PART 2 OF DAY 2
NERO D3
"He isnt even here" I hiss at the boy from 12 as he promised me he'd find the boy from 11. I told him if I fou… morend him id take there supplies and let them live. I'm hoping to kill both of them, I don't like killing.. I hate it. I couldn't even kill Susie... and I know that if I got to know these kids I wouldn't be able to kill them either.
We come out of the dense small forest and see the blue lake in the distance.. theres small village to the left of us, barely seeable from here but I can see a tiny bit of smoke coming out of the end of a house.. wonder what's going on in there? I did hear a cannon go off about fifteen minutes ago. I drag the boy from 12 by his neck, he has purple and orange bruises that color his darker skinned face.
"How should I know where he went?" He asked weakly
"I'm not sure" I hiss at him "But i'm sure as hell not letting you go!"
We cross over a grassy hill as I hold onto him,… [view original content]
PART 2 OF DAY 2
NERO D3
"He isnt even here" I hiss at the boy from 12 as he promised me he'd find the boy from 11. I told him if I fou… morend him id take there supplies and let them live. I'm hoping to kill both of them, I don't like killing.. I hate it. I couldn't even kill Susie... and I know that if I got to know these kids I wouldn't be able to kill them either.
We come out of the dense small forest and see the blue lake in the distance.. theres small village to the left of us, barely seeable from here but I can see a tiny bit of smoke coming out of the end of a house.. wonder what's going on in there? I did hear a cannon go off about fifteen minutes ago. I drag the boy from 12 by his neck, he has purple and orange bruises that color his darker skinned face.
"How should I know where he went?" He asked weakly
"I'm not sure" I hiss at him "But i'm sure as hell not letting you go!"
We cross over a grassy hill as I hold onto him,… [view original content]
PART 2 OF DAY 2
NERO D3
"He isnt even here" I hiss at the boy from 12 as he promised me he'd find the boy from 11. I told him if I fou… morend him id take there supplies and let them live. I'm hoping to kill both of them, I don't like killing.. I hate it. I couldn't even kill Susie... and I know that if I got to know these kids I wouldn't be able to kill them either.
We come out of the dense small forest and see the blue lake in the distance.. theres small village to the left of us, barely seeable from here but I can see a tiny bit of smoke coming out of the end of a house.. wonder what's going on in there? I did hear a cannon go off about fifteen minutes ago. I drag the boy from 12 by his neck, he has purple and orange bruises that color his darker skinned face.
"How should I know where he went?" He asked weakly
"I'm not sure" I hiss at him "But i'm sure as hell not letting you go!"
We cross over a grassy hill as I hold onto him,… [view original content]
I love your story, and I'm no English teacher (I'm actually bad in that class) so this is just my opinion.
You use the word hiss a lot when someone's angry.
In the same chapter of Nero, you described him having blue eyes and later saying he had hazel eyes.
We know about some characters before the reapings, but what about before? What was there family life like? Were they rich, were they poor? Do they have another motivation besides surviving like a family member or girlfriend?
For the setting being in the tundra nobody has really complained about the cold.
Shouldn't most of the characters should have a bleaker view unless it's in their nature to stay positive? They're not stupid, they know they most likely will die and if they win, the 'friends' around them will be dead.
I feel bad for saying this but the village sorta took away the aspect of true survival. They got showers, water, shelter, heating, even cars. Do
they have food also?
I feel kinda bad for writing all that criticism. I really love the story so I'll write some positives.
The pace: Those fast paced fight scenes make me feel like it's in real time. I like it
Writing speed: You write really fast, when there's one or no parts in a day it feels like forever until the next day.
I'm addicted to your story, I check the forums every so often just to see if you posted
Hey guys, i'm wondering if you have any friendly criticism for me?
I'm curious if theres anything you want me too improve on to make this a more enjoyable fun game. Don't hold back (Just dont roast me)
I wanted to switch it up a bit and add the village (It has plumbing and electricity) The cars dont have any gas or an engine and theres no food in there, they also dont have heating. (The teabags were taken from Cornucopia). Yeah ive made the POV'S pretty positive even though ive brought up certain death a lot I really agree with you saying that .
I love your story, and I'm no English teacher (I'm actually bad in that class) so this is just my opinion.
* You use the word hiss a lo… moret when someone's angry.
* In the same chapter of Nero, you described him having blue eyes and later saying he had hazel eyes.
* We know about some characters before the reapings, but what about before? What was there family life like? Were they rich, were they poor? Do they have another motivation besides surviving like a family member or girlfriend?
* For the setting being in the tundra nobody has really complained about the cold.
* Shouldn't most of the characters should have a bleaker view unless it's in their nature to stay positive? They're not stupid, they know they most likely will die and if they win, the 'friends' around them will be dead.
* I feel bad for saying this but the village sorta took away the aspect of true survival. They got showers, water, shelter, heating, even cars. Do
they … [view original content]
PART 2 OF DAY 2
NERO D3
"He isnt even here" I hiss at the boy from 12 as he promised me he'd find the boy from 11. I told him if I fou… morend him id take there supplies and let them live. I'm hoping to kill both of them, I don't like killing.. I hate it. I couldn't even kill Susie... and I know that if I got to know these kids I wouldn't be able to kill them either.
We come out of the dense small forest and see the blue lake in the distance.. theres small village to the left of us, barely seeable from here but I can see a tiny bit of smoke coming out of the end of a house.. wonder what's going on in there? I did hear a cannon go off about fifteen minutes ago. I drag the boy from 12 by his neck, he has purple and orange bruises that color his darker skinned face.
"How should I know where he went?" He asked weakly
"I'm not sure" I hiss at him "But i'm sure as hell not letting you go!"
We cross over a grassy hill as I hold onto him,… [view original content]
PART 2 OF DAY 2
NERO D3
"He isnt even here" I hiss at the boy from 12 as he promised me he'd find the boy from 11. I told him if I fou… morend him id take there supplies and let them live. I'm hoping to kill both of them, I don't like killing.. I hate it. I couldn't even kill Susie... and I know that if I got to know these kids I wouldn't be able to kill them either.
We come out of the dense small forest and see the blue lake in the distance.. theres small village to the left of us, barely seeable from here but I can see a tiny bit of smoke coming out of the end of a house.. wonder what's going on in there? I did hear a cannon go off about fifteen minutes ago. I drag the boy from 12 by his neck, he has purple and orange bruises that color his darker skinned face.
"How should I know where he went?" He asked weakly
"I'm not sure" I hiss at him "But i'm sure as hell not letting you go!"
We cross over a grassy hill as I hold onto him,… [view original content]
PART 2 OF DAY 2
NERO D3
"He isnt even here" I hiss at the boy from 12 as he promised me he'd find the boy from 11. I told him if I fou… morend him id take there supplies and let them live. I'm hoping to kill both of them, I don't like killing.. I hate it. I couldn't even kill Susie... and I know that if I got to know these kids I wouldn't be able to kill them either.
We come out of the dense small forest and see the blue lake in the distance.. theres small village to the left of us, barely seeable from here but I can see a tiny bit of smoke coming out of the end of a house.. wonder what's going on in there? I did hear a cannon go off about fifteen minutes ago. I drag the boy from 12 by his neck, he has purple and orange bruises that color his darker skinned face.
"How should I know where he went?" He asked weakly
"I'm not sure" I hiss at him "But i'm sure as hell not letting you go!"
We cross over a grassy hill as I hold onto him,… [view original content]
PART 2 OF DAY 2
NERO D3
"He isnt even here" I hiss at the boy from 12 as he promised me he'd find the boy from 11. I told him if I fou… morend him id take there supplies and let them live. I'm hoping to kill both of them, I don't like killing.. I hate it. I couldn't even kill Susie... and I know that if I got to know these kids I wouldn't be able to kill them either.
We come out of the dense small forest and see the blue lake in the distance.. theres small village to the left of us, barely seeable from here but I can see a tiny bit of smoke coming out of the end of a house.. wonder what's going on in there? I did hear a cannon go off about fifteen minutes ago. I drag the boy from 12 by his neck, he has purple and orange bruises that color his darker skinned face.
"How should I know where he went?" He asked weakly
"I'm not sure" I hiss at him "But i'm sure as hell not letting you go!"
We cross over a grassy hill as I hold onto him,… [view original content]
The only thing I could think of was maybe adding a "Standings chart" if sorts so we could easily keep track if who is alive and who is dead. Other than that it's a great story, and I like it a lot.
Hey guys, i'm wondering if you have any friendly criticism for me?
I'm curious if theres anything you want me too improve on to make this a more enjoyable fun game. Don't hold back (Just dont roast me)
The only thing I could think of was maybe adding a "Standings chart" if sorts so we could easily keep track if who is alive and who is dead. Other than that it's a great story, and I like it a lot.
Hey guys! I have big news, so im actually making a Hunger Games film (class film) It'll have professional cameras, tripods, cranes etc. It wont be done until May (long after this series is done). Put i'll post it on here, im currently planning out the story.
Hey guys! I have big news, so im actually making a Hunger Games film (class film) It'll have professional cameras, tripods, cranes etc. It w… moreont be done until May (long after this series is done). Put i'll post it on here, im currently planning out the story.
Hey guys! I have big news, so im actually making a Hunger Games film (class film) It'll have professional cameras, tripods, cranes etc. It w… moreont be done until May (long after this series is done). Put i'll post it on here, im currently planning out the story.
I was 7, setting up a tent. The pole snapped back and hit me in the face, and the camera was rolling. It happened twice. So in the end they just used it in the movie. XD. The movie was my neighbors, she was doing it for school, she got an A on it...
Hey guys! I have big news, so im actually making a Hunger Games film (class film) It'll have professional cameras, tripods, cranes etc. It w… moreont be done until May (long after this series is done). Put i'll post it on here, im currently planning out the story.
I was 7, setting up a tent. The pole snapped back and hit me in the face, and the camera was rolling. It happened twice. So in the end they just used it in the movie. XD. The movie was my neighbors, she was doing it for school, she got an A on it...
PART 2 OF DAY 2
NERO D3
"He isnt even here" I hiss at the boy from 12 as he promised me he'd find the boy from 11. I told him if I fou… morend him id take there supplies and let them live. I'm hoping to kill both of them, I don't like killing.. I hate it. I couldn't even kill Susie... and I know that if I got to know these kids I wouldn't be able to kill them either.
We come out of the dense small forest and see the blue lake in the distance.. theres small village to the left of us, barely seeable from here but I can see a tiny bit of smoke coming out of the end of a house.. wonder what's going on in there? I did hear a cannon go off about fifteen minutes ago. I drag the boy from 12 by his neck, he has purple and orange bruises that color his darker skinned face.
"How should I know where he went?" He asked weakly
"I'm not sure" I hiss at him "But i'm sure as hell not letting you go!"
We cross over a grassy hill as I hold onto him,… [view original content]
I crawl up the grassy hill, I'm exhausted and can feel the wind blowing against my face as I approach the tiny village.
I wonder whats going on up there.. I walk along the cement road. Maybe it was a mistake to go after them, only one of us wins anyways.. but I cant let my friends die.
"Ahh!" A voice screams from the second window and I look up.. "Zelda!"
"Furry!" A voice yells behind and its Ylenia
"Ylenia!" I say harshly "You need to go away!"
"Furry, i'm not going anywhere!" She says proudly "I'll go with you, okay"
I'm not sure about this, if Carley has actually turned against them then she might kill Ylenia if she finds us.. she probably will kill me too.
"I'm not sure" I say as she grabs her soft hands onto my wrist
"Furry listen too me" She says loudly "If you're friends are in there dying there's a higher chance we can save them together. right?"
"Okay" I say slowly
"Okay!" She chirps "Lets go"
We both walk into the house and we crawl up the creaky stairs towards the front door..
"Try to not step loudly" Ylenia mutters at me and I nod.
We get up too the porch and Ylenia motions for me too remain quiet, I nod as she opens the large door and we slowly crawl in.. Ylenia makes literally no noise. I crawl behind her and we are at the base of the stairwell.. at the top its smoky and you can hear fire burning.. the smoke is so thick you cant even see the top of the stairs.
I gulp nervously.
"HAAALPP!" A scream yells from upstairs
"Shut up!" A girl snarls from downstairs
"Theres someone down here" Ylenia whispers to me nervously
"Its Carley" I say sadly "She's the one who has done this"
Ylenia nods and grabs my hand
"Furry i'm going to stay downstairs and watch her" She says calmly "You need to be strong okay? I know youre young but you're so skilled.. you need to believe in anything when you're up there"
"Okay!" I cry "I'm kind of nervous!"
"Stay calm" Ylenia says kindly "You'll be fine"
I nod and look into her eyes, she nods again and I walk up the first step and the smell of smoke instantly hits my face.. I crawl up once more and can hear banging against a door. The steps are big and I begin to stand up so I can go up them faster. I smoke becomes thicker and I can barely make out anything.. I get up the next step and hear another voice.
"HELP ME!" Soon screams "I"M DROWNING!"
I walk towards the bathroom door, I cough on the thick smoke thats all around me, I cover my eyes and mouth with my thick red jacket.
I get to the door Soon is near me.. when suddenly I hear another voice screaming.
"HEEELP ME!" Zelda screams in pain "AHHHH!!! AHHH!!! I CANT BREATHE!"
Comments
run after boy from 12
[Go after furry]
Hope and Thomas is literally so cute
[Run after boy from 12]
[Go after Furry]
[Run after boy from 12] I guess Nero's chances are better with John
[Go after Furry]
ship ship
Hey guys, i'm wondering if you have any friendly criticism for me?
I'm curious if theres anything you want me too improve on to make this a more enjoyable fun game.
Don't hold back (Just dont roast me)
I love your story, and I'm no English teacher (I'm actually bad in that class) so this is just my opinion.
they have food also?
I feel kinda bad for writing all that criticism. I really love the story so I'll write some positives.
Thanks for your feedback!
I wanted to switch it up a bit and add the village (It has plumbing and electricity) The cars dont have any gas or an engine and theres no food in there, they also dont have heating. (The teabags were taken from Cornucopia). Yeah ive made the POV'S pretty positive even though ive brought up certain death a lot I really agree with you saying that
.
Hopmas
lol
[Kill Boy from 11]
Another one bites the dust.
[Stay]
I thinks its more dangerous for Ylena too go :c
[Run after boy from 12]
[Go after Furry]
Hope and Thomas sitting a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G
First comes love... c:
Then comes marriage...
c:
Then comes the baby in the baby carriage! ^-^
But probably death more then anything...
[Try to kill Boy from 11]
[Go after Furry]
[Run after boy from 12] DON´T KILL ME PLEASE
[Go after Furry]
John doesn´t have weapons btw. Kill him first. It´s more easy
I will consider it.
The only thing I could think of was maybe adding a "Standings chart" if sorts so we could easily keep track if who is alive and who is dead. Other than that it's a great story, and I like it a lot.
Thanks!!!
Ohhh okay yeah ill do that
LOL xD this made me laugh so hard.
Hey guys! I have big news, so im actually making a Hunger Games film (class film) It'll have professional cameras, tripods, cranes etc. It wont be done until May (long after this series is done). Put i'll post it on here, im currently planning out the story.
That's awesome! I'm looking forward to it!
That sounds awesome! I remember making my first movie/film, I found out I seriously hate tents... but anyway, good luck!
What did the tent do to you
I was 7, setting up a tent. The pole snapped back and hit me in the face, and the camera was rolling. It happened twice. So in the end they just used it in the movie. XD. The movie was my neighbors, she was doing it for school, she got an A on it...
Sounds sick :O Im excited to see it c:
Dean son! That had to hurt.
And thus I quit my career as a child actor. I can't remember if it hurt though. ..
lol!
[Kill boy from 11]
Is it just me or does there seem to be less people voting as of late?
[Stay]
Yeah.. i've noticed that some really awesome users have stopped voting :c
But I still have tons of you who support me so thank you!
Starting part 3!
Choose wisely..
ARE YOU KIDDING ME
I WAS UNFOLLOWED FOR 2 DAYS
I WAS LIKE WHERE DID COMINGSOON GO I MISS HIM. :C
IT WAS ACCIDENTAL I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE
I FORGIVE YOUUU
I'M CATCHING UP NOW
Part 3
FURRY D7
I crawl up the grassy hill, I'm exhausted and can feel the wind blowing against my face as I approach the tiny village.
I wonder whats going on up there.. I walk along the cement road. Maybe it was a mistake to go after them, only one of us wins anyways.. but I cant let my friends die.
"Ahh!" A voice screams from the second window and I look up.. "Zelda!"
"Furry!" A voice yells behind and its Ylenia
"Ylenia!" I say harshly "You need to go away!"
"Furry, i'm not going anywhere!" She says proudly "I'll go with you, okay"
I'm not sure about this, if Carley has actually turned against them then she might kill Ylenia if she finds us.. she probably will kill me too.
"I'm not sure" I say as she grabs her soft hands onto my wrist
"Furry listen too me" She says loudly "If you're friends are in there dying there's a higher chance we can save them together. right?"
"Okay" I say slowly
"Okay!" She chirps "Lets go"
We both walk into the house and we crawl up the creaky stairs towards the front door..
"Try to not step loudly" Ylenia mutters at me and I nod.
We get up too the porch and Ylenia motions for me too remain quiet, I nod as she opens the large door and we slowly crawl in.. Ylenia makes literally no noise. I crawl behind her and we are at the base of the stairwell.. at the top its smoky and you can hear fire burning.. the smoke is so thick you cant even see the top of the stairs.
I gulp nervously.
"HAAALPP!" A scream yells from upstairs
"Shut up!" A girl snarls from downstairs
"Theres someone down here" Ylenia whispers to me nervously
"Its Carley" I say sadly "She's the one who has done this"
Ylenia nods and grabs my hand
"Furry i'm going to stay downstairs and watch her" She says calmly "You need to be strong okay? I know youre young but you're so skilled.. you need to believe in anything when you're up there"
"Okay!" I cry "I'm kind of nervous!"
"Stay calm" Ylenia says kindly "You'll be fine"
I nod and look into her eyes, she nods again and I walk up the first step and the smell of smoke instantly hits my face.. I crawl up once more and can hear banging against a door. The steps are big and I begin to stand up so I can go up them faster. I smoke becomes thicker and I can barely make out anything.. I get up the next step and hear another voice.
"HELP ME!" Soon screams "I"M DROWNING!"
I walk towards the bathroom door, I cough on the thick smoke thats all around me, I cover my eyes and mouth with my thick red jacket.
I get to the door Soon is near me.. when suddenly I hear another voice screaming.
"HEEELP ME!" Zelda screams in pain "AHHHH!!! AHHH!!! I CANT BREATHE!"
Who do I save? Oh my god.. oh my god..
Who should Furry save first?
[Save Zelda] [Save Soon]