Looking back at the last few pages... I gotta say, DAISHI, that your timing could have been a lot better. I mean, girlfriends come and go, but you only get one mother.
I also feel that I should apologize for my flippant remark at the top of last page. While it's true that I did have a final, it kinda seems a bit unimportant at the moment.
You're assuming I read other peoples posts prior to mine. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I posted while me and the girl were getting ready to head out to jazzfest so I wasn't exactly up to date with this thread, considering how long it is. Can't always be caught up on posts in here.
My mom just came home from the hospital. She had a seizure on Monday at 4 am. She's already battling an autoimmune disease, so it was especially hard on her in her already weakened state. So...yeah, I haven't really been around, and she's going to be needing a lot of help, so I probably still won't be around much.
Best wishes to you and your family, Guru. Sounds like your mom is lucky to have you for a son.
Been reading some guides on how to work on dealing with social anxiety.
Have to try, no, I'm going to attempt some of these methods in dealing them.
Retro, good on you for making small steps. Someone very close to me grew up with social anxiety, to the point where it was a significant burden. He finally got help and started cognitive behavioural therapy in his mid twenties... it's made SUCH a difference. He's so much happier and more relaxed, just beautiful to see. I'm really glad you're doing something about it. Definitely a good thing (and even the little victories are something to be proud of).
Eh, I'm not one for pouring everything out online, but since I went and posted the first part, I might as well say that after neither of us slept last night, we started talking about it again today. While your statement was correct, puzzlebox, when both people feel much worse to be completely without each other than being stuck in a partial relationship, what do you do? I know my friends, and probably most of the forum, would reply "you find someone else". Therein lies the problem, I don't want someone else.
Johro, what I don't understand is that if you've been in a long-term relationship this long and are still very much in love... why on earth have you been so far apart for 3 years?!
There is very little that would stop me from being with someone once we decided we wanted to spend our lives together - I'd walk across this continent if I had to. It would be extremely important for me to just find a way to be together. And if we couldn't figure that out, then maybe we simply didn't want it badly enough.
Whatever the outcome of your talks, I genuinely hope it works out for the best.
Thank you. She can't come here because of custody issues and I cant get a card to work down there. Did research, I don't have a specialised skill or work for such employers which would qualify. There's already little jobs or affordable housing in most areas so there's that issue as well, but the big one is I can't get a card or visa to work. Unless anybody knows something I don't. As a non-resident who has no family what so ever who is, as someone who can't claim refuge, from what I've read, I pretty much have to find an employer and they have to prove I can do a job they can't find an american citizen to do.
Retro, good on you for making small steps. Someone very close to me grew up with social anxiety, to the point where it was a significant burden. He finally got help and started cognitive behavioural therapy in his mid twenties... it's made SUCH a difference. He's so much happier and more relaxed, just beautiful to see. I'm really glad you're doing something about it. Definitely a good thing (and even the little victories are something to be proud of).
Thanks a lot puzzlebox.
I think I will still try to get it confirmed with a psychiatrist, but I'm about 80-90% sure my behaviour correlates with social anxiety.
(I did another questionnaire (it was a fairly detailed handout I assume they would give out to schools or something since it had some illustrations) and about 60-70% of the thoughts, sitatuations and scenarios it presented I had.
(Probably more than that, but I don't seem to remember coming across that behaviour in that situation. Maybe those are the areas I have developed more control in, but I still think its too large a match to be co-incidence))
I already felt more positive today after talking about it yesterday, and doing some small things today.
I would like to try to hold onto that feeling.
(Though uni exams and assignments are just around the corner, and I'm not really ready for them. I just wish someone had made the connection and talked to me about it earlier. I think its one of those things I had to see for myself, else I couldn't see a solution to it)
But I'm trying to make this the priority.
I think being shoved into uni straight after my A-levels was a massive mistake on my own, (and my school's part).
If I had a year to just work on my emotional self, get that more stable, then I think a lot of the problems I had might have been at the least easier to deal with, if not avoidable entirely.
(The school knew I was unstable. Heck, I saw loads of psychiatrists/"specialists" over the years about my confidence issues, but I was resistant to following their advice, because I think I subconciously knew they were only really interested in improving my academics than my wellbeing. Plus one teacher I liked, basically said I could be one of those people who just don't get any better. Which hurt. Hurt alot. Because a part of me knew that wasn't true. I'm always learning about something, its what I thrive on)
(I think my parents realise that too. At least my mum does)
If I were to set a target after these exams are done, (I'll try not to worry so much, since failure looks inevitable, but I shouldn't see that as bad, or at least I need to try not to look at it that way, else I'll slink back into despair like I did last year), I think what I need to do is expose myself to some of my fears, bit by bit, till I can fully deal with them.
(Like the manual I read suggested)
I need to go to places I don't feel comfortable going, do stuff I want to do, but have been to afriad to do so, (like meetups in London or something. I should save some money up and go to one of the next events. Hopefully I might get some support from the family on that (I remember I used it as an excuse not to go in the past). You wouldn't believe it but just going out for a walk by myself makes me very worried if its outside of an area I normally go to like the shops or the supermarket, or around the town centre. I make up excuses or do something inside instead (I really need to get out of the house more. I spend about 70% of my week here. I don't think it doesn't do me much good for my physical and mental health)
Once I get comfortable with my fears, then I feel I'll be more ready to work/study (most likely work by then. I don't see the uni being all that supportive).
I think my biggest fear is people.
I could see myself going to an event, maybe talking to a few people, getting lost in it.
(With a lot of effort on my part. Or with a friend, but I have to remember not to stick to him like glue. I got to try to mingle on my own as it were)
But then something as simple as sitting near a group of loud, rowdy people I don't know just petrifies me.
(Again, that comes from the paranoia developed by years of bullying. I can't help but think people are mocking or staring at me, (that really freaks me out, when people watch me. I feel VERY uncomfortable with that. I remember at school I lashed out at a kid once who used to creep me out by lingering around me in the computer room. I told him to leave me alone but he wouldn't. So I hit him (and apparently hospitalised him. But I only did a casual swipe of the arm that must have hit his nose or something), and I think that caused some kind of subconsious trauma, not just of people watching me, but the fear I could lose control and lash out at people))
EDIT: Two things I do in a classroom that seem very weird for a 21 year old to do
1. As soon as I enter I head straight to the emptiest part of the room. The front, the back, basically my own little island if there is room.
2. I can't ask to join a group of people. I just sit there and get pushed into one.
There have been a few awkward times where a tutor has had to ask if anyone has a gap in their group for me, and I join a group. But it still feels awkward, like I don't deserve to be there.
(again, several sources make this one of the scenario examples)
Thank you. She can't come here because of custody issues and I cant get a card to work down there. Did research, I don't have a specialised skill or work for such employers which would qualify. There's already little jobs or affordable housing in most areas so there's that issue as well, but the big one is I can't get a card or visa to work. Unless anybody knows something I don't. As a non-resident who has no family what so ever who is, as someone who can't claim refuge, from what I've read, I pretty much have to find an employer and they have to prove I can do a job they can't find an american citizen to do.
See, Fawful... You are a really nice guy, though. It's when you go on these angry rants that I have to shake my head and think, "man, he is so stupid." I try not to get worked up about things, you seem to get worked up about a lot of things. It's not a character flaw; it's who you are. And you are still one of the coolest people I know.
I tell it how I see it. You know that old adage "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all?" If I followed that I'd rarely get to speak, plus it's a meaningless response for people who can't handle life...in which everyone is mean to you at one time or another. I may not be helping humanity overall with my attitude, but I'm not a boy scout and I never went to finishing school. I spent a good chunk of my teenage life being nice to everyone [offline] and taking bullshit with a smile, but all I accomplished was letting people walk all over me and tear me to shreds. So if being nice doesn't do jack shit and being a mean asshole doesn't do jack shit, at least when I'm mean or brash I have some control over whether or not I'm going to be tread on for speaking up.
And I will not....be.....tread....on....ever....again. Especially not for my opinion. Call it arrogant. Call it ego. It is. Plus, I am an angry, bitter, possibly unhinged person. I don't know whether I'd rather be liked or ahead of the game....but in spite of what an emotional person I am, I've always felt feelings belong to the losing side. By losing, I mean the side that will always be tread on constantly because they're too nice to tread on others to get ahead. I'll never be able to tread on others for my own gain, although I will rip into people for being stupid. But that inability is likely what means I will never be a successful human being.
Yes, that's the only way that I could see. It just takes all the magic and romance out of it(all marriage jokes aside) and just seems forced when you need to do it to just get a job.
I tell it how I see it. You know that old adage "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all?" If I followed that I'd rarely get to speak, plus it's a meaningless response for people who can't handle life...in which everyone is mean to you at one time or another. I may not be helping humanity overall with my attitude, but I'm not a boy scout and I never went to finishing school. I spent a good chunk of my teenage life being nice to everyone [offline] and taking bullshit with a smile, but all I accomplished was letting people walk all over me and tear me to shreds. So if being nice doesn't do jack shit and being a mean asshole doesn't do jack shit, at least when I'm mean or brash I have some control over whether or not I'm going to be tread on for speaking up.
And I will not....be.....tread....on....ever....again. Especially not for my opinion. Call it arrogant. Call it ego. It is. Plus, I am an angry, bitter, possibly unhinged person. I don't know whether I'd rather be liked or ahead of the game....but in spite of what an emotional person I am, I've always felt feelings belong to the losing side. By losing, I mean the side that will always be tread on constantly because they're too nice to tread on others to get ahead. I'll never be able to tread on others for my own gain, although I will rip into people for being stupid. But that inability is likely what means I will never be a successful human being.
If there is one thing I have learned in business and that is success is subjective.
You can't objectify it.
One person would say the biggest company is the most successful.
Another, how well known their brands are.
Another, how profitable they are.
Another, what awards they have won over the years.
There are factors society links together, but in the end of the day, success if what you, as an individual makes of it.
You might not see yourself as a success at the moment, but others may measure you to different means and find you worthy.
Find out what others around you see what a successful person is, and whether you measure up to that, then find out what your own opinion on success is.
Use the differences to challenge your opinion, you might learn something interesting.
Now me, I personally think my life will be a success once I am happy about myself, I'm earning enough money to support myself comfortably, I have something in life to develop and learn from, and maybe even having others close by to share my love, happiness and resources with, (I don't think that is asking too much now is it?).
If I cover all three, then I believe I would be a successful man.
(I personally believe thats what the criteria of a successful person is, (which is why I'm so miserable because I'm so hard on myself for not being near that))
EDIT: Basically in other words, make sure what you are doing in life to be successful is what YOU want, and what you think success is, not following the template of another. Else that is going to make you miserable (like me, since I'm a cowardly roach thats too afriad to stand up to status quo, but I'm working on that... XD).
Business as a whole is subjective, whether one goes by profit, units, worth, future prospect, etc, but business as one, is less so. Isn't that what it's all about? Treating everyone as individuals? Everyone has their own opinions, problems, ideals, look, and well, the variety is almost endless. Instead of asking about a business, ask "how your job is going?". Be yourself, people can take it or leave it. It's just like a job, it doesn't matter how everyone says it's going, all that matters is what your boss and you think(or the opinions of people you respect). Everyone needs to mellow a bit. Thinking before speaking always helps too :P The general idea is that if you don't respect the opinions of someone, let it go and ignore them. If someone you respect has a differing opinion, maybe it's worth the second of consideration. Just remember, you have your own opinions for a reason.
Yes, that's the only way that I could see. It just takes all the magic and romance out of it(all marriage jokes aside) and just seems forced when you need to do it to just get a job.
You know what else takes the magic and romance out of a relationship? Living in different countries and breaking up because you can't see any other way to be together. If you REALLY want to be together, just get married. You have to play the hand you're dealt, and it seems you're not making the best use of your cards.
A couple of my friends are getting married so that she can keep working. They were planning on being together long-term anyway, it's just the proposal etc have been expedited a bit because of this deadline. They'll have 2 weddings - a small official ceremony in the park here, and then the "proper" big wedding in her home country. They've both over the moon... seems plenty romantic to me.
Anyway, in your situation, it would definitely be make-or-break time for me.
You know what else takes the magic and romance out of a relationship? Living in different countries and breaking up because you can't see any other way to be together.
Marriage of convenience could be a gateway to further romance and convenience. (Since you would be together, and therefore have more time and opportunity to do things)
(I personally wouldn't want to get married. Again, thats probably partially due to an anxiety related experience (parents told me marriage was shit and that I should never be in one from a young age), but I also don't like the religious and legal agreements in it (I could see seperations/divorces getting messy if any party gets irrational)
Maybe if I loved the person REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REAALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY much I'd do it.
(But then again, why should you be listening to me, afterall I'm the guy thats too afraid to leave his own house, and has never actually BEEN in a relationship at all! XD)
EDIT:
Hmmm... I'm reading an article that suggests that there is a different sub-type of social anxiety disorder, where people do the opposite to what I would do.
Put themselves in danger as it were.
But they do it BECAUSE they are insecure. They use domination and aggression to avoid embarassment and fear.
(I find Psychology fascinating. Sometimes I think I should have gone for Psychology instead of Business, but I think fear of failure/unknown made me stick to what I know)
I know no ones saying this, but I'd like to just say that I'm not against marriage. I don't make enough to be against it lol. Seriously, though, I'm not against it... I just don't like the idea of being forced into it. The point that it would be a gateway to more is quite valid. Our situation is more complicated though. I know no one is ragging on me here which is actually quite nice...people at my work arent so supportive . These opinions are quite welcome though and are giving me things to think about for sure. Thank you(to puzzlebox, I guess this is a "Thank you again" :P).
I also feel that I should apologize for my flippant remark at the top of last page. While it's true that I did have a final, it kinda seems a bit unimportant at the moment.
I liked it. I kind of set it up by summarizing things both good and bad, but really, that's what this thread is about. Otherwise, it would just spiral downward. People can be interesting in both directions, and I think it's fine when there are shocking turns either way. Besides, it's been years since I last took a final exam, so it's nice to know people are still concerned about them.
Today, I raced to get my lawn mowed in advance of approaching storms. (It's been raining a lot lately, and it was getting pretty tall, and if I waited, it would just rain on it some more.) I managed to finish just in time. The storms had huge hail (about 3-inch diameter in some spots), and there was even a brief tornado in one of them. A lot of people had damage, though not me (as far as I've seen at least). The lawn looks nice, though. Not sure if this counts as good or bad, but it's what's been on my mind today.
Just got back from watching the Pirates demolish my beloved Braves. Drank an insane amount. Apparently, I'm great at impersonating a televangelist while I'm drunk. Who would have guessed?
Just got back from watching the Pirates demolish my beloved Braves. Drank an insane amount. Apparently, I'm great at impersonating a televangelist while I'm drunk. Who would have guessed?
Maybe we've found a career for you. Now, can you beg people to buy copies of "Jesus is the Telephone Repairman of the Switchboard of My Life" with a straight face?
The technical notes for the original Prince of Persia are actually pretty interesting... like how the enemy shape set is loaded at the beginning of the level, and all enemies on that level must use the same shape set. Explains why the levels with "special" enemies (skeleton, fat guard) have no other enemies. Cool hey!
Tinkering with things is so much fun.
Gives me a real thrill, customising things.
Tweaked Hyperspin's performance a bit today, (fixed a GBA game that wasn't working properly on the machine, (Bruce Lee. One of my favourite GBA games, (though it looks bad on arcade screen due to upscaling ...), got it working a bit more fluidly. Took out laggy intro, some background animations that were slowing browsing down. Got it pretty much perfect.
Took a long time, since I had to figure out how to re-enable the mouse cursor (the program I used to hide everything hid the mouse too. But using the keyboard I was able to run the Accessibility wizard and reset the mouse, and just the mouse).
(Just waiting for the graphics card I just ordered to arrive. Hopefully it will work fine in the cabinet, and that will be the PC side of things mostly sorted. Still need to work on a new control panel, and new paint/artwork (took a little paint off the side to see if the original design was still there. It looks to be in tatters sadly, so I guess a restore is out of the question, especially since I can't find restored vectors on the net (only oddly angled screenshots of the cabinet)). Custom design would be good, though what I could do I'm not sure off. The control panel is the main priority first, since that is function-related. Buttons need to be repositioned (might replace with Japanese buttons), sticks need to be upgraded, (again leaning to Japanese style since I love fighters, though little brother likes side-scrolling brawlers. Should be fine. I'll play some X-men with my xbox 360 stick tomorrow, to get a feel of what that would be like, and if its too uncomfortable, I'll stick with the current sticks). Considering a plasti-glass sort of panel that folds outwards a bit maybe (give me some extra room in the middle for future expansion (trackerball I'm thinking). Would make it so that the panel art would be easily replacable. As for the rest of the cabinet, definately want to do vinyl. Painted sides look ugly on it at the moment. Probably keep back side black paint and untouched (since no-one sees that much, and its where all the tinkering is done right?), might do something with the front)
Maybe we've found a career for you. Now, can you beg people to buy copies of "Jesus is the Telephone Repairman of the Switchboard of My Life" with a straight face?
Dad found a graphics card in a skip today.
And I just ordered one as well!
Well, the ones thats coming is much better to say the least.
But this Radeon 3450 256mb seems better then the X1300 thats in the machine at the moment.
At least this one has a proper fan unit on it! (The other one has just a dodgy heat sink thats loose)
Seems mostly dry, don't know how longs its been in there.
Might try it out later, see if there is any improvement.
(Might keep a hold of it. Could be handy in making a computer in the future. Like a little XP machine for my old Good Old Games or something)
EDIT: Looks like its still a little wet in some places, (the ports in particular. Blew into it, had droplets hit my lips), so I'll leave it on the windowsill for a bit, let it dry off.
Maybe get the old man to make sure its all clean and ready after work.
EDIT 2: Season 4 of The Twilight Zone has arrived. Just 1 more season to get next month!
I had to look that up to know what you were talking about.
In America, we call it a dumpster. Doesn't matter if it's carried away on a flatbed trailer instead of up-ended into a garbage truck. It's basically a giant trash can, so I think we'd still call it a dumpster.
EDIT: Looks like its still a little wet in some places, (the ports in particular. Blew into it, had droplets hit my lips), so I'll leave it on the windowsill for a bit, let it dry off.
I recall hearing that if you need some kind of electronics to dry (when I heard it, they were referring to cellphones) you can put it into a bowl/container of uncooked rice. The rice will then pull the moisture out of it.
I recall hearing that if you need some kind of electronics to dry (when I heard it, they were referring to cellphones) you can put it into a bowl/container of uncooked rice. The rice will then pull the moisture out of it.
Just kept periodically leaving it for an hour or so, blow into the wet areas, then leave it.
Rinse and repeat, until I don't feel any more water coming out.
(When you blew into it, it would splash back water that was in there)
Wasn't that wet. Just a little damp from being thrown away, (and it raining the past few days).
Just tried it out. Works alright.
Not a huge performance boost, (CPU is the main limitation being a Pentium 4), but it helped a little.
Dreamcast emulation looks a little nicer, less glitchy.
(Doesn't do the geomerty screwups the other one had)
Its still a little slow though. I'll try the other card, but I don't think that will improve it.
(CPU is a bit of a bottleneck as is the emulator itself)
Manage to go into some files and fix an error in the software that was causing some graphic glitches at the cost of some speed.
Overall though, its working fine. (Shame Marvel vs Capcom 2 is still a bit slow. But I think thats running better than it used to)
EDIT: I also re-enabled Player 2 controls and fixed the save problem (was missing some files oddly enough...).
(I'm hoping that the player 2 controls are fixed. Need to check them later. I think I may have forgotten to re-enable them last time. Not sure)
Comments
Panty-ism
Pantu
Pantianity
Pantyfarianism
EDIT: Eatin' noodles while listening to this.
EDIT 2: I've had my fill!
EDIT 3: Best level of the game!
We have approval in the form of disapproval! I'll start making pamphlets!
You're assuming I read other peoples posts prior to mine. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I posted while me and the girl were getting ready to head out to jazzfest so I wasn't exactly up to date with this thread, considering how long it is. Can't always be caught up on posts in here.
EDIT: After all, all you need to be is nice and friendly!
EDIT 2: Lets get on! Lets get on! Fight the Fire, come on now!
Best wishes to you and your family, Guru. Sounds like your mom is lucky to have you for a son.
Retro, good on you for making small steps. Someone very close to me grew up with social anxiety, to the point where it was a significant burden. He finally got help and started cognitive behavioural therapy in his mid twenties... it's made SUCH a difference. He's so much happier and more relaxed, just beautiful to see. I'm really glad you're doing something about it. Definitely a good thing (and even the little victories are something to be proud of).
Johro, what I don't understand is that if you've been in a long-term relationship this long and are still very much in love... why on earth have you been so far apart for 3 years?!
There is very little that would stop me from being with someone once we decided we wanted to spend our lives together - I'd walk across this continent if I had to. It would be extremely important for me to just find a way to be together. And if we couldn't figure that out, then maybe we simply didn't want it badly enough.
Whatever the outcome of your talks, I genuinely hope it works out for the best.
DAISHI... I will be impressed/congratulatory when you celebrate a 6-month anniversary with someone.
Thanks a lot puzzlebox.
I think I will still try to get it confirmed with a psychiatrist, but I'm about 80-90% sure my behaviour correlates with social anxiety.
(I did another questionnaire (it was a fairly detailed handout I assume they would give out to schools or something since it had some illustrations) and about 60-70% of the thoughts, sitatuations and scenarios it presented I had.
(Probably more than that, but I don't seem to remember coming across that behaviour in that situation. Maybe those are the areas I have developed more control in, but I still think its too large a match to be co-incidence))
I already felt more positive today after talking about it yesterday, and doing some small things today.
I would like to try to hold onto that feeling.
(Though uni exams and assignments are just around the corner, and I'm not really ready for them. I just wish someone had made the connection and talked to me about it earlier. I think its one of those things I had to see for myself, else I couldn't see a solution to it)
But I'm trying to make this the priority.
I think being shoved into uni straight after my A-levels was a massive mistake on my own, (and my school's part).
If I had a year to just work on my emotional self, get that more stable, then I think a lot of the problems I had might have been at the least easier to deal with, if not avoidable entirely.
(The school knew I was unstable. Heck, I saw loads of psychiatrists/"specialists" over the years about my confidence issues, but I was resistant to following their advice, because I think I subconciously knew they were only really interested in improving my academics than my wellbeing. Plus one teacher I liked, basically said I could be one of those people who just don't get any better. Which hurt. Hurt alot. Because a part of me knew that wasn't true. I'm always learning about something, its what I thrive on)
(I think my parents realise that too. At least my mum does)
If I were to set a target after these exams are done, (I'll try not to worry so much, since failure looks inevitable, but I shouldn't see that as bad, or at least I need to try not to look at it that way, else I'll slink back into despair like I did last year), I think what I need to do is expose myself to some of my fears, bit by bit, till I can fully deal with them.
(Like the manual I read suggested)
I need to go to places I don't feel comfortable going, do stuff I want to do, but have been to afriad to do so, (like meetups in London or something. I should save some money up and go to one of the next events. Hopefully I might get some support from the family on that (I remember I used it as an excuse not to go in the past). You wouldn't believe it but just going out for a walk by myself makes me very worried if its outside of an area I normally go to like the shops or the supermarket, or around the town centre. I make up excuses or do something inside instead (I really need to get out of the house more. I spend about 70% of my week here. I don't think it doesn't do me much good for my physical and mental health)
Once I get comfortable with my fears, then I feel I'll be more ready to work/study (most likely work by then. I don't see the uni being all that supportive).
I think my biggest fear is people.
I could see myself going to an event, maybe talking to a few people, getting lost in it.
(With a lot of effort on my part. Or with a friend, but I have to remember not to stick to him like glue. I got to try to mingle on my own as it were)
But then something as simple as sitting near a group of loud, rowdy people I don't know just petrifies me.
(Again, that comes from the paranoia developed by years of bullying. I can't help but think people are mocking or staring at me, (that really freaks me out, when people watch me. I feel VERY uncomfortable with that. I remember at school I lashed out at a kid once who used to creep me out by lingering around me in the computer room. I told him to leave me alone but he wouldn't. So I hit him (and apparently hospitalised him. But I only did a casual swipe of the arm that must have hit his nose or something), and I think that caused some kind of subconsious trauma, not just of people watching me, but the fear I could lose control and lash out at people))
EDIT: Two things I do in a classroom that seem very weird for a 21 year old to do
1. As soon as I enter I head straight to the emptiest part of the room. The front, the back, basically my own little island if there is room.
2. I can't ask to join a group of people. I just sit there and get pushed into one.
There have been a few awkward times where a tutor has had to ask if anyone has a gap in their group for me, and I join a group. But it still feels awkward, like I don't deserve to be there.
(again, several sources make this one of the scenario examples)
Can't you work if you get married?
I tell it how I see it. You know that old adage "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all?" If I followed that I'd rarely get to speak, plus it's a meaningless response for people who can't handle life...in which everyone is mean to you at one time or another. I may not be helping humanity overall with my attitude, but I'm not a boy scout and I never went to finishing school. I spent a good chunk of my teenage life being nice to everyone [offline] and taking bullshit with a smile, but all I accomplished was letting people walk all over me and tear me to shreds. So if being nice doesn't do jack shit and being a mean asshole doesn't do jack shit, at least when I'm mean or brash I have some control over whether or not I'm going to be tread on for speaking up.
And I will not....be.....tread....on....ever....again. Especially not for my opinion. Call it arrogant. Call it ego. It is. Plus, I am an angry, bitter, possibly unhinged person. I don't know whether I'd rather be liked or ahead of the game....but in spite of what an emotional person I am, I've always felt feelings belong to the losing side. By losing, I mean the side that will always be tread on constantly because they're too nice to tread on others to get ahead. I'll never be able to tread on others for my own gain, although I will rip into people for being stupid. But that inability is likely what means I will never be a successful human being.
Yes, that's the only way that I could see. It just takes all the magic and romance out of it(all marriage jokes aside) and just seems forced when you need to do it to just get a job.
If there is one thing I have learned in business and that is success is subjective.
You can't objectify it.
One person would say the biggest company is the most successful.
Another, how well known their brands are.
Another, how profitable they are.
Another, what awards they have won over the years.
There are factors society links together, but in the end of the day, success if what you, as an individual makes of it.
You might not see yourself as a success at the moment, but others may measure you to different means and find you worthy.
Find out what others around you see what a successful person is, and whether you measure up to that, then find out what your own opinion on success is.
Use the differences to challenge your opinion, you might learn something interesting.
Now me, I personally think my life will be a success once I am happy about myself, I'm earning enough money to support myself comfortably, I have something in life to develop and learn from, and maybe even having others close by to share my love, happiness and resources with, (I don't think that is asking too much now is it?).
If I cover all three, then I believe I would be a successful man.
(I personally believe thats what the criteria of a successful person is, (which is why I'm so miserable because I'm so hard on myself for not being near that))
EDIT: Basically in other words, make sure what you are doing in life to be successful is what YOU want, and what you think success is, not following the template of another. Else that is going to make you miserable (like me, since I'm a cowardly roach thats too afriad to stand up to status quo, but I'm working on that... XD).
You know what else takes the magic and romance out of a relationship? Living in different countries and breaking up because you can't see any other way to be together. If you REALLY want to be together, just get married. You have to play the hand you're dealt, and it seems you're not making the best use of your cards.
A couple of my friends are getting married so that she can keep working. They were planning on being together long-term anyway, it's just the proposal etc have been expedited a bit because of this deadline. They'll have 2 weddings - a small official ceremony in the park here, and then the "proper" big wedding in her home country. They've both over the moon... seems plenty romantic to me.
Anyway, in your situation, it would definitely be make-or-break time for me.
This is true.
(I personally wouldn't want to get married. Again, thats probably partially due to an anxiety related experience (parents told me marriage was shit and that I should never be in one from a young age), but I also don't like the religious and legal agreements in it (I could see seperations/divorces getting messy if any party gets irrational)
Maybe if I loved the person REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REAALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY much I'd do it.
(But then again, why should you be listening to me, afterall I'm the guy thats too afraid to leave his own house, and has never actually BEEN in a relationship at all! XD)
EDIT:
Hmmm... I'm reading an article that suggests that there is a different sub-type of social anxiety disorder, where people do the opposite to what I would do.
Put themselves in danger as it were.
But they do it BECAUSE they are insecure. They use domination and aggression to avoid embarassment and fear.
(I find Psychology fascinating. Sometimes I think I should have gone for Psychology instead of Business, but I think fear of failure/unknown made me stick to what I know)
I liked it. I kind of set it up by summarizing things both good and bad, but really, that's what this thread is about. Otherwise, it would just spiral downward. People can be interesting in both directions, and I think it's fine when there are shocking turns either way. Besides, it's been years since I last took a final exam, so it's nice to know people are still concerned about them.
Today, I raced to get my lawn mowed in advance of approaching storms. (It's been raining a lot lately, and it was getting pretty tall, and if I waited, it would just rain on it some more.) I managed to finish just in time. The storms had huge hail (about 3-inch diameter in some spots), and there was even a brief tornado in one of them. A lot of people had damage, though not me (as far as I've seen at least). The lawn looks nice, though. Not sure if this counts as good or bad, but it's what's been on my mind today.
I don't think it will change much. ;p
Maybe we've found a career for you. Now, can you beg people to buy copies of "Jesus is the Telephone Repairman of the Switchboard of My Life" with a straight face?
I think the idea's been brought up before, over here.
When in the blue hell is Mai!
The fifth month in French and German.
Ah I was hoping it was a fictional month.
Gives me a real thrill, customising things.
Tweaked Hyperspin's performance a bit today, (fixed a GBA game that wasn't working properly on the machine, (Bruce Lee. One of my favourite GBA games, (though it looks bad on arcade screen due to upscaling
Took a long time, since I had to figure out how to re-enable the mouse cursor (the program I used to hide everything hid the mouse too. But using the keyboard I was able to run the Accessibility wizard and reset the mouse, and just the mouse).
(Just waiting for the graphics card I just ordered to arrive. Hopefully it will work fine in the cabinet, and that will be the PC side of things mostly sorted. Still need to work on a new control panel, and new paint/artwork (took a little paint off the side to see if the original design was still there. It looks to be in tatters sadly, so I guess a restore is out of the question, especially since I can't find restored vectors on the net (only oddly angled screenshots of the cabinet)). Custom design would be good, though what I could do I'm not sure off. The control panel is the main priority first, since that is function-related. Buttons need to be repositioned (might replace with Japanese buttons), sticks need to be upgraded, (again leaning to Japanese style since I love fighters, though little brother likes side-scrolling brawlers. Should be fine. I'll play some X-men with my xbox 360 stick tomorrow, to get a feel of what that would be like, and if its too uncomfortable, I'll stick with the current sticks). Considering a plasti-glass sort of panel that folds outwards a bit maybe (give me some extra room in the middle for future expansion (trackerball I'm thinking). Would make it so that the panel art would be easily replacable. As for the rest of the cabinet, definately want to do vinyl. Painted sides look ugly on it at the moment. Probably keep back side black paint and untouched (since no-one sees that much, and its where all the tinkering is done right?), might do something with the front)
Fundit
And I just ordered one as well!
Well, the ones thats coming is much better to say the least.
But this Radeon 3450 256mb seems better then the X1300 thats in the machine at the moment.
At least this one has a proper fan unit on it! (The other one has just a dodgy heat sink thats loose)
Seems mostly dry, don't know how longs its been in there.
Might try it out later, see if there is any improvement.
(Might keep a hold of it. Could be handy in making a computer in the future. Like a little XP machine for my old Good Old Games or something)
EDIT: Looks like its still a little wet in some places, (the ports in particular. Blew into it, had droplets hit my lips), so I'll leave it on the windowsill for a bit, let it dry off.
Maybe get the old man to make sure its all clean and ready after work.
EDIT 2: Season 4 of The Twilight Zone has arrived. Just 1 more season to get next month!
In America, we call it a dumpster. Doesn't matter if it's carried away on a flatbed trailer instead of up-ended into a garbage truck. It's basically a giant trash can, so I think we'd still call it a dumpster.
I recall hearing that if you need some kind of electronics to dry (when I heard it, they were referring to cellphones) you can put it into a bowl/container of uncooked rice. The rice will then pull the moisture out of it.
Ancient Chinese secret!
edit: okay, that joke makes me feel old.
But I didn't need to go that far in the end.
Just kept periodically leaving it for an hour or so, blow into the wet areas, then leave it.
Rinse and repeat, until I don't feel any more water coming out.
(When you blew into it, it would splash back water that was in there)
Wasn't that wet. Just a little damp from being thrown away, (and it raining the past few days).
Just tried it out. Works alright.
Not a huge performance boost, (CPU is the main limitation being a Pentium 4), but it helped a little.
Dreamcast emulation looks a little nicer, less glitchy.
(Doesn't do the geomerty screwups the other one had)
Its still a little slow though. I'll try the other card, but I don't think that will improve it.
(CPU is a bit of a bottleneck as is the emulator itself)
Manage to go into some files and fix an error in the software that was causing some graphic glitches at the cost of some speed.
Overall though, its working fine. (Shame Marvel vs Capcom 2 is still a bit slow. But I think thats running better than it used to)
EDIT: I also re-enabled Player 2 controls and fixed the save problem (was missing some files oddly enough...).
(I'm hoping that the player 2 controls are fixed. Need to check them later. I think I may have forgotten to re-enable them last time. Not sure)