We all have different paths, and if it feels important to you I hope you'll succeed in it.
Yes. And thinking about those comments again that is sensible. I understand now that you may not rely on the same things as I do. Because of how much it is different, we may not be able to follow along through the same actions as you have taken. We have to find roads that connect to our characters the most. I hope you also succeed.
Even if there is something out there in that vast blackness, is it worth how much it belittles every experience you've had before?
I… moret is for me. Satisfaction turns more into duty the more I perceive and become aware of it.
It's why I decided to come back to the ground, and decided to put my efforts into searching for what is underneath my feet.
I was never on the ground. Forcing myself down there isn't staying true to myself.
We know that it is reachable because gravity does most of the work in getting us there.
I know reaching for the stars is plausible once you have a grounded means of getting there.
Maybe one day I'll try to reach the stars again, but right now, it feels important to reestablish my foothold, so I maybe able to come back.
I don't have a foothold; I have to struggle against the force to get a semblance of one. We all have different paths, and if it feels important to you I hope you'll succeed in it.
Can I pm you really quickly? I don’t wanna waste your time with my bs? just want your take on this since you seem to be a man(woman?) with good advice. I’d ask you here, but.....eyes are watching
Right. Now that you bring it up, I remember a few comments you said a long while ago that back this up. So, that makes sense.
It doesn't need to. I want it to, but I don't need validation in the same way a fallen leaf doesn't need higher winds to push it faster into the lake; it will get there eventually and when it needs to.
Exactly. Though our definitions of grounded aren't quite the same the main concept is still there.
My definition of grounded is definitely an outlier, it's my job to redefine that.
I hope you also succeed.
Fate and the One behind it are my only masters. My failure is their success, fulfilling the role I was meant to is the only path I need to reach.
I was never on the ground. Forcing myself down there isn't staying true to myself.
Right. Now that you bring it up, I remember a few… more comments you said a long while ago that back this up. So, that makes sense.
I know reaching for the stars is plausible once you have a grounded means of getting there.
Exactly. Though our definitions of grounded aren't quite the same the main concept is still there.
I don't have a foothold; I have to struggle against the force to get a semblance of one. We all have different paths, and if it feels important to you I hope you'll succeed in it.
Yes. And thinking about those comments again that is sensible. I understand now that you may not rely on the same things as I do. Because of how much it is different, we may not be able to follow along through the same actions as you have taken. We have to find roads that connect to our characters the most. I hope you also succeed.
Sometimes I wish I was just emotionless. My damn heart just loves latching on to an unattainable love. It's nearing 3 months since the married woman I was/still am in love with left work and I haven't seen her since. One of my coworkers texted me yesterday and said she came to visit work and it was my off day. I literally was beside myself for the rest of the day at the thought of I could have seen her again. I've been trying to move on but I just don't know how or where to even start. She's honestly all I want.
Can I pm you really quickly? I don’t wanna waste your time with my bs? just want your take on this since you seem to be a man(woman?) with good advice. I’d ask you here, but.....eyes are watching
I've learned that screams are always unpleasant, no one wants to hear them, and if the ones who hear them don't appreciate why then you'll find yourself dealing with it alone as well as being emotionally repulsed by those you care about.
People have told me I don't care. I care immensely, in a way I actually write these for you, but in the grand scheme of things, your feelings just don't matter. They're your problem to deal with and only you can, but I still care, as well as anyone else who chooses to believe in your worth.
It's tiring being the odd one out, the inaudible sound wave, it's like apprehension is an ingrained part of human nature towards the unorthodox.
but I know the truth, eventually I won't care, not because it's too painful, but because I can't afford it. It's an unavoidable fate and I haunts me. Obviously I'll still be sensible and yes moral but in the end I will upset the ones who care about me. It's never about what I want, but what I need to do.
Eh best to enjoy the care I can afford I guess ¯_(ツ)_/¯
I've learned that screams are always unpleasant, no one wants to hear them, and if the ones who hear them don't appreciate why then you'll f… moreind yourself dealing with it alone as well as being emotionally repulsed by those you care about.
People have told me I don't care. I care immensely, in a way I actually write these for you, but in the grand scheme of things, your feelings just don't matter. They're your problem to deal with and only you can, but I still care, as well as anyone else who chooses to believe in your worth.
It's tiring being the odd one out, the inaudible sound wave, it's like apprehension is an ingrained part of human nature towards the unorthodox.
Oh well, take care guys~
Life is like a Telltale game. You're presented with tough choices, and sometimes easy choices. If everyone lived your life, you'd find that some choices are in the majority and you wonder why it was made so easy for you to choose. But then it comes back to you, several episodes later, and you're just awestruck at the developers. And with the tough choices, well it never works out how it does in the movie. You think you've got all the possibilities figured out but instead it's something else. A new outcome that you'd never thought of. Sometimes a new factor is in the mix. Sometimes the unexpected change is great for you, but not so great for others. So you've got these really tough choices, but it ends up being a choices don't matter cliche, because in essence they really don't matter, but that illusion; all that anxiety and tension and thought, it sometimes surmounts to something you hadn't expected. Sometimes it does go your way, and you're just expecting something bad to happen from that point on. And the new and old characters - some of them you just love so much, and some you despise. You see some extraordinary stuff, as well as some crappy stuff. And after all the tough choices and easy choices and illusion of choice and good and bad and unexpected developments, it all ends in a way that you hate. You're still happy with what you've satisfied, because looking back, through thick and thin, perhaps it hadn't been worth it and you shouldn't have taken those risks. But in the end, you've done something good for the world, right?
I've learned that screams are always unpleasant, no one wants to hear them, and if the ones who hear them don't appreciate why then you'll f… moreind yourself dealing with it alone as well as being emotionally repulsed by those you care about.
People have told me I don't care. I care immensely, in a way I actually write these for you, but in the grand scheme of things, your feelings just don't matter. They're your problem to deal with and only you can, but I still care, as well as anyone else who chooses to believe in your worth.
It's tiring being the odd one out, the inaudible sound wave, it's like apprehension is an ingrained part of human nature towards the unorthodox.
Oh well, take care guys~
It seems we have more in common than I previously calculated (although I have a brother, I was mainly raised by women)
We love(ed) Telltale,
We love animals,
We love cocoa, I love chickens,
And we're both constantly trying to better ourselves and find meaning and purpose in an utterly worthless world filled with a disgusting hatred known as 'humanity'.
But I must know one last thing... Do you close the toilet lid after yourself...?
I know none of that makes sense. I'm tired, frustrated, and I just finished season three of Rick & Morty and realised I'm gonna be well in my twenties before season four ever sees the light if day. I'm having an existential crisis.
[DELETED]
I know none of that makes sense. I'm tired, frustrated, and I just finished season three of Rick & Morty and realised I'm gonna be well in my twenties before season four ever sees the light if day. I'm having an existential crisis.
There's no solace in being a "special snowflake", attempting to garner empathy while twisting logic is insane, and honestly the fact that my posts seem incomprehensible scares me to no end. I've given the ones I care about several opportunities to dissuade me off this path and to show that there was a foothold, even if the crux is hard to follow I made the underlying principles as clear as I could. No one had to, but I don't have to walk off this path if I feel it's what best.
Doesn't matter what anyone thinks I deserve, I'm taking what's owed to me, and damn everyone who gets in the way of that or shuns me for whatever reason. I still hope everyone who does care won't turn away in the end, but I accept that either way it goes depends on what I decide, and I'm going to do what feels right over the approval of friends and family when all is said and done.
Yah, you've definitely jumped a portal into another plain of existence. You're breaking up-... I-... -the way-...-don't-- [Radio static]
It's just what I have to accept though we don't want to see you go. Just don't forget about us.
Take care.
I'm sorry, I'm not in a joking mood.
There's no solace in being a "special snowflake", attempting to garner empathy while twisting logic … moreis insane, and honestly the fact that my posts seem incomprehensible scares me to no end. I've given the ones I care about several opportunities to dissuade me off this path and to show that there was a foothold, even if the crux is hard to follow I made the underlying principles as clear as I could. No one had to, but I don't have to walk off this path if I feel it's what best.
Doesn't matter what anyone thinks I deserve, I'm taking what's owed to me, and damn everyone who gets in the way of that or shuns me for whatever reason. I still hope everyone who does care won't turn away in the end, but I accept that either way it goes depends on what I decide, and I'm going to do what feels right over the approval of friends and family when all is said and done.
Comments
If I could reasonably be straightforward I would; I don't intend to be theatrical but sometimes that's just the best way to express yourself. It's tiring having to put so much energy into choosing your words when you've already got stuff on your mind, but sometimes it's just better that way. You have to be careful with the people you leave yourself vulnerable to, even in places that advertise a safe place to do so.
✌️
The last thing I want is to feel like I have something to prove, you know? They'll say "be yourself" and "you don't have to prove yourself to anybody", but that's not true. You have to prove yourself to everyone you care about. No one believes you should be handed sympathies or special treatment on a silver platter and if they are forced to believe it they only resent you for it.
I don't want to lie to myself, but I don't even know what the truth is anymore. I can make my own, and I've done so here, but winging it doesn't feel like the truth to me.
I know one truth for certain though: I'm just a grain of sand washed out into the stormy sea, one distant star amidst the backdrop of the night sky, another groggy face heading down the sidewalk to Subway. I know that, I'm okay with that, so why can't my soul accept it's place in the cosmos? If my spirit can't even accept me for who I am why do I expect anyone else to? Maybe they were all right not to listen to me. Maybe they even had an understandable reason to attack me for how I felt. Maybe not, the fog of confusion never let's up with things like that.
Eh, I don't know, but everything will fall in the places they were meant to in time, that much I do know. Take care~
Meh.. I know where I stand and expressing how I deeply feel and expecting it to turn out well is insanity (even then I know some will fear the worst just from me saying so). I'm right, I already have all the answers I will get, but I don't want to believe them and I let people try to convince me otherwise. It's always on me though, whether through my choices or my being itself. Oh well, it's all going to play out no matter what ¯_(ツ)_/¯
It's always a matter of what can I say and the best way to say it, never what I need to. It's all just an appeal to pathos; all a show meant to reach your better nature. Any attempt to move on to logos is thrown out the window with me. Practically every time it leads to an apparent moot point, and I often get frustrated with that admittedly.
Human nature is an obstacle, a series of strings pulling you in directions that dictates how to feel. It's a cage restraining your spirit and feeding off it's energy. If the choice presents itself to either defy that nature or embrace it, I'll do the former. It's what feels right to me.
But then what awaits you outside that cage door? You become something foreign by principle, a defector of mankind in a way. Mankind isn't the obstacle, we're all spirits, and if we decide to embrace that nature there's nothing wrong with that, but the nature acts as a sort of light in familiarity. You find a way to walk away from it and naturally you're shrouded darkness. You know the dark gets a bad rep, it alone can't hurt you, but malice allows itself to be wielded indiscriminately by the unknown behind that curtain, and you're now among them. Not even malice at times, some people just grow weary of the fact that they can't easily understand your principles.
Where am I going with this? I don't know. We don't owe anyone a thorough train of thought here, see ya ?
All these things you're saying are ringing so much in my ears. The only thing being that is different is the paths we are taking. You seem to be trying to confront it and expect it to show you answers if you stand your ground long enough. With me, I've been trying to make dangerous friends to help me avoid it. But in the end, it still finds a way to rear its ugly face at you. Maybe, being unprepared to face it is worse than putting yourself out face-to-face with it and not getting any answers back, though swimming against the current has always been tough for me. Like, once I give myself a chance to break the mold, I fear how far I will go. So many thoughts of what I would do if I completely stopped caring. Through my whole life, I've only been showing myself that it only takes letting go of an inch to take a mile. A delicate balance on a tightrope with falling to one side being the net that engulfs you for good and the other a pit of boiling oil. Are your feet aching? Is the stress too much? Why don't you make a choice.
It will show me answers, I would even find peace in knowing absolutely that there is no answer at all. I have an obligation to the universe, (and maybe even fate) to find them, that is all the preparation I need. Anything else I care about is purely my choice. It's not a matter of if I fail to care, but if the things I do care about lose their value to me. I don't want that, and I'm confident a lot of things I value will never get to that point, but I won't assert that it could never happen because while my choices are mine to decide, the future is not. My only inherent obligation is the pursuit of the truth, anything that gets in the way of that or tries to sway me away from it is worthless to me.
Whether you run from it, face it, fall into the oil or that net, or even make it to the end of that tightrope, fate will always be right behind you. Make the choice that feels right to you.
That was pretty deep. But to whatever holds for our futures, a- freaking -men.
I'll be honest, that value erodes the more I stick by the truth, and that scares me sometimes. Not in a moral sense, but just how paler it all becomes the more you shift the spotlight away from them. It makes me wonder if there'll be anything left to hold on to when I make it there. I already feel that from time to time, the farther you go the more your cries become ludicrous and indiscernible. You sound mad, understandably; sanity is among the things that risk getting withered. Your dedication to perception ironically chips away at credibility as well. I just hope I'm not alone when I eventually get there.
@ZombieKiller3121 I actually resent having to get this deep. This isn't a poetry slam lol I just want to talk about what's on my mind, but it feels like I have to dig down below a wall in the hopes that there's another side to get there. Thank you for reading my rants tho I appreciate it
One more. I don't feel any relief from venting, I feel like that eroded too. I know there's nothing to be gained from venting now, but the hope's still there that I could get something out of it. I also realize that whatever the "truth" is, it probably doesn't include me, not all of me anyways. If that does happen, what part of me will have to slip away? Will I become completely unrecognizable? What if I don't gain any satisfaction from it and instead only more uncertainty? Maybe it's not that there's not enough answers, rather that we make too many questions... but isn't it better to find resolution to those questions instead of sweeping them under the rug?
Ah to hell with it, save it for another time.
I'll go over some of the regular schtick; The truth isn't always bright. Dreams can be more fun than the actual thing. And when you have convinced yourself that what you are experiencing is a lie, than it all becomes dull and unlively.
On the contrary with TWD. We know it's not real, but we treat it as if it were and it impacts us as if it were real, though no one is calling the cops when a character dies XD. It makes me understand more why there is religion. It doesn't make much sense at a scientific standpoint, though science can be pretty baffling too, but if you can accept it as something you can connect to yourself and with other people, it gives you a feeling of fulfillment that can outweigh if it actually makes sense to you or not. Though I don't doubt there are people out there who can 100% agree with everything, (true saints they are) many people set aside the logic to gain this feeling of connection in their lives that nothing outside of it can. But obviously, not everyone values comfort over accuracy. So, I totally get why this search for real truth is causing this type of insensitivity. I've tried, but with my all-or-nothing attitude to everything I quickly spiralled into hysteria. You've seen some of this a few months back.
And no problem. I'm actually pretty interested in what answers you're trying to find. I'll try to keep up for how far I can before I either can no longer follow along or am about to suffer from psychological breakdown. Please pardon me if I try to add in something that starts to wander off from the main topic like a dog chasing a squirrel. My family's got a history with ADD, and I wouldn't be surprised if some of it got passed down to me. I wish you luck to reaching a conclusion, and to us not becoming completely cracked and alienated from this community.
I'm sorry I don't think I'm in a state to discuss this. I'd like to drop it.
As for the other stuff, TWD is escapism and a diversion, religion is hardcore speculation and science is limited to human comprehension and saying otherwise is vanity, and thank you.
Well, shit. I'm sorry if I upset you. I didn't mean for that.
You don't have anything to apologise for. I chose to bring it up. I should expect this to happen.
Anyways best wishes to you
Even if the damage it wreaks is unsalvageable, all fire on this green earth will fade away eventually, and even if all the water seems to dry up, it's never truly gone. Where does that leave me? Just a worm in the grand scheme of things, constantly torn apart by two polarities. Or maybe I'm just a caterpillar plagued by self doubt, and that polarity is my nature telling me to move on to the next phase.
I don't know ¯_(ツ)_/¯
We're all so small, aren't we? In the grand scheme of things the earth will consume us in a blink of it's eye. We're all specks of dust under it's scale, and that's okay; we define our own worth, or at least we should have that right.
I've done my best to consider the details rationally, or at least cater, but it takes a toll on mental health. Conceit would be so easy to fall into and considering the circumstances and I'd be better off for it, at least temporarily, like a painkiller of sorts. That temptation scares me, we control our decisions but not the future. What fruits will my future self choose to bite into? Would I even be willing to call it myself at all?
But hey, I'm just dust, even to brothers in dust we have to prove our worth, that our struggles are worth supporting, and there's no getting around that.
It sure lonely at the top ain't it? You reach past the clouds and discover that every experience you, and everyone else has had, seems so small. Even if there is something out there in that vast blackness, is it worth how much it belittles every experience you've had before? It's why I decided to come back to the ground, and decided to put my efforts into searching for what is underneath my feet. We know that it is reachable because gravity does most of the work in getting us there. And see from below how we were able to grow from it. Who knows. Maybe one day I'll try to reach the stars again, but right now, it feels important to reestablish my foothold, so I maybe able to come back.
It is for me. Satisfaction turns more into duty the more I perceive and become aware of it.
I was never on the ground. Forcing myself down there isn't staying true to myself.
I know reaching for the stars is plausible once you have a grounded means of getting there.
I don't have a foothold; I have to struggle against the force to get a semblance of one. We all have different paths, and if it feels important to you I hope you'll succeed in it.
You ever saw something that was somewhat disappointing, and Slightly felt like this
but had no right to feel anything towards what made you feel that way in the first place because there wasn’t any real relativity between you and it?
Looks more like mild distress and internal guilt than disappointment. Out of these expressions it matches blue more to me:
True disappointment has more tranquil disgust in the expression I feel like
And yeah, you do have a right to feel that way towards it. The fact that you do means there is real relativity, otherwise you'd feel nothing at all.
Can I pm you really quickly? I don’t wanna waste your time with my bs? just want your take on this since you seem to be a man(woman?) with good advice. I’d ask you here, but.....eyes are watching
Right. Now that you bring it up, I remember a few comments you said a long while ago that back this up. So, that makes sense.
Exactly. Though our definitions of grounded aren't quite the same the main concept is still there.
Yes. And thinking about those comments again that is sensible. I understand now that you may not rely on the same things as I do. Because of how much it is different, we may not be able to follow along through the same actions as you have taken. We have to find roads that connect to our characters the most. I hope you also succeed.
Yeah go ahead
(I'm a guy, I get that a lot don't worry, growing up with only sisters can do that lol)
It doesn't need to. I want it to, but I don't need validation in the same way a fallen leaf doesn't need higher winds to push it faster into the lake; it will get there eventually and when it needs to.
My definition of grounded is definitely an outlier, it's my job to redefine that.
Fate and the One behind it are my only masters. My failure is their success, fulfilling the role I was meant to is the only path I need to reach.
Thank you tho
Sometimes I wish I was just emotionless. My damn heart just loves latching on to an unattainable love. It's nearing 3 months since the married woman I was/still am in love with left work and I haven't seen her since. One of my coworkers texted me yesterday and said she came to visit work and it was my off day. I literally was beside myself for the rest of the day at the thought of I could have seen her again. I've been trying to move on but I just don't know how or where to even start. She's honestly all I want.
Oh my Gooood why do I get the feeling that I know what you’re going to ask ?
I've learned that screams are always unpleasant, no one wants to hear them, and if the ones who hear them don't appreciate why then you'll find yourself dealing with it alone as well as being emotionally repulsed by those you care about.
People have told me I don't care. I care immensely, in a way I actually write these for you, but in the grand scheme of things, your feelings just don't matter. They're your problem to deal with and only you can, but I still care, as well as anyone else who chooses to believe in your worth.
It's tiring being the odd one out, the inaudible sound wave, it's like apprehension is an ingrained part of human nature towards the unorthodox.
Oh well, take care guys~
but I know the truth, eventually I won't care, not because it's too painful, but because I can't afford it. It's an unavoidable fate and I haunts me. Obviously I'll still be sensible and yes moral but in the end I will upset the ones who care about me. It's never about what I want, but what I need to do.
Eh best to enjoy the care I can afford I guess ¯_(ツ)_/¯
SHHHHHHHHHHH?
Pssst what do you think is he going to ask?
Life is like a Telltale game. You're presented with tough choices, and sometimes easy choices. If everyone lived your life, you'd find that some choices are in the majority and you wonder why it was made so easy for you to choose. But then it comes back to you, several episodes later, and you're just awestruck at the developers. And with the tough choices, well it never works out how it does in the movie. You think you've got all the possibilities figured out but instead it's something else. A new outcome that you'd never thought of. Sometimes a new factor is in the mix. Sometimes the unexpected change is great for you, but not so great for others. So you've got these really tough choices, but it ends up being a choices don't matter cliche, because in essence they really don't matter, but that illusion; all that anxiety and tension and thought, it sometimes surmounts to something you hadn't expected. Sometimes it does go your way, and you're just expecting something bad to happen from that point on. And the new and old characters - some of them you just love so much, and some you despise. You see some extraordinary stuff, as well as some crappy stuff. And after all the tough choices and easy choices and illusion of choice and good and bad and unexpected developments, it all ends in a way that you hate. You're still happy with what you've satisfied, because looking back, through thick and thin, perhaps it hadn't been worth it and you shouldn't have taken those risks. But in the end, you've done something good for the world, right?
Yah, you've definitely jumped a portal into another plain of existence. You're breaking up-... I-... -the way-...-don't-- [Radio static]
It's just what I have to accept though we don't want to see you go. Just don't forget about us.
Take care.
Is a secret ?
I think this horny fuck is sexually frustrated
It seems we have more in common than I previously calculated (although I have a brother, I was mainly raised by women)
We love(ed) Telltale,
We love animals,
We love cocoa,
I love chickens,
And we're both constantly trying to better ourselves and find meaning and purpose in an utterly worthless world filled with a disgusting hatred known as 'humanity'.
But I must know one last thing... Do you close the toilet lid after yourself...?
[DELETED]
I know none of that makes sense. I'm tired, frustrated, and I just finished season three of Rick & Morty and realised I'm gonna be well in my twenties before season four ever sees the light if day. I'm having an existential crisis.
.
.
.
I'm sorry, I'm not in a joking mood.
There's no solace in being a "special snowflake", attempting to garner empathy while twisting logic is insane, and honestly the fact that my posts seem incomprehensible scares me to no end. I've given the ones I care about several opportunities to dissuade me off this path and to show that there was a foothold, even if the crux is hard to follow I made the underlying principles as clear as I could. No one had to, but I don't have to walk off this path if I feel it's what best.
Doesn't matter what anyone thinks I deserve, I'm taking what's owed to me, and damn everyone who gets in the way of that or shuns me for whatever reason. I still hope everyone who does care won't turn away in the end, but I accept that either way it goes depends on what I decide, and I'm going to do what feels right over the approval of friends and family when all is said and done.
Damn. Wish I had it in me to take initiative for myself despite what people say or what I may think about a certain scenario ?
Not even close.
@Melton23 straighten up join a gym
Begone, thot