I keep feeling guilty over things I really shouldn't or freaking out about things that are trivial, and it's really stressing the relationships I have with other people. Sometimes I need to vent about things, but I feel like I can't because I don't want to stress those whom I talk to out. And people (none of which attend this site, no worries) keep digging up undesirable events in the past that I've already grown past and reopening wounds that would have already healed. These three things together are tearing me apart on the inside and I just want to scream.
Individuality,the idea is supposed to be nice. But people, at least the ones I love and who are supposed to care about me have all these ideas.
I usually have the words to say what I'm thinking, express myself, but I got to lean on selfishness here.
It seems those close to me don't see the bigger picture, don't see the interpersonal relationships in their lives. They speak out of their own conception of self without any sense of who they are projected in the egos, minds of others. They don't try to see two sides to something, even when the common front is presented that they do, they favor their side over yours and often degrade your side like it's garbage...
People just express their selves without any real knowledge/ wisdom of the interpersonal relationship of others in their lives.
People are so oblivious to the influences of the world around them, so oblivious of those closest to them. They aren't thoughtful, considerate of others. No one is self less, every one believes in the concept of self, the concept of self confidence. You have to be some one, you have to be smart, you have to express yourself, be assertive, be bold...
Rarely does any one see the real world around them, they form these opinions where something is crap, good/ bad...when in reality people are simply attracted to things or not attracted to things.
There is no truly visible and proven standard for the quality of most things and yet people have their own subjective standards for things that they ignorantly try to force on others, and those who are decent people might, just might find the strength to bend a little for that guy and make a compromise and give into what they perceive to be good/ bad...etc etc. It's destructive behavior all around and it's selfish.
How often does any one REALLY ask you about your day? They're a keeper. All I ever hear are people who talk about their days and ignore others. So twisted we've begun, we strive to express ourselves, fit in, be known, whilst we're actually ignoring who we are in the real world!
People don't seem to understand that not only are you socially relevant to others but others are socially relevant to you as well...
People don't care what it means to truly accomodate every one they love, they don't comprehend, they lack the vision to love those around them, be considerate. People have to resort to the oooh so important "smarts" "confidence" , "ego"...
Being bored and not wanting to go to bed I decided to go through the lyrics I've written in the past and try to sing them, recording the results. Now out of the 30 odd lyrics I've wrote I only remember the tune I had in mind for half a dozen of them so just concentrated on them. The results were pretty much as I expected. A) I can't stand the sound of my voice and I don't think I can really sing. Despite that, I've taken the recording I felt was best (turned out to be the shortest as well, mainly because it's a fragment of the song - in the written lyrics I just repeated a lot of lines a lot of times and I couldn't be bothered singing all that 'cos it read/sounded a bit crap to be honest), used a still image to make a video clip of it and uploaded it to YouTube.
A Mortal Kombat game being taking seriously for competitive play at pretty much the biggest FG tourney in the world. Never thought I'd see the day, much less because the game isn't even out yet.
A Mortal Kombat game being taking seriously for competitive play at pretty much the biggest FG tourney in the world. Never thought I'd see the day, much less because the game isn't even out yet.
I can't wait till it comes out! I been looking forward to it since it was announced.
Ben Plotz: "He doesn't even know the meaning of the word 'fear', which is why he enrolled in English as a second language classes!"
ESL Tacher: "Okay, everyone, say it with me now: fear."
Sheep: "Baaaa"
ESL: "No, fear."
Sheep: "BAAAAA."
So in the last half hour or so, this eye pain thing has become slightly less intense and slightly more constant. It's still bad enough that it forces me to wince, though, which is a bit impairing while I'm trying to do...well, anything.
I think it's a new way that my body's trying to rebel against me for not sleeping well enough or drinking enough water. It wouldn't be the first incredibly bizzare symptom my body's manifested in connection to those two things.
When both of those things happen at once, putting enough pressure on my palms or the bottoms of my feet will cause these small swollen spots to appear, and they hurt in a way somewhat similar to a spider bite if more pressure is applied to them after that. Yet for some reason, wearing shoes prevents them from showing up. The doctor was baffled by that one, partially because it tends to start up in the evening, so I never got in to see the doctor while manifesting symptoms, and the spots are discolored to the eye but don't photograph at all.
Last night and three nights ago, I wasn't rested well enough at all and was forced to get up before I was ready, and I've only had this odd pain in my head today and two days ago. The night before last, I got as much sleep as I needed, and I had no problems yesterday. However, the sleep aid I mentioned is because that "good night's sleep" I got was after staring at the ceiling for two hours straight and I didn't wake up until like 4:30 PM.
Yeah, my sleeping pattern is beyond screwed up right now.
Thing 1: Why do I always get bursts of restlessness and creativity when it's 2:30 in the morning and I have to be up early the next day? Dammit, I want to make something, not sleep. Never mind that I'd just pussyfoot around a half-baked plan that requires more talent than I actually have until I pass out on the couch feeling defeated. I want to at least think I'm being productive. And now it's 3 AM, because for some OCD reason, I read and re-read and re-re-read over my posts before I even think about posting them. Ugh.
Thing 2: Why does it feel so weird to be in a public place without knowing anybody? Like if I so much as turn my head the wrong way or take too long in a line, then I'm breaking some sort of societal ritual that everybody knows but me. Then my awkward state of mind shows in my body language, and suddenly I actually do look out of place and probably dangerous (and not in the "badass" way, but the "I think that twitchy druggie-looking fellow wants to eat my organs" way).
Thing 3: Now it's 3:14 AM and I want pie. MATH'D!
Thing 4: If a new alternate universe popped into existence every time somebody conceived of it, then there's now an alternate universe that's exactly like this one except populated entirely by Carl Sagan. You're welcome.
Thing 5: It bothers me that I can't tell whether I find Alanis Morissette attractive or not.
Final Thing: "Zounds" is a criminally underused exclamation. I implore anybody reading this to use "Zounds" at least once in front of as many people as you can. Let's get this ball rolling.
Today has been one of the best day in a long while got to have dinner with friends and family, introduced my seudo little brother to Duke Nukem& Codemonkey's. All in all I'm pleased now to crash out and enjoy the apple sours.
Edit: Apparently girl who likes video games, has boyfriend...I am sad...well...ummm..it means something.
Aside from my headache, I was on better terms with my sister tonight than I have been in a while, and we went shopping together. While we were out, I saw a couple friends I haven't seen since September, though they didn't see me, and I didn't say hi because we're technically still feuding. I'm still mostly on good terms with the guy, and he's the only one I'm still speaking to on the other side of the rift, but there's still some things between us that need to be worked out. Still, it was good to see their faces again after so long, and I'm certain that we'll work things out once the other guy involved gets over his pride (though that won't happen until he dumps the bitch he's going out with. He will, though).
Tad late, but you can always PM me if you want to get on Skype or MSN, although I tend to be bad at both. We can webcam in the kitchen and bake something together.
It's cool guys, I designed the system with that in mind. And, provided the session doesn't drive me to drink all my beer before the end of it, there will be other occasions where I will drunk DM.
The sessions start around 7am in my current timezone, which is a LITTLE too early for me to start on the wine... but once I'm back in the UK, you can bet I'll be joining with a glass of sauvignon blanc!
Aside from my headache, I was on better terms with my sister tonight than I have been in a while, and we went shopping together.
I've just spent the whole day with my youngest brother... it was awesome. Me living overseas means we rarely get to just hang out. We spent a lot of time at the beach, doing some crap bodysurfing and laughing. Not looking forward to going back to London.
Comments
Man, I wish they sold those Old Spice body washes over here, I'd totally buy them.
You are tearing me apart, Lisa!
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions...
I usually have the words to say what I'm thinking, express myself, but I got to lean on selfishness here.
It seems those close to me don't see the bigger picture, don't see the interpersonal relationships in their lives. They speak out of their own conception of self without any sense of who they are projected in the egos, minds of others. They don't try to see two sides to something, even when the common front is presented that they do, they favor their side over yours and often degrade your side like it's garbage...
People just express their selves without any real knowledge/ wisdom of the interpersonal relationship of others in their lives.
People are so oblivious to the influences of the world around them, so oblivious of those closest to them. They aren't thoughtful, considerate of others. No one is self less, every one believes in the concept of self, the concept of self confidence. You have to be some one, you have to be smart, you have to express yourself, be assertive, be bold...
Rarely does any one see the real world around them, they form these opinions where something is crap, good/ bad...when in reality people are simply attracted to things or not attracted to things.
There is no truly visible and proven standard for the quality of most things and yet people have their own subjective standards for things that they ignorantly try to force on others, and those who are decent people might, just might find the strength to bend a little for that guy and make a compromise and give into what they perceive to be good/ bad...etc etc. It's destructive behavior all around and it's selfish.
How often does any one REALLY ask you about your day? They're a keeper. All I ever hear are people who talk about their days and ignore others. So twisted we've begun, we strive to express ourselves, fit in, be known, whilst we're actually ignoring who we are in the real world!
People don't seem to understand that not only are you socially relevant to others but others are socially relevant to you as well...
Join the club.
Of course I have already preorderd my 3DS but still:p
I am not attracted to humanity.
Had to go back and check as I wasn't really paying attention to the numbers, just the comics but it was worth it.
RAY LEWIS IS NOT OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR. Ray Lewis is a Baltimore Raven. (And a murderer.)
yh sorry about that.
Here is the end result. Now I think I'll go to bed for I do more things I will regret.
Does it feel anything like this? BTW, am I not your favorite person?
I can't wait till it comes out! I been looking forward to it since it was announced.
Ben Plotz: "He doesn't even know the meaning of the word 'fear', which is why he enrolled in English as a second language classes!"
ESL Tacher: "Okay, everyone, say it with me now: fear."
Sheep: "Baaaa"
ESL: "No, fear."
Sheep: "BAAAAA."
This is one of the few reasons I even go on facebook anymore. I've actually forgotten the non-pirate terms for all the tabs.
When both of those things happen at once, putting enough pressure on my palms or the bottoms of my feet will cause these small swollen spots to appear, and they hurt in a way somewhat similar to a spider bite if more pressure is applied to them after that. Yet for some reason, wearing shoes prevents them from showing up. The doctor was baffled by that one, partially because it tends to start up in the evening, so I never got in to see the doctor while manifesting symptoms, and the spots are discolored to the eye but don't photograph at all.
Last night and three nights ago, I wasn't rested well enough at all and was forced to get up before I was ready, and I've only had this odd pain in my head today and two days ago. The night before last, I got as much sleep as I needed, and I had no problems yesterday. However, the sleep aid I mentioned is because that "good night's sleep" I got was after staring at the ceiling for two hours straight and I didn't wake up until like 4:30 PM.
Yeah, my sleeping pattern is beyond screwed up right now.
Thing 1: Why do I always get bursts of restlessness and creativity when it's 2:30 in the morning and I have to be up early the next day? Dammit, I want to make something, not sleep. Never mind that I'd just pussyfoot around a half-baked plan that requires more talent than I actually have until I pass out on the couch feeling defeated. I want to at least think I'm being productive. And now it's 3 AM, because for some OCD reason, I read and re-read and re-re-read over my posts before I even think about posting them. Ugh.
Thing 2: Why does it feel so weird to be in a public place without knowing anybody? Like if I so much as turn my head the wrong way or take too long in a line, then I'm breaking some sort of societal ritual that everybody knows but me. Then my awkward state of mind shows in my body language, and suddenly I actually do look out of place and probably dangerous (and not in the "badass" way, but the "I think that twitchy druggie-looking fellow wants to eat my organs" way).
Thing 3: Now it's 3:14 AM and I want pie. MATH'D!
Thing 4: If a new alternate universe popped into existence every time somebody conceived of it, then there's now an alternate universe that's exactly like this one except populated entirely by Carl Sagan. You're welcome.
Thing 5: It bothers me that I can't tell whether I find Alanis Morissette attractive or not.
Final Thing: "Zounds" is a criminally underused exclamation. I implore anybody reading this to use "Zounds" at least once in front of as many people as you can. Let's get this ball rolling.
Edit: Apparently girl who likes video games, has boyfriend...I am sad...well...ummm..it means something.
Don't all the good ones?
Ooh, tell me about it.
Tad late, but you can always PM me if you want to get on Skype or MSN, although I tend to be bad at both. We can webcam in the kitchen and bake something together.
Did they put you in the nudie scanner?
The sessions start around 7am in my current timezone, which is a LITTLE too early for me to start on the wine... but once I'm back in the UK, you can bet I'll be joining with a glass of sauvignon blanc!
A couple of weeks ago I had the pleasure of teaching my flatmate's 4 year old what "1UP" means. I felt proud. And old.
I've just spent the whole day with my youngest brother... it was awesome. Me living overseas means we rarely get to just hang out. We spent a lot of time at the beach, doing some crap bodysurfing and laughing. Not looking forward to going back to London.
Nope.
She's on the other side of the planet... currently. Don't forget it changes almost every day!