Grant a Useless Power!

RetroVortex

I grant Profanity the ability to tie tiny tiny ribbons onto any specie of ant.

Pony Bone

Let's see... I grant RETRO the ability to know how aged a piece of cheese is just by smelling it.

RetroVortex

I grant PONY the ability to see into a Yak's future.

Chyron8472

I grant Retro the ability to herd cattle with his farts, with an effective radius of only 2 feet away.

Pony Bone

I grant Chyron the super ability to sense whenever someone has stolen double AA batteries.

Martin McFly

I grant Pony the ability to summon two-year-old newspapers at will.

Pony Bone

I grant Martin the ability to turn clean bathwater soapy.

Chyron8472

I grant Pony Bone the super sensory ability to detect nearby pork rinds.

Pony Bone

I grant Chyron the ability to turn toilet water into mud.

jmm

I grant Pony Bone the useful power of turning a pile of mud into a toilet

Martin McFly

I grant Jmm the ability to flip to page 18 of any piece of literature at will.

All-thumbs

I grant Martin McFly the ability to cancel random magazine subscriptions.

Sarendor

THAT IS NOT USELESS!!!
I grant All-thumbs the ability to go five minutes into the future by waiting for five minutes.

Chyron8472

I grant Sarendor the ability to weave pillowcases from his nose hair.

Sarendor

I grant Chyron the ability to make fine bookmarks out of book covers.

Pony Bone

I grant Sarendor the ability to turn tears into gooey boogers.

Chyron8472

I grant Pony Bone's body the ability and desire to breathe without him needing to consciously be aware of it.



(My biology teacher in high school told me that he knew a girl who babysat for a bratty kid, and that this kid threatened that if he didn't get his way, he would hold his breath until he died. So, she said "Fine, go ahead." When he passed out, his body automatically started breathing again and she put him to bed.)

supmandude85

I grant Chyron8472 the ability to have the user name Chyron8472.

Chyron8472

I grant supmandude85 the ability to talk like The Cheat. I ought to point out though that no one irl can understand what The Cheat is saying.

Johro

You now have the ability to talk to fish.

Pony Bone

I grant Johro the ability to instantly make ice cubes... out of milk.

Sarendor

I grant Pony Bone the ability to cook the best fried nails in the world.

Chyron8472

I grant Sarendor the ability to teleport one millimeter to the left, an ability that has a "recharge" or "cooldown" time (take your pick) of 72 hours.

Pony Bone

Chyron now has the ability to make dog food taste like sour cream.

Martin McFly

I grant Pony the ability to fly every time he licks his elbow.

Remolay

I give Martin McFly the power to perfectly imitate Micheal J Fox.

StrongBrush1

I grant Remolay the power to shapeshift into a human.

Martin McFly

I grant StrongBrush1 the ability to read his own mind.

Pony Bone

I grant Martin the ability to turn vitamin supplements into thumb tacks.

supmandude85

I grant Pony Bone the ability to be invisible to people with their eyes closed.

Martin McFly

I grant Supmandude85 the ability to seduce hats.

Pony Bone

I grant Martin the ability to produce photographs every time he blinks.

Sarendor

I grant Pony Bone the power to flip pages without touching a book. However, it only works for the previous page.

Pony Bone

I grant Sarendor the power to smell like a skunk at will

dumpling321

I grant Pony Bone the powers of a technopath... but only if he gives up all technology and becomes amish

Sarendor

I grant Dumpling321 the power to float in a soup bowl.

Pony Bone

I grant Sarendor the power to smell like road tar.

Sarendor

I grant Pony Bone the power to enjoy the full nutritional value of fingernails.

Pony Bone

I grant Sarendor the ability to turn toothbrushes into shoehorns.

Sarendor

I grant Pony Bone the ability to have 100 post as long as he posts only in this forum.