You guys chose to Go with Elaena and Elia and tbh, I would've as well. Now there are a couple of announcements I have to make.
The next part will be the last that I translate from Swedish, I simply doesn't have the time to translate them, so I am sorry for that. I will still go through it and check it for errors though. It simply takes to much time that I really does not have. And another thing that I very much doesn't have time with is:
A guy (wanted to stay anonymous) asked me if it's alright to send characters via PM. Sure, you can send them there, but you have to send them via the submission as well. I can't bother with looking through a lot of PM's to find a character, I simply can't. So if you only send them via PM, they are NOT accepted. Sorry if anyone does it like that, but this is how it's gonna be. I write a story, and is reading a lot of stories, and reading a lot of submitted charcters. I also have a life beyond writing, so I'm sorry.
NOW, the next part will probably be out tomorrow or the day after. It'll be a Barney part, and he will arrive at Beartilde Hall. It's gone a couple o' days since the last part, around a week.
STOP: Answer Time!
Most of you had no idea, some of you had heard it and some of you guessed for a LP that was reasonably close. JorianDrake was the closest, as he guessed for ReformistTM's Mount and Blade: Warband Vikings. Not quite right, but it was the right Let's Player and the right game. ReformistTM (whom is an awesome youtuber, and has an amazing voice that sounds like Jorah Mormonts) was the right youtuber indeed. Barney Beartilde comes from his first Mount and Blade: Warband (Native) Let's Play ever. So I took him from there and though that I was so smart.
He has used Beartilde a lot in later let's plays as well though.
So that was that, and I'll see yooou, Next time. (anyone knows where that comes from? xD)
The Voting is Closed!
You guys chose to Go with Elaena and Elia and tbh, I would've as well. Now there are a couple of announcements I ha… moreve to make.
* The next part will be the last that I translate from Swedish, I simply doesn't have the time to translate them, so I am sorry for that. I will still go through it and check it for errors though. It simply takes to much time that I really does not have. And another thing that I very much doesn't have time with is:
* A guy (wanted to stay anonymous) asked me if it's alright to send characters via PM. Sure, you can send them there, but you have to send them via the submission as well. I can't bother with looking through a lot of PM's to find a character, I simply can't. So if you only send them via PM, they are NOT accepted. Sorry if anyone does it like that, but this is how it's gonna be. I write a story, and is reading a lot of stories, and reading a lot of submitted charcters. I also … [view original content]
To be honest I don't think it is a good idea to write Swedish first and then translate it to English, that takes I assume a damn long time and the words, sentences, double-meanings won't work out as well.
.... I hope that when you wrote you don't have time for the translation and stop doing it doesn't mean that from now on you post the story in Swedish o_O
The Voting is Closed!
You guys chose to Go with Elaena and Elia and tbh, I would've as well. Now there are a couple of announcements I ha… moreve to make.
* The next part will be the last that I translate from Swedish, I simply doesn't have the time to translate them, so I am sorry for that. I will still go through it and check it for errors though. It simply takes to much time that I really does not have. And another thing that I very much doesn't have time with is:
* A guy (wanted to stay anonymous) asked me if it's alright to send characters via PM. Sure, you can send them there, but you have to send them via the submission as well. I can't bother with looking through a lot of PM's to find a character, I simply can't. So if you only send them via PM, they are NOT accepted. Sorry if anyone does it like that, but this is how it's gonna be. I write a story, and is reading a lot of stories, and reading a lot of submitted charcters. I also … [view original content]
To be honest I don't think it is a good idea to write Swedish first and then translate it to English, that takes I assume a damn long time a… morend the words, sentences, double-meanings won't work out as well.
.... I hope that when you wrote you don't have time for the translation and stop doing it doesn't mean that from now on you post the story in Swedish o_O
To be honest I don't think it is a good idea to write Swedish first and then translate it to English, that takes I assume a damn long time a… morend the words, sentences, double-meanings won't work out as well.
.... I hope that when you wrote you don't have time for the translation and stop doing it doesn't mean that from now on you post the story in Swedish o_O
Short, somewhat detailed dynastic history of the formation and current state of House Silvermane. Tome of Westerlands - History & Lore
Tyrion Lannister as Hand of the Queen reforms the laws and regulations of the 'Seven Kingdoms' to be more efficient & practical, he begins to root out corruption. [YEAR 1]
Tyrion becomes officially Lord Paramount of the captured/liberated Westerlands. Ser Bronn of the Blackwater becomes a Lord in Westerlands as thanks for all his services up to this point, is granted a bit of territory of House Lannister itself which includes a rich gold mine. His coat of arms becomes two black bars wavy gules on gold, and takes the dynastic name Goldflow. Tyrion also pays for construction of his castle, also called Castle Goldflow. [YEAR 3]
Tyrion Lannister meets Sylvia Sarwyck 5 years after returning to Westeros, after 3 years of being officially Lord Paramount of the Rock (Westerlands) for the first time at a tourney in Raylansfair. Sylvia was quite young at this time, 15. [YEAR 5]
Tyrion had to consider a political marriage with House Tully, it would've made him even richer, even more influential, but decided against it due to his growing love for Sylvia Sarwyck. He suggested instead Lord Bronn as partner for the offered marriage but House Tully felt offended by this. [YEAR 6]
Tyrion defeats a revolt in the Crownlands and at home in Westerlands which started for to his harsh and drastic changes in laws and due to lack of mercy against three noble houses revealed to be deep in a corruption scandal. One was House Payne. [YEAR 7]
Tyrion and Sylvia marry after he realizes how time flies, and how he could be killed even when feeling most secure at home. True to himself Tyrion already got her pregnant before the marriage. [YEAR 7.5]
The triplets Leo Lannister, Bronn Lannister, Raynald Lannister are born a bit less than a year later. Sylvia is 18 year old. [YEAR 8]
Daenerys has her own twin daughters a year later. She could have already male children before this. The second triplet Bronn and the second daughter Taella are getting betrothed via agreement between Tyrion Lannister and Queen Daenerys. [YEAR 9]
Tyrion sends three Lannisters from Lannisport, two Westerlings, and a Payne to the Wall for their involvement in corruption and a plot to kill him. Lord Bronn dies fighting off an assassin going after Tyrion, with a three year old son left behind as only heir, named Jaime Goldflow. Jaime is living with the Lannisters at Casterly Rock until he becomes a squire. [YEAR 10]
With corruption fought to the best of his ability the 'Seven Kingdoms' (yes, the name isn't fitting but I have no better idea how to call the whole kingdom) begin to prosper, merchants and nobles get used to the new laws and Tyrion's reforms. [YEAR 12]
Lord Ryman Sarwyck dies of old age, the last male of House Sarwyck, his word to Sylvia on deathbed are those of the dynasty motto: "Family is Hope, Protect it Always" [YEAR 13]
House Targaryen, Tyrell, Lannister, Tully hold a royal picnic, a Tyrell and a Tully get poisoned. Of course others could had been the targets, but who knows? [YEAR 14]
Jaime Goldflow becomes a squire to Ser Sandor Clegane at the age of 8, moves from Casterly Rock to live with him. Leo Lannister is betrothed to a Tully but she will die years later of an illness before the marriage can happen. [YEAR 15]
Elarya Lannister is born to Sylvia and Tyrion, a dwarven girl. Sylvia is 26 years old, the triplets are 8 year old. The name is an old Westlander variant of Northerner Arya. [Year 16]
Tyrion and Sylvia begin to renovate, expand the town and castle of Riverspring, and build a stronger outer stone wall. The motto of House Sarwyck in two parts becomes part of the city thanks to masons. "Family is Hope" is carved in stone above the new main gate of the town. "Protect it Always" above the gates of the expanded city barracks. Lannister and Sarwyck banners fly above the castle. [YEAR 17]
Tyrion and Sylvia have an albino baby girl, her name is Tyra. Sylvia is 29 year old, the triplets 11 year old, Elarya 3. [YEAR 19]
Sylvia Sarwyck suddenly rushes into the main hall during a feast, grabs the golden cup away from Lord Paramount Tyrion Lannister and throws it into the face of a guest, Lord Payne. After an uproar and an investigation it turns out the wine was poisoned, but there is no link to Lord Payne other than Sylvia having a nightmare about Tyrion getting poisoned by him. A dream isn't enough of an evidence, but House Payne suffers still from doubt and further investigations. Sylvia is 30 years old. [YEAR 20]
Bronn Lannister and Taella Targaryen marry at the age of 14/13 at the Red Keep. Daenerys Targaryen and her husband & family, Tyrion and Sylvia with all the kids, Lord Mallister, Petyr Baelish, Lord Sandor Clegane and his squire Jaime Goldflow, Varys, House Stark (who just happened to visit at that time) are all present. [YEAR 22]
Lord Sandor Clegane becomes second in a jousting tourney at King's Landing, praises his squire, Jaime Goldflow. Jaime is 16 year old. Queen Daenerys Targaryen knights Jaime. [YEAR 23]
Taella's political marriage becomes a happy one as the two start to fall in real love. Bronn is 16 year old, Taella is 15 year old. Taella becomes pregnant. [YEAR 24]
Laemond Lannister is born to Bronn & Taella. The heir to the Iron Throne, Tyrion Targaryen is born a week later. Sylvia is 35 year old and pregnant again, the last time. The triplets are 17 year old. The Targaryen twins are 16 year old. [YEAR 25]
UNNAMED CHILD is born to Tyrion Lannister & Sylvia. After the death of the Tully girl Leo was engaged to he marries a Tyrell, repairing relations with House Tyrell. [YEAR 26]
Ser Jamie Goldflow wins a tourney at King's Landing at the age of 20 and declares a barely known young girl Queen of love and beauty, Saly Swann, second daughter to High Paramount Swann. Taella is pregnant with the second child of Bronn, a certain other Targaryen boy is also awaiting a child with his wife. [YEAR 27]
Daeron Lannister is born to Taella. Lord Jamie Goldflow marries Saly Swann as Castle Goldflow finally finishes construction, he lived with Lord Clegane until this year but now he is a lord of his own. Jamie is 21 year old, Saly is 17. Taella is 19. [YEAR 28]
The second Targaryen UNNAMED TWIN girl marries someone from Dorne matrilinearly. She's 20 years old. Her marriage will produce children for the Targaryen dynasty. [YEAR 29]
Both Taella and her twin sister become pregnant at the same time, give birth on the same day. Third child to Taella & Bronn is born, a girl named Rhaelle Lannister. Her sister and UNNAMED DORNISH HUSBAND have their first child Vaegar Targaryen. [YEAR 30]
Lord Paramount Tyrion catches but survives a terrible disease, 41 year old Sylvia rules Casterly Rock in his place for almost 3 years, Bronn is 23, Taella 22 years old. Laemond 6, Daeron 3, Rhaelle 1 year old. [YEAR 31]
The Lord Paramount's heir's heir is born to Ser Leo Lannister and the Lady Tyrell, Tyrek Lannister. [YEAR 32]
Lord Tyrion returns to rule after his illness is healed by a strange man called Wylie. Lady Sylvia did well as ruler of the Westerlands on her own. [YEAR 33]
Taella and her twin sister are pregnant again, again at the same time, giving birth on the same day. Taella's fourth child is Laelia Lannister, and dies in childbirth. Her sister's child is UNNAMED TARGARYEN. Taella was 24 when she died, Bronn Lannister never married a second time. Their children are in the year of Taella's death: Laemond 9, Daeron 6, Rhaelle 4, Laelia 0 years old. The children are managed by servants, handmaidens. Bronn sends Laemond to be squire for Lord Goldflow after the death of his wife. Lord Jamie Goldflow is 27 year old now. [YEAR 34]
Tyrion Lannister gives up his position as Hand to the Throne, the position quickly changes hands among his successors. Lord Manwoody, Lord Mallister, a Lady Royce, Lord Beltaine, Lord Florent, a Lady Lydden, Lord Marbrand change places before the 25 year old pregnant Lady Saly Swann, wife to Lord Jaime Goldflow manages to end the madness and becomes a strong new Hand. [YEAR 36]
Balar is born to Lord Jamie Goldflow and Saly Swann. Lord Jaime is 30, Saly 26, squire Laemond 12 years old. [YEAR 37]
Tyrion Targaryen becomes King, his predecessor may have died or abdicated. King Tyrion Targaryen is just 13 years old. [YEAR 38]
Taella's twin sister is pregnant with her Dornish husband again and gives birth to Raekar Targaryen. She's age 30. Her firstborn son Vaegar is 9. [YEAR 39]
Daeron Lannister becomes a squire to a lesser known knight in service of House Rayner, who despite lacking fame is a skilled and honorable warrior. Laemond shows talent and skill as squire, and defeats old Lord Marbrand in a duel after his son insulted Laemond, and the son picked his father to represent him in combat. Laemond is knighted by King Tyrion Targaryen, his brother Daeron will need a bit longer. Laemond Lannister & Tyrion Targaryen are 15 years old. Daeron is 12 years old. Laemond becomes friends with the king, talk about warhorses and girls. Being trained by Lord Goldflow and Lord Clegane made him a great fighter and it finally shows. [YEAR 40]
Ser Laemond is 16 years old when his wish by Lord Paramount Tyrion is granted to have and rule his own estate. His father Bronn became lethargic and a drunkard in the past years since the death of Taella, mostly servants tend to their own little realm and Laemond wants to get out of there. Tyrion & Sylvia grant the title Lord of Riverspring to the boy, to test his mettle as ruler of the former ancestral home of House Sarwyck. [YEAR 41]
Laemond gets slowly the hang out of managing a small territory, Riverspring grows steadily and flourishes, he becomes good as a steward and negotiator while discussing trade routes. Old buildings are replaced with new ones, the town becomes a small city. This is also when Laemond meets with a certain Red Priestess in RIverspring and falls in love with her. [YEAR 42]
Laemond proves his skill at a tourney at King's Landing on the nameday of King Tyrion Targaryen, his grantfather Lord Paramount Tyrion Lannister is also present with Lady Sylvia Sarwyck at his side. Laemond unseats Lord Marbrand again in quarterfinals of jousting proving his earlier duel victory was no accident, then a Ser Tarly in half-finals, and the King himself at the grand finals. As he fought in a silvery full armor with a lion helmet Laemond gets called by King Tyrion Targaryen first by his future nickname, the "Silver Lion". Later this nickname will stick for his Valyrian silver hair and for his many silver mines he will own as well. Laemond picks his grandmother Sylvia as Queen of love and beauty, much to the delight and fun of his grandparents. Lord Paramount Tyrion raised a toast for Laemond's victory. Laemond & King Tyrion were then both 18 years old. Lady Sylvia Sarwyck 53 years old. [YEAR 43]
Laemond marries the silver haired Lyseni Red Priestess Larra who went to Riverspring from Lys a few years earlier as replacement for the previously disappeared priest & lord, Alester Sarwyck. Alester built the shrine to R'hllor which later turned into one of the few temples to the Lord of Light in the Westerlands. She became pregnant in the same year. The elderly Lord Paramount Tyrion Lannister with the support of King Tyrion Targaryen create a new High Lordship of Riverspring, move a dozen Houses, among them House Payne under vassalage of this High Lordship, and a day before the marriage Laemond is granted his own House and crest. He takes the name Silvermane, as he's with the same hair and eye color as Valyrians are, and picks black, silver, and violet as his colors. The details about the crest were only decided after the marriage oath was taken. The entire House Lannister and House Targaryen were present at the marriage of the first Lord Silvermane and Larra the Lysene. Laemond Silvermane was 19 year old, Larra 20. [YEAR 44]
House Silvermane grows larger with 12 children, the Lannister & Sarwyck banners at Riverspring are replaced with the Silvermane lion banners. Daeron Lannister becomes knighted, joins the service of his brother Lord Silvermane. Laemond's father Bronn Lannister commits suicide. Laemond begins to develop his realm and finds rich silver locations, mine constructions begin. As laemond becomes richer he uses his connections and skill to improve his standing in the Red Keep and buys Castamere from Lord Paramount Tyrion as well. Riverspring is now a large city with craftsmen and artisans moving there to work for the Silver Lion in Riverspring and deeps of Castamere. Elarya Lannister has an argument with Lord Paramount Tyrion, moves to Riverspring. Lann the "Silverling" second, dwarven son is sent to Red Keep for courtly, economic training. Larra the Lysene dies in childbirth, she was 33. The last daughter born is named Larra Silvermane after her mother. The underground chambers of Castamere are restored, old relics are recovered, silver and gold mines are restarted. House Silvermane becomes second richest after House Lannister. King Tyrion Targaryen, friend of Lord Laemond is assassinated. Ser Balar Goldflow joins the service of Lord Silvermane. A new Red Priest arrives in Riverspring to the fire temple. Queen Elaena is crowned. The former House Westford lands are bought, a mansion built on them, given to Laemond's brother Daeron who is soon to marry. Firstborn son and excellent knight, warrior Ser Daemon Silvermane returns home to Laemond after being squire for Lord Goldflow and getting knighted. [YEAR 45 - 60]
We arrive at current date.
House Silvermane: Lord Laemond the "Silver Lion" is 36, Ser Daemon the "Black Lion" is 16, Lann the "Silverling" is 15, Laenna the "Brave" is 13, Daenya & Visenya the "Lion Twins" are 12, Tybolt the "Dreamer" is 11, Sylvia the "Silver Kitten" is 10, Tommen is 9, Leona is 7, Alester is 6, Laerion is 5, Larra Silvermane is 4 years old.
The existence of King Tyrian Targaryen of the Southern kingdom changes one small thing about one of the characters I submitted, but it is not a big deal.
The existence of King Tyrian Targaryen of the Southern kingdom changes one small thing about one of the characters I submitted, but it is not a big deal.
I know, but the character I submitted was going to be the first male Targaryen to rule from this new Targaryen dynasty, but now he is going to be the second.
Once I have all of Westeros map working, the borders, colors, coat of arms will be easy for me to change and adapt to all the various games/stories on the forum, I also do the work for FoT, Nymeria's War, Invasion and the results will get combined sooner or later in an easy to edit whole map.
The pinkish colored High Lordship under Stoney Sept (map's left - middle) is the territory of current High Lordship of Riverspring, the dark blue is obviously the High Lordship of Harrenhal around the Gods Eye lake. The above map is just highest tier realm map, I will make also a vassal map later, much later.
They are very awesome. I can't wait to see them completed. Oh and may I ask, which game are you making this in? I would at least guess it's a game with the guy at the top there and all.
The pinkish colored High Lordship under Stoney Sept (map's left - middle) is the territory of current High Lordship of Riverspring, the dark… more blue is obviously the High Lordship of Harrenhal around the Gods Eye lake. The above map is just highest tier realm map, I will make also a vassal map later, much later.
edit: another
the last two are screenshots from the PC game Crusader Kings 2, using the GoT mod, the provincial/ducal map isn't perfect but closest to the best you can find, and it also helps to see circa which High Lordship territories exist and are of what size (Duchies basically in our own history, like the Duchy of Burgundy)
I only use it as reference as I also am/was (inactive atm) part of the Ck2 mod team
the first image though is the main map I am editing, and that one is colored for your own use with House Mallister in the Riverlands, btw please read our PM discussion waiting for your response there
They are very awesome. I can't wait to see them completed. Oh and may I ask, which game are you making this in? I would at least guess it's a game with the guy at the top there and all.
I am so sorry for the late parts. But there is sadly nothing I can do about it, I am going to school, and when I am not going to school, I'm earning money to survive, so there is little time to write. But for you patient I bring you two parts. One super short and one... short? A short Barney as he have returned to his castle, beartilde hall. And an new PoV, Duncan Rayner, who's out on a hunt, which we'll see his love for!
On a side note to whoever sent a pm to me, I'll answer them tomorrow evening probably. So han in there guys.
Thank you for reading, it means a lot to see people appreciate what I do.
-
Barney II
Outside Beartilde Hall
They had reached Beartilde Hall's doors, which opened as soon as they were close enough.
"It has been a pleasure to ride with you, my lord." They calling him 'my lord' made him even more sad. Barney nodded as an answer.
"I leave five men here with you That you take with you to Winterfell afterwards, I'll take the other 15 men and horses. And ... "
"And?" Said Barney, even though he was pretty sure what he would say, just what everyone else said to him after the siege of Seagard.
"Sorry for your loss." Barney did not answer, he just rode in, and signaled a couple of guards to him. One of them was a short fat old man with an ugly oblong face. He had no hair on his head, only a big gray mustache. He was born in the village and has never left it. He helped Bernhard build the village to a castle, and is considered one of the most loyal men of the House Beartildes household, that's why he became Captain of House Beartildes guards.
The second one, Barney did not know much about, because she has not been in Bear Tilde hall for long. She was normal length and unlike the Captain, thin and wiry. Very dark brown hair to her shoulders, and as he always see her, with a dour frown. She is quite beautiful though, with piercing green eyes.
“My lord!” the captain said. “You’re finally home… We got your letter. I told the guards, they know about Bernhard. But the citizen, well, that is your choice, if you want me to do it, or if you want to do it yourself.” He started to whisper something in the woman’s ear, she nodded and started to run, without making barely any noise at all, with her arakh and bastard sword with her. “But you have to choose now. Jaesa is gathering the peasants as we speak. They all knew Bernhard, he was a good and kind lord. He knew everyone in this city. Maybe it’s more right to have you do it, to show that you are still strong. But if you have other business, then I’ll handle it.”
Barney was torn between the choices here. He would want to do nothing else but to go to his chambers and write a letter to his sister, but on the other hand, he needed to show strength.
[Tell the smallfolk yourself][Make the captain do it and write a letter to Cat]
Duncan I
In the woods of the reach
Duncan saw the boar sneaking around a couple of trees away, and took an arrow out from the quiver, drawed it and shot it right in the boars face. It was his third boar today and possibly the last.
“Grab it! I’ll search the area for another one, just in case.” Lord Duncan said and started to walk to a location where there usually is some sort of animal.
And as he thought, there were a boar there. Yet again he grabbed an arrow from his quiver, drew the bow and shot it in the throat. “And I got you…” he mumbled to himself. He heard some rustling in a bush and aimed with a new arrow once again. He patiently waited for whatever it was to come out there, but after about a minute he shot. A man trembled out, with an arrow in the shoulder. The man looked a lot like a forest bandit.
“THE FUCK!” the forest bandit screamed and groaned in pain. “I did you nothing fucking wrong.”
“Don’t you think I know what forest bandits do? What is the worst thing you’ve done in your life?” Duncan asked sternly.
“He, killed a whole family. Man and wife and a couple o’ kids while I was at it.” The bandit sounded genuinely happy with what he’ve done as well. “Why do you care anyhow, and who are you even, hunter?”
“I’m a hunter, yes. But also the lord of The Hunter’s Imperium. I am Lord Duncan Rayner.”
“Wohoo, now what? I need a healer, fast as fuck let me tell you.” He said it like he believed it himself.
“In the name of Queen Elaena of house Targaryen, second of her name, queen of the Andals, the Roynars and the first men, Lady of the South and protector of the realm, I, Lord Duncan of house Rayner, lord of The Hunter’s Imperium sentence you to death. Any last words?” Duncan said proudly. He was always proud to execute someone in the name of the queen.
“I hate to say it, Lord Duncan, but even if you kill me, my friends will be here any second.”
“As will mine…” after he said these words, he shot an arrow right through the bandit's head, and started to walk away. He heard people coming closer, and hid behind a tree. He drew his greatsword and plunged it into the grass, so that he easily could grab it when he needed to. Then he drew another arrow and waited for someone to appear in his aim. It took a while, but after some time forest bandits started to appear. He counted at least half a dozen, but could expect more beyond his aim. Judging by the distance Duncan and the Bandits had between them, Duncan would probably be able to take out at least three before they would get too close to him. He aimed at the bandit closest to him and shot him right in the head, quickly grabbed a new arrow and shot the next man in the chest and the third one right in the eye.
He now grabbed his greatsword, swinged it at his opponent who got split in half by the stomach. He parried the next strike from another bandit, kicked him away and attacked the sixth forest bandit. The bandit parried a couple of hits until he met his doom. Duncan swung around and plunged his greatsword through the fifth bandits head as he tried to stand up.
Duncan heard people coming from behind him, he waited for them, with his greatsword in his hands.
After a couple of moments the men came wandering. It was his own men, and he was glad to see them. “My lord!” a guard exclaimed and started to run to him.
“Thanks for the help.” Duncan mumbled and continued. “I killed a couple of bandits, nothing special. Is my boarcoat still unbroken?” The guard started to look at the coat, but didn’t seem to find nothing.
“It is, my lord.”
“Good. Grab the boars over there. We’re heading home.”
No Choices here
STOP: Question time
So this is kinda special. The first part is translated, and the second one is written in english. Do You see any differences? BE honest and sincere please. I really want your feedback here.
I have no idea in hell when the next part comes though
I am so sorry for the late parts. But there is sadly nothing I can do about it, I am going to school, and when I am not going to school, I'm… more earning money to survive, so there is little time to write. But for you patient I bring you two parts. One super short and one... short? A short Barney as he have returned to his castle, beartilde hall. And an new PoV, Duncan Rayner, who's out on a hunt, which we'll see his love for!
On a side note to whoever sent a pm to me, I'll answer them tomorrow evening probably. So han in there guys.
Thank you for reading, it means a lot to see people appreciate what I do.
-
Barney II
Outside Beartilde Hall
They had reached Beartilde Hall's doors, which opened as soon as they were close enough.
"It has been a pleasure to ride with you, my lord." They calling him 'my lord' made him even more sad. Barney nodded as an answer.
"I leave five men here with you That you take with you to Winterfell aft… [view original content]
So this is kinda special. The first part is translated, and the second one is written in english. Do You see any differences? BE honest and sincere please. I really want your feedback here.
I believe the first part was shorter but had more typos than the second. The only eyebrow raising part was the 'boarcoat still unbroken' in the second part.
A personal opinion of mine is that the character description is missing for the new PoV, but that isn't a fault of posting/rewriting in English, and what is The Hunter’s Imperium? a shop? In large majority I don't think the quality became worse, rather it improved after you began to write directly in English.
I am so sorry for the late parts. But there is sadly nothing I can do about it, I am going to school, and when I am not going to school, I'm… more earning money to survive, so there is little time to write. But for you patient I bring you two parts. One super short and one... short? A short Barney as he have returned to his castle, beartilde hall. And an new PoV, Duncan Rayner, who's out on a hunt, which we'll see his love for!
On a side note to whoever sent a pm to me, I'll answer them tomorrow evening probably. So han in there guys.
Thank you for reading, it means a lot to see people appreciate what I do.
-
Barney II
Outside Beartilde Hall
They had reached Beartilde Hall's doors, which opened as soon as they were close enough.
"It has been a pleasure to ride with you, my lord." They calling him 'my lord' made him even more sad. Barney nodded as an answer.
"I leave five men here with you That you take with you to Winterfell aft… [view original content]
I am so sorry for the late parts. But there is sadly nothing I can do about it, I am going to school, and when I am not going to school, I'm… more earning money to survive, so there is little time to write. But for you patient I bring you two parts. One super short and one... short? A short Barney as he have returned to his castle, beartilde hall. And an new PoV, Duncan Rayner, who's out on a hunt, which we'll see his love for!
On a side note to whoever sent a pm to me, I'll answer them tomorrow evening probably. So han in there guys.
Thank you for reading, it means a lot to see people appreciate what I do.
-
Barney II
Outside Beartilde Hall
They had reached Beartilde Hall's doors, which opened as soon as they were close enough.
"It has been a pleasure to ride with you, my lord." They calling him 'my lord' made him even more sad. Barney nodded as an answer.
"I leave five men here with you That you take with you to Winterfell aft… [view original content]
Now is not the time to hide and to mourn alone. Barney is the lord now and he has to show that he is suited for this position, that he can rule over his people even in times of personal loss. Leaving this to his captains will make him look weak and I don't think it's good when the first impression his people get of him will be that he is a weak ruler.
So this is kinda special. The first part is translated, and the second one is written in english. Do You see any differences? BE honest and sincere please. I really want your feedback here.
I actually enjoyed the second part better in terms of writing. I mean, the first one gave us a glimpse of Jaesa, which is nice, but the second one was not only longer, but in my opinion also written more smoothly. I believe directly translating the parts from your native language into english makes some sentences look a bit clunky in terms of structure and grammar. That said, there have been no stark mistakes that truly bothered me in either part. I believe you prefer the method you used for the second part, yes? If so, that is good, because I prefer it as well
I have no idea in hell when the next part comes though
Do not worry, take your time! This story has been off for a nice start and I believe we're all patient.
I am so sorry for the late parts. But there is sadly nothing I can do about it, I am going to school, and when I am not going to school, I'm… more earning money to survive, so there is little time to write. But for you patient I bring you two parts. One super short and one... short? A short Barney as he have returned to his castle, beartilde hall. And an new PoV, Duncan Rayner, who's out on a hunt, which we'll see his love for!
On a side note to whoever sent a pm to me, I'll answer them tomorrow evening probably. So han in there guys.
Thank you for reading, it means a lot to see people appreciate what I do.
-
Barney II
Outside Beartilde Hall
They had reached Beartilde Hall's doors, which opened as soon as they were close enough.
"It has been a pleasure to ride with you, my lord." They calling him 'my lord' made him even more sad. Barney nodded as an answer.
"I leave five men here with you That you take with you to Winterfell aft… [view original content]
It's great to see that the easiest way is the best way here in terms of (not) translating.
The Hunter's Imperium would be the seat of house Rayner.
Yeah. I should've described Duncan, I certainly will in the next part.
Thank you for the feedback. I will read your PM as well and answer it when I got the time.
I'm glad you liked it. It's always nice to see people liking what you do with their own character.
On a sidenote. I like your story a lot. To see what happens to the Branfields is such an interesting idea. And I will be sure to send a character to you when I have the time!
That was awesome! I really enjoyed Duncan's combat sequence. You did a great job of showing his fighting skill.
[Tell the smallfolk yourself] Now's the time to show strength.
I actually enjoyed the second part better in terms of writing. I mean, the first one gave us a glimpse of Jaesa, which is nice, but the second one was not only longer, but in my opinion also written more smoothly. I believe directly translating the parts from your native language into english makes some sentences look a bit clunky in terms of structure and grammar. That said, there have been no stark mistakes that truly bothered me in either part. I believe you prefer the method you used for the second part, yes? If so, that is good, because I prefer it as well
It certainly made some big mistakes there. And I am glad that people enjoy the easy way, y'know?
[Tell the smallfolk yourself]
Now is not the time to hide and to mourn alone. Barney is the lord now and he has to show that he is suited… more for this position, that he can rule over his people even in times of personal loss. Leaving this to his captains will make him look weak and I don't think it's good when the first impression his people get of him will be that he is a weak ruler.
So this is kinda special. The first part is translated, and the second one is written in english. Do You see any differences? BE honest and sincere please. I really want your feedback here.
I actually enjoyed the second part better in terms of writing. I mean, the first one gave us a glimpse of Jaesa, which is nice, but the second one was not only longer, but in my opinion also written more smoothly. I believe directly translating the parts from your native language into english makes some sentences look a bit clunky in terms of structure and gramma… [view original content]
Foreshadowing:
A violet eyed bard walks across the bloodstained floor, spotting an empty and clean chair.
He sits down, readies his instrument, and begins the song.
The Lords of Westeros
And who are you, the true lord said, That I must bow so low? Only a knight of a different coat, That's all the truth I know. In a coat of white or a coat of black, A beast still has its fangs. And mine are long and sharp, my friend, As long and sharp as yours.
And so he spoke, and so he spoke, The new lord of Castamere. And now his flags fly over Harrenhal, For all there is to see. Yes now his flags fly over Harrenhal, For all there is to seeee.
And who are you, the falcon said, To keep the throne from him? The girl has no claim, a dragon just in name, A weak child is all I see. You have your god and your false girl Queen, What have they done for you?
*My Bastard King has the might, the right, Wolves shall serve his will.
And so he spoke, and so he spoke, That falcon of the Vale. And now the flames tear down his pride, As the dragon flies above. Yes, now the flames tear down his pride, And the girl still hooolds the throne.
And who are you, the brave wolf said, To rule with so much fear? You follow the law of no mercy, But winter is already here. When you kill a wolf, you enrage his pack, You'll fear our howls of war. And when the North brings its icy chill, You'll hear no dragons rooaaar.
And so he spoke, and so he spoke, That wolf of Winterfell. And now the wolves will lose their pelt, With not a soul to tell. Yes, now the wolves will lose their pelt, With not a soooul to tell.
And so they spoke, and so they spoke, Those lords of Westeros. And now their blood will paint her maps, For all lions to see. Yes, now their blood will paint her maps, For all dragons to see.
The bard ends the song, stands up and walks to a nearby window. He watches as the banner of House Targaryen is raised on the highest point of the castle while the servants of the new lord of the place begin to clean up the rubble and corpses. He smiles and whispers something, something that remains unheard as the roar of the dragon above the castle resounds for miles.
I mean he can still write a letter to his sister about the situation, after he tells the smallfolk. As to the question, I like it better when you just directly write it in English. It will definitely save time.
I am so sorry for the late parts. But there is sadly nothing I can do about it, I am going to school, and when I am not going to school, I'm… more earning money to survive, so there is little time to write. But for you patient I bring you two parts. One super short and one... short? A short Barney as he have returned to his castle, beartilde hall. And an new PoV, Duncan Rayner, who's out on a hunt, which we'll see his love for!
On a side note to whoever sent a pm to me, I'll answer them tomorrow evening probably. So han in there guys.
Thank you for reading, it means a lot to see people appreciate what I do.
-
Barney II
Outside Beartilde Hall
They had reached Beartilde Hall's doors, which opened as soon as they were close enough.
"It has been a pleasure to ride with you, my lord." They calling him 'my lord' made him even more sad. Barney nodded as an answer.
"I leave five men here with you That you take with you to Winterfell aft… [view original content]
[Tell the smallfolk yourself]
I mean he can still write a letter to his sister about the situation, after he tells the smallfolk. As to the question, I like it better when you just directly write it in English. It will definitely save time.
I am so sorry for the late parts. But there is sadly nothing I can do about it, I am going to school, and when I am not going to school, I'm… more earning money to survive, so there is little time to write. But for you patient I bring you two parts. One super short and one... short? A short Barney as he have returned to his castle, beartilde hall. And an new PoV, Duncan Rayner, who's out on a hunt, which we'll see his love for!
On a side note to whoever sent a pm to me, I'll answer them tomorrow evening probably. So han in there guys.
Thank you for reading, it means a lot to see people appreciate what I do.
-
Barney II
Outside Beartilde Hall
They had reached Beartilde Hall's doors, which opened as soon as they were close enough.
"It has been a pleasure to ride with you, my lord." They calling him 'my lord' made him even more sad. Barney nodded as an answer.
"I leave five men here with you That you take with you to Winterfell aft… [view original content]
You guys chose to Tell the smallfolk yourself, just as I thought. I love that you guys enjoys the easy way more when I write, it helps a lot. Which meant that I could post this part a lot quicker.
Anyways! Next part will be a quite long (for me atleast) Cat-part. We left of to see what was goin' on in the front of the carriage. It will have no choice, so we'll see if I squeeze in a little shorty from some other PoV. Maybe even a new one. FYI, I have one new PoV planned for this chapter.
I am fairly certain that the new part(s) wont be up to late though. Cat's part is done, so y'know.
Also, We hit over 1 thousand views on this thread a couple o days ago, and 1,2K today or yesterday. It's amazing, and I love all of you readers!
I know that 1,2K different accounts have seen this, that would've been sick, but I do know that a lot of people have checked it out. So thank you so much. This wouldn't be possible without ya (duuh).
“I’m coming with you, Elaena.” Catelyn said and stood up. The queen lightened up and smiled at her.
“I knew I could count on you, Cat.” Elaena said softly and opened the door, Elia right behind her and Cat close after. Elaena started to talk to the guard. “Now tell me, why do you think there is forest ban… Oh my…” Elaena stopped talking as she saw the bodies on the ground, it was a male with an arrow in the leg, a female and two children, without arms and legs, seems to have been cut off.
“Fuck me…” Elia said, disgusted by it all. Cat couldn’t utter a single word. She only stood there, watching the corpses and felt disgust,hatred and sadness.
“Wh… What makes you think that this is forest bandits?” Elaena asked, just as disgusted as Elia, and as sad as Cat.
“You clearly haven’t seen the bandits since King Tyrion died. They are wild, dangerous to hell, your grace. They do and show us anything to get feared.” the guard answered quickly.
“And how would you know that it’s a larger pack of these… animals?”
“Ehm… We don't, we just wanted to protect you and said that so that you would stay inside the carriage, which you didn’t. Usually they are around 6 to 8 though.” the guard started to talk about the man. “I don’t know if these men and women were a family, but it’s highly likely. The father looks like an adventurer, but it seems like he took an arrow to the knee, sadly. Probably couldn’t protect the fam…”
“Stop!” Elaena cut him off. “I don’t need to hear what you th…shhh.”
“Why?” the guard whispered.
“Because we got company, now be quiet.” Elaena whispered back. The guards surrounded the Elaena, Elia and Catelyn and waited. One of the three shy handmaidens started to laugh heavily. Elia sighed and started to move to the carriage.
“You better fucking cover me, or I’ll kill you in hell, here me?” Elia whispered, slightly angered.
“Elia…” Elaena said.
“That’s who I am, y’know that. Oh, and if I die for whatever fucking reason, I got something to say to ye. I never liked that dress.” With those words, Elia started to move towards the carriage, which was a good couple of meters from them. She had one archer and one warrior with her towards the carriage. She went in and started to yell at them in a whispering tone, still she could hear the anger in Elia’s voice.
“NOOOW!” A deep male voice shouted. At least a good sixty men was running towards them.
“Your grace, we need to get you to safety, and we need to do it now!” the guard shouted while shooting arrows at the bandits. “Run to the carriage, and take the handmaiden with ye. Come on, g…” he got cut off by an arrow in the chest. “Shit…” he mumbled before he fell to the ground.
“Cat! We need to get out of here, follow me!” Elaena screamed right in Catelyn’s face. The forest bandits were surprisingly good, even great fighters. Maybe even better then the guards.
“Cat, we have to move to the carriage… Oh, shit.” Elaena stared at the road and so did Cat now, that’s when she saw them, it must’ve been at least 20 more bandits running right at them.
“We’re so dead, Elaena.” Cat said very nervously.
“Not yet Cat. We need to get out of here.” They have now reached the carriage and went inside it, just to find it empty of living humans. One of the shy handmaidens had had her throat cut, and the other one was impaled with an enormous pole and the last one had her head decapitated, but Elia were nowhere to be seen. The door on the other side was bloodied down and there laid the two guards that followed Elia, but also a handful of forest bandits.
Elaena started to scream after them. “ELIA! Where is she?”
“I don…” Cat started but was cut off by Elaena.
“Look! There’s someone lying there.” She said and pointed at a figure lying in the woods a little bit further them. “Elia?”
“Quiet, Elaena. We don’t know who this might be.” Cat said skeptically.
“Whoever that is, we need to move away from this place, otherwise we will be overthrown by those animals.” Elaena said and started to move towards the figure. And Cat was close behind.
They were now standing above the corpse. “Oh no…” Elaena said. There was Elia Pyke. An arrow sat right through her neck. “Why… Why would you kill an harmless handmaiden?” Elaena said, and started to get teary in her eyes.
“I don’t know, Elaena.” They stood there for a while and watched Elia. They forgot about the battle going on just mere meters away from them. And suddenly, they were interrupted.
Someone was walking towards them. He had short blond hair and beard. Slender but muscular, with brown eyes. And a scar that merely misses his eye.
“My ladies, I heard screams an…” he was interrupted by Elaena, who haven’t even looked up at him yet.
“What’s your name?” Elaena asked tonelessly.
“I am Lord Duncan Rayner, my ladies. I left my guard quite some time ago, but they are reasonably close if you need protection” he answered. A couple of Elaena’s guards now ran towards them, covered in blood. Elaena looked up at this Lord Duncan now and saw his bow…
“You…” she whispered. He was using the exactly same arrows as the one through Elias neck. “Where did you get those arrows?” she asked, with anger through her whole body.
“Made at the Hunter’s Imperium, special made. You can’t get better arrows anywhere.” he answered proudly. Elaena’s eyes showed great anger.
“Any orders, your grace?” one of the guards asked.
“Your grace?” Duncan asked in surprise.
“Seize him… NOW! You’ve got a lot of explanations to do, my lord!”
No choices here
Barney III
At Beartilde Hall
“I’ll do it myself.” Barney told the captain, and started to walk towards the gathering. It wasn’t a long walk. He looked at the buildings and at the walls, that still looked rather good. He saw the smallfolk gather around a little platform which was for speakers. Jaesa was standing at the outer line of the gatherers.
“Don’t fuck this up now, eh.” Jaesa said sarcastically. She usually was sarcastic, at least most of the times Barney’ve talked to her, even though they only talked few times. But she also stroke Barney as a very warm-hearted woman.
“Never.” Barney said shortly with a slightly forced smile. She didn’t smile back.
Barney continued to walk up to the platform and straightened up and started to speak.
“Good day, noble people of Beartilde Hall. You might wonder why I’m standing here today, and… and not my father. As we all know, me and father rode south to defeat those fucking rebellers. And so we did. The great forces has been destroyed, and now there is only few soldiers left in their shitty rebellion. But there was a price to be paid... The Battle of Seagard… My father… Your lord, was the price that paid.” Barney said this, and he sounded strong, just as he needed to. The crowd exploded into massive talks, before Barney were able to quiet most of it down. “Please, be quiet.” He said, to no win. He just lost his dad, he needed order. “QUIET!” he screamed and the crowd did indeed stay quiet.
“I know that father was loved by everyone here, and that most of you knew him personally. I know that I can’t be the same person. But I know that I can try to be as good as possible to you. I will never place you in harm’s way. I would never dishonor you. I can only try to be as good to you as my father were. What do you say? Would you have me as your lord?” Barney ended his speak, and awaited a response. It was quiet for a while until the first smallfolks shouted “AYE!” and soon all of them joined in. “Thank you.” Barney said, most of them probably didn’t even hear it. He walked down the platform, and waved Jaesa over to him and started to walk towards his chambers.
“That went better than I thought, my lord.” Jaesa said, mocking him while putting emphasis on ‘my lord’. Barney did feel a little hurt by that, and Jaesa saw it. “I’m sorry.. But you know how I am.”
“I certainly do.” Barney answered.
“Do you need me elsewhere, or shall I accompany you to your chambers?” Jaesa asked. Barney could send her to the captain for new orders. Or he could have her accompany him, although he wouldn’t need it, and the captain certainly would need her.
[Have Jaesa accompany Barney][Send her to the captain for new orders]
Catelyn II
On the Kingsroad
“I’m coming with you, Elaena.” Catelyn said and stood up. The queen lightened up and smiled at her.
“I kn… moreew I could count on you, Cat.” Elaena said softly and opened the door, Elia right behind her and Cat close after. Elaena started to talk to the guard. “Now tell me, why do you think there is forest ban… Oh my…” Elaena stopped talking as she saw the bodies on the ground, it was a male with an arrow in the leg, a female and two children, without arms and legs, seems to have been cut off.
“Fuck me…” Elia said, disgusted by it all. Cat couldn’t utter a single word. She only stood there, watching the corpses and felt disgust,hatred and sadness.
“Wh… What makes you think that this is forest bandits?” Elaena asked, just as disgusted as Elia, and as sad as Cat.
“You clearly haven’t seen the bandits since King Tyrion died. They are wild, dangerous to hell, your grace. They do and show us anything to get feare… [view original content]
[Send her to the captain for new orders]
The father looks like an adventurer, but it seems like he took an arrow to the knee, sadly.
lol, no guard duty for you
I’ll kill you in hell
which one?
I don't know if it's a choice to decline or accept a romance ,
or if it's a choice , will you think with your rooster and have a romance ,
or will you think with your brain and have her go the captain and perhaps havee her save the city .
Catelyn II
On the Kingsroad
“I’m coming with you, Elaena.” Catelyn said and stood up. The queen lightened up and smiled at her.
“I kn… moreew I could count on you, Cat.” Elaena said softly and opened the door, Elia right behind her and Cat close after. Elaena started to talk to the guard. “Now tell me, why do you think there is forest ban… Oh my…” Elaena stopped talking as she saw the bodies on the ground, it was a male with an arrow in the leg, a female and two children, without arms and legs, seems to have been cut off.
“Fuck me…” Elia said, disgusted by it all. Cat couldn’t utter a single word. She only stood there, watching the corpses and felt disgust,hatred and sadness.
“Wh… What makes you think that this is forest bandits?” Elaena asked, just as disgusted as Elia, and as sad as Cat.
“You clearly haven’t seen the bandits since King Tyrion died. They are wild, dangerous to hell, your grace. They do and show us anything to get feare… [view original content]
Catelyn II
On the Kingsroad
“I’m coming with you, Elaena.” Catelyn said and stood up. The queen lightened up and smiled at her.
“I kn… moreew I could count on you, Cat.” Elaena said softly and opened the door, Elia right behind her and Cat close after. Elaena started to talk to the guard. “Now tell me, why do you think there is forest ban… Oh my…” Elaena stopped talking as she saw the bodies on the ground, it was a male with an arrow in the leg, a female and two children, without arms and legs, seems to have been cut off.
“Fuck me…” Elia said, disgusted by it all. Cat couldn’t utter a single word. She only stood there, watching the corpses and felt disgust,hatred and sadness.
“Wh… What makes you think that this is forest bandits?” Elaena asked, just as disgusted as Elia, and as sad as Cat.
“You clearly haven’t seen the bandits since King Tyrion died. They are wild, dangerous to hell, your grace. They do and show us anything to get feare… [view original content]
Weeeeell, I don't know. Personal bias, I guess XD I mean, naturally I'd love to see more of Jaesa, so I prefer this choice. I don't necessarily know what she could help Barney with, but at the same time, things seem peaceful at Beartilde Hall for now and as long as the captain does not request the presence of additional guards, she could be free to go. Perhaps it can't hurt for Barney to get to know her a bit better, considering that she's one of the people tasked with protecting his life.
And Cat's part was great as well! I see Duncan is in big trouble, even if he did not do anything wrong. At least I'm just guessing that it hasn't been him who shot Elia, he doesn't seem to be the kind of person to do that. I guess this is a huge misunderstanding, so hopefully the queen will realize this.
Catelyn II
On the Kingsroad
“I’m coming with you, Elaena.” Catelyn said and stood up. The queen lightened up and smiled at her.
“I kn… moreew I could count on you, Cat.” Elaena said softly and opened the door, Elia right behind her and Cat close after. Elaena started to talk to the guard. “Now tell me, why do you think there is forest ban… Oh my…” Elaena stopped talking as she saw the bodies on the ground, it was a male with an arrow in the leg, a female and two children, without arms and legs, seems to have been cut off.
“Fuck me…” Elia said, disgusted by it all. Cat couldn’t utter a single word. She only stood there, watching the corpses and felt disgust,hatred and sadness.
“Wh… What makes you think that this is forest bandits?” Elaena asked, just as disgusted as Elia, and as sad as Cat.
“You clearly haven’t seen the bandits since King Tyrion died. They are wild, dangerous to hell, your grace. They do and show us anything to get feare… [view original content]
Catelyn II
On the Kingsroad
“I’m coming with you, Elaena.” Catelyn said and stood up. The queen lightened up and smiled at her.
“I kn… moreew I could count on you, Cat.” Elaena said softly and opened the door, Elia right behind her and Cat close after. Elaena started to talk to the guard. “Now tell me, why do you think there is forest ban… Oh my…” Elaena stopped talking as she saw the bodies on the ground, it was a male with an arrow in the leg, a female and two children, without arms and legs, seems to have been cut off.
“Fuck me…” Elia said, disgusted by it all. Cat couldn’t utter a single word. She only stood there, watching the corpses and felt disgust,hatred and sadness.
“Wh… What makes you think that this is forest bandits?” Elaena asked, just as disgusted as Elia, and as sad as Cat.
“You clearly haven’t seen the bandits since King Tyrion died. They are wild, dangerous to hell, your grace. They do and show us anything to get feare… [view original content]
You guys almost brought me a tie, but in the end, you chose to send her to the captain for new orders. We'll see how it'll play out, wont we?
Anyhow, the next parts should be out very soon. Two pretty short parts. It will feature an all new PoV, A man named Harlund, who lives in the north. He got some family... issues.
The second one will be Duncan. And we'll see his fate and future of A New Age.
The voting is closed!
You guys almost brought me a tie, but in the end, you chose to send her to the captain for new orders. We'll see ho… morew it'll play out, wont we?
Anyhow, the next parts should be out very soon. Two pretty short parts. It will feature an all new PoV, A man named Harlund, who lives in the north. He got some family... issues.
The second one will be Duncan. And we'll see his fate and future of A New Age.
“Look at this place…” Harlund mumbled as he looked out at his castle. Frost Horn, it was called. “And look at all those peasants. They’re working to slow. Never accomplished anything in their lives. A disappointment, all of them.”
“They are giving us this food at least.” Torstein remarked. He was the third-born son who killed Harlund’s wife when he was born. He got a stocky build. He is the shortest of the three brothers, with very dark-green eyes. He has dark brown hair, to his shoulders, and a bandholz beard. His face doesn’t aspire trust in any way, quite the contrary actually. He’s almost 20 years old. Still quite handsome though.
“Can’t remember ever asking ye, son.” Harlund said, great emphasis on ‘son’. Torstein didn’t answer. He just continued his meal. On the other end of the table sat Harlund’s twin-childrens. Adrion is tall and thin, whom doesn’t appear to have any muscles at all. He got blue eyes. Short bright-brown hair, and clean shaven. Not very handsome, but not ugly either, above average probably. He’s also the only one in the family to have freckles. Next to him sat Adrion’s twin-sister, Hermion. Hermion is said to be beautiful, if she would just dress and let her hair grow out properly. She is a short, strapping young woman, with coal-black short hair. She has beautiful blue deep eyes, and a beautiful voice. She’s 27, just like her twin.
Harlund sat down again and started to eat. He looked from Torstein to the twins, and then asked. “Where is Harald?”
“Don’t know, father.” Adrion said, the heir of Frost Horn.
“He’s getting tomorrow's food. Probably shoots the fucking animal right up the ass.” Torstein said.
“He’s risking his life out there, and you are making jokes about it?” Adrion said, slightly irritated.
“I know that he’ll make it, so why shouldn’t I joke?” Torstein answered.
“Because you’re a piece of shit. You killed my and my sister and brother’s mother, you fuck.” Adrion answered back, almost screaming.
“She was my mother to!”
“Yeah, but she’s dead now, isn’t she! Because of fucking you!”
Harlund got lost in his thoughts. He wasn’t sure if he should intervene or if he should let them scream for a while. They would never be able to clean the air. But they could at least be done shouting at each other for a while.
[Intervene][Let them argue]
Duncan II
The Kingsroad
“Your grace! This wasn’t my doing! I am a Lord, I would never harm a lady!” Duncan said, quite worried.
“You told me yourself, that is the same arrow as you have. And ONLY you could make it.” The Queen answered.
“Yes! But recently we’ve lost arrows. Someone’s been stealing them!” Duncan answered truthfully.
“That’s a cheap reason, and a cheap lie. Is it clear?” she asked one of the guards, and the guard nodded. “Good. Clean… Clean the carriage and bind him up to a horseback.” the guard nodded and dragged Duncan away.
“Your grace! What can I do to make you trust me?” Duncan asked.
“I’m sure you figure it out. Call your guards out of their poorly hiding, or I will do it myself.” The queen said, and as she said it, Duncans household started to get out, more and more of ‘em. “Did you kill the family as well?” she asked.
“Which family? I killed 7 bandits before that have killed, let me quote, ‘Man and wife and a couple o’ kids while I was at it.’ You need to see that I didn’t do this. I am your humble servant, your grace. I would never harm you. I even killed the man that killed the family in your name!”
“You did?” she even sounded a little impressed.
“Aye. I promise you. I. Would never. Hurt you.” Duncan said, regaining a bit of his composure..
“Hmmm. If you’re lying about this, I swear to you that there will be no mercy… But very well. Go home. Go to your family and stay with them for a short time. I will have you at King’s Landing within a fortnight, or you will be stempled as an enemy of the south. And mark my words, Lord Duncan, you will have no allies if that happens. Cat, let’s go.” The northerner followed right behind her and walked away. “Bring witnesses, otherwise you will have a hard time with getting the jury’s mercy.”
“Men!” Duncan screamed after recovering, while the carriage now started to move. “I’m only going to tell you one thing. Now it’s time to go home, to our beloved friends and families. Onwards, to the Hunter’s Imperium!”
No choices here
STOP! Question Time!
Which one is your favorite character so far? Apart from your own character.
Comments
ah yes, I forgot the name, I barely subscribe to anyone, so I always forget most people I followed playthroughs of
Well, the answer will come when the voting is closed.
What is Robert Stark's personality?I'm creating a character so it's important.
I'll send you a PM about it. Expect it within the next couple of hours.
The Voting is Closed!
You guys chose to Go with Elaena and Elia and tbh, I would've as well. Now there are a couple of announcements I have to make.
NOW, the next part will probably be out tomorrow or the day after. It'll be a Barney part, and he will arrive at Beartilde Hall. It's gone a couple o' days since the last part, around a week.
STOP: Answer Time!
Most of you had no idea, some of you had heard it and some of you guessed for a LP that was reasonably close. JorianDrake was the closest, as he guessed for ReformistTM's Mount and Blade: Warband Vikings. Not quite right, but it was the right Let's Player and the right game. ReformistTM (whom is an awesome youtuber, and has an amazing voice that sounds like Jorah Mormonts) was the right youtuber indeed. Barney Beartilde comes from his first Mount and Blade: Warband (Native) Let's Play ever. So I took him from there and though that I was so smart.
He has used Beartilde a lot in later let's plays as well though.
So that was that, and I'll see yooou, Next time. (anyone knows where that comes from? xD)
I know I've heard it XD
To be honest I don't think it is a good idea to write Swedish first and then translate it to English, that takes I assume a damn long time and the words, sentences, double-meanings won't work out as well.
.... I hope that when you wrote you don't have time for the translation and stop doing it doesn't mean that from now on you post the story in Swedish o_O
I'm pretty sure he is just going to write it in English and look for mistakes before posting it.
As Tales_From_Telltale said. I will start, after this part, to write the story in english, because translating is just shit. T
The name Elia becomes Elijah
Mallister becomes Mall Lard, like wtf?
Beartilde becomes Bear Tilde, and I just don't have time for that.
Sorry for explaining it poorly.
Short, somewhat detailed dynastic history of the formation and current state of House Silvermane. Tome of Westerlands - History & Lore
Tyrion Lannister as Hand of the Queen reforms the laws and regulations of the 'Seven Kingdoms' to be more efficient & practical, he begins to root out corruption. [YEAR 1]
Tyrion becomes officially Lord Paramount of the captured/liberated Westerlands. Ser Bronn of the Blackwater becomes a Lord in Westerlands as thanks for all his services up to this point, is granted a bit of territory of House Lannister itself which includes a rich gold mine. His coat of arms becomes two black bars wavy gules on gold, and takes the dynastic name Goldflow. Tyrion also pays for construction of his castle, also called Castle Goldflow. [YEAR 3]
Tyrion Lannister meets Sylvia Sarwyck 5 years after returning to Westeros, after 3 years of being officially Lord Paramount of the Rock (Westerlands) for the first time at a tourney in Raylansfair. Sylvia was quite young at this time, 15. [YEAR 5]
Tyrion had to consider a political marriage with House Tully, it would've made him even richer, even more influential, but decided against it due to his growing love for Sylvia Sarwyck. He suggested instead Lord Bronn as partner for the offered marriage but House Tully felt offended by this. [YEAR 6]
Tyrion defeats a revolt in the Crownlands and at home in Westerlands which started for to his harsh and drastic changes in laws and due to lack of mercy against three noble houses revealed to be deep in a corruption scandal. One was House Payne. [YEAR 7]
Tyrion and Sylvia marry after he realizes how time flies, and how he could be killed even when feeling most secure at home. True to himself Tyrion already got her pregnant before the marriage. [YEAR 7.5]
The triplets Leo Lannister, Bronn Lannister, Raynald Lannister are born a bit less than a year later. Sylvia is 18 year old. [YEAR 8]
Daenerys has her own twin daughters a year later. She could have already male children before this. The second triplet Bronn and the second daughter Taella are getting betrothed via agreement between Tyrion Lannister and Queen Daenerys. [YEAR 9]
Tyrion sends three Lannisters from Lannisport, two Westerlings, and a Payne to the Wall for their involvement in corruption and a plot to kill him. Lord Bronn dies fighting off an assassin going after Tyrion, with a three year old son left behind as only heir, named Jaime Goldflow. Jaime is living with the Lannisters at Casterly Rock until he becomes a squire. [YEAR 10]
With corruption fought to the best of his ability the 'Seven Kingdoms' (yes, the name isn't fitting but I have no better idea how to call the whole kingdom) begin to prosper, merchants and nobles get used to the new laws and Tyrion's reforms. [YEAR 12]
Lord Ryman Sarwyck dies of old age, the last male of House Sarwyck, his word to Sylvia on deathbed are those of the dynasty motto: "Family is Hope, Protect it Always" [YEAR 13]
House Targaryen, Tyrell, Lannister, Tully hold a royal picnic, a Tyrell and a Tully get poisoned. Of course others could had been the targets, but who knows? [YEAR 14]
Jaime Goldflow becomes a squire to Ser Sandor Clegane at the age of 8, moves from Casterly Rock to live with him. Leo Lannister is betrothed to a Tully but she will die years later of an illness before the marriage can happen. [YEAR 15]
Elarya Lannister is born to Sylvia and Tyrion, a dwarven girl. Sylvia is 26 years old, the triplets are 8 year old. The name is an old Westlander variant of Northerner Arya. [Year 16]
Tyrion and Sylvia begin to renovate, expand the town and castle of Riverspring, and build a stronger outer stone wall. The motto of House Sarwyck in two parts becomes part of the city thanks to masons. "Family is Hope" is carved in stone above the new main gate of the town. "Protect it Always" above the gates of the expanded city barracks. Lannister and Sarwyck banners fly above the castle. [YEAR 17]
Tyrion and Sylvia have an albino baby girl, her name is Tyra. Sylvia is 29 year old, the triplets 11 year old, Elarya 3. [YEAR 19]
Sylvia Sarwyck suddenly rushes into the main hall during a feast, grabs the golden cup away from Lord Paramount Tyrion Lannister and throws it into the face of a guest, Lord Payne. After an uproar and an investigation it turns out the wine was poisoned, but there is no link to Lord Payne other than Sylvia having a nightmare about Tyrion getting poisoned by him. A dream isn't enough of an evidence, but House Payne suffers still from doubt and further investigations. Sylvia is 30 years old. [YEAR 20]
Bronn Lannister and Taella Targaryen marry at the age of 14/13 at the Red Keep. Daenerys Targaryen and her husband & family, Tyrion and Sylvia with all the kids, Lord Mallister, Petyr Baelish, Lord Sandor Clegane and his squire Jaime Goldflow, Varys, House Stark (who just happened to visit at that time) are all present. [YEAR 22]
Lord Sandor Clegane becomes second in a jousting tourney at King's Landing, praises his squire, Jaime Goldflow. Jaime is 16 year old. Queen Daenerys Targaryen knights Jaime. [YEAR 23]
Taella's political marriage becomes a happy one as the two start to fall in real love. Bronn is 16 year old, Taella is 15 year old. Taella becomes pregnant. [YEAR 24]
Laemond Lannister is born to Bronn & Taella. The heir to the Iron Throne, Tyrion Targaryen is born a week later. Sylvia is 35 year old and pregnant again, the last time. The triplets are 17 year old. The Targaryen twins are 16 year old. [YEAR 25]
UNNAMED CHILD is born to Tyrion Lannister & Sylvia. After the death of the Tully girl Leo was engaged to he marries a Tyrell, repairing relations with House Tyrell. [YEAR 26]
Ser Jamie Goldflow wins a tourney at King's Landing at the age of 20 and declares a barely known young girl Queen of love and beauty, Saly Swann, second daughter to High Paramount Swann. Taella is pregnant with the second child of Bronn, a certain other Targaryen boy is also awaiting a child with his wife. [YEAR 27]
Daeron Lannister is born to Taella. Lord Jamie Goldflow marries Saly Swann as Castle Goldflow finally finishes construction, he lived with Lord Clegane until this year but now he is a lord of his own. Jamie is 21 year old, Saly is 17. Taella is 19. [YEAR 28]
The second Targaryen UNNAMED TWIN girl marries someone from Dorne matrilinearly. She's 20 years old. Her marriage will produce children for the Targaryen dynasty. [YEAR 29]
Both Taella and her twin sister become pregnant at the same time, give birth on the same day. Third child to Taella & Bronn is born, a girl named Rhaelle Lannister. Her sister and UNNAMED DORNISH HUSBAND have their first child Vaegar Targaryen. [YEAR 30]
Lord Paramount Tyrion catches but survives a terrible disease, 41 year old Sylvia rules Casterly Rock in his place for almost 3 years, Bronn is 23, Taella 22 years old. Laemond 6, Daeron 3, Rhaelle 1 year old. [YEAR 31]
The Lord Paramount's heir's heir is born to Ser Leo Lannister and the Lady Tyrell, Tyrek Lannister. [YEAR 32]
Lord Tyrion returns to rule after his illness is healed by a strange man called Wylie. Lady Sylvia did well as ruler of the Westerlands on her own. [YEAR 33]
Taella and her twin sister are pregnant again, again at the same time, giving birth on the same day. Taella's fourth child is Laelia Lannister, and dies in childbirth. Her sister's child is UNNAMED TARGARYEN. Taella was 24 when she died, Bronn Lannister never married a second time. Their children are in the year of Taella's death: Laemond 9, Daeron 6, Rhaelle 4, Laelia 0 years old. The children are managed by servants, handmaidens. Bronn sends Laemond to be squire for Lord Goldflow after the death of his wife. Lord Jamie Goldflow is 27 year old now. [YEAR 34]
Tyrion Lannister gives up his position as Hand to the Throne, the position quickly changes hands among his successors. Lord Manwoody, Lord Mallister, a Lady Royce, Lord Beltaine, Lord Florent, a Lady Lydden, Lord Marbrand change places before the 25 year old pregnant Lady Saly Swann, wife to Lord Jaime Goldflow manages to end the madness and becomes a strong new Hand. [YEAR 36]
Balar is born to Lord Jamie Goldflow and Saly Swann. Lord Jaime is 30, Saly 26, squire Laemond 12 years old. [YEAR 37]
Tyrion Targaryen becomes King, his predecessor may have died or abdicated. King Tyrion Targaryen is just 13 years old. [YEAR 38]
Taella's twin sister is pregnant with her Dornish husband again and gives birth to Raekar Targaryen. She's age 30. Her firstborn son Vaegar is 9. [YEAR 39]
Daeron Lannister becomes a squire to a lesser known knight in service of House Rayner, who despite lacking fame is a skilled and honorable warrior. Laemond shows talent and skill as squire, and defeats old Lord Marbrand in a duel after his son insulted Laemond, and the son picked his father to represent him in combat. Laemond is knighted by King Tyrion Targaryen, his brother Daeron will need a bit longer. Laemond Lannister & Tyrion Targaryen are 15 years old. Daeron is 12 years old. Laemond becomes friends with the king, talk about warhorses and girls. Being trained by Lord Goldflow and Lord Clegane made him a great fighter and it finally shows. [YEAR 40]
Ser Laemond is 16 years old when his wish by Lord Paramount Tyrion is granted to have and rule his own estate. His father Bronn became lethargic and a drunkard in the past years since the death of Taella, mostly servants tend to their own little realm and Laemond wants to get out of there. Tyrion & Sylvia grant the title Lord of Riverspring to the boy, to test his mettle as ruler of the former ancestral home of House Sarwyck. [YEAR 41]
Laemond gets slowly the hang out of managing a small territory, Riverspring grows steadily and flourishes, he becomes good as a steward and negotiator while discussing trade routes. Old buildings are replaced with new ones, the town becomes a small city. This is also when Laemond meets with a certain Red Priestess in RIverspring and falls in love with her. [YEAR 42]
Laemond proves his skill at a tourney at King's Landing on the nameday of King Tyrion Targaryen, his grantfather Lord Paramount Tyrion Lannister is also present with Lady Sylvia Sarwyck at his side. Laemond unseats Lord Marbrand again in quarterfinals of jousting proving his earlier duel victory was no accident, then a Ser Tarly in half-finals, and the King himself at the grand finals. As he fought in a silvery full armor with a lion helmet Laemond gets called by King Tyrion Targaryen first by his future nickname, the "Silver Lion". Later this nickname will stick for his Valyrian silver hair and for his many silver mines he will own as well. Laemond picks his grandmother Sylvia as Queen of love and beauty, much to the delight and fun of his grandparents. Lord Paramount Tyrion raised a toast for Laemond's victory. Laemond & King Tyrion were then both 18 years old. Lady Sylvia Sarwyck 53 years old. [YEAR 43]
Laemond marries the silver haired Lyseni Red Priestess Larra who went to Riverspring from Lys a few years earlier as replacement for the previously disappeared priest & lord, Alester Sarwyck. Alester built the shrine to R'hllor which later turned into one of the few temples to the Lord of Light in the Westerlands. She became pregnant in the same year. The elderly Lord Paramount Tyrion Lannister with the support of King Tyrion Targaryen create a new High Lordship of Riverspring, move a dozen Houses, among them House Payne under vassalage of this High Lordship, and a day before the marriage Laemond is granted his own House and crest. He takes the name Silvermane, as he's with the same hair and eye color as Valyrians are, and picks black, silver, and violet as his colors. The details about the crest were only decided after the marriage oath was taken. The entire House Lannister and House Targaryen were present at the marriage of the first Lord Silvermane and Larra the Lysene. Laemond Silvermane was 19 year old, Larra 20. [YEAR 44]
House Silvermane grows larger with 12 children, the Lannister & Sarwyck banners at Riverspring are replaced with the Silvermane lion banners. Daeron Lannister becomes knighted, joins the service of his brother Lord Silvermane. Laemond's father Bronn Lannister commits suicide. Laemond begins to develop his realm and finds rich silver locations, mine constructions begin. As laemond becomes richer he uses his connections and skill to improve his standing in the Red Keep and buys Castamere from Lord Paramount Tyrion as well. Riverspring is now a large city with craftsmen and artisans moving there to work for the Silver Lion in Riverspring and deeps of Castamere. Elarya Lannister has an argument with Lord Paramount Tyrion, moves to Riverspring. Lann the "Silverling" second, dwarven son is sent to Red Keep for courtly, economic training. Larra the Lysene dies in childbirth, she was 33. The last daughter born is named Larra Silvermane after her mother. The underground chambers of Castamere are restored, old relics are recovered, silver and gold mines are restarted. House Silvermane becomes second richest after House Lannister. King Tyrion Targaryen, friend of Lord Laemond is assassinated. Ser Balar Goldflow joins the service of Lord Silvermane. A new Red Priest arrives in Riverspring to the fire temple. Queen Elaena is crowned. The former House Westford lands are bought, a mansion built on them, given to Laemond's brother Daeron who is soon to marry. Firstborn son and excellent knight, warrior Ser Daemon Silvermane returns home to Laemond after being squire for Lord Goldflow and getting knighted. [YEAR 45 - 60]
We arrive at current date.
House Silvermane: Lord Laemond the "Silver Lion" is 36, Ser Daemon the "Black Lion" is 16, Lann the "Silverling" is 15, Laenna the "Brave" is 13, Daenya & Visenya the "Lion Twins" are 12, Tybolt the "Dreamer" is 11, Sylvia the "Silver Kitten" is 10, Tommen is 9, Leona is 7, Alester is 6, Laerion is 5, Larra Silvermane is 4 years old.
The existence of King Tyrian Targaryen of the Southern kingdom changes one small thing about one of the characters I submitted, but it is not a big deal.
He already died
I know, but the character I submitted was going to be the first male Targaryen to rule from this new Targaryen dynasty, but now he is going to be the second.
under construction
Once I have all of Westeros map working, the borders, colors, coat of arms will be easy for me to change and adapt to all the various games/stories on the forum, I also do the work for FoT, Nymeria's War, Invasion and the results will get combined sooner or later in an easy to edit whole map.
The pinkish colored High Lordship under Stoney Sept (map's left - middle) is the territory of current High Lordship of Riverspring, the dark blue is obviously the High Lordship of Harrenhal around the Gods Eye lake. The above map is just highest tier realm map, I will make also a vassal map later, much later.
edit: another
They are very awesome. I can't wait to see them completed. Oh and may I ask, which game are you making this in? I would at least guess it's a game with the guy at the top there and all.
the last two are screenshots from the PC game Crusader Kings 2, using the GoT mod, the provincial/ducal map isn't perfect but closest to the best you can find, and it also helps to see circa which High Lordship territories exist and are of what size (Duchies basically in our own history, like the Duchy of Burgundy)
I only use it as reference as I also am/was (inactive atm) part of the Ck2 mod team
the first image though is the main map I am editing, and that one is colored for your own use with House Mallister in the Riverlands, btw please read our PM discussion waiting for your response there
I am so sorry for the late parts. But there is sadly nothing I can do about it, I am going to school, and when I am not going to school, I'm earning money to survive, so there is little time to write. But for you patient I bring you two parts. One super short and one... short? A short Barney as he have returned to his castle, beartilde hall. And an new PoV, Duncan Rayner, who's out on a hunt, which we'll see his love for!
On a side note to whoever sent a pm to me, I'll answer them tomorrow evening probably. So han in there guys.
Thank you for reading, it means a lot to see people appreciate what I do.
-
Barney II
Outside Beartilde Hall
They had reached Beartilde Hall's doors, which opened as soon as they were close enough.
"It has been a pleasure to ride with you, my lord." They calling him 'my lord' made him even more sad. Barney nodded as an answer.
"I leave five men here with you That you take with you to Winterfell afterwards, I'll take the other 15 men and horses. And ... "
"And?" Said Barney, even though he was pretty sure what he would say, just what everyone else said to him after the siege of Seagard.
"Sorry for your loss." Barney did not answer, he just rode in, and signaled a couple of guards to him. One of them was a short fat old man with an ugly oblong face. He had no hair on his head, only a big gray mustache. He was born in the village and has never left it. He helped Bernhard build the village to a castle, and is considered one of the most loyal men of the House Beartildes household, that's why he became Captain of House Beartildes guards.
The second one, Barney did not know much about, because she has not been in Bear Tilde hall for long. She was normal length and unlike the Captain, thin and wiry. Very dark brown hair to her shoulders, and as he always see her, with a dour frown. She is quite beautiful though, with piercing green eyes.
“My lord!” the captain said. “You’re finally home… We got your letter. I told the guards, they know about Bernhard. But the citizen, well, that is your choice, if you want me to do it, or if you want to do it yourself.” He started to whisper something in the woman’s ear, she nodded and started to run, without making barely any noise at all, with her arakh and bastard sword with her. “But you have to choose now. Jaesa is gathering the peasants as we speak. They all knew Bernhard, he was a good and kind lord. He knew everyone in this city. Maybe it’s more right to have you do it, to show that you are still strong. But if you have other business, then I’ll handle it.”
Barney was torn between the choices here. He would want to do nothing else but to go to his chambers and write a letter to his sister, but on the other hand, he needed to show strength.
[Tell the smallfolk yourself] [Make the captain do it and write a letter to Cat]
Duncan I
In the woods of the reach
Duncan saw the boar sneaking around a couple of trees away, and took an arrow out from the quiver, drawed it and shot it right in the boars face. It was his third boar today and possibly the last.
“Grab it! I’ll search the area for another one, just in case.” Lord Duncan said and started to walk to a location where there usually is some sort of animal.
And as he thought, there were a boar there. Yet again he grabbed an arrow from his quiver, drew the bow and shot it in the throat. “And I got you…” he mumbled to himself. He heard some rustling in a bush and aimed with a new arrow once again. He patiently waited for whatever it was to come out there, but after about a minute he shot. A man trembled out, with an arrow in the shoulder. The man looked a lot like a forest bandit.
“THE FUCK!” the forest bandit screamed and groaned in pain. “I did you nothing fucking wrong.”
“Don’t you think I know what forest bandits do? What is the worst thing you’ve done in your life?” Duncan asked sternly.
“He, killed a whole family. Man and wife and a couple o’ kids while I was at it.” The bandit sounded genuinely happy with what he’ve done as well. “Why do you care anyhow, and who are you even, hunter?”
“I’m a hunter, yes. But also the lord of The Hunter’s Imperium. I am Lord Duncan Rayner.”
“Wohoo, now what? I need a healer, fast as fuck let me tell you.” He said it like he believed it himself.
“In the name of Queen Elaena of house Targaryen, second of her name, queen of the Andals, the Roynars and the first men, Lady of the South and protector of the realm, I, Lord Duncan of house Rayner, lord of The Hunter’s Imperium sentence you to death. Any last words?” Duncan said proudly. He was always proud to execute someone in the name of the queen.
“I hate to say it, Lord Duncan, but even if you kill me, my friends will be here any second.”
“As will mine…” after he said these words, he shot an arrow right through the bandit's head, and started to walk away. He heard people coming closer, and hid behind a tree. He drew his greatsword and plunged it into the grass, so that he easily could grab it when he needed to. Then he drew another arrow and waited for someone to appear in his aim. It took a while, but after some time forest bandits started to appear. He counted at least half a dozen, but could expect more beyond his aim. Judging by the distance Duncan and the Bandits had between them, Duncan would probably be able to take out at least three before they would get too close to him. He aimed at the bandit closest to him and shot him right in the head, quickly grabbed a new arrow and shot the next man in the chest and the third one right in the eye.
He now grabbed his greatsword, swinged it at his opponent who got split in half by the stomach. He parried the next strike from another bandit, kicked him away and attacked the sixth forest bandit. The bandit parried a couple of hits until he met his doom. Duncan swung around and plunged his greatsword through the fifth bandits head as he tried to stand up.
Duncan heard people coming from behind him, he waited for them, with his greatsword in his hands.
After a couple of moments the men came wandering. It was his own men, and he was glad to see them. “My lord!” a guard exclaimed and started to run to him.
“Thanks for the help.” Duncan mumbled and continued. “I killed a couple of bandits, nothing special. Is my boarcoat still unbroken?” The guard started to look at the coat, but didn’t seem to find nothing.
“It is, my lord.”
“Good. Grab the boars over there. We’re heading home.”
No Choices here
STOP: Question time
So this is kinda special. The first part is translated, and the second one is written in english. Do You see any differences? BE honest and sincere please. I really want your feedback here.
I have no idea in hell when the next part comes though
[Tell the smallfolk yourself]
I believe the first part was shorter but had more typos than the second. The only eyebrow raising part was the 'boarcoat still unbroken' in the second part.
A personal opinion of mine is that the character description is missing for the new PoV, but that isn't a fault of posting/rewriting in English, and what is The Hunter’s Imperium? a shop? In large majority I don't think the quality became worse, rather it improved after you began to write directly in English.
That was awesome! I really enjoyed Duncan's combat sequence. You did a great job of showing his fighting skill.
[Tell the smallfolk yourself] Now's the time to show strength.
[Tell the smallfolk yourself]
Now is not the time to hide and to mourn alone. Barney is the lord now and he has to show that he is suited for this position, that he can rule over his people even in times of personal loss. Leaving this to his captains will make him look weak and I don't think it's good when the first impression his people get of him will be that he is a weak ruler.
I actually enjoyed the second part better in terms of writing. I mean, the first one gave us a glimpse of Jaesa, which is nice, but the second one was not only longer, but in my opinion also written more smoothly. I believe directly translating the parts from your native language into english makes some sentences look a bit clunky in terms of structure and grammar. That said, there have been no stark mistakes that truly bothered me in either part. I believe you prefer the method you used for the second part, yes? If so, that is good, because I prefer it as well
Do not worry, take your time! This story has been off for a nice start and I believe we're all patient.
It's great to see that the easiest way is the best way here in terms of (not) translating.
The Hunter's Imperium would be the seat of house Rayner.
Yeah. I should've described Duncan, I certainly will in the next part.
Thank you for the feedback. I will read your PM as well and answer it when I got the time.
I'm glad you liked it. It's always nice to see people liking what you do with their own character.
On a sidenote. I like your story a lot. To see what happens to the Branfields is such an interesting idea. And I will be sure to send a character to you when I have the time!
It certainly made some big mistakes there. And I am glad that people enjoy the easy way, y'know?
Thanks for the feedback!
Foreshadowing:
A violet eyed bard walks across the bloodstained floor, spotting an empty and clean chair.
He sits down, readies his instrument, and begins the song.
The bard ends the song, stands up and walks to a nearby window. He watches as the banner of House Targaryen is raised on the highest point of the castle while the servants of the new lord of the place begin to clean up the rubble and corpses. He smiles and whispers something, something that remains unheard as the roar of the dragon above the castle resounds for miles.
[Tell the smallfolk yourself]
I mean he can still write a letter to his sister about the situation, after he tells the smallfolk. As to the question, I like it better when you just directly write it in English. It will definitely save time.
It certainly will save time, thank you for the response!
[Tell the smallfolk yourself]
The Voting is closed!
You guys chose to Tell the smallfolk yourself, just as I thought. I love that you guys enjoys the easy way more when I write, it helps a lot. Which meant that I could post this part a lot quicker.
Anyways! Next part will be a quite long (for me atleast) Cat-part. We left of to see what was goin' on in the front of the carriage. It will have no choice, so we'll see if I squeeze in a little shorty from some other PoV. Maybe even a new one.
FYI, I have one new PoV planned for this chapter.
I am fairly certain that the new part(s) wont be up to late though. Cat's part is done, so y'know.
Also, We hit over 1 thousand views on this thread a couple o days ago, and 1,2K today or yesterday. It's amazing, and I love all of you readers!
I know that 1,2K different accounts have seen this, that would've been sick, but I do know that a lot of people have checked it out. So thank you so much. This wouldn't be possible without ya (duuh).
Thank ye for readin'!
Catelyn II
On the Kingsroad
“I’m coming with you, Elaena.” Catelyn said and stood up. The queen lightened up and smiled at her.
“I knew I could count on you, Cat.” Elaena said softly and opened the door, Elia right behind her and Cat close after. Elaena started to talk to the guard. “Now tell me, why do you think there is forest ban… Oh my…” Elaena stopped talking as she saw the bodies on the ground, it was a male with an arrow in the leg, a female and two children, without arms and legs, seems to have been cut off.
“Fuck me…” Elia said, disgusted by it all. Cat couldn’t utter a single word. She only stood there, watching the corpses and felt disgust,hatred and sadness.
“Wh… What makes you think that this is forest bandits?” Elaena asked, just as disgusted as Elia, and as sad as Cat.
“You clearly haven’t seen the bandits since King Tyrion died. They are wild, dangerous to hell, your grace. They do and show us anything to get feared.” the guard answered quickly.
“And how would you know that it’s a larger pack of these… animals?”
“Ehm… We don't, we just wanted to protect you and said that so that you would stay inside the carriage, which you didn’t. Usually they are around 6 to 8 though.” the guard started to talk about the man. “I don’t know if these men and women were a family, but it’s highly likely. The father looks like an adventurer, but it seems like he took an arrow to the knee, sadly. Probably couldn’t protect the fam…”
“Stop!” Elaena cut him off. “I don’t need to hear what you th…shhh.”
“Why?” the guard whispered.
“Because we got company, now be quiet.” Elaena whispered back. The guards surrounded the Elaena, Elia and Catelyn and waited. One of the three shy handmaidens started to laugh heavily. Elia sighed and started to move to the carriage.
“You better fucking cover me, or I’ll kill you in hell, here me?” Elia whispered, slightly angered.
“Elia…” Elaena said.
“That’s who I am, y’know that. Oh, and if I die for whatever fucking reason, I got something to say to ye. I never liked that dress.” With those words, Elia started to move towards the carriage, which was a good couple of meters from them. She had one archer and one warrior with her towards the carriage. She went in and started to yell at them in a whispering tone, still she could hear the anger in Elia’s voice.
“NOOOW!” A deep male voice shouted. At least a good sixty men was running towards them.
“Your grace, we need to get you to safety, and we need to do it now!” the guard shouted while shooting arrows at the bandits. “Run to the carriage, and take the handmaiden with ye. Come on, g…” he got cut off by an arrow in the chest. “Shit…” he mumbled before he fell to the ground.
“Cat! We need to get out of here, follow me!” Elaena screamed right in Catelyn’s face. The forest bandits were surprisingly good, even great fighters. Maybe even better then the guards.
“Cat, we have to move to the carriage… Oh, shit.” Elaena stared at the road and so did Cat now, that’s when she saw them, it must’ve been at least 20 more bandits running right at them.
“We’re so dead, Elaena.” Cat said very nervously.
“Not yet Cat. We need to get out of here.” They have now reached the carriage and went inside it, just to find it empty of living humans. One of the shy handmaidens had had her throat cut, and the other one was impaled with an enormous pole and the last one had her head decapitated, but Elia were nowhere to be seen. The door on the other side was bloodied down and there laid the two guards that followed Elia, but also a handful of forest bandits.
Elaena started to scream after them. “ELIA! Where is she?”
“I don…” Cat started but was cut off by Elaena.
“Look! There’s someone lying there.” She said and pointed at a figure lying in the woods a little bit further them. “Elia?”
“Quiet, Elaena. We don’t know who this might be.” Cat said skeptically.
“Whoever that is, we need to move away from this place, otherwise we will be overthrown by those animals.” Elaena said and started to move towards the figure. And Cat was close behind.
They were now standing above the corpse. “Oh no…” Elaena said. There was Elia Pyke. An arrow sat right through her neck. “Why… Why would you kill an harmless handmaiden?” Elaena said, and started to get teary in her eyes.
“I don’t know, Elaena.” They stood there for a while and watched Elia. They forgot about the battle going on just mere meters away from them. And suddenly, they were interrupted.
Someone was walking towards them. He had short blond hair and beard. Slender but muscular, with brown eyes. And a scar that merely misses his eye.
“My ladies, I heard screams an…” he was interrupted by Elaena, who haven’t even looked up at him yet.
“What’s your name?” Elaena asked tonelessly.
“I am Lord Duncan Rayner, my ladies. I left my guard quite some time ago, but they are reasonably close if you need protection” he answered. A couple of Elaena’s guards now ran towards them, covered in blood. Elaena looked up at this Lord Duncan now and saw his bow…
“You…” she whispered. He was using the exactly same arrows as the one through Elias neck. “Where did you get those arrows?” she asked, with anger through her whole body.
“Made at the Hunter’s Imperium, special made. You can’t get better arrows anywhere.” he answered proudly. Elaena’s eyes showed great anger.
“Any orders, your grace?” one of the guards asked.
“Your grace?” Duncan asked in surprise.
“Seize him… NOW! You’ve got a lot of explanations to do, my lord!”
No choices here
Barney III
At Beartilde Hall
“I’ll do it myself.” Barney told the captain, and started to walk towards the gathering. It wasn’t a long walk. He looked at the buildings and at the walls, that still looked rather good. He saw the smallfolk gather around a little platform which was for speakers. Jaesa was standing at the outer line of the gatherers.
“Don’t fuck this up now, eh.” Jaesa said sarcastically. She usually was sarcastic, at least most of the times Barney’ve talked to her, even though they only talked few times. But she also stroke Barney as a very warm-hearted woman.
“Never.” Barney said shortly with a slightly forced smile. She didn’t smile back.
Barney continued to walk up to the platform and straightened up and started to speak.
“Good day, noble people of Beartilde Hall. You might wonder why I’m standing here today, and… and not my father. As we all know, me and father rode south to defeat those fucking rebellers. And so we did. The great forces has been destroyed, and now there is only few soldiers left in their shitty rebellion. But there was a price to be paid... The Battle of Seagard… My father… Your lord, was the price that paid.” Barney said this, and he sounded strong, just as he needed to. The crowd exploded into massive talks, before Barney were able to quiet most of it down. “Please, be quiet.” He said, to no win. He just lost his dad, he needed order. “QUIET!” he screamed and the crowd did indeed stay quiet.
“I know that father was loved by everyone here, and that most of you knew him personally. I know that I can’t be the same person. But I know that I can try to be as good as possible to you. I will never place you in harm’s way. I would never dishonor you. I can only try to be as good to you as my father were. What do you say? Would you have me as your lord?” Barney ended his speak, and awaited a response. It was quiet for a while until the first smallfolks shouted “AYE!” and soon all of them joined in. “Thank you.” Barney said, most of them probably didn’t even hear it. He walked down the platform, and waved Jaesa over to him and started to walk towards his chambers.
“That went better than I thought, my lord.” Jaesa said, mocking him while putting emphasis on ‘my lord’. Barney did feel a little hurt by that, and Jaesa saw it. “I’m sorry.. But you know how I am.”
“I certainly do.” Barney answered.
“Do you need me elsewhere, or shall I accompany you to your chambers?” Jaesa asked. Barney could send her to the captain for new orders. Or he could have her accompany him, although he wouldn’t need it, and the captain certainly would need her.
[Have Jaesa accompany Barney] [Send her to the captain for new orders]
[Send her to the captain for new orders]
lol, no guard duty for you
which one?
The fourth, duuh.
No, no guard duty for him. He probably was on his way though. To see if someone stole the Queens sweetrole.
[Have Jaesa accompany Barney]
I don't know if it's a choice to decline or accept a romance ,
or if it's a choice , will you think with your rooster and have a romance ,
or will you think with your brain and have her go the captain and perhaps havee her save the city .
Still i'll take the romance .
Good parts
[Send her to the captain for new orders]
Duncan no! I'm so in love with this story.
[Have Jaesa accompany Barney]
Weeeeell, I don't know. Personal bias, I guess XD I mean, naturally I'd love to see more of Jaesa, so I prefer this choice. I don't necessarily know what she could help Barney with, but at the same time, things seem peaceful at Beartilde Hall for now and as long as the captain does not request the presence of additional guards, she could be free to go. Perhaps it can't hurt for Barney to get to know her a bit better, considering that she's one of the people tasked with protecting his life.
And Cat's part was great as well! I see Duncan is in big trouble, even if he did not do anything wrong. At least I'm just guessing that it hasn't been him who shot Elia, he doesn't seem to be the kind of person to do that. I guess this is a huge misunderstanding, so hopefully the queen will realize this.
[Send her to the captain for new orders]
Did you see my response to your question you asked me, in the last pm?
The voting is closed!
You guys almost brought me a tie, but in the end, you chose to send her to the captain for new orders. We'll see how it'll play out, wont we?
Anyhow, the next parts should be out very soon. Two pretty short parts. It will feature an all new PoV, A man named Harlund, who lives in the north. He got some family... issues.
The second one will be Duncan. And we'll see his fate and future of A New Age.
SO EXCITED! I can't wait to see what happens with Duncan.
Harlund I
At Frost Horn
“Look at this place…” Harlund mumbled as he looked out at his castle. Frost Horn, it was called. “And look at all those peasants. They’re working to slow. Never accomplished anything in their lives. A disappointment, all of them.”
“They are giving us this food at least.” Torstein remarked. He was the third-born son who killed Harlund’s wife when he was born. He got a stocky build. He is the shortest of the three brothers, with very dark-green eyes. He has dark brown hair, to his shoulders, and a bandholz beard. His face doesn’t aspire trust in any way, quite the contrary actually. He’s almost 20 years old. Still quite handsome though.
“Can’t remember ever asking ye, son.” Harlund said, great emphasis on ‘son’. Torstein didn’t answer. He just continued his meal. On the other end of the table sat Harlund’s twin-childrens. Adrion is tall and thin, whom doesn’t appear to have any muscles at all. He got blue eyes. Short bright-brown hair, and clean shaven. Not very handsome, but not ugly either, above average probably. He’s also the only one in the family to have freckles. Next to him sat Adrion’s twin-sister, Hermion. Hermion is said to be beautiful, if she would just dress and let her hair grow out properly. She is a short, strapping young woman, with coal-black short hair. She has beautiful blue deep eyes, and a beautiful voice. She’s 27, just like her twin.
Harlund sat down again and started to eat. He looked from Torstein to the twins, and then asked. “Where is Harald?”
“Don’t know, father.” Adrion said, the heir of Frost Horn.
“He’s getting tomorrow's food. Probably shoots the fucking animal right up the ass.” Torstein said.
“He’s risking his life out there, and you are making jokes about it?” Adrion said, slightly irritated.
“I know that he’ll make it, so why shouldn’t I joke?” Torstein answered.
“Because you’re a piece of shit. You killed my and my sister and brother’s mother, you fuck.” Adrion answered back, almost screaming.
“She was my mother to!”
“Yeah, but she’s dead now, isn’t she! Because of fucking you!”
Harlund got lost in his thoughts. He wasn’t sure if he should intervene or if he should let them scream for a while. They would never be able to clean the air. But they could at least be done shouting at each other for a while.
[Intervene] [Let them argue]
Duncan II
The Kingsroad
“Your grace! This wasn’t my doing! I am a Lord, I would never harm a lady!” Duncan said, quite worried.
“You told me yourself, that is the same arrow as you have. And ONLY you could make it.” The Queen answered.
“Yes! But recently we’ve lost arrows. Someone’s been stealing them!” Duncan answered truthfully.
“That’s a cheap reason, and a cheap lie. Is it clear?” she asked one of the guards, and the guard nodded. “Good. Clean… Clean the carriage and bind him up to a horseback.” the guard nodded and dragged Duncan away.
“Your grace! What can I do to make you trust me?” Duncan asked.
“I’m sure you figure it out. Call your guards out of their poorly hiding, or I will do it myself.” The queen said, and as she said it, Duncans household started to get out, more and more of ‘em. “Did you kill the family as well?” she asked.
“Which family? I killed 7 bandits before that have killed, let me quote, ‘Man and wife and a couple o’ kids while I was at it.’ You need to see that I didn’t do this. I am your humble servant, your grace. I would never harm you. I even killed the man that killed the family in your name!”
“You did?” she even sounded a little impressed.
“Aye. I promise you. I. Would never. Hurt you.” Duncan said, regaining a bit of his composure..
“Hmmm. If you’re lying about this, I swear to you that there will be no mercy… But very well. Go home. Go to your family and stay with them for a short time. I will have you at King’s Landing within a fortnight, or you will be stempled as an enemy of the south. And mark my words, Lord Duncan, you will have no allies if that happens. Cat, let’s go.” The northerner followed right behind her and walked away. “Bring witnesses, otherwise you will have a hard time with getting the jury’s mercy.”
“Men!” Duncan screamed after recovering, while the carriage now started to move. “I’m only going to tell you one thing. Now it’s time to go home, to our beloved friends and families. Onwards, to the Hunter’s Imperium!”
No choices here
STOP! Question Time!
Which one is your favorite character so far? Apart from your own character.