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Corrupted Wish

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  • zerodemonzerodemon
    edited November 2012
    Granted...

    The woman that turns up at your door a few second from now is a real stunner. She has her own rake and a pile of garbage bags, and she insists on doing the work in a bikini, no matter the weather. You go out on to the porch while she does the work and get to talking.

    You find out that you share an awful lot of interests. She's in to computer games and loves posting on forums. You ask her out on a date, and she smiles an accepts.

    A few nights from now, you head out to a fancy restaurant. You received a bit of a cash windfall the day before from an unexpected distant relative who died. You're not sad because you never met them. You eat and talk more and she turns out to be perfect for you. Afterwards, you head on to a bar, and somehow she convinces you to go out dancing.

    In the club, your impressive moves are noticed by a guy that works for a company that makes music videos for famous recording artists. It turns out that [Insert attractive famous female singer here] is making a music video and needs a guy just like you. Your new lady-friend is impressed enough by your moves and psyched about meeting some famous people that she offers to come along.

    On the day of the shoot you get talking to this famous singer, and you introduce her to your new friend (for arguments sake, her name is Candy, because why not.) They get along like a house on fire. Moments later Scarlett Johansen shows up too.

    Hours pass. You guys are all chatting and laughing away, when the conversation inevitably turns to the bad-thing. Excited, you see an opportunity to score a mythical 4-way. You end up in Scarlett's trailer, and everything is going well, but then at the crucial moment, your Linus falls off.

    I wish I was a cyborg.
  • ryannumber1gamerryannumber1gamer
    edited November 2012
    Granted, You turn into Cyborg from Teen Titans and join them. But then you are hacked and the Teen Titans have to save you.

    I wish Archie's Sonic Comics came to the UK.
  • dustpuffsdustpuffs
    edited November 2012
    Granted. But the creators decide the comics need something new to attract more people, so they add Barney to the comic.


    I wish I had a horse.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited November 2012
    Granted. You get a new girlfriend.

    I wish that Santa Claus was real so I didn’t have to lie to my little nephew every year.
  • dustpuffsdustpuffs
    edited November 2012
    Noname215 wrote: »
    Granted. You get a new girlfriend.

    I wish that Santa Claus was real so I didn’t have to lie to my little nephew every year.

    Oh dear God, hahahahaha. My husband would love that one.

    Granted. Santa gets stuck in your chimney and dies.

    I wish people weren't such crappy drivers.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited November 2012
    Granted. As a result, 99.99% of the population of San Francisco vanishes. The remaining people are white neighbors.

    I wish durka hurka urka durk.
  • ToastyToasty
    edited December 2012
    Granted. But the wish almost made no sense, so it is invalid.

    I wish my car never broke down.
  • Shadowknight1Shadowknight1
    edited December 2012
    Granted. Instead it blew up.

    I wish Hollywood would stop with remakes like Robocop, Short Circuit, The Rocketeer, and now Flight of the Navigator.
  • loobylooby
    edited December 2012
    Granted. Hollywood hires a robot to think up 800 movies starring Adam Sandler and no other films are made for a long long time.

    I wish I had another heater.
  • dustpuffsdustpuffs
    edited December 2012
    Granted. You get a heater that takes up all the room in your home.

    I wish I was finished with my shopping.
  • divisiontendivisionten
    edited December 2012
    Granted, but because you wanted to finish so quickly, you overpaid on everything purchased.

    I wish I had a seeing eye dog.
  • dustpuffsdustpuffs
    edited December 2012
    Granted. He is the best seeing eye dog ever, and you totally love him. Except he likes to poop in your shoes.

    I wish pets lived as long as their masters.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited December 2012
    Granted. They eventually realize that they truly love their masters and the couple get married. The result is a murderous werewolf.

    I wish for a bottle of Orangina.
  • loobylooby
    edited December 2012
    Granted. It promises to be the most delicious ever but you find a severed thumb in it.

    I wish I didn't have to go work today.
  • JenniferJennifer Moderator
    edited December 2012
    Granted. All businesses on Earth simultaneously collapse. The world economy is in ruins, but no one ever has to go to work ever again.

    I wish my headache would go away.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited December 2012
    Granted. Instead, you begin to projectile vomit over everything in your path.

    I wish Sherlock Holmes was a real person.
  • RemolayRemolay
    edited December 2012
    Granted, he's even more of a prick.


    I wish I were a superhero.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited December 2012
    Granted. You are the Toilenator.

    I wish for 800 trillion dollars so I can help the economy which has been destroyed by the so-called president.
  • dustpuffsdustpuffs
    edited December 2012
    Granted. You fix all the problems in the economy. This pisses off a powerful man that benefitted from economic turmoil. He hires a hit man, and you get killed.

    I wish the Salvation Army bell ringers still said "Merry Christmas", instead of just giving you a half assed smile when you drop money in the bucket.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited December 2012
    Granted. The Salvation Army is sued for being “politically incorrect.” Bastard liberals.

    I wish for a hug. :(
  • RemolayRemolay
    edited December 2012
    Granted, it's by a porcupine. who's needles include a contact poison

    both you and the porcupine die

    I wish I would stop procrastinating on my projects.
  • Shadowknight1Shadowknight1
    edited December 2012
    Granted. You finish your projects way ahead of schedule, but it turns out you did everything wrong and the projects are huge failures.

    I wish I had some bacon.
  • dustpuffsdustpuffs
    edited December 2012
    Granted. The bacon comes from an old, sickly hog, and you end up sick for a month.


    I wish I had a maid.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited December 2012
    Granted. She eventually turns out to be homeless, and continues to try to stay at your house. Immigration shows up, and you are arrested.

    I wish for a Plymouth Fury.
  • WarpSpeedWarpSpeed
    edited December 2012
    Granted. However, it only runs on leaded gas, and you can't find any gas stations to fill the tank. It is eventually towed away, and they charge you extra for the large vehicle.

    I wish I had one of the new convertible laptop/tablets.
  • dustpuffsdustpuffs
    edited December 2012
    Granted. The stupid thing never works, and the return process is a nightmare that takes forever.


    I wish all my home repairs were finished.
  • ToastyToasty
    edited December 2012
    Granted. But they were done terribly and your house falls apart.

    I wish my computer never overheated.
  • loobylooby
    edited December 2012
    Granted. It now overfreezes, getting icier and icier the harder it works. You're found the next day with your hands frozen to your computer with dodgy porn vids open in 5 different tabs.

    I wish it was already February.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited December 2012
    Granted. No one loves on on Valentine’s Day as a result of it.

    I wish for a laxative to cure my terrible constipation.
  • ToastyToasty
    edited December 2012
    Granted, but while helping your constipation, all of your organs fall out of your butt.

    I wish school was over already.
  • ParadoxalMindElla1ParadoxalMindElla1
    edited December 2012
    Granted. You are forced to go to school one additional year for every day you ever spent at home.

    I wish Linkin Park returns to their old music style (Hybrid theory, Meteora...)
  • JenniferJennifer Moderator
    edited December 2012
    ParadoxalMindElla1 wrote: »
    I wish Linkin Park returns to their old music style (Hybrid theory, Meteora...)
    Granted. Linkin Park releases a new album with songs in their old music style with their new lead singer Gilbert Gottfried.

    I wish there were still Kenny Rogers Roasters restaurants in the eastern United States.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited December 2012
    Granted. The African-Americans of that part of the country protest for believing that the company is racist for placing said restaurants in their neighborhoods. Also, Chick-fil-a, KFC, Popeye’s and Churches are closed down.

    I wish for a pizza.
  • ParadoxalMindElla1ParadoxalMindElla1
    edited December 2012
    Granted. A pizza delivery man delivers you an old, moldy pizza and then rapes you at your doorstep.

    I wish I had more time for myself.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited December 2012
    Granted. You now have an extra 20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 to yourself. You go insane from being so lonely and commit suicide.

    I wish I had a pony. :)
  • StrongBrush1StrongBrush1
    edited December 2012
    You get me. It is not a pleasant experience for either of us.

    I wish I understood people better.
  • KitzKitz
    edited December 2012
    Granted. You now understand what everyone is saying including Japanese preteens, who are MORE annoying when understood.

    I wish I didn't have to wear a skirt.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited December 2012
    Congratulations. You are now forced to walk around with your privates flashing out. ‘

    I wish I could wish for a wish.
  • StrongBrush1StrongBrush1
    edited December 2012
    Granted, but you don't get to say anything else. Ever. And just to be safe, we're removing your vocal cords.

    I wish I could come up with an original idea.
  • deleted_kyxc7lde962932deleted_kyxc7lde962932
    edited December 2012
    Granted. You come up with the idea for an original idea. You then feel like an idiot afterwards for not thinking of it before.

    I wish StrongBrush1 would change her/his avatar. I hate ponies!
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